How Can People Who Share the Same Struggle Be So Judgmental?

[donnalemaster 4]

Oh wow I'm so sorry! That is a big fear of mine that something will go wrong and they'll have to go back in. I really, really do not like having surgery of any kind. I hope it works out and finally you get a band that works right!

Thank you for the encouragement, Mattie, I just want to hurry up and get it done so I can get back on track. It's so disheartening to think you would have lost so much more than 20# in almost a year had the band been working with the proper restriction. .

[ThisMumRocks 1]

i completley agree i know this post is old but, I feel the same way! I get alot of the im better than you or I read the if your its a tool your the failure part its hard enough that we have made a decision to have a major surgery on ourselves because we needed the help i can work my own program at my own pace i dont need people telling me what i should say in a post or how i should do my diet, I am hard enough on myself without others telling me that im not doing good. I am sorry but i came here for support and with a few i have found it, but there has also been the im better than you and the you dont know what ur talking about issue it really hurts, im sorry you had to leave but i have contimplated it as well!

[donnalemaster 4]

During this time did you go to your surgeon for fills? Because he should have removed the previous fill before giving a new one and if he did this he would have found out it was leaking. If he didn't then he is at fault. The port/tubing was also at fault.

But you are absolutely right. For those for whom the band works as promoted - many tend to be big defenders of the band and almost take it personally that anyone would dare say the whole process isn't working. There are far too many of them but there are also those who actually offer good advice and suggestions. We need more of them.

Hi, Cleo's Mom,

Yes, they've always removed the Fluid before giving me a fill. @ 9cc's I finally felt an amount of restriction that I felt would really make a difference. The problem is, when I was @ 8cc's, only 7cc's came out- but nothing was said to me about that. Then the time after I was at 9cc's. When I went in this last time I told them I was good for two weeks then I could eat larger amounts of food (6-8oz of meat). So. . .when he pulled the Fluid, he couldn't even get 7cc's out of it. I only heard him briefly mention to his 'nurse' that I was a short a cc at the last one too.

So I'll be back on track soon, I hope.

[kab1278 3]

I've struggled with losing weight, having only lost 20# in a little less than a year. When I posted that I was having this struggle, let me tell ya- The fingers came out pointing to me and what I was doing wrong (assumably)!!!!

Found out yesterday my PORT HAS BEEN LEAKING!!!!!! Not a single one of these people EVER suggested a band issue, rather, assuming that because their weight loss has been textbook perfect, it has to be the banded doing everything wrong.

Not all of us judge. . .that is GOD'S place and no one else's!!!! SO please don't let these individuals chase you away from here. Alot of us are here to support you!!!!!!

Oh no! I am so sorry your port has been leaking, but at least you can deal with the problem. Bless your heart! Good luck!!!

[donnalemaster 4]

Oh no! I am so sorry your port has been leaking, but at least you can deal with the problem. Bless your heart! Good luck!!!

Thank you for your encouraging words, Kab!

[Rainydayz 3]

I know there are rude people here. But hey, there's rude people everywhere! I came here to get information, not really to make friends. That being said I have seen some really great compassionate posts and it always surprises me when a stranger typing on a message board can make me feel better (or worse).

The thing I can stand least of all is condescension. Hey Cancun did I spell that right? When a poster is upset or has a problem why do some responders feel a need to be rude to them? Is it because the poster is perceived to be bashing something that the responder feels the need to defend? I think so. I try to realize that mosts rudeness here is because the defenders don't want anything to remind them that they too may have problems or (dare I say it?) fail in the future.

This is a fragile journey for all of us. If we were all without flaws we wouldn't be here. I'm just trying to learn all I can and if that means dealing with rudeness so be it. But along the way if I find a few friends, that would be a bonus.

[donnalemaster 4]

I know there are rude people here. But hey, there's rude people everywhere! I came here to get information, not really to make friends. That being said I have seen some really great compassionate posts and it always surprises me when a stranger typing on a message board can make me feel better (or worse).

The thing I can stand least of all is condescension. Hey Cancun did I spell that right? When a poster is upset or has a problem why do some responders feel a need to be rude to them? Is it because the poster is perceived to be bashing something that the responder feels the need to defend? I think so. I try to realize that mosts rudeness here is because the defenders don't want anything to remind them that they too may have problems or (dare I say it?) fail in the future.

This is a fragile journey for all of us. If we were all without flaws we wouldn't be here. I'm just trying to learn all I can and if that means dealing with rudeness so be it. But along the way if I find a few friends, that would be a bonus.

I'll be your friend, Rainy!

[Rainydayz 3]

I'll be your friend, Rainy!

OK!

[sparkplug 106]

Basimah - I completely understand where you're coming from. Awhile ago I posted about my trepidations and frustrations with the judgemental and harsh comments some people respond with. That post ended up being the best thing I could have done, because from that I found many people who ARE supportive, caring, understanding and non-judgemental. I wouldn't blame you for leaving... it left me with such a sour taste in my mouth that I considered it, too. My decision to stay was only because of the loving responses I received from my post. It made me realize I'm not really alone. Unfortunately, the Jerky responses are pretty regular; even more regretable is the fact that those people make others like you (and me!) feel alone and at times sub-standard, which is WRONG. Just know that there are those of us out here that are willing to admit that we are HUMAN!! We make mistakes! That many are here today from issues that aren't simply cured with the placement of a band around our stomachs, and that healing from the inside of the mind takes time and support! If you do decide to leave, I hope you are able to find a support system elsewhere. Good luck on your journey!

