I CRIED TODAY!!!

[changing4me 1]

I had my first set of testing done today. Lab work,EKG, Swallowing test,chest xrays,gull bladder sono..all the beginning stuff. well it was one heck of a morning!! First off I laid on the table getting my EKG done, I looked up at the ceiling and I begin to tear up. I was suddenly ambushed by so many different emotions. I wanted to cry. not because I was in pain, but because today for the first time ever I was ASHAMED! I wanted to cry because I couldn't believe I had let my weight get so out of control that i had to turn to surgery. I cried because i was fat. I cried because Im scared of what they future may hold. But I also cried because without the Lap Band, I may NOT have a future!!.. Today, I cried because I felt helpless! I didn't let any tears fall though because I didn't want anyone to see. I sucked all the emotions in and continued on with the testing. the rest of the day was kind of humiliating.I could only do 4 and a half minutes on the treadmill and the doctor told me that at my age I should be able to do 9minutes. ("well if I could do 9minutes I wouldn't need to be here would I?") then after doing my swallowing test the woman who did the testing left me in the waiting room for 40 minutes because she forgot I was there. when I walked out of the office and got into my car I cried! I cried ALL THE WAY HOME! I cried like a baby..i didn't try to wipe the tears or make myself stop either! it felt good. at first I cried because I was obese and because I was uncomfortable and because I was unhealthy but then I begin to cry for a whole new reason. I cried because for the first time EVER, I finally felt like I was gaining control. I feel like my weight has dominated my life in EVERY aspect since Forever, and I feel like I finally have the will power,and self control to do what needs to be done to lose weight. I cried for so long that I think I ran out of reasons to cry. either way it felt good! until this point I didn't really know what everyone meant by this is a Very emotional process. I can defiantly see how this is not an easy lifestyle change. going in I felt like oh im a strong person, this stuff wont faze me...BOY WAS I WRONG! somewhere in between crying and blowing my nose I told myself that I could back out of it right now if i want to..leave the Dr. Office and never return or I could finally conquer what has been haunting me all my life. In an instant my mind was made up. I have to do this. For me, for my family, for my future children,...I know in my heart that I am making the right decision. I know this wont be an easy process,but I will deal with everything as it comes& Pray for my strength and support from my loved ones.

I know im not the only one who has had a weak moment. anyone care to share their moment or moments of weakness and how you overcame it? I would really love to hear from others. Also only my parents,my grandmother and my brother know my plan to get banded so I feel like I really need to make some banded friends that I can share my experiences with. because although they are supportive, they just cant relate like all of you can.

[drae0879 0]

YaY! I am happy for you that you decide to stay on this journey to a healthier life style! Congrats! I haven't cried yet. I'm too stubborn. I had anxiety the last week before I did get banded. My surgery date was Dec14th. It went by so quickly! I am very happy I went through with this process and I have currently dropped 13 pounds! It is a huge journey to go through no matter how tough you are. The pain, sweat, tears and happiness are all part of any journey! This is yours! Just knowing that you have the support and the love from the ones you need it from is all you need! I am the only obese person in my family other than my dad. My sis and bro are very thin. Yup super embarrassing! No matter how many times I tried to get thin I couldn't and I am proud to have made this decision for myself! Its a release of pressure knowing that I will I have daily plan and support and still lose weight! YAY us! WOOTWOOT! I'm glad you had your minor melt down. You probably feel emotionally lighter and feel a sense of calm. Your head is clear and now you know that this is for you! I did anyway! Good luck with everything and keep posting!! I would love to hear more from you!

[Bardy 6]

Bless your heart! This is a very emotional journey for sure! But you have taken the first step and are on your way -- this is a very positive thing that you are doing for yourself -- you are taking charge, making the decision to get the tools you need to overcome this issue -- you are not a failure - it is just really difficult to lose and keep the weight off. This tool will help you, and all of the learning and support on how to make it work for you and change your lifestyle so you will feel better and have a happier life. It is a process - I was deep in depression triggered by my mom passing away 3 years ago and the weight piled on. I finally decided to take some steps to feel better -- first I found a doctor for support, was actually treated for depression with medication and counseling, and finally took the steps to have the lapband - I am so glad I took the steps necessary to finally feel better and have a better quality of life going forward. You will too and you will feel so much better to see the weight coming off rather than going on -- Good luck, you will do great!

