How Can People Who Share the Same Struggle Be So Judgmental?

[donnalemaster 4]

I am a new lapbander and I have read numerous posts where people are sharing their personal feelings and concerns about the lap-band procedure and I've seen the most heartless responses. How can people who share in the same weight struggle be so judgmental and cruel? I myself have received some rude responses for my posts. Don't get me wrong, I know that people will be people, you have the good the bad and the down right ugly who build themselves up by putting others down. But, honestly, I thought this site would be a little more sensitive to those with weight issues. Weight issues stem from eating disorders in many cases, and these disorders aren't going to go away over night. Sometimes people make mistakes and turn to sites like this for a little encouragement. I'm sorry, but I have had my successes and I have also failed at times. And because I know I am prone to fail, I can show a little understanding to someone in their time of need. If you have responded harshly to someone who may have been crying out for help or encouragement...shame on you. If not, thank you for your kind words. You never know how your words can hurt or help someone.

YEP! I totally agree! I just joined a couple of days ago and put up one post. Pretty rude response- assuming I was doing nothing but sitting around waiting for my weight to come off. Let's encourage and help one another- not be so rude, discourteous, etc. Not EVERYONE is built and wired like the next so everyone's journey is DIFFERENT!

[CheckYes 46]

I feel that there are people who are consistently rude or say the same thing over and over again in increasingly harsh ways. I also get really disheartened by people who tell a poster that they are not doing what they say they are doing which basically calls the OP a liar. I have recently found the "IGNORE USER" feature on this site. Once I get the few people who rub me the wrong way on ignore then I think this site will become a much better place for me. Just because you are on a message board doesn't mean you have to read what everyone says. For those that have been offended, I say put those people on ignore and don't leave this board. Most of the posts on the board and fabulously informative and helpful. Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch...

[JourneyGirl 10]

I am new hear too and hope that you reconsider leaving this site. I wasn't aware of the post you were talking about so I looked and . . . OMG! I would feel the same way that you do. I can't believe the insensitivity that was shown to you by one particular person. I am very sorry that happened, even though the one that needs to apologize isn't me.

We all need a place where we can come for support and encouragement. We need to be able to ask questions and get answers in a kind fashion. Unfortunately this does happen on every board that I have come across (whether it is lap band or parenting, etc...).

There are alot of decent people here that really do care and want to help us newbies. Try to ignore or block (if we can) the rude, insensitive, egotistical ones.

I hope to see you around. Good luck and remember that YOU CAN DO THIS, We all can!!

[happygirl65 5]

Mean People Suck! I keep telling myself that as I work in customer service and deal with crabby people in person from time to time. The good news is that there are plenty of nice people too.

The truth is though that most of the time people reach out in their darkest hour because they need encouragement and help getting out of the hole they feel that they are in. It feels like your trust and confindence in the system of the message boards has been shattered at that point and it is really sad. It is even more sad that some people seem to kick others when they are down...hang in there. Talk to real people in personal messages...it is much more personal that way when you find a few people you want to connect with.

Try not to take it personally since most of the time it's not meant to be personal afterall they really don't know you at all, they only know what you tell them. Some people are just crabby to everyone too. It's a risk that is inherent with pouring your heart out on the internet. I do best when I take what I like and leave the rest behind.

I do wish you every happiness and success....maybe peruse some blogs and make connections with individuals.

[HeatherinCA 10]

Ya know, I think some people are just dishing out a harsh reality check in some of the posts. I don't know that it's intentionally mean. Yes, some people are.. but in general I think it's to help you! I guess not everyone reads everything the same way. I mean if you post OMG I ate chicken 1 day post op and I got sick! what are people supposed to say to that...? Everyone posts here because they want to help, to share their experiences, or to get help.

Also you need to see it from the more experienced bandsters points of view. It's frustrating to see the same thing posted everyday. Sometimes people will get annoyed.

Everyone is here to help! So post away! Just ignore the mean people.

[honk 780]

<br />Ya know, I think some people are just dishing out a harsh reality check in some of the posts. I don't know that it's intentionally mean. Yes, some people are.. but in general I think it's to help you! I guess not everyone reads everything the same way. I mean if you post <i>OMG I ate chicken 1 day post op and I got sick!</i> what are people supposed to say to that...? Everyone posts here because they want to help, to share their experiences, or to get help.<br /><br />Also you need to see it from the more experienced bandsters points of view. It's frustrating to see the same thing posted everyday. Sometimes people will get annoyed.<br /><br />Everyone is here to help! So post away! Just ignore the mean people.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

I agree with Heather, there are times that I respond with a reality check. Normally this is in regards to people expressing behaviors that are likely to cause them physical harm. Some examples: I ate a Big Mac two days after surgery (not making that up), It's been 3 days since surgery and I'm starving so I ate nachos and chicken wings now I'm sick!. Not long ago there were several discussions about drinking alcohol after banding. Personaly I find that to be counter productive to dieting. I have never been a drinker so my responses were regarding calorie content. Some posters however made it into a morality discussion.

