My addiction

[Hopes of a Dream! 1]

Today I finally realized my addiction to food. I feel ashamed and controlled… I was banded on Monday and through the process of the liquid diet that I am on I just can’t believe how my life was completely controlled by what I put in my mouth. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes because today was the first day that I finally saw the light … the reason I used to wake up was to eat … the reason I was so excited for my lunch break wasn’t because of good company from my co-workers and friends it was all because of the food … the reason I wanted to go home at night was because I would then be in the privacy of my own house to take in as much food as I felt necessary to feed the person inside of me.

I’m so ashamed of who I turned into I had NO idea how much this band would mean for me. I have so much learning to do… I just sit here in amazement over how well everyone does with their weight loss; I feel like I’m worlds behind everyone! Why didn’t I know food had such a hold on me! Why! As the tears are streaming down my face all I can feel inside is failure and “what ifs” … I’m struggling just getting through this liquid faze how am I ever going to find the strength inside of me to lose my weight. As I’m sitting here trying to recover I notice almost every other commercial is about food! Oh my gosh I never even noticed that! How blind can I be! How can we become a healthier nation when we don’t even run our own thoughts! Sorry for the venting I just don’t know where else to go with my feeling and my tears.

[abouttime 0]

I was banded on Dec 30th and I too have realized that food was my reason for everything, I even considered calling m surgeon and insisting on having the band removed the other day. If I was happy I needed a reward and trust me I would induldge in rewards that have cost so much of my life, (popcorn and a whole box of entermans chocolate chip cookies) I almost wish I could sue entermanns!!! If I was sad I needed a picker upper..hey if i felt regular there was another reason to eat! righ know I am struggling 2 weeks in and I can't stop thinking of food. Yeah food controled my life and this is so hard but what I keep telling myself and its what I will tell you, everyday we get thru is a break thru, it's like being in rehab right now....I want to bust the doors open, leave and get hight on food but what happens after.....we allowed someone to invade our bodies, put something foreign in it.... so we need to make it count....it's easy to say we will get thru this but just getting to tomorrow is a milestone....one step at at a time..thats all we can do!

[SWEETGRACE 1]

I am right there with you. I realized how addicted I was to food when I was on the liver shrinking diet. One Saturday my family were all up and in our living room while I lay in my bed terrified and depressed because I couldn't think of a reason to get out of bed. I didn't want to get out of bed because it didn't make sense to get up there wasn't anything worth eating that I could eat so I just wanted to sleep through the diet. I told my husband through my tears to wake me up in a week when it was all over. So after my little pitty party then I thought Ok I gotta get a grip. Just think about all of the time I will have to be with my 5year old and 6 month old because I'm not spending 1hour fixing everything I want to eat and another hour eating it. My daughter loves to spend time working out with me. She thinks it's just the greatest thing now and asks me to work out with her all of the time

[jayeljay613 1]

I couldn't agree with you more. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I was banded December 29th and there have been many days where I just want to stay in bed thinking "how am I going to avoid food all day?" I realized over these past few months how EVERYTHING I do revolves around food. If I'm going out somewhere, I look forward to where we get to eat. If I go to a party, I look forward to the food. Even if I go out with my kids I look forward to the foods we can enjoy togehter. Now in the morning I think "why can't I just sleep while everyone else is eating?" I feel pitiful, ashamed, embarrased and like no one understands. It feels ridiculous to reallize how important food is to me and so hard to figure out how to change it! I have so many great things going for me, great kids, great husband, great family, great job... Now I have to reframe my mind to enjoy it all without the addiction of food.

I hope that we can all work on this together. Let's keep in touch and find ways to help one another. Hang in there!

Jenn

[vickyd 24]

I completely agree with you! I realize now that my addiction to food isn't unlike people who are addicted to cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. There are certain foods that I have decided that I just need to not eat anymore...some people who are banded can eat bread and Pasta, some can't due to restriction...I can't because they are addictive substances to me. I told my husband the other day that, for me, giving me a slice of bread is like giving a drink to an alcoholic. I haven't had any bread or pasta since I started my pre-op diet in November and I really don't miss them anymore (my NUT says I have detoxed my body and that is why I don't crave them as much). All I can say is I am so much happier now that I am starting to feel more in control as far as food goes.

[honk 780]

Vicyd I agree with your concept that some people have foods that they can't control. For me its' sweet childrens cereal: peanutbutter captain crunch, lucky charms, Count Chocula. I would eat them by the box, plain no milk. They are about 100 cal per cup; but if you eat 5 cups that 500 calories. I no longer buy crackers, bread, or chips of any kind (not even low fat versions). I do however allow myself to have to have 1-2 crackers at a party.

I do not however buy into the idea of being detoxed. I have even heard Nutritionists on news programs who also debunk this theory. While white flower may raise you blood sugar it is NOT a TOXIN. TOXIN's are literally poison.