There are a lot of people like you and I that DO CARE. DO NOT let some heartless, cold blooded creeps chase you away from one of the most important chat rooms at this important time in your life. Fight back, there was some nasty woman on the chat line in here and she was absolutely obnoxious and even though some people thought she was just being honest, that was not true she was rude, hurtful and just cold blooded with hate in her soul. I fought back like many others and complained and complained until SHE LEFT THE SITE! You need us that care and we need you to share ideas and thoughts during this major important journey. Good luck and please reconsider staying on here and ignore the stupid cruel cold comments and go with the good people like us. We do care.

[54Shirley 105]

I am a new lapbader and I have read numerous posts where people are sharing their personal feelings and concerns about the lap-band procedure and I've seen the most heartless responses. How can people who share in the same weight struggle be so judgmental and cruel? I myself have received some rude responses for my posts. Don't get me wrong, I know that people will be people, you have the good the bad and the down right ugly who build themselves up by putting others down. But, honestly, I thought this site would be a little more sensitive to those with weight issues. Weight issues stem from eating disorders in many cases, and these disorders aren't going to go away over night. Sometimes people make mistakes and turn to sites like this for a little encouragement. I'm sorry, but I have had my successes and I have also failed at times. And because I know I am prone to fail, I can show a little understanding to someone in their time of need. If you have responded harshly to someone who may have been crying out for help or encouragement...shame on you. If not, thank you for your kind words. You never know how your words can hurt or help someone.

This is a support site. At least in was when I joined in 2006.

If there are some people that are very rude, or creating a problem for you.

Then you will have to understand, that they don't belong here at all ! !

Again this is for support. Not to get in your case, or give you a hard time.

You have other people in your life for that.. So I don't know what was said,

and trust me when I say I don't want to know.

Mistakes are also made, with that in mind remind them that this is a support group..

If they don't like or approve of it. TO BAD ! FIND A LIFE, AND GET THAT LIFE....

Don't give up on the good

Shirley.

[mattie7632 24]

Yeah, some people use this site as an outlet for their rage and just can't wait to add their ugliness to a post. Most people here are cool though, and post good info

[Ponderer 14]

I have found that if I pay attention it does not take me long to figure out those that I would not give the time of day to, and the ignore feature comes in very handy. It is not that I am unable to deal with them as an adult or cannot just look past their posts, I opt not to. I come here to spend my time the way I choose to and if putting them on ignore makes my experience better for me....that is what I do. You might want to give it a try. I have found by only putting a very small amount of posters on ignore it makes this place 100% better. Funny thing is even if they post in a thread I am reading and it does not show...there is nothing lost in the quality of the conversation.

[54Shirley 105]

I have found that if I pay attention it does not take me long to figure out those that I would not give the time of day to, and the ignore feature comes in very handy. It is not that I am unable to deal with them as an adult or cannot just look past their posts, I opt not to. I come here to spend my time the way I choose to and if putting them on ignore makes my experience better for me....that is what I do. You might want to give it a try. I have found by only putting a very small amount of posters on ignore it makes this place 100% better. Funny thing is even if they post in a thread I am reading and it does not show...there is nothing lost in the quality of the conversation.

At least you found away to eliminate them from you with there B.S.......

[Birinak 19]

I am a new lapbander and I have read numerous posts where people are sharing their personal feelings and concerns about the lap-band procedure and I've seen the most heartless responses. How can people who share in the same weight struggle be so judgmental and cruel? I myself have received some rude responses for my posts. Don't get me wrong, I know that people will be people, you have the good the bad and the down right ugly who build themselves up by putting others down. But, honestly, I thought this site would be a little more sensitive to those with weight issues. Weight issues stem from eating disorders in many cases, and these disorders aren't going to go away over night. Sometimes people make mistakes and turn to sites like this for a little encouragement. I'm sorry, but I have had my successes and I have also failed at times. And because I know I am prone to fail, I can show a little understanding to someone in their time of need. If you have responded harshly to someone who may have been crying out for help or encouragement...shame on you. If not, thank you for your kind words. You never know how your words can hurt or help someone.

I think I know which thread you're talking about. If it is that one, then I don't really understand why you'd be motivated to leave because of it. The only thing that I saw was one slightly rude response from one of the tens of people who replied. The response didn't consist of insults or cursing, but just unwanted chastisement. Rude, but not greatly offensive. And so many (the vast majority) of the responses were encouraging and kind. A few people even called that one person out for their rudeness, on your behalf.

I've seen a few message boards on other sites and, in comparison, this one is definitely amazingly supportive. After sharing a personal failure with others, if the responder offers unconstructive or unwanted criticism, which they did in this case, you should just put that person in their place without taking the offense so much to heart.

Again, maybe that wasn't the thread that you're talking about. I didn't see any other of your threads with a rude response. I've seen some rude responses on the board in general, but nothing that even approaches "the most heartless."

Politeness is great, but I don't think that we should all be walking on egg shells when we interact with other people. I feel like people are getting a little too sensitive or take offense too easily. We can hardly have an honest and real discussion without fear of causing offense. I guess I'd just add: judge the board by the majority, as you would any group of people.

[Freckles 0]

Some people are so rude, they are so up their own bums that they forget you have to be very careful when posting as the written word can be misenterpreted.

I am sorry you have been offended Basimah, dont stay away because of someone else's ignorance, seems to me most of the people in this part of the forum are genuine and nice..

I dont come to this part normally, I use 'Anyone heard of Chris debryne' where the members have always been lovely.

Only once a woman ( not a lady) bit my head off over something silly, but everyone backed me up and she never came back, silly moo.

So give your fellow bandsters a second chance, I'm sure the good outweigh the bad.