Bad Night

[Gayle 9]

So last night I went to the seminar with my boyfriend (of 3 years) and my mother. I got pretty emotional towards the end because it almost sounded like I was too big to have the lap band. But on talking with the doctor he thinks he can do it for me.

However, on the car ride home I started hearing some pretty nasty things from my boyfriend. When I first talked to him about Lap band he was so accepting and nice about it, but I guess something just made him change his mind.

He told me that I'm not committed. That nothing was going to change except that I would have wasted a bunch of money and have something around my stomach. He says that I will get even lazier than I am now because of the less calories. He said a lot of other stuff that I can't really remember because I was so upset at that point. I spent the rest of the night crying while he went to sleep...

I guess this really isn't a question and it doesn't have much merit, I was just upset and wanted to vent to some people that might know what I'm talking about.

[honk 780]

I know this is'nt what you want to here. You need to remember this is about your health. He is only a boyfriend. He's not your husband. If you have a stroke or heart attach is he going to care your you? You need to take care of YOU. I spent to much of my life worrying more about my job than my health. At 39 I had a minor stroke. 39!!! Personally I think he's worried you will get thin and leave him. To be truthfull I think you need to leave him now. I'm not going to be one of those people who say to coddle him and explain to him, and I will still love you to him. I don't think he's much of a keeper.

[TKW 501]

I weighed 432 pounds when I had my surgery. You do have to commit to it, but you can do it. I thought changing my ways would be way harder than it has been, of course it is different for everybody. Do it for you and only you. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for you. Don't let anyone bring you down.

[Rachael 4]

My mother in law told me that she thought that the gastric by-pass would be a better option for me because I have the "will power of a gnat." She was the one who wanted the gastric by-pass because she thought it wouuld "easier" and even lied to the doctor by carrying weight on her to make herself weight heavier. I decided a long time ago not to listen to her. You can do this. I say leave your boyfriend but easier said than done after 3 years. Read the bandwagon book and fully commit to it. I am starting to slowly to make some changes (got approved by insurance and waiting for a surgery date). You can do it. Don't listen to what others say....most of the time they are not speaking the truth!

Rachael

[chansenrn 1]

So last night I went to the seminar with my boyfriend (of 3 years) and my mother. I got pretty emotional towards the end because it almost sounded like I was too big to have the lap band. But on talking with the doctor he thinks he can do it for me.

However, on the car ride home I started hearing some pretty nasty things from my boyfriend. When I first talked to him about Lap band he was so accepting and nice about it, but I guess something just made him change his mind.

He told me that I'm not committed. That nothing was going to change except that I would have wasted a bunch of money and have something around my stomach. He says that I will get even lazier than I am now because of the less calories. He said a lot of other stuff that I can't really remember because I was so upset at that point. I spent the rest of the night crying while he went to sleep...

I guess this really isn't a question and it doesn't have much merit, I was just upset and wanted to vent to some people that might know what I'm talking about.

[Metime 2]

Wow! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. If you are ready to make this change for YOU then the first change you need to make is to get rid of the negativity around you. You have the right to be happy. If it makes you happy to go through with the process, then who is he to tell you no? Who is he to put you down. Now, I don't know you, but you will need to commit to this. It's not the "easy" way, by any means. You will need will power and the strength of your conviction to do this. You need to be doing this for you. No one else. You are the only one that can answer those questions. I decided it was "me time". I have spent most of my life caring for everyone around me. It was time for me. My husband was not happy about it, and is still not happy. But I am very committed and will argue around his every complaint and he is slowly believing I am going to do this. Do this for YOU. Don't let ANYONE walk on you. You deserve more respect than that. everyone does!

Good luck on your journey!

[FeelingGroovy 2]

Don't let his words or actions get you down. Like others said, you need to do this for you...and only if you. If other want to jump on your wagon fine. but you are #1!!!

It takes about 6 months to get approved and there is a lot to do once you get started. You will see how committed you are by doing the pre-surgery stuff. You will need to meet with a psychologist so maybe talk to them about your concerns and how you may be able to talk to your bf.

Best of lucj to you!

Peace~

ally

[Gayle 9]

Thanks everybody. He did wind up apologizing, but I don't really feel like he is actually sorry for saying it.

I am actually planning on having the surgery in April because my insurace covers this surgery like any other surgery, meaning that if the doctor says I need it than that is all the authorization they need. That is fantastic for me. I am meeting with the surgeon on the 14th. And the funny thing is that his name is Dr. Valentine

[ravendays 2]

Thanks everybody. He did wind up apologizing, but I don't really feel like he is actually sorry for saying it.

I am actually planning on having the surgery in April because my insurace covers this surgery like any other surgery, meaning that if the doctor says I need it than that is all the authorization they need. That is fantastic for me. I am meeting with the surgeon on the 14th. And the funny thing is that his name is Dr. Valentine

Im glad you decided to do this for yourself. I'm glad he apologized while Im sadden to hear he may not have meant it. Only 4 days after surgery I fully understand and agree with others that you will need positive support around you. You will have your own hiccups, hang ups, habits, burdens to carry and the last thing you will need is someone(s) bring you down. Some people are scared of anything uncertain and involves change. Sounds like you boyfriend is one of them. Instead of guys saying they are scared they rather twist it to where it's not them with the problem (of being scared or uncertain) but it's someone else (or you). And Dr Valentine on the 14th sounds like an awesome caweenky-dink

[Phranp 46]

Thanks everybody. He did wind up apologizing, but I don't really feel like he is actually sorry for saying it.