[AquarianCrab 8]

As a few others have said, I think sometimes it's just the way people write. It's hard to distinguish some types of humor/friendly sarcasm from real hurtful intent. Sometimes I have to think about what I read. If it rubs me the wrong way I reread it and try to figure out if maybe they were trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to be funny.

[Want To Be Thin 0]

Trust me I have posted from my frustration to my almost quitting this weight loss journey to my YAY's and it is here for all to see. I am sitting here in the comfort of my home and I may ask crazy questions, I may beg to see what someone eats for a week, I just ask how to POOP. LOL. Most everyone has had postive encouragement. I mean look at me I am 3 1/2 years started at 304 got down to 217 gained back up to 249 now 238. I have had nothing but good kind words. I even see where a few of us are even doing daily post to each other. Do not let one bad apple spoil all of us here for you. We are here to help each other. Come On, We Can Do This. Together we will do this.

Well the milk of magnesia worked and in a mighty big way. so happy. I was really getting scared. Hoping that the benefiber i bought will help me stay stable. Thank you all for all your help and support down to 238 today.

[zeniada 9]

Lots of negativity these past 2-3 weeks...it's stating to wear me down but I need this site for the support I get from it.

I will not be driven way by mean people who only what to cause trouble and drama, I need help so I will be the first to ignore mean spirited posts and If I post a topic that someone doesn't like I will hope that they will keep their negativity to themselves as I NEED HELP not condemnation...

[amberakamom 13]

There are absolutely a few bad apples in the bunch right now. I have thick skin, so they normally don't bother me. I feel they are the ones with the biggest issues, they just aren't letting on. Know whaty I mean. I think they are "leveling" which means trying to knock others down to their level of unhappiness. I try my best to treat everyone the way I want to be treated. Which also happens to be the biggest lesson I am always trying to teach my children. Maybe the "bad apples" were never taught that? On a public message board, its probably best to take everything with a grain of salt. For all we know we could be talking to a 70 pound 11 year old boy. Hehehe

[zeniada 9]

For all we know we could be talking to a 70 pound 11 year old boy. Hehehe

LOL!!! So true so true...

[Humming Bird 275]

On a public message board, its probably best to take everything with a grain of salt. For all we know we could be talking to a 70 pound 11 year old boy. Hehehe

That is too funny! but so true!

[Humming Bird 275]

LOL!!! So true so true...

jinks

[LargeMediumSmall 3]

One thing I have noticed over the years is how uniquely personal weight issues are and just like the being banded, it appears that no two people are ever exactly the same.

Yes, I agree, that a lot gets lost in translation over the net and sometimes people are just plain mean. But I'd have to say that over all this is a pretty good site with a lot of good input. You just have to sift through it to find the answers and support that are unique to your situation. After all, we do tend to discard 'live' input from friends & aquaintenances that don't serve us, we also have the choice to discard internet input that doesn't serve us.

I personally know 18 people who have been banded and I can honestly say that no two have had the same experiences. And being the 'individuals' we are, each brings to the banding table their own personality issues & weight baggage, as well as their experiences with the band.

I wish you the best of luck and really hope you stay around. Your input is important too. Look at this tread, for example. You brought to our attention an important issue and maybe even helped people have a new perspective on how they comment. It helped me.

[Momto3redheads 18]

Wow, I must have missed the mean posts you guys have been reading...either that or I didn't read that into it. I think there is a definately a problem with written words as you cannot hear the intent or see the person writing it --- so something that may be said with sincerity may not come off that way. I guess for me I figure if I put something out here for the world to read/respond to then I have to take what responses I get and ignore any that rub me wrong. Don't let a few bad experiences chase you off -- people are imperfect and you never know what was going on with that person that day....we all have bad days/weeks/months....and sometimes it takes our buffer off and we may say things and not realize how it comes across to others. Ya know? I know on days that I am feeling stressed and tired that things annoy me a lot more than they normally would....and it could be the case that I could say something that someone takes wrong. I would hope that nobody would intentionally go in and be mean....if so I think we need to vote them off the island! LOL

Hang in there --- there are lotsa wonderful people on here and everyone has their own experiences and advice...those grey topics like alcohol or soda pop will always spark a debate, it seems, and it is one of those things that folks will tell you what they did/heard from their doc/ etc and then you make your own decision. I can't tell you have many times I have read the negative posts about how wrong it is to drink pop, yadda yadda, which irks me...but I don't care as they are not my doctor. *I* make my choices and my doctor said it was OK after you have healed....and I like the caffeine free diet pop....I figure one or two a day isn't going to kill me, regardless of what everyone else thinks! My advice is to stay here and focus on the positives ----- and cut folks some slack if they may say something you don't like....unless it is a regular thing where they are being rude all the time to folks and then we need to take action and report them. This is a place for us to find compassion and understanding from our peers, not knock them down!

Good luck!

Kim