What to do with an unsupportive spouse?

[finallydidit777 0]

Got banded on 12/28 after 20+ years of gaining and losing and gaining weight. Was 303 before my liquid diet started three weeks before surgery. I now weight 261 one week after surgery. Everything going fine, trying to buckle down to try to lose and keep off another 40 pounds. Has spouses or other significant folks in your life who know of your band adopted stances that with the band you ought to go back to weighing what you did when you were in college? My spouse feels I should be losing another 50 to 60 pounds with the band, which would make my BMI around 15%. Making me feel like anything less is failure. Has anyone else had this happen?

[mattie7632 24]

Oh my goodness, I'd probably be telling my husband that when he looked like he did in college then he could pass judgment!! But we all deal with our spouses in our own way, I hope yours isn't causing you too much distress

[ElfiePoo 109]

If my husband was so tactless as to make such a remark, I would tell him that this isn't about being able to brag about whether or not I weigh the same as I did in college, but about attaining a healthy weight for my body. Why would you allow someone else to make you feel like a failure? You've already lost 40 pounds...and, honey, even if you never lost another pound that makes you a winner already.

Tell your husband to mind his own weight and you'll mind yours.

.

[honk 780]

Well when I told my surgeon I had lost a lot of weight my senior year of high school and was at 150 (yes that's including a huge weight loss); he said okay so that's your goal. Shrug don't know about that. It's really discouraging for me to have an end weight in mind. Probably becuase I feel like I've worked really really hard for 2 years and still would only be half way there (banded 8/10). Would I personally be happy at 150 sure; though I'm sure I would still be considered overweight.

I don't know what I weighed at my largest because I did'nt own a scale. What I can tell you is that I lost a noticable amount of weight(20 pounds?) when my team at work moved to the other side of the building away from the cafe. I started bringing Lean Cuisine for lunch. Fast forward several months; I finally went the doctor about horrible knee pain. He said the weight has to come off; at that point I was 364. I start swimming every day and somewhat watch what I ate; fast forward I have a ministroke, weighed 334 at the hospital. I was 334 at my first consult the day of surgery I was 282; today I am at 256. So you can see why 150 seems like a fantasy to me.

You've lost A LOT in a very short time. This battle is largely mental so don't let's other peoples comments make you discouraged.

Anyway that was long winded. I think you need to consider what is your body's happy weight. I think everyone has one. I have two sisters 1) always been thin size 8, 2) more of a 12. 2 lost a lot of weight last year in my opinion to much and was downn to 4/6. She is now at like a 10. I would be estatic to a be a 10 but she wants to be thinner. Not a doctor or anything but I don't think her body is a 4 it's a 12 that might consider being a 10.

Not sure of your age but for me college was 20 years ago. As we age our bodies work diffently. How realistic is it for you to weight what you did in college?

[cunner 21]

First off great job keep up the good work. I was banded the same day and have gone from 253 to 223 so far.

I would feel that others setting my goals would be quite frustrating as it appears you may be feeling as well. In fact I don't discuss absolute weight with my wife, mine nor hers. I will mention relative weight occasionally as in "hey I hit the 30# lost mark today". For the most part I keep that to myself as well. If I feel better and look better then it will be noticed in both my appearance and also in the energy I put forth in day to day activities.

I have a very broad weight range in mind for a goal but that is personal. (my ticker at the bottom of the post kind of alludes to it). Other than that my plan is to work hard and stay committed and see where this takes me. I am in my forties now. My body may simply not get to where I was at 22 years old. Then again it just may. I plan to work hard at this since I had almost a year long battle getting insurance approval my motivation is quite high.

For you to have already lost 40 lbs. in just over 4 weeks is evidence of a very strong commitment to this already. Keep up the good work. You may be surprised at where you are 6 or 8 months from now.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Has anyone else had this happen?

My 6'1" hubby (who doesnt have a weight problem more than the 10 lb middle age spread men seem to accumulate) is supportive of me... but I also am keenly aware that he was not happy with all the years of yo yo diets and the gaining and losing of weight... either was I thus my journey with the band. And does he like me thinner? Yes...why wouldnt he? Its healthier, more pleasing to the eye and I sure like me better thinner! I seem to recall I was thin for a minute in the early 90s... at age 30 I lost 150 lbs on Jenny Craig and weighed 168 and wore a size 10. I am almost 5'10. I was happy as a clam. We married 5 years later when I was 210 to which I still think I "looked" thin. LOL Fast forward 16 years of bliss and I gained and lost that 150 lbs 20 times! Thus my Quest to end the madness with the band!!!

Why dont you bring wifey with you the next time you visit your doctor and discuss it? The Dr can give you a healthy range for your height and bone structure whcih should end the discussion.

Just a thought.