Help- difficult boss

[StephanieRaye 0]

My boss has the worst mood swings known to man. One day he's my friend, the next day he's the meanest boss ever. He's known to say some downright mean and nasty things to people, including me. I'm the only clerical employee at the office. He comes in maybe 1-3 hours/day max, so his view of what goes on isn't always accurate.

I've been employed with this company for 7 months now and have taken off 8.5 days. 3 for my lapband (which he knows about), 1 day for vacation, 4 days for being sick, and .5 days for a doctor appointment. I have only been approved to be paid for 2 of these days- a hassle to get them too. Regarding the 4 days that I was out for being sick- I came to work sick on Tuesday morning. He sent me home and told me not to come back until I was well (I had strep and the "crud"). I came back on Monday.

Now- down to my issue...

On Wednesday of this week, I was in his office with him and I saw an envelope with my name written on it (his handwriting). I said, "oh is that mine?" and started to pick it up. He said, "yeah, uh, it's yours, but it's not ready yet". I could tell that I had caught him off guard...so I quickly left his office.

Well, today I still hadn't received this envelope from him. I went in his office (he wasn't there) and there was my envelope. The back of it had been taped and opened, taped and opened quite a few times. So...my curiosity got the best of me and I opened it. There was a letter from him telling me that he is disapointed in my commitment to the company and my lack of responsibility.

Ofcourse I freaked out. I work through lunch everyday. I accomplish MORE than my job duties. I drive 40 minutes to work each way. I think I have a great attitude toward the people in my office, considering my work load. I have no idea where this is coming from and now I'm confused as hell about what to do. I'm really mad that he has this accusation, but since he hasn't given this envelope to me, I can't react. My boss only sees his side of the story anyway. It doesn't matter if God himself signed a petition, my boss wouldn't budge. If I ever try to explain anything to him, he cuts me off and tries to intimidate me.

I just don't know what to do now. I know that I need to be "ready" if/when he does give this to me. I'm somewhat grateful that I've already read it so the initial shock is passed.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here. I just needed to get this out and you guys are so supportive. My husband listens, but I think he gets sort of tired of hearing it.

Any suggestions are appreciated!

[Ceparano 0]

Wow, he sounds like a real pill!!!! Can you afford to look for another job? Sounds like your giving 110 percent and not being appreciated.

I hope things turn out better for you. Whatever you do, don't let him find out you read that letter.

Roberta

[Wheetsin 714]

Are you exempt or non? Could be FLSA consequences to working through lunch.

I've been a boss, and have had many of them, but I've never written an employee a letter like that that wasn't part of a written warning. Even then I would never use subjective terminology like "disappointed". That's really quite inappropriate because it is bringing emotions into the game. (And I would absolutely never open something on someone else's desk) Was it just a letter, or was there anything else with it?

As for a 40 minute drive... this may sound harsh but so what? You took the job knowing what the drive would be, or made the move knowing you had the job -- one of the two -- and that's 100% yours to deal with. ASgain, sorry t sound harsh, but from an objective standpoint that's the view.

What do you think he observes in the time he is there that has given him this impression?

If he gives you the letter, take some time to process it. If there are any supporting facts that you disagree with, schedule a follow-up. If there aren't any supporting facts, schedule a follow-up and ask him to provide you with concrete examples of what you are doing wrong. Tell him you want to understand what the undesired behaviors are so that you can focus on stopping them. If he is unable to provide you with examples (and really - whether he is or not this advice goes for anything that is in the emoptional realm) provide a copy of the letter to your HR rep. If anything disciplinary is done it has to be done with backup. "Bad performance" or "not dedicated enough" say nothing... press him to define what is happening, and if it's too subjective you'll want your HR people to be aware of the situation from day 1.

[casinocat74 0]

I had the same problem at my old job. I too did some snooping one day and found a similar letter. What I did is I told him I needed to sit down and have a conversation with him. I put everything on the table, I didn't tell him about what I had read, but I did say that I had felt some annamosity between us. We talked for about 2 hours and after that, we were great from then on. That's my advice to you. Just tell him you want to talk and just tell him everything you are feeling. I guaratee you it will be the best thing. And this way he won't have to give you this letter and you can explain yourself and feelings to him.

Good luck hun and let us know what happens!!

[vinesqueen 2]

well, I agree with wheetsin, the driving part is neighter here nor there.

Get your resume dusted off and buffed up. You are going to need it. You might not need to find another job, but it will be very handy when you talk to your boss.

By the by, you deserver a better boss.

Don't work through your lunch. It doesnt' make you a better employee, it just gives them ammo to take that time away from you.

[Alexandra 55]

It sounds like you work for a small company. Wheetsin's right, that sort of letter is a very unprofessional way to critique an employee's performance. But even more unprofessional was your opening that letter. NOT COOL!!

At this point he hasn't given it to you, and you don't know if he will. Maybe he wrote it in a fit of pique and has since changed his mind. You have taken a lot of time off in the first 7 months, and that can indeed get things off to a bad start. Clearly he has, or had, some concerns, so if you want to keep this job you need to hew to the straight and narrow for the next year.

Is this boss your direct supervisor?

[StephanieRaye 0]

I agree that my drive to work isn't a good example of my dedication, but when I feel unappreciated, it's easy to bring up what I feel are personal sacrifices. I'm sorry I said that, because it really isn't a valid point. I also agree that I shouldn't have read the letter. I knew that at that very moment, but I did and I can't take that back...whether it was cool or not.

There is no HR rep. I am the office administrator for a RE/MAX office. My boss is the owner and broker.

After typing all of this out and a long night of heavy thinking, I have decided to look for another job. I applied online for a position at a former employer. It's a hospital, so there are set guidelines for time off in the employee handbook, which sadly doesn't exist where I am now. Right now I am at the mercy of the attitude of my boss and the rules change daily.

I have never been able to sit down and discuss issues with my boss and actually be heard before, and I doubt that I will be able to now.

Thanks everyone for your responses and ideas. Hopefully soon I'll be in a better work environment!

["with the band" 1]

Never - never - work somewhere that makes you feel the way you felt when you opened that letter.

A man who tries to yield power by being tyrannical is not someone you want to spend most of your waking hours with in the first place.

I learned years ago to work for myself - and trust God - not my misplaced security in kissing my evil boss's behind and jumping high to miss his below the belt blows to myself and everyone in his path.

Taking the letter wasn't cool - examine why you did and you will look for another job no matter what it takes.

take care - nancy

["with the band" 1]

Never - never - work somewhere that makes you feel the way you felt when you opened that letter.

A man who tries to yield power by being tyrannical is not someone you want to spend most of your waking hours with in the first place.

I learned years ago to work for myself - and trust God - not my misplaced security in kissing my evil boss's behind and jumping high to miss his below the belt blows to myself and everyone in his path.

Taking the letter wasn't cool - examine why you did and you will look for another job no matter what it takes.

take care - nancy