The BIG secret!!

[Lady Jenna 2]

I am going thru the same thing with my boss... she is my bestfriend and all but she doesn't want me to do this... She says I don't need it, but I do.. I get depressed alot and eat and sleep and cry, mostly cause I feel ugly.. I get the you would be so beautiful if you just lost the weight. , but all my residents and family and other friends are as excited as I am about this new beginning ..

I'm hoping to get my lap band next month. Right now I'm very secretive about telling anyone. The only one who knows is my husband. I guess I'm feeling that this is "cheating"... and people will think negtively about it. Anyone else feel or felt the same way?? I'm pretty nervous abou the whole thing and how I will explain it to everyone. I'm just thinking that I'm going to just them the I'm under a very strict diet with my doctor. Anyone going through any of these feelings??

[yemy 0]

I haven't told everyone either about my upcoming surgery either. My husband and two close friends are the only ones that know. I don't need everyone prying and judging. I deal with that enough now that I'm heavy, I don't need it when I'm going thru a life changing ordeal. I agree with everyone else. This isn't cheating. This is being strongh enough to admit that I have a problem that I can't deal with on my own and need some help. This is a very huge deal to me to put myself under surgery just to loose weight and gain my life back. It's a scary thought and process. My husband isn't too thrilled about me having surgery which makes it more difficult to handle. He keeps thinking that I should be able to do it on my own. He thinks that because I wasn't heavy before that I should be able to get to my small size again without the need of surgery. He doesn't understand how complex my weight issue really is. How emotional and psychological it is. I snapped at him a couple of weeks ago and told him that I was going to do this with or without him. He didn't have to agree but he could try to be supportive. Since then he's definately done his best to be supportive but still doesn't understand. Last night was the first time we had a calm conversation about it (without me getting emotional) and I was able to open up some to him and explain how difficult it is to control my food issues. I think its starting to sink in for him.

The hardest part for me is not telling my mom about the surgery. I feel like I'm betraying her by keeping this big secret. We're really close but some things she doesn't accept well when she doesn't agree with them or feel that she has some control in it. Sometimes she tries to be encouraging about loosing weight and suggesting new things but sometimes, she's an ass about it. She has some weight on her so when she looses a couple of pounds she rubs it my face. Its obviously good and she does and she should be proud and I encourage her but she doesn't have to rub it in. I don't know if she realizes that she does it.

Either way, all of us are doing this surgery for our better good in one way or other. If this is what works for us then thats all that should matter.

Good luck to everyone. BTW, it's great having everyone to share their storying. It shows that we are not alone thru all of this.