[beckyrlnd 2]

we all have our addictions. This emotion hit me the night before surgery and i cried like a baby. I think everyone at one point or another gets hit with reality even as tough as it is. We have to face what has happened. However, you have taken a step to help yourself through this time. We did this for a better healthier life. No more achy joints. hopefully lower blood pressure, imporvement with diabetes and other health issues that improve along the way. We get a slimmer body to boot. What a great trade. The food phases we go through after surgery are kind of yucky and they get really boring fast. but this is only temporary. Your nutritionist is going to be your best friend in helping you succeed. Some people have to measure to control portions some poeple weigh their food. you will eventually find a system that works for you and helps you fight the addiction you are facing. Good Luck and Congratulations on your surgery!

[emjay 8]

One of the hardest parts of the journey is facing your issues with food and developing new habits. I found the first 6 months to be the hardest part since the band isn't really working adequately until you get to proper restriction. It is this part of the journey that really needs your utmost determination of what you want to accomplish and what your goals are. Is it easier now? Yes. Do I still have my issues with food? At times, yes. However, it is much easier than you can't eat as much or as fast. It gives you time to think about what your doing. When I slip up, the scale shows it by going up only a lb or two - not 10.

I won't tell you that it gets better for everyone - as there are some people who struggle as much from Day 1 and Day 1000. But I encourage you to take this time and try to figure out what is the best approach for you to take to work through your issues with food. Is it to eliminate them completely from your diet? Is it to try and eat them in moderation. Is it to try and find other things to look forward to than a meal? Is it boredom, stress, being lonely, afraid of change, - journal if you need to, talk to someone if you need to, change your habits gradually, develop new interests, focus on helping others and staying busy, whatever it takes. And it may take alot of things to make the change - but you can and the choice is yours.

My husband still thinks of what he's going to have for dinner before he is even eating lunch. That is something I completely understand. Our lives did focus alot around food before I had surgery. We've developed new eating habits, are more active, and try new things to do to keep things from getting boring and in a rut. It doesn't happen overnight, but gradually making changes can help to make them lasting changes.

I wish you all the best - you are in the hardest part of the journey (after the liquid dieting of course). It does get better - and the rewards are so worth it!

[Hopes of a Dream! 1]

I just can’t thank all of you enough for all the wonderful words of encouragement and support. Some days I truly feel like I’m the only one that is feeling this way … but thank the good lord above for the person that started this forum … I really don’t know where I would be without it! Please everyone let’s keep in touch … I’m just so touched by everyone that responded to me when I needed it the most! Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

[TracyNYC 4]

I def think doing the "head work" is almost as important as the controlling the eating. I was always so proud that I stayed away from alcohol and drugs after growing up w/ an alcoholic father. However, I now realize that my addiction became food. I had a year of therapy before the surgery and now continue w/ it 2x a month. It is a big help and continues to be helpful.

Hang in there and it does get better....

[tanqueray 16]

As others have said, you are NOT the only one going through this. I was there, fourteen months ago. Sitting on my sofa wondering what the fu*# did I do? I just got rid of my best friend, my companion through life--FOOD. My life would never be the same. Now, I sit here over a year later and say, you bet ya! My life is NOT the same it is SO much better. Focus on the future and don't beat yourself up over the past. It is productive for us to learn from the past because it shapes who we are, but we can overcome our past and change our habits and behaviors. By no means is this easy and for me, it is a daily struggle. I posted this yesterday. I finally lost 100 pounds and the most difficult part of this journey has been in my head. I have had set backs, ups, downs, and all in between but the bottom line for me is that I have an addiction. When I am in a down place, I come on this forum and I also have a stack of books on lap band success and several WLS magazines.

Good luck on this journey. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shelley2b 0]

I'm 2 years into my journey, and recognize everything that everyone's saying. Before the surgery, I would think about food all the time - every day. Even now, I still miss the freedom that I had, I sometimes still order what I used to - then can't really get past a few bites. If it makes you feel any better, I found that since I wasn't hungry all the time, I turned into one of those people who actually FORGET TO EAT!!! There's no way I ever thought that would happen to me, but now when I'm busy, the time just passes and the busier I am, the more weight I lose.

This band isn't a silver bullet, but it is a very useful tool that you can use to break your addiction. Alcoholics don't have a Lap Band for drinking, but thankfully - it's helpful for us food Addicts.

[mom2amwt 3]

You could have be me writing! I also came to that realization quickly - and it made me very sad. I created a world for myself where it was the food and alcohol that I looked forward too and the people and events were secondary.

Having lunch, going home at night from work - it was all about the next food "fix". What to do on weekends with the family - why there was nothing to do unless it revolved around food.

I had the same realization day 2 of my pre-op (once I felt human again) diet. Mentally it has gotten easier over the weeks and I realize now that I need to find things that bring joy and happiness that do not revolve around food. On the weekends - I want to start taking my little ones everywhere - so that they too do not develop this terrible habit!

I'm not cured - but I am aware of it now! This will be harder for me than the diet.... Best Ann