The BIG secret!!

[carolann0117 5]

I'm hoping to get my lap band next month. Right now I'm very secretive about telling anyone. The only one who knows is my husband. I guess I'm feeling that this is "cheating"... and people will think negtively about it. Anyone else feel or felt the same way?? I'm pretty nervous abou the whole thing and how I will explain it to everyone. I'm just thinking that I'm going to just them the I'm under a very strict diet with my doctor. Anyone going through any of these feelings??

[Pamalamadingdong 0]

I didn't tell anyone, other than my husband, I was doing this until I had my approval. That was only 4 weeks ago. But my family, mom, dad, sister, maybe my brother he's been on his honeymoon so he may not know. LOL! My immedeiate co workers know, and my 2 best friends but I haven't told other friends and don't know that I will. I kind of feel the same way, like I'm cheating, and that people willl think less of me. But I'm here to tell you, know that surgery is 2 days away, this isn't the easy way out, we are all working just as hard as everyone else, some of us just need a little more support. I won't lie if someone asks me but I'm not volunteering that info either.

[smartnrse 0]

It's not cheating. You had to work hard to get approved for the surgery and you work hard on your pre-op diet and your post-op diet. I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family. We have all been on a diet and we all know how everyone watches anything you put in your mouth if your on a diet. It is hard enough adjusting to your diet without scrutiny. There will also be people who believe it is bad for you and if you ever get sick or have a tummy ache it will automatically be the bands fault. Tell everyone later but just adjust to your diet for now.

[EL Diva 1]

I struggled with the 'tell/don't tell" as well and opted to be honest. Mostly everyone has been incredibly supportive but I sometimes regret that decision as some people have the nerve to judge me for it. Now, when I get that disapproving look, I say, " I'm sorry you feel the need to judge me for my decision but I have dicussed this with my doctor and we both felt it was in the best interest for my health." and I try not to let their opinion bother me, but it's hard sometimes. In reality, it's no ones business but your own. If your not comfortable, don't tell. You don't need to feel discouraged by 'haters'. Do what's best for you and Know you have a TON of support here! Good Luck!

[HeatherinCA 10]

My parents knew, and I told some close friends, and random online friends haha cause they don't care, but I only told most of my family and broadcast it a little more widely about a 2-3 weeks ago ago. I think they should know, I'd think they'd wonder why I'm not eating, and disappear for a few weeks. I want them to know so they can help me make good decisions, maybe we won't go out for dinner anymore, maybe just a movie or something else. They should know what I'm going through with food so they can be supportive. I was a little worried that I'd find more people that had it and failed. But actually just the opposite, I found some more people that have done well. Everyones generally supportive.

I've kinda been on a if they don't ask, then i won't tell with my life lately haha, I lost my job 2 moths ago, and I'm fat, and having surgery, I don't particularly want to broadcast that. I kinda wanted to keep up my good life facade. It's embarrassing! My mom sure likes to tell everyone oy vey.

[Dave_NW 92]

People who don't have problems don't post about their surgery. The problems you read about are only those people who need help. How many thousands more get through it without ever asking for help?

I told my family and close friends. At work I told my manager and closest coworkers. I didnt tell anyone with any sense of "Was this a good decision?" in my voice. I made it clear this was my choice, for me, and that I didn't care if they disapprove. To a person, every single one has been supportive. They all want me to succeed. I chose to tell because I was inspired by one coworker who had this surgery a year ago. He's down about 90 pounds so far. Looks great. I was hoping that by my sharing my story other coworkers may be encouraged to have something done. (There are several.)

The only person who gave me any sort of attitude was an IV nurse at the hospital when I was recovering after surgery. She was going on and on about how it was wrong and how I should have tried hypnosis and whatever. Her nerve was incredible. And the fat broad weighed about 300 pounds! I finally told her I was done listening to her, and would she please shut up. I'm still pissed she would be like that - while I'm recovering from the surgery! Duh!

Dave

[Southern Leo 0]

I didn't tell anyone at first.....just family. My manager started wondering if I was ok.. (I had all these appts and tests)...so I told my co-workers. Most of the people I have told have wished me well and were supportive so I'm glad for that. Some of them knew banders and told me how well they were doing! I see it as a tool to help me stay on a "healthy diet". After all, if we could stay in our calorie range we wouldn't need it! People who don't need help-don't need to diet.

