How to deal with friends?

[drae0879 0]

These best friends comments are very sad! As everyone including myself say, I did this for me. If people do not like it, to bad. I am happy and all I need is my family and daughter. Maybe the best friends really aren't so best as they seem, or maybe they are afraid they are going to lose their best friend when you lose weight. A new body, new self esteem, new life, new friend circle. Whatever the reason is, you need to clear this up and ask questions to find out why they are acting so distant. You don't need negativity in your life. Be happy for you and your new journey! Its a great one! Hope everything pans out ok!

[andrea0121 28]

When I told my best friend (former now) that I was approved for WLS her response what "great now instead of being fat and miserable you'll be skinny and miserable" I decided right then and there that she wasn't the kind of person I needed in my life. As far as I know she is the only miserable one now. Sometimes when you make major changes in your life it makes the people around you examine their own lives. Maybe your friends just took a good look at themselves and didn't like what they saw. Congrats on doing what is right for you and taking the steps to live a healthier life!

God! Is your (former) bff my bff? Same scenario. I was DREADING telling her about having WLS. Her older sister had gastric bypass; my friend and her husband would just give her major hell about it...still do 12 years later. The sister had an open bypass and it took months for her to heal, but they'd make fun of her saying "well Hollie, guess it was all those sit ups you did after surgery that got you to lose that weight." Looking back now, I feel bad for Hollie knowing that there's no way in hell she could exercise. Trust me, I helped change her bandages plenty of times. You could stick your whole fist if not more into her wound (for a size comparison).

Soooo, yeah, I was quite hesitant to tell my bff anything. Sure as sh!t, she started making snide remarks. I haven't talked to her since before Halloween. Her and I have been through a lot together too. She was there for me when I lost my brother in 08 (she'd lost her little sister to brain cancer in 98) amongst many other tough situations. This just really pissed her off. She's slightly over weight too so I'm sure most of it is jealously.

Oh well, people like that don't deserve our company IMO.

[JerseyGirl80 12]

I have a bestfriend too that has been pulling away. We've been friends since freshman year in high school, we are now 30. I had my surgery and it took her 3 days to text me to see how I was doing. All of my other friends were texting and calling my boyfriend the day of the surgery to see how it was going. But nothing from her but a lousy text 3 days later. We don't talk or see eachother like we used to before I started making changes in my life. I was upset for a moment, until I really thought about it.

I hope what I'm going to say makes sense. For years her and I were fat together, we ate together, binged together, took comfort in eachother, we even would work out and lose some weight together when we'd get on a health kick once or twice a year.. Then after a while, we'd gain the weight back together and give up on ourselves, together. The mentality between us was "I'm fat, but you're fat too so it's ok, at least I'm not alone". We kind of put this wall around ourselves, so when one of us changed it was inevitable that it would be hard on the other person. There no excuse to not be supportive, but how could I not expect it and not understand it? I'm not being selfish about this, and I'm realizing she's feeling left behind. She has not gotten to the point that I have, her mentality is still in that comfort zone we trapped ourselves in, so maybe she's a little angry, sad or upset. I can't say that I wouldn't feel the same way if I was still stuck in my fat comfort zone and my misery partner got up and left me to do better for themself when we've done everything together for so long.

I don't know if anyone else has had a relationship like this, which obviously was a damaging one because all we did was enable eachother, but stop and think a minute before you judge a friend that you feel has not been acting the way you think they should be, in their mind there may be some reason. They aren't acting this way to hurt you, maybe they're acting this way because they're hurting.

I know my friend is happy for me deep down inside, but that doesn't make it easy for her and her feelings right now. She'll get over it and she'll realize it's just silly, and I hope she will do something to help herself lose the weight too one day. She needs some time to get used to the idea that I'm making strides to do better by me and I have to be sure not to change my inside while my outside changes.

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

A few Clichés come to mind as I was reading your post....Misery loves company seems to fit your BFF. If thats the case, when people make a change to end the misery... the "company" often doesnt respond. And thats ok... its your life not theirs. And as you travel on your journey, you will have the confidence to make new friends and of course keep many of the old friends.... but maybe you will find that all you had in common with some was being overweight.

Since 11/24/10 when I started my journey I realized I was the one having to adapt to the world around me... not the other way around. Other lives go on while mine is seemingly stuck in a world of counting calories, worrying about what I am supposed to eat and spending hours in the closet trying to adapt my too large wardrobe. But for the first time ever I am finally doing something for me and finding the joy in the controlling of my life. My friends are pretty supportive but they dont ask about it all the time and yet they still invite me to dinner parties and know that I dont need any special considerations... I will adapt.

I assume you made the decision to be banded on your own. You may have sought out information or support but by in large you had to be the one who said... this will work for me. So naturally it is on the formost of your mind. Just remember it wont be that way with others.