surgery incisions effecting my life

[TylerAshton567 0]

Ugh idk wat to do. My fiance won't even hardly touch me or even have sex with me because of the way my incisions look help please

[sunny2010 0]

are your incisions bad? It says that your surgery was 2/2/2011. is it safe to have sex just five days after surgery? maybe he is scared he is going to hurt you. has he told you its because of you incisions or the way they look?

[calibander85 0]

I had surgery 1/28 and had sex for the first time last night and it HURT my tummy (port specifically). I had to ice my stomach after and it made my fiance feel bad, so don't take it personally - it's a safety thing! Stick to foreplay and wear some sexy lingerie that covers your scars! hehe

[TylerAshton567 0]

Ya he says the aren't attracted so he doesn't want to. But I have a feeling its more than just the incisions he doesn't even want to touch me anymore. He also has said he didn't want me to have the surgery. Idk I'm gonna speak to a therapist. Maybe having this surgery has brought out more of him that I didn't know so much abt before. Its like I'm seeing a totally different guy and I don't like it. I feel as if he doesn't want me to be happy with myself

[Kalia Jade 0]

I'm sorry that you are going through that. My boyfriend didn't want me to have the surgery either because he was scared of it and I was a self-pay so losing a good chunk of money didn't help the situation. The scars will fade, I have to look hard to see mine now. My boyfriend is very excited for me now. After losing the weight he saw how my self-confidence went up and just how much better I felt. I think talking to a therapist is a good idea...I would even try couples counseling. He is probably just frightened, that you won't be the same person or that you will want to dump him for someone else after you lose the weight...NOT because he is angry or disgusted with you.

I guarantee you that the scars will fade, you won't even notice them after everything is healed.

Good luck to you and your fiance!

[LandieApplebottom 1]

Yea, it sounds like it has little to do with the incision and more like an excuse. Im mean, you had surgery less than 2 weeks ago. what should it look like?

[changing 2]

You deserve to be happy and healthy,bottom line.

[kadoane8 1]

My first thought was, "Are they infected?" because they shouldn't be that bad. Do you still have the glue stuff on them?

There might be more going on in his mind, like others have said. The route you are taking sounds wise.

[TylerAshton567 0]

Ya the glue is still on them. I don't think my dr cleaned them before putting the glue on cuz when I woke up from surgery saw them there was dried up blood mixed in with the glue. Gross I know lol. Thanks for the support!

[ElfiePoo 109]

Idk I'm gonna speak to a therapist. Maybe having this surgery has brought out more of him that I didn't know so much abt before. Its like I'm seeing a totally different guy and I don't like it. I feel as if he doesn't want me to be happy with myself

I think you're smart to speak to a therapist. This may just be a difficult thing for him to deal with...or may be a reflection of something deeper and it's just an excuse. I'd try and get him to see the therapist with you.

.

[thsisme 14]

ElfiePoo is right and her advice is sound. Whatever is going on hopefully can be explored and a therapist is a good start. I wish you the best of luck. WLs has a high incident of breakups and can be tough on a relationship if not faced together.

[TylerAshton567 0]

I'm going to see a therapist at 10am tomorrow I'm nervious but also excited maybe he can help me understand why my fiance did not want me to have surgery its like he didn't want me to be happy with the way I look or to be healthy and I can't understand how anyone does not want that for someone

[TurboDriver 2]

I'm a guy so I'll give you my take on it. I'm not sure why type of person he is, but I love my wife, and if I saw my wife with incisions (Like I see on myself) I wouldn't have wanted to do that activity for fear I might hurt her. There are many possible reasons why he didn't want you to have surgery, but whatever the reason is, seeing the incisions probably still bothers him because it reminds him that you had the surgery against his wishes.

I'm not saying he is/was right please understand that, I'm just saying that might be what he was thinking.

What I would suggest doing is leaving the incisions covered with some clothing as it may make the focus on the two of you instead of the surgery. It might also make him less afraid of hurting you because the incisions won't be staring back at him (if you will).

Whatever happens, I hope you two can work it out. Just remember to take it easy, I had my surgery on 1/18 and I'm still very cautious myself for fear of giving myself a hernia at the large incision site.

Hope it helps, God Bless

[TylerAshton567 0]

Thanks everyone for the advise but I'm proudly able to say we finally had sex I just kept my shirt on lol. But he did finally tell me he is just scared of hurting me and he said the incisions are not very attractive and now that I think of it I can totally understand why he doesn't want to see them he is the type of guy who gets a cold and thinks he is dieing. He recently had to get a shot in the butt for bronchitus and he passed out. So he does not do very well when it comes to medical things lol poor guy we could never have kids he wouldn't be able to watch lol. I'm still goin to see a therapist tomorrow to see how it goes since I am experiencing a lot of life changes. Good luck to you all!