10 commandments of lap band

[~*~Rachel~*~ 2]

I can't take credit for this and some of you may have seen it. I got if off a post from another lap band forum website thought it very funny however good advise and rules to pledge to for us about to undergo surgery. I think I will post it on my fridge

1. Thou shalt consume thy Protein first, followed by thy veggies and fruits. If thou, then hast any room left thou shalt comusme thy carbs lastly!

2. Thou shalt take the tiniest of bites, placing thy fork and thy spoon upon thine table, that thou shalt have more time between bites to savor that which thou hast eaten, and allow thy stomach adequate time to inform thy brain of thine fullness.

3. Thou shalt chew and chew and when thou has done so, thou shalt chew some more, lest thy band rise up and smite thee,causing in thy chest great pain, and spewing forth.

4. Thou shalt drink of thy Water, copiously, consuming all that has been recommended to thee, that thou mayest be spared the pangs of hunger and dehydration, and thou shalt thus, also keep thy kidneys well flushed, that thou shalt not develop stones to aggrieve thee.

5. Thou shalt exercise in a manner that thou mayest choose, of thine own accord, providing that thou art faithful to thine execise regimen,that thou shalt not falter on thy journey to thine smaller self.

6. Thou shalt honor thy band and maintain it well, that it shalt be a steadfast friend to thee throughout thine entire life. Thou wilt,from time to time, as thou hast been told, obtain for it the fills that it needest that it may then help thee in thy hours of need, keeping it always in perfect adjustment for thine benefit.

7. Thou shalt not worry and gnash thy teeth, becoming aggrieved at those times when thy losses seemingly stop and thy weight remaineth constant, remembering then that thou tookest long to acquire thine pounds, and that thy pounds must then take time for loss.

8. Thou shalt maintain a log or dairy of thine measurements, that thou mayest truly perceive the effect of they band when thine scale doth pause in it's downward progress.

9. Thou shalt join into and participate within thy local support community, for without the input, experience and love of they fellow bandsters, thou shalt have a much more difficult time in thy journey, and when thou art well upon thy road, thou shalt then likewise assist those who followest in thine footsteps that they too might be successful in their own diminishment.

10. Thou shalt beware of thine " soft caolries syndrome", keeping always in thy mind that thou canst thus sabotage thine efforts and thine investment and lead thee then therefore into depression and guilt. As once stated "Just because thou canst, it meaneth not that thou shouldith".

[allygator 1]

Oh yeah. Fridge, framed copy on my desk, perhaps tattooed on my ample stomach.....

[GavynsMum 1]

Oh yeah. Fridge, framed copy on my desk, perhaps tattooed on my ample stomach.....

This was hilarious!!

[MaybeBanding26 5]

Oh yeah. Fridge, framed copy on my desk, perhaps tattooed on my ample stomach.....

hilarious!

[PrincessErin 64]

Hah!!! This is so funny! It's late and I'm laughing too loudly! Great post!

[missgypsy 1]

oh this is good!!!! gonna print this baby off and take it to my drs office lol. let them share it. :-)

[forabetterlife 3]

HILARIOUS! love it and going to do the same take a copy to my doctors office and hang it up.