[Kalipso2 25]

it's good to cry. you'll probably be doing a lot of crying during your journey. some will be tears of frustration and some will be tears of happiness. this journey you're choosing is NOT easy. i'm 2.5 years post-op and i still struggle but lately i've had many more happy tears than sad ones!!

[123crod 170]

Don't try to keep your emotions in. When you need to cry . . .cry! If you think you could benefit from some counseling don't hestitate to get it. I am a big believer of therapy. I have been through several years and have learned a lot of coping skills that help me. I suffer from clinical depression and food was also my comforter and now it can not be any more. Holding your emotions in to be strong will only hurt you. Your not weak your human and we have emotions. Don't let your emotions rule your life, but deal with them as they come. Banded is life is good and I hope your journey goes smooth for you.

Cheri

[StaceyNY 1]

I dont know you but I feel like I do. Your post was so touching for me to read because I feel about 99% of what you feel. I have just started checking out the lap band and wanting a healthier life for me and for my kids to see I can do things without having to sit down. You know? I'm very afraid but I am tired of the doctor just giving me more and more pills to take. OK enough about me, I am so very proud of you! And for you to share this personal time with strangers is more amazing. YOU GO GIRL!

[bellam 0]

You are not alone, I have done my share of crying too. The emotions that come with this life changing procedure are just overwhelming. It's good to let it out.

[~*~Rachel~*~ 2]

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the last steps before surgery and feel so overwhelmed. So much to consider and dedicate to. Its the little stuff that is causing me such anxiety like how do I buy groceries now.... what will it be like to cook for my husband knowing I can't eat it... is there some hidden secret that I do not know? I have tried to research as much as possible but all I see is people talking about the feeling of two stomachs and gas pain after surgery. Is it silly for me to have a sort of separation anxiety with all the foods I love? I feel stupid for having such anxiety about being scared to eat! There are good points to this roller coaster I am on.. I am looking forward to being out of pain both emotionally and physically. I feel as if I am holding my breath and closing my eyes tight and jumping into a black hole praying the other side is a heaven I could never imagine. I go for some classes this next week and maybe when I have more education I will feel better but I can't help but wonder is anyone else free falling with me?

[s-girl 0]

I had my first set of testing done today. Lab work,EKG, Swallowing test,chest xrays,gull bladder sono..all the beginning stuff. well it was one heck of a morning!! First off I laid on the table getting my EKG done, I looked up at the ceiling and I begin to tear up. I was suddenly ambushed by so many different emotions. I wanted to cry. not because I was in pain, but because today for the first time ever I was ASHAMED! I wanted to cry because I couldn't believe I had let my weight get so out of control that i had to turn to surgery. I cried because i was fat. I cried because Im scared of what they future may hold. But I also cried because without the Lap Band, I may NOT have a future!!.. Today, I cried because I felt helpless! I didn't let any tears fall though because I didn't want anyone to see. I sucked all the emotions in and continued on with the testing. the rest of the day was kind of humiliating.I could only do 4 and a half minutes on the treadmill and the doctor told me that at my age I should be able to do 9minutes. ("well if I could do 9minutes I wouldn't need to be here would I?") then after doing my swallowing test the woman who did the testing left me in the waiting room for 40 minutes because she forgot I was there. when I walked out of the office and got into my car I cried! I cried ALL THE WAY HOME! I cried like a baby..i didn't try to wipe the tears or make myself stop either! it felt good. at first I cried because I was obese and because I was uncomfortable and because I was unhealthy but then I begin to cry for a whole new reason. I cried because for the first time EVER, I finally felt like I was gaining control. I feel like my weight has dominated my life in EVERY aspect since Forever, and I feel like I finally have the will power,and self control to do what needs to be done to lose weight. I cried for so long that I think I ran out of reasons to cry. either way it felt good! until this point I didn't really know what everyone meant by this is a Very emotional process. I can defiantly see how this is not an easy lifestyle change. going in I felt like oh im a strong person, this stuff wont faze me...BOY WAS I WRONG! somewhere in between crying and blowing my nose I told myself that I could back out of it right now if i want to..leave the Dr. Office and never return or I could finally conquer what has been haunting me all my life. In an instant my mind was made up. I have to do this. For me, for my family, for my future children,...I know in my heart that I am making the right decision. I know this wont be an easy process,but I will deal with everything as it comes& Pray for my strength and support from my loved ones.

