I CRIED TODAY!!!

[Stephy5 33]

This is awesome. We all have had our moments and will have more. But I know what you mean about the mixed feelings of lost control and gaining control. Today I had a weak moment of thinking I am being selfish for wanting to something for me. Than as I was discussing this with my mother in her bathroom. I was looking at myself in the mirror and WOW I didn't even recognize that person I was looking at. So now I am wanting to gain that control and take it on.

You can so do this and you will be so happy. Good for you and I think we have lots of support here and we are so lucky for that.

[pearl1296 0]

I recently decided to get banded. I received my referral and I'm awaiting an appointment. Im a single mother soon to be 40. I too feel many of the emotions you described but I need a change. A healthier me, not just physically but emotionally. My weight has been an issue for too long. I'm glad I made this decision. Yes, it is upsetting that it's gone this far but I need to take action. I'm glad that others have shared their experiences, it gives me a better perspective on what to expect. I wish you look luck and look forward to sharing this journey with you.

[melzie_99 22]

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the last steps before surgery and feel so overwhelmed. So much to consider and dedicate to. Its the little stuff that is causing me such anxiety like how do I buy groceries now.... what will it be like to cook for my husband knowing I can't eat it... is there some hidden secret that I do not know? I have tried to research as much as possible but all I see is people talking about the feeling of two stomachs and gas pain after surgery. Is it silly for me to have a sort of separation anxiety with all the foods I love? I feel stupid for having such anxiety about being scared to eat! There are good points to this roller coaster I am on.. I am looking forward to being out of pain both emotionally and physically. I feel as if I am holding my breath and closing my eyes tight and jumping into a black hole praying the other side is a heaven I could never imagine. I go for some classes this next week and maybe when I have more education I will feel better but I can't help but wonder is anyone else free falling with me?

Rachel, you sound just like me! I've been stressing the whole grocery shopping/cooking thing; food smells so good! But I know I won't be able to eat like I used to yet my husband needs to GAIN weight so I don't want to skimp out on him either...*sigh* I've noticed this past week I've been on somewhat of a feeding frenzy; haven't gained any weight (thank God) but I just can't seem to stop eating. Maybe subconsciously I'm preparing for starting my diet on the 27th...I don't know. I haven't had the wave of emotion hit me yet; it all still feels very surreal to me. I hope it doesn't all hit me the day of surgery; that would be bad...

[~*~Rachel~*~ 2]

Rachel, you sound just like me! I've been stressing the whole grocery shopping/cooking thing; food smells so good! But I know I won't be able to eat like I used to yet my husband needs to GAIN weight so I don't want to skimp out on him either...*sigh* I've noticed this past week I've been on somewhat of a feeding frenzy; haven't gained any weight (thank God) but I just can't seem to stop eating. Maybe subconsciously I'm preparing for starting my diet on the 27th...I don't know. I haven't had the wave of emotion hit me yet; it all still feels very surreal to me. I hope it doesn't all hit me the day of surgery; that would be bad...

So glad to hear you say you are feeling it too. I am doing this incredible bold move to make my health better but at the same time I feel like I don't know enough. I go for my classes on the 29th my final six month apt on the 30 and that afternoon I should be scheduled for surgery. So I should start my preop diet NEXT WEEK!. I feel I have been so focused on getting through the formality of the process that I have just now come to a realization that I am really doing this. Now I am on a non stop hunt for information hence how I got here.

[juliansmom2003 3]

Your post really touched me, as I'm sure it's touched a lot of posters on this board. I believe the majority of us do have these feelings and it's literally every emotion.....from being sad and ashamed to happy, nervous and excited about what the future has in store. When the reality first hits you, it sure is a lot to process, so letting it out like you did is good for you. You will definitely have highs and lows with this journey, but when you get to a certain point, you will look back and cry with NEW feelings...of pride and happiness for all you've accomplished. Lots of luck to you on your journey :-)

[WantToLoseBig 0]

