Keeping the lap band a secret from friends and family

[angel2001 0]

Anyone not tell thier family and friends that they got the surgery?? Do you feel guilty not saying anything everytime they notice you loosing weight?? How do you explain new eating habits?

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Why wouldnt you want to tell them I dont understand that. I tell everyone and have been and inspiration to so many to have the surgery when they have seen my results. I dont understand why people want to hide that they had surgery. You may not know the life you could be saving by telling your story. Thats just my opinion.

[karewpah 173]

My hUsband knows and a close friend. I had a hiatal hernia fixed at thesame time and told them I was having a hernia repair...not the whole story, but not a complete lie either. You tell the people you feel comfortable telling when you want to tell them. Everyone has their own opinion on this but the bottom line is: do what feels right to you.

[bugwitch 37]

When I have it I don't plan on telling many people. Why? Because it's none of their damn business, that's why. I've told my best friend and am chatting with a couple of other people as well (one who previously had it and doesn't tell people either and my friends mom who is a nurse) but other than that, it's all me.

You want an interesting read, go check out Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage. He is a hilarious guy and writes a sex advice column in Seattle's The Stranger newspaper. This particular book is a funny look at the 7 deadly sins and in the section about 'Gluttony' he goes to a fat acceptance convention only to find a ton of fat people afraid of food, non concerned with their own health and looking down on those of us who consider or do have weight loss surgery. Quite funny and ironic. When we should be the most supportive of each other, we often become more of a hindrance (some people in this instance even say they don't mind losing the ability to walk because of their weight..they can just get one of those scooters!!! This makes me so sad, to hear people who think that in a positive sense).

Anyway, basically it is up to us. It is our body and our decision.

[AlienBandit 10]

I have been banded ( a few months not in between bands) since Oct 2009 and I havent told my family yet. Why? Well I live half way across the world from them and with a low bmi they would freak out and think the surgery was pointless. They wouldn't understand as they didnt see how much weight I had gained. I did go home for a visit and they noticed my different eating habits but because I was sick they didnt think anything of it.

When they came to visit me I was still eating differently so they questioned it but since I am almost at goal they didnt bother me with it. I will tell them one day just not yet. I am still having some plastics done and dont want to tell them everything I have done but will tell them the big things ( ie incisions I cant hide).

I am not embarrassed I had the surgery, I just know they won't take it well. Not everyone wants to tell the world all about their lives and things they do. For me I didn't tell my family mostly because of distance, for my local friends I didnt tell them because friendships in Korea are messed up ( more details read here http://alienbanditinkorea.wordpress.com/2010/12/22/to-tell-or-not-to-tell/)

I explain my new eating habits a few ways depending on the person ( ie if they knew me for long, if they are new friends etc)

Here are a few explanations

I am on a new diet and restricting my breads/carbs etc

I eat small more frequent meals and therefore my stomach seems smaller

I am trying to eat healthier

my stomach is adjusting to the change of foods ( food in asia compared to north america is very different)

[Jack 855]

I told some folks and not others.....it really IS an individual decision.

People in general are supportive but some just can't help themselves dredging up horrid examples of surgery gone awry and examples of why YOU should do what THEY think you should.

When my fat remediation process become rather obvious to all, some continued to plague me wanting to know how I was shrinking.

One of my better lines was "I'm losing weight due to clean living and righteous thoughts".

Whatever level of invasive or downright rude inquiry into our own notion of private information is a good area in which to learn further self reliance and ability to control our own behavior along with eating and over eating.

For sure, I do NOT have any 'guilt' about telling or not telling anyone anything.

cheers on your journey

[gometros 0]

Why wouldnt you want to tell them I dont understand that. I tell everyone and have been and inspiration to so many to have the surgery when they have seen my results. I dont understand why people want to hide that they had surgery. You may not know the life you could be saving by telling your story. Thats just my opinion.

The only people I've told and who need to know were close friends and family or if I knew somebody else who had it or was thinking about it. These asre the people I care about and they know care about me or can relate to what I'm going through. I treated it like any other diet. I didn't need people judging me and that's what usually tends to happen when you have any sudden change of weight. One person in my religious circles would always greet me with "hey skinny", even though after 70 pounds, I was only halfway there. I know she means well, but it still make me feel self conscious. In work, I eat lunch with a regular group of guys. One guy, the group busy body, would constantly comment on how little I was eating. I just ignored it.