I am actually planning on having the surgery in April because my insurace covers this surgery like any other surgery, meaning that if the doctor says I need it than that is all the authorization they need. That is fantastic for me. I am meeting with the surgeon on the 14th. And the funny thing is that his name is Dr. Valentine

CONGRATULATIONS on your decision! Be sure to read, research and ask questions. This forum is great!

I would also suggest that, if possible, see the therapist regularly before having the surgery. With the negativity you are living with you will need re-enforcement to get through this and succeed.

About this quote:

"He told me that I'm not committed. That nothing was going to change except that I would have wasted a bunch of money and have something around my stomach. He says that I will get even lazier than I am now because of the less calories. He said a lot of other stuff that I can't really remember because I was so upset at that point. I spent the rest of the night crying while he went to sleep..."

I have a (or a couple of) question(s): Would somone that loves you EVER say something so hurtful and demeaning? Three years IS a long time (for someone young ...for me it's just a blink of the eye -- but I'm ooooolllllddd ... LOL), but how much longer are you willing to allow someone (and it could be anyone) beat you up emotionally? Is that really love? Would you REALLY miss being treated in this manner, if you said goodbye? And, if you would miss this (and I can't say that I don't understand, cuz I do), then you really should spend time with a therapist so that you can learn about your worth as a person -- NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.

I wish you the best. Please take good care of yourself and keep us posted on your progress.

~Fran

[Gayle 9]

CONGRATULATIONS on your decision! Be sure to read, research and ask questions. This forum is great!

I would also suggest that, if possible, see the therapist regularly before having the surgery. With the negativity you are living with you will need re-enforcement to get through this and succeed.

About this quote:

"He told me that I'm not committed. That nothing was going to change except that I would have wasted a bunch of money and have something around my stomach. He says that I will get even lazier than I am now because of the less calories. He said a lot of other stuff that I can't really remember because I was so upset at that point. I spent the rest of the night crying while he went to sleep..."

I have a (or a couple of) question(s): Would somone that loves you EVER say something so hurtful and demeaning? Three years IS a long time (for someone young ...for me it's just a blink of the eye -- but I'm ooooolllllddd ... LOL), but how much longer are you willing to allow someone (and it could be anyone) beat you up emotionally? Is that really love? Would you REALLY miss being treated in this manner, if you said goodbye? And, if you would miss this (and I can't say that I don't understand, cuz I do), then you really should spend time with a therapist so that you can learn about your worth as a person -- NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.

I wish you the best. Please take good care of yourself and keep us posted on your progress.

~Fran

I do actually see a therapist on a regular basis. And he really isn't like this that much anymore, he use to be when we were starting out, but after a few times of me kicking his ass for doing that he almost completely stopped. Unfortunately, he sounds just like my dad, this seems like exactly something my dad would say. I am kind of use to it, but don't worry, I'm not letting him abuse me. I kicked his ass again.

I made him promise that he won't say anything negative anymore. It could have come from that I told him he couldn't talk about my weight anymore, and he hadn't in such a long time and he is so worried about me having surgery and getting hurt that he lost his cool.

But he is going to support me now, and I told him that he will buy me a pillow pet for me to have in the hospital the Mr. Bear. So I will call him Mr. Bandy Bear

[happygirl65 5]

(((HUGS))) You know, you are the only person who knows what is right for you. Your boyfriends comment about lainess is just plain bull. He obviously has NO IDEA how difficult and painful it is to be in your body and deal with the extra weight it's more of a disability than laziness so don't let that cut into your soul and stop you.

As far as getting less calories and energy level goes...while you are healing HELL YES you will be slowed down....of course you will...but once you figure out how to get in enough Protein and nutrition on the liquid phase you will have more energy than you know what to do with! Please don't listen to other peoples fears, you will have enough of them on your own as you go through this process. His issues are his....most likely (knowing a little about how mu husband thinks) he was sitting with you in the seminar and heard something about how some patients experience a lower energy level during recovery and he turned off his ears at that point and started running in his brain something like...oh great that's not gonna help...she will never be able to exercise etc.....and whil his brain was doing all of that he completely missed the part where they say after your body adjusts you will have more energy and start feeling healthier every single day.

I honestly feel like I am waking up from a food coma...I have more energy, I sleep better even though I still cant sleep on my left side or tummy, I don't even need as much sleep at night, I am waking up before my alarm excited to start my day because I have hope and something to look forward to every single day. Don't let anyone else persuade you one way or another. You are the one who will live with the choice one way or another. If you decided, YOU can do it.

Now...go throw some TP at your BF and tell him to clean up his crappy attitude.