I get it!! I really do!! I am having my surgery tomorrow and am trying to not focus on the wide span of emotions I am feeling because I don't want to go there. I, too, come from a "thin" family. I'm taller than my parents and my sister and have a much different build. My brother is 6'2 and probably 160 lbs soaking wet. I am so ashamed that I let myself get to be the size that I am at. I feel bad that I have to turn to surgery in order to finally get this "problem" under control. I already feel anxious about the attention that I know I will be receiving once I am a different size. Then I'm worried about getting weighed in tomorrow and them not doing the surgery because I've gained weight or haven't lost any since 12/20 which was when I got weighed in for my pre-op. Aaaaaaaahhhhh! I just keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I have so much to gain and nothing to lose (except the weight!!) by having this surgery. That I don't have to do this surgery because I can't control my weight.. no.. I am having this surgery so that I CAN control my weight FOREVER!! I don't have any issues now due to my weight.. I mean let's be honest.. I'm not out there running 5 miles... but I can climb stairs and be active. I have normal blood pressure and cholesterol. But who knows.. if I keep gaining weight at a slow, steady pace as I have been for the last 8 years.. my health could rapidly decline. Then my dreams of having a family of my own might really be in jeopardy... especially if I'm not here! I hope I haven't made your anxieties worse by sharing how I'm feeling. I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one who feels this way! Just keep thinking of yourself at your goal weight.. think about how much more beautiful you will feel both inside and out. Think about shopping ... ohhh .. the shopping. That alone brings a smile to my face!! See ya Lane Bryant... hellooooo J Crew

Good luck to you!!

[sonialifedesign 0]

Control your emotions! Everything happens for a good reason. Just spend sometime doing quality work and you will feel fresh at the end of the day!

[mandyb 3]

Oh I don't know how many times I have cried through this journey!

I don't know you, BUT I am really PROUD of you for taking care of yourself and making the choices to get you healthier and on track to adding more years onto your life!

Its amazing what WE realize about ourselves when our lives are about to be turned upside down and inside out!

Your post really inspired me and I know exactly how you feel because I felt the same. I find myself crying alot and its because honestly I feel like the outsider now, I used to turn to food for ALOT of different things! But i did what I had to do to get me healthier and keep me alive longer for my children!

I think alot of us who are on this journey have shed many tears and have come to many realizations that we never wanted to face!

Good for you on taking the biggest step to changing your life!!!

[Carmen188 1]

I know you're going to be ok, most of us who have been banded are ok. it's not a miracle, you still have to work at it but it makes things easier, I myself feel more like a normal person and I don't have the constant guilt I used to feel when I ate too much, I can eat a lot but not near as much as I used to. we probably all have had our "moment" when we realized we needed the band and made the tough decision to go forward with it. It's not easy at first, it's kind of miserable at first but what's a few weeks of misery when you have a lifetime of weight loss success to look forward to. Keep your eye on the prize, weight loss, health, mental health. good luck girl! I know you'll be fine. Don't beat yourself up anymore.

[Sperry 1]

_{You go Girl....}

Take control of your life and feel better. My sister had the lapband and she doing great. I will have my surgery January 5th I have mixed emotions..I have never been a normal weight....Just go with the flow crying is good sometimes....

I had my first set of testing done today. Lab work,EKG, Swallowing test,chest xrays,gull bladder sono..all the beginning stuff. well it was one heck of a morning!! First off I laid on the table getting my EKG done, I looked up at the ceiling and I begin to tear up. I was suddenly ambushed by so many different emotions. I wanted to cry. not because I was in pain, but because today for the first time ever I was ASHAMED! I wanted to cry because I couldn't believe I had let my weight get so out of control that i had to turn to surgery. I cried because i was fat. I cried because Im scared of what they future may hold. But I also cried because without the Lap Band, I may NOT have a future!!.. Today, I cried because I felt helpless! I didn't let any tears fall though because I didn't want anyone to see. I sucked all the emotions in and continued on with the testing. the rest of the day was kind of humiliating.I could only do 4 and a half minutes on the treadmill and the doctor told me that at my age I should be able to do 9minutes. ("well if I could do 9minutes I wouldn't need to be here would I?") then after doing my swallowing test the woman who did the testing left me in the waiting room for 40 minutes because she forgot I was there. when I walked out of the office and got into my car I cried! I cried ALL THE WAY HOME! I cried like a baby..i didn't try to wipe the tears or make myself stop either! it felt good. at first I cried because I was obese and because I was uncomfortable and because I was unhealthy but then I begin to cry for a whole new reason. I cried because for the first time EVER, I finally felt like I was gaining control. I feel like my weight has dominated my life in EVERY aspect since Forever, and I feel like I finally have the will power,and self control to do what needs to be done to lose weight. I cried for so long that I think I ran out of reasons to cry. either way it felt good! until this point I didn't really know what everyone meant by this is a Very emotional process. I can defiantly see how this is not an easy lifestyle change. going in I felt like oh im a strong person, this stuff wont faze me...BOY WAS I WRONG! somewhere in between crying and blowing my nose I told myself that I could back out of it right now if i want to..leave the Dr. Office and never return or I could finally conquer what has been haunting me all my life. In an instant my mind was made up. I have to do this. For me, for my family, for my future children,...I know in my heart that I am making the right decision. I know this wont be an easy process,but I will deal with everything as it comes& Pray for my strength and support from my loved ones.

