Losing friends?

[NYYnNYGFAN 0]

Just need to vent...I have a friend who decided to go onto Weight Watchers when I got my band since she needs to lose 50-60 lbs the band isn't for her. I joined her gym so we could be a buddy support team. She never goes to the gym and when she does...she's very unmotivated. I called her today just to tell her that Jennifer Hudson who is a spokesperson for WW was on Oprah and she lost 80 lbs. My friend started ranting that she "had to have work done cause she lost it too fast" & WW isn't that good. I kinda was taken back. She saw how hard this process was for me and what I had to go through. I wanted to say that if she showed up at the gym she would see alittle result but I didn't. We used to talk daily but now we chat 3x a week. I think she's pulling away...she was so supportive before. I'm not losing weight fast...going the conservative slow route. Learning Portion Control & willpower with just 1cc in my 14cc size band.

I'm still over 100 lbs heavier than her so I don't think its jealousy. She actually looks great and her weight is deceiving but of course she sees that differently. Anyone experience friends pulling away...?

[ravendays 2]

I dont have many friends to start of with just a hand full of really close friends and a couple family members. My bestie wasnt supportive until I explained to her I needed her support...she didnt have to like my decisions. She did some homework on the band and then got behind me 110% unfortunately she has a life mess and is pulling away to privately go crazy so that sucks but I get it. I had a co-worker that was my buddy tho and after he found out I had it done he told me that I didnt need it, wasnt obessed enough, and my dr should lose his license for doing surgery. I told him I did my homework, I am/was morbidly obese tho not by much and he hasnt talked to me since. I guess he lost his respect for me. I figure this will show me some true colors of people around me. Im sure my mother in law will jump on the "nay sayers" band wagon once I lose over 30 lbs. I hope your friend comes around. You really need a support team not a team who will make you think they are comparing themselves to you. Wishing you the best!

[EliyshevaLovesYahweh 6]

Just need to vent...I have a friend who decided to go onto Weight Watchers when I got my band since she needs to lose 50-60 lbs the band isn't for her. I joined her gym so we could be a buddy support team. She never goes to the gym and when she does...she's very unmotivated. I called her today just to tell her that Jennifer Hudson who is a spokesperson for WW was on Oprah and she lost 80 lbs. My friend started ranting that she "had to have work done cause she lost it too fast" & WW isn't that good. I kinda was taken back. She saw how hard this process was for me and what I had to go through. I wanted to say that if she showed up at the gym she would see alittle result but I didn't. We used to talk daily but now we chat 3x a week. I think she's pulling away...she was so supportive before. I'm not losing weight fast...going the conservative slow route. Learning Portion Control & willpower with just 1cc in my 14cc size band.

I'm still over 100 lbs heavier than her so I don't think its jealousy. She actually looks great and her weight is deceiving but of course she sees that differently. Anyone experience friends pulling away...?

I know exactly what you are going through. Communicate your concerns to your friend, let her know what is on your mind regarding her negativity with hopes to see her change of attitude. Because you (as well all lapbandsters here) are in need of another type of environment right now, a more supportive circle than a criticizing audience. WE are here for you hon. Nevertheless, I hope that in the end you and your friend can remain friends.

[karebare714 14]

I lost my best friend shortly after having LapBand surgery. My best friend (who is my niece and the maid of honor in my wedding) has totally stopped talking to me. We were both always big together and always talked about how bad we needed to lose weight and how hard it is. When I had my surgery she was about 50-60 lbs heavier than me. She is scared to death of any kind of surgery so she said she would never think of LapBand but she was very supportive of me. She was there for me the whole time I went through my 6 mo diet and right after surgery. It was when I started losing a lot and it was really showing that she starting seperating. Once it got to the point where we only spoke a couple of times a month I asked her why she never would hang out with me anymore. Her reply was that when she sees me she feels really bad about herself. I talked to her about it and thought that it would all be good after that. She still hardly talked to me and when I ran into her she looked so uncomfortable. We havent talked in months now. I hate that I lost my best friend but its her loss not mine. I never threw my weight loss in anyones face and am still very overweight. I hope that your friend comes around and doesnt throw away a good friendship over insecurities.

[erink58 8]

Hi NYY&NYG fan, I know exactly what you are talking about. I worry about my two sisters who also need to lose weight. I worry that when I start losing, they will (subconsciously) be a little jealous and start treating me different. I think it is human nature, because if I am successful, it will only draw negative attention to them. I was telling my niece about the surgery and she immediately turned to her mother (my sister) and said "mom, why don't you get a lap band too!". Everyone has to do this in their own time. It takes a long time to be ready mentally to accept all the restrictions we must live with. So we are all not ready at the same time. A direct confrontation with your friend, might be difficult, but it would be worth it to clear the air. A simple statement by you that you are hurt and miss how close you were would probably open up a discussion. She probably has some hurt feelings too and does not know how to explain them to you. Also, make sure that noone ever thinks that lap band is an easy weightloss choice. People who do not know about this have no idea of the amount of hard work involved in living with the lapband every day. Be sure to spread the word! Good luck to you and I hope you and your friend will repair your friendship.....Erink58 PS I am a huge NYY fan

[buggirl 1]

I haven't done it yet but a friend who has VSG done told me people will treat me differently and be ready for that. I have very supportive friends and value that! My husband isn't and my parents do not want me to do it, neither do my 2 sons. they all believe I can do it myself by working out and eating less. My friend told me some people will be jealous, some will try to talk me out of it and some who didn't know me when I was thinner, they won't know how to change the relationship to the new me. I have been overweight 15 years so work has never seen me thinner other than the 50 pds I lost and gained back 2-3 years ago. So I am ready for this journey, hate the thought of losing friends or being "judged" as I am sure I will be by coworkers but I know this is something I have to do for my sake. P.s. My best friend is extremely supportive and she is there for me so I am very fortunate.

[NYYnNYGFAN 0]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I hit the gym every other day because I have 3 hours to kill while my mom has her dialysis treatment. (Better than shopping all those hours & cheaper!) My friend knows the schedule and I told her to just meet me if she isn't working that day...she called to see if I was going to the gym today and I said I was already in the locker room. She replied "oh well...wanted to see if you wanted to do lunch". I think she's subconciously trying to sabotage me. She's not mean at all...just unmotivated. But I need motivation!! Especially since the pounds aren't melting off me because I'm not very restricted.

It's too bad everyone had to lose a friend or family member just because we decided to be healthy. Hope everyone can find peace in their journey! Email me if anyone needs to chat!!

P.S........Erink58...love them Yanks! WOOHOO!

Jo