[bama_mommy03 5]

I just hope, for those that choose to not tell anyone, that you all have some kind of support system in place. It's a lot on your body, but also psychologically. I told my family and close friends... but I didn't go posting it all over Facebook etc. I said I had a hernia repaired, and that was it. I'm normally an open book, but I don't want people hearing I had WLS and thinking I "took the easy way" b/c it's not easy. I've only had one fill, so I know things will change even more after my 3rd or 4th fill.... and when my friends ask me what kind of diet I'm on I just say I only eat complex carbs, cut out sugary drinks, sodas, only eat sweets at special occasions, and really watch my portion sizes.

[Newbranden 1]

I will be having the surgery on 2/17/11 and have been telling everybody. I am excited aboutit so it is what I am talking about. I have a sales background therefore I Have a big mouth.

[suzahhn 19]

I tell people I feel aren't ignorant. People I can trust to let ME be the one to decide who to tell. I don't go out of my way to mention it, but with the pre-op/post-op diet I get questions and sometimes other people accidentally talk about it. I have learned my opinion of myself is what matters most to me.

[meluvnme 2]

Crazy thing is...on 5/1/06 I joined a gym. Wasn't serious about losing weight at the time...it was more because a new gym was built in my city and it was the "in" place to go with my friends. Low and behold, I started losing weight...the more weight I lost, the more I was determined to lose. I counted calories...ate about 1,600 a day but wouldn't leave the gym until I burned 1,000-1,200 at least 4 days a week. In 18 months, I lost 113lbs through diet & excercise. Felt the best in my life....shopping was my thing. (I was always told I was the "pretty thick girl") but now I was simply just "pretty"....but I never needed ppl to define who I was or how I saw myself...so that didn't bother me....BUT WHAT REALLY BOTHERED ME WAS the comments and whispers about how I had secretly went and had WLS. Even some of my own friends who I started the gym with...would say "Come on, be honest...you really did have something done, right?". Nope...just hard work & determination.....but I couldn't keep that regimen up for the rest of my life. I kept the weight off for almost 2 full yrs.But in 2009, my trips to the gym went to about 2x a week...I expanded my diet and my waistline began to expand too.LOL Thankfully, I never to this day went back to my biggest downfall, reg soda...I switched every liqud I drank to No-Calorie. Unfortunately, my gym days went down to 2x a month...no longer burning calories in.SMH Heaviest weight..286 lbs....Lowest..173 lbs....As of 2/8/11-I got back up to 245 lbs. That was also my Lap Band surgery date...Today...I'm at 233 lbs. I SAY ALL THAT TO SAY THIS.....I COULD CARE LESS WHICH WAY THIS WEIGHT COMES OFF....I KNOW I AM HONEST ENOUGH WITH MYSELF TO KNOW IT'S HARD TO KEEP IT OFF. So now, I'm not going to be bothered with the comments that I secretly did thisor that. It's no secret...I am a bander. LOL A pretty sexy thick bander...and I'm taking care of me. (It bothered me before w/the comments because I worked my butt to the bone...sweating & discipline & giving up so much.) This is work also....I didn't really grasp how much sacrifice this would be. 5 days down....I'm proud to take charge of my weight again...this time with help. God bless all of us!!!!!!

[NJGirl32 43]

I ony told my hubby and 2 people I work with-that's it! It is a very personal choice. I am guessing that I will tell my mother and maybe my daughters once I start to lose some major weight. I have no guilt and no regrets-I feel ike this is my battle to fight.

[Janiece 64]

My boyfriend was the only person who knew about my band for at least a year. It was partially b/c I was too embarrased to tell the world I needed help to stop stuffing my face, and partially b/c I was afraid the band wouldn't work for me. Over the last few months, I've started telling coworkers and friends. I switched jobs since having the band and most people can't believe it when I show them pics. I think I'm more forthcoming now because I've learned to accept my decision and I love the results. YES, I needed help. NO, I could never have lost 96lbs by myself. If anyone doesn't like it or has anything negative to say, then I don't need them in my life anyway.

There are some people who I know won't be supportive and I don't plan to tell unless they direcly ask if I've had WLS. I won't lie if they ask, but I won't bring up the topic. I really just don't feel it would be productive to have a discussion with them about why I had it and how it helps people.

I plan to tell my parents the next time I see them. Ironically, my mother is the person I'm most afraid to tell. She's had a weight problem her whole life too (she's like 400lbs+), so I'm not sure why she's so against WLS. She's congratulated me on my weightloss a few times, but not nearly as much as she pointed out how fat I was getting before...