I know im not the only one who has had a weak moment. anyone care to share their moment or moments of weakness and how you overcame it? I would really love to hear from others. Also only my parents,my grandmother and my brother know my plan to get banded so I feel like I really need to make some banded friends that I can share my experiences with. because although they are supportive, they just cant relate like all of you can.

Hey you touch my heart. I m getting the lap band on Jan 20th. And Im happy but scared at the same time. Just to let you know that My husband Had the lap band done 2 yrs ago in Nov. And he was very over weight. But he looks good and also feels great. We all fill over weight but Im proud of you. Do this for you and no one else. And dont be sad because for the first time in your life your making a fresh start and a new begining. I know you dont like the way you look know but you will. And you'll say too your self I DID THIS MY SELF! ! and youll be proud. It will not happen over night. My prayers are with you and good luck sweetie.

[cwm812 11]

The crying means only one thing...you understand how big this change is.

So many people go into this surgery (and others) without understanding how their life will change. They just know they want to be thin. Assuming you are successful with your band, your life will change in many ways. If you are happy with your life, this is a big chance to take. I had a good life prior to banding. I was not one of those miserable fat people, I just hated the way that my life was ruled by my weight. The surgery will be the start of many changes, but they will be good changes. I often think of how my life would have been different if I had been this size when I was 25 instead of 50. I don't know that my life would have been better, but I suspect it would have been very different.

So go ahead...think about the impact of all this and cry if you need to. You are self-aware and this is a good thing. There are people who understand and will be happy to listen when you want to talk.

Cindy

[sophinator 2]

I so appreciate your post as I have had the same thoughts. I feel like I have been crying for at least 30 years over my weight for one reason or another. Please know you are not alone. No shame needs to be felt. The weight has served its purpose (whatever that may be) and now you are ready to move on. Best of luck to you on your journey. Thank you for sharing! <Big Hugs>

[Hopes of a Dream! 1]

The first thing I NEED to say is you are extremely BRAVE and very STRONG!! Your story brought tears to my eyes… your story made me cry like I did when I first realized that I needed help to lose weight. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I have had so many moments that I can to relate to what you went through… I don’t know about you but I’m sick of wasting tears on being overweight! I’m also in the process of getting banded and just something about this process makes your realize how serious of a situation we all got ourselves into… but really this is a good thing! All this pain we have gone through will only make us work our butts off (no pun intendedJ) for a life we want! We will live our lives like others (the always thin) don’t know how to live. We will appreciate going up stairs without going out of breath and we will be able to sit in chairs without our thighs pinching between the arms… we will be free! Your story is so empowering not only do you need a standing ovation but I wish I was there to give you a hug! Thanks for sharing your story!

[bwhitty 1]

I have been banded only a month, and I will tell you I had that 'ashamed' moment too! I was at my sleep over for sleep apnea. I was having a split study (basically if I needed to have the CPAP hooked up they would wake me in the middle of testing to put it on me). Well I fell asleep fairly relaxed and just wanted to get my night away from home over. When the tech had to come wake me up to put the CPAP mask on I was so upset. I too, couldn't believe I had let myself get this far out of control. I already have PCOS, HighBP, HighChol and diabetes so the idea of one more thing was the 'shove over the edge'. I was still very emotional, especially the day I got the confirmation of my surgery date. That part was I think I was more emotionally excited.

[jmunks2000 8]

I'm sure many of us have had our share/shed of tears. Like others said, there will be many. I've had many. I remember when I wanted to back out. I remember ppl criticizing me for "taking the easy way out". By this I mean having weightloss surgery. It is not an easy way out. It is is tool to help get to the thinner you. Now my only regrets are... I wish I'd done it sooner!!!! Good luck. You're making a great decision.

[amybethy 0]

The other night I took a long hot bath and then a shower and I cryed in the shower because I just can't belive that in less than a month ill me banded and my entire life will change. I'm happy about the changes but scared at the same time.