[melzie_99 22]

My husband is the only one who knows I'm scheduled for surgery, and he doesn't like to discuss it. I have yet to tell the few family members I mentioned it to that I'm actually going through with it. There's a part of me that's afraid of telling people and then failing and having it shoved in my face, you know? Since we just moved to a new place and the closest family is 1500 miles away, there's really no one I need to explain things to for the time being. Actually delaying looking for a job until things settle down after surgery, so that's one less thing to worry about....

I don't think there's any reason to feel bad for not telling people; if you're not comfortable that's perfectly fine. My feeling is it's none of their business for now; if something happens then I won't "hide" it. Just know you have plenty of support from all of us here when you need it!

[BandedJenny 0]

I've only told a handful of people and I plan on keeping it that way. The only people that know are my husband, mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, mom, sister and very close friends.

[HeatherinCA 10]

Well, I've failed on a number of diets in the past. I don't think anyone would judge me haha. But also, if it's out there, and they read my blog, then maybe they can all help me along.

[Dreamingof139 3]

It really depends. I am a private person, so less than 10 people know. My husband, two close friends, but not a third because she has a BIG mouth. My counselor, my parents (told them after) and my siblings. My boss has no idea - I took two days off work and was just a bit under the weather when I returned.

For me, living in a small town, I did not want to have my life out there. I get lots of support from those close to me who know and from this board.

We each need to decide what is best for us and our particular situation, but for me keeping my big mouth shut is best.

[Stephy5 33]

I used to worry about if I would or wouldn't tell people. Than I realized, I have nothing to answer for to anyone and maybe j,ust maybe my journey will help someone else. A friend of mines journey is what made me make the decision and I thank him for that. I have a friend getting the vertical sleeve and she doesn't want to tell people either. I sbelieve that is her business. But to me that means deep down she is ashamed. We should not feel like we are cheating or ashamed. We have to do everything we would have to do on WW's or an at home diet. We still have to work out. Actually if anything we actually have more restrictions in some ways. Be proud and choose to tell or not to. But make sure you feel proud of your decision. I believe it will make us much more successful.

Good luck!!! I am hoping to be banded in January.

[Dreamingof139 3]

I used to worry about if I would or wouldn't tell people. Than I realized, I have nothing to answer for to anyone and maybe j,ust maybe my journey will help someone else. A friend of mines journey is what made me make the decision and I thank him for that. I have a friend getting the vertical sleeve and she doesn't want to tell people either. I sbelieve that is her business. But to me that means deep down she is ashamed. We should not feel like we are cheating or ashamed. We have to do everything we would have to do on WW's or an at home diet. We still have to work out. Actually if anything we actually have more restrictions in some ways. Be proud and choose to tell or not to. But make sure you feel proud of your decision. I believe it will make us much more successful.

Good luck!!! I am hoping to be banded in January.

I am NOT ASHAMED of anything. I am a very private person and live in a town of less than a thousand people. Do you tell your friends how often you have sex or how often you poop? If you do, and that is what works for you, great, but please do not judge those who do not agree with your way of doing things.

We each need to find what works best for us - can we please keep the focus here on what worked or works for us? I really think that would be more helpful to the group.

[beckyrlnd 2]

i was very honest with my close friends and family. i have been struggling so much and have researched this for over two years. i have suffered with four broken ankles two blown out knees and now my bp is climbing higher and higher. i needed the help and i dont feel like it is cheating. Do i have some friends that wish i would not have this surgery yes i do. but they realize i am doing this for me and to be a healthier me. was a nervous telling people but they were very sympathetic about my situation and are wishing me all the luck. i have a co worker whose wife had the RNY several years ago. he has been teasing me about the last meal. i have had a really good laugh at that. i just told him if i concentrate on my last meal of anything i will never make it through pre-op. so i just look forward to enjoying some of my favorites again but in a small quantity and definitely in a different way. i am so proud i have friends and family supporting me. I could not do this without them!

[Stephy5 33]

I am NOT ASHAMED of anything. I am a very private person and live in a town of less than a thousand people. Do you tell your friends how often you have sex or how often you poop? If you do, and that is what works for you, great, but please do not judge those who do not agree with your way of doing things.

We each need to find what works best for us - can we please keep the focus here on what worked or works for us? I really think that would be more helpful to the group.