Inconsistent Restriction

[bandsterrach 0]

So here's my story...

I was banded a little over 4 years ago. I lost approximately 78 lbs by my 2 year anniversary, still about 50 lbs from my goal. Until then, I knew what proper restriction felt like. After that, it was all down hill. I've pretty much gained most of the weight back. To this day, I have such inconsistent restriction that my band basically rules my life. When it feels like being open, it's open, and I have very little to no restriction. When it feels like being closed, it's closed, and I can either get no liquid down whatsoever, or struggle with Soups. It seems almost bipolar. I've had 2 upper GIs in the last few months and the doctor has concluded that the band is where it's supposed to be (and ofcourse the barium trickled through as everything is normal...my luck that the band would decide to cooperate during the tests when I was hoping for closure so they could see what I struggle with on a day to day basis.) There are days when I have no restriction from the time I wake up until I go to sleep. There are days I can't get liquid down until the afternoon and then I have little to no restriction shortly thereafter. There are days when the restriction fluctuates throughout the day: open, closed, open, closed. And then there are (though rare) 24-36 hour periods when I can't get any liquid, ie Water or tea down at all, which frankly scares me. It literally is on an hour by hour basis. I can eat without restriction and then an hour later not be able drink anything, and vice versa. Or I can not be able to get liquid down and then an hour later have no restriction. My doctor says maybe I'm eating around the band and eating too many Soups. Ummm...if it was mid-late afternoon and you could finally get liquid down, but no solids, and you were STARVING, what else would you eat? And then on the days where I'm mostly restricted and then finally open up to no restriction, I'm so starving that I'll eat anything. He makes me feel like it's my fault. The thing is, I lived for over 2 years as a successful bandster, losing weight slowly but consistently. I know how the restriction felt throughout that time period. Something changed. The behavior of the band has changed. And I know it is different. Why do I feel so lousy when I'm in that office, being interrogated over and over again about whether I'm eating solid Protein, avoiding liquids before and after meals, etc.? Do they thing by asking me the same questions/rules over and over again I'll slip up at some point and some secretive truth will come pouring out of my mouth? I know the rules, I've lived with them succesffuly and have tried to continue to do so, but I feel almost as if the band won't let me. I've had some slight fill adjustments (both additions and subtractions) to experiment and nothing has seemed to improve. I often avoid social situations for fear I won't be able to eat, so I either try to eat and excuse myself to bring up the food that is stuck, or I don't eat at all. Either way, I (and my eating habits) become the focus of attention and it's embarassing. If my husband (who is very supportive) wants to go out for a meal and I can't eat, I tell him I'll go with him to keep him company. He refuses, because he doesn't want me to feel bad watching him eat. But I do feel bad, because I'm wrecking his plans too. So it's interfering with my life. I've lived like this for a year and a half and frankly, I can't live like this anymore. Do I just take all the Fluid out and join Weight Watchers, leaving me where I was 5 years ago? Am I alone on this? Or has anyone else experienced this as well?