The discourse/converstion on this forum

[hiddnstar 167]

I think having an opinion and being truthful are good, but there are ways to go about it. I have seen a few people in the past be so hateful with their opinion that my jaw dropped and I felt sorry for the person they were responding to.

No it's not ok to go to burger king twice a day, but you can say this without being hateful and mean.

"you made bad choices going to burger king and cant' really expect to lose weight this way" is honest but not mean

" wtf did you think, the weight would magically fall off? don't eat fast food, it's not that hard to understand" is an honest opinion but mean

Nicely stated Posting here, just like emails, it is so easy to be mis-interpreted as no one can hear your voice, inflections, etc. and can only "hear" you thru their own state of mind at the time.

It's a good idea for everyone to consider attending a lap band support group in person at least once to see if it is helpful for them.

~hiddn

[Cocoabean 430]

I think there are two different kinds of posts we are talking about here.

The first kind will be someone who wants honest, even critical, reviews of why they are having problems. They will welcome all comments since they asked for them. Am I too tight? I am having problems with this food. I am still hungry after 6 fills. What should I do? I need motivation as I am slipping back into bad habits. It is not hard to recognize these posts.

The other kind is someone for whom the band is not working, they are experiencing a lot of problems despite following the rules. They are very frustrated. They are not asking for rah, rah, we love the band because it works for us and if it doesn't work for you, then it's your fault. They don't want to hear that you lost 50lbs the first month or 100 lbs in 3 months. This is not a poster that will welcome criticism and shouldn't get any just for hating the band. It's okay to offer suggestions about some things they might try (if they haven't already). It is not okay to suggest that they are the failure.

It's okay not to like the band. It's okay to hate the band but some successful bandsters often come across as defensive, as if the attack were on them personally.

I agree there are different kids of posts. I also agree with your last part that it is OK to not like the band. But I also take exception when someone who doesn't like their band and posts that they hate their band here, without any reason why, then gets upset with me when I ask questions about the circumstance of their statement.

We should all be here to help each other. If someone just states, "I hate my band, it doesn't work." I assume they want help in figuring out why the band isn't working. So I look for more information about their situation. It is an open forum, and if all the person wants to post is, "I hate my band." Fine, venting is fine. But anger at me for wanting to help, not so fine.

Cleo's Mom, I know you have issues with your band, you've also stated what those issues are. Same with Elfie. You two still try to help bandsters to be successful. Not to drag others down and say that's it, the band sucks for all. But to just state the band doesn't work for most people and state it over and over. Well, that doesn't add any help to the forum in my opinion.

[mattie7632 24]

Here's my Reality:

This is just a forum. Imagine this is a reality show with a bunch of new bandsters together. There would be lots of personalities and drama in the house as well as support and encouragement. Just like there is here

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I think there are two different kinds of posts we are talking about here.

The first kind will be someone who wants honest, even critical, reviews of why they are having problems. They will welcome all comments since they asked for them. Am I too tight? I am having problems with this food. I am still hungry after 6 fills. What should I do? I need motivation as I am slipping back into bad habits. It is not hard to recognize these posts.

The other kind is someone for whom the band is not working, they are experiencing a lot of problems despite following the rules. They are very frustrated. They are not asking for rah, rah, we love the band because it works for us and if it doesn't work for you, then it's your fault. They don't want to hear that you lost 50lbs the first month or 100 lbs in 3 months. This is not a poster that will welcome criticism and shouldn't get any just for hating the band. It's okay to offer suggestions about some things they might try (if they haven't already). It is not okay to suggest that they are the failure.

It's okay not to like the band. It's okay to hate the band but some successful bandsters often come across as defensive, as if the attack were on them personally.

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

[Cocoabean 430]

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

[Humming Bird 275]

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

I agree! Doesn't she look great?!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Oh my gosh, Diva, look at you!! The sleeve obviously agrees with you!! Wowser!

Awww!! *blush* Thanks doll!! I guess I'm not doing too bad - it's working - or I'm working it - or both...

ETA: And I'm working on my jogging again. I'm super happy!!!

Thank you Humming

[Dave_NW 92]

Part of the problem with an anonymous forum like this is that nobody can see your body language, or hear your tone of voice. All the reader sees are your typed words. Posts can easily be interpreted as being more negative than intended, and after a reply or two, the original intention can easily get swept aside. Tempers flare, and people get angry.

Even more interesting to me is when Person One posts a topic, Person Two posts an inappropriate reply, and then Person Three wades into the fray, hijacking the thread and taking jabs at everyone else for real or perceived slights and insults. Before long the entire thread degenerates into a hate-fest, and poor Person One never does get an answer to their initial question.