I know im not the only one who has had a weak moment. anyone care to share their moment or moments of weakness and how you overcame it? I would really love to hear from others. Also only my parents,my grandmother and my brother know my plan to get banded so I feel like I really need to make some banded friends that I can share my experiences with. because although they are supportive, they just cant relate like all of you can.

[Cangel76 1]

I have cried, I cried before because I hated the idea of surgery, I cried after, I cried during. I think that it is part of the healing part, it is us admitting the weight is an issue and yes, it is taking control. It is crying for the time we have lost fighting our weight alone and crying for the joy of being proactive. You will do great and it will be emotional. Each mile stone you reach though, the tears will be replaced with cheers and smiles soon enough.

[gettinalife 0]

Thank you for sharing. The range of emotions sometimes remain hidden and surprise us. I will carry your words with me as I start my first steps. Stay strong, and don't feel bad for how you feel. Knowing yourself is the only way to be true to yourself!

I had my first set of testing done today. Lab work,EKG, Swallowing test,chest xrays,gull bladder sono..all the beginning stuff. well it was one heck of a morning!! First off I laid on the table getting my EKG done, I looked up at the ceiling and I begin to tear up. I was suddenly ambushed by so many different emotions. I wanted to cry. not because I was in pain, but because today for the first time ever I was ASHAMED! I wanted to cry because I couldn't believe I had let my weight get so out of control that i had to turn to surgery. I cried because i was fat. I cried because Im scared of what they future may hold. But I also cried because without the Lap Band, I may NOT have a future!!.. Today, I cried because I felt helpless! I didn't let any tears fall though because I didn't want anyone to see. I sucked all the emotions in and continued on with the testing. the rest of the day was kind of humiliating.I could only do 4 and a half minutes on the treadmill and the doctor told me that at my age I should be able to do 9minutes. ("well if I could do 9minutes I wouldn't need to be here would I?") then after doing my swallowing test the woman who did the testing left me in the waiting room for 40 minutes because she forgot I was there. when I walked out of the office and got into my car I cried! I cried ALL THE WAY HOME! I cried like a baby..i didn't try to wipe the tears or make myself stop either! it felt good. at first I cried because I was obese and because I was uncomfortable and because I was unhealthy but then I begin to cry for a whole new reason. I cried because for the first time EVER, I finally felt like I was gaining control. I feel like my weight has dominated my life in EVERY aspect since Forever, and I feel like I finally have the will power,and self control to do what needs to be done to lose weight. I cried for so long that I think I ran out of reasons to cry. either way it felt good! until this point I didn't really know what everyone meant by this is a Very emotional process. I can defiantly see how this is not an easy lifestyle change. going in I felt like oh im a strong person, this stuff wont faze me...BOY WAS I WRONG! somewhere in between crying and blowing my nose I told myself that I could back out of it right now if i want to..leave the Dr. Office and never return or I could finally conquer what has been haunting me all my life. In an instant my mind was made up. I have to do this. For me, for my family, for my future children,...I know in my heart that I am making the right decision. I know this wont be an easy process,but I will deal with everything as it comes& Pray for my strength and support from my loved ones.

I know im not the only one who has had a weak moment. anyone care to share their moment or moments of weakness and how you overcame it? I would really love to hear from others. Also only my parents,my grandmother and my brother know my plan to get banded so I feel like I really need to make some banded friends that I can share my experiences with. because although they are supportive, they just cant relate like all of you can.

[justplaintired 0]

I'm sure we can all relate to your post. Thanks for sharing your feelings. In doing so, you have made many people feel supported and understood.

I was not heavy my whole life. I became heavy after having my kids. At this point, I get upset because it isn't a vanity issue (although I know I will look better when I lose) it is a a matter of health. I have high bp, severe sleep apnea, high cholesterol, borderline diabetes and I have stomach issues that were discovered during my GI tests.

I don't want to feel lousy anymore. I have a very active husband and I cannot keep up with him even if I tried. I feel like I have spent the last 13 years feeling terrible. I am exhausted all of the time...hence my name.

I think the other posters were right in that we are all going to cry or feel like crying throughout this process. I know I feel so upset each time another medical problem is discovered. I cry because WHY do I need to get surgery to do this. Why can't I have will power?!

I'm looking forward to those tears of joy when I will have control over my life and my eating. I am hoping to have tears of joy when I no longer need this god-awful cpap machine. too.