But as others have alluded in this thread, there are ways to reply to a thread and express a dissenting opinion without resorting to insults and muckraking. If the dissenting opinion is offered respectfully, logically, and with the intention to properly express to the other person why the opposing opinion is valid, I think the initial poster will accept that post, even if it's not what they want to hear. Even in dissention you can be supportive and encouraging.

The posts I seriously dislike is when someone posts hateful speech toward someone else, leaving absolutely no doubt what they intended, and when taken to task by later replies, they backpeddle and say they were only joking. Yeah, right. Without being able to see body language and hear tone of voice, the onus is on that person to contain the post in humor quotes or smilies, whatever necessary, so readers will get the point. But it's inherently wrong to jump someone's case about something, then try to dodge the return fire by saying they were just kidding. That's chickensh*t. If you mean what you say, stand up for your opinion. If you can't do that, then maybe you don't need to say anything at all.

And finally, as my Mother always taught me: "Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said. "

My opinion. And I'm sticking with it. LOL!

Dave

[mattie7632 24]

You're right Dave, a smiley face tends to soften a post that could be misread...I like to follow up most of them that way just in case and to be sure text is not taken wrong!!! It's also a wonderful tactic with spouses....I like to send a text or email to my husband like this CLEAN UP YOUR SH*T <--notice the smiley.

LOL, I was kidding about that...mostly

Part of the problem with an anonymous forum like this is that nobody can see your body language, or hear your tone of voice. All the reader sees are your typed words. Posts can easily be interpreted as being more negative than intended, and after a reply or two, the original intention can easily get swept aside. Tempers flare, and people get angry.

Even more interesting to me is when Person One posts a topic, Person Two posts an inappropriate reply, and then Person Three wades into the fray, hijacking the thread and taking jabs at everyone else for real or perceived slights and insults. Before long the entire thread degenerates into a hate-fest, and poor Person One never does get an answer to their initial question.

But as others have alluded in this thread, there are ways to reply to a thread and express a dissenting opinion without resorting to insults and muckraking. If the dissenting opinion is offered respectfully, logically, and with the intention to properly express to the other person why the opposing opinion is valid, I think the initial poster will accept that post, even if it's not what they want to hear. Even in dissention you can be supportive and encouraging.

The posts I seriously dislike is when someone posts hateful speech toward someone else, leaving absolutely no doubt what they intended, and when taken to task by later replies, they backpeddle and say they were only joking. Yeah, right. Without being able to see body language and hear tone of voice, the onus is on that person to contain the post in humor quotes or smilies, whatever necessary, so readers will get the point. But it's inherently wrong to jump someone's case about something, then try to dodge the return fire by saying they were just kidding. That's chickensh*t. If you mean what you say, stand up for your opinion. If you can't do that, then maybe you don't need to say anything at all.

And finally, as my Mother always taught me: "Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said. "

My opinion. And I'm sticking with it. LOL!

Dave

[Apples2 19]

I loved your post.

This is a very good thread. It's nice to see folks can have an intelligent conversation without flaming. I think the major problem is this website has an incredible amount of posters, from all over the Globe. There are bound to be issues pop up daily.

There is sure to be some people who do not use their language and demeanor wisely. I've been posting on very busy forums with many different personalities for at least 10 years now. I'd say the biggest reward I've received from this experience is that, you aren't always going to agree with what everyone says. If you don't like it, it's probably best not even to respond, if you cannot respond in a diplomatic and intelligent tone. Things can and will spin out of control quickly.

All the best to everyone here.

A bit of a hijack here...sorry OP...will get back to subject in a bit. HOLY HELL, Diva....you look amazing. Good for you. I know of your struggles and am so happy for you to have turned the corner. That said....and back to the topic at hand....RESPECT...that's what it boils down to. Plain and simple. Do unto others...Golden Rule and all that stuff. We all make mistakes. We come on here for support. Don't need bashing...just wanting someone to talk to and ask a few silly questions. Respect goes a long way.

[shadst8 8]

Second on Miss diva. You are fab. Back to the

OP. I agree witth you. Some people do not want the truth. However, we experienced bandsters do need to remember that our emotional relationship with food is the hardest thing that you battle and the emotional walls that you build to cope with being over weight and obese. Typically, when I see posters that get offensive so quickly, they sometimes were not told or researched the emotional side of the band and just how hard this journey is. I admit I do not even post because there is not much you can say that will not make them feel badly. Excuses and being the victim has been some of the crutches for years. I am not saying that the band works for everyone, but unless it is something medical like the body rejecting the band, the person may want consider other factors than blaming the band--but emotionally they cannot face it often.

Also I am pretty sure there are thread "flamers" who post just to get people riled up!