lap band prejudice

[123crod 170]

If someone asked me who is really interested and not just wants some more gossip I will tell them. I am not ashamed that I had the surgery but did not tell everybody just close friends and some of my family.

Cheri

[ansoninc 16]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

Take a look at how over weight people, especially women, are portrayed in the media. Many TV shows will have an over weight husband and slim trim wife. The only overweight woman on TV i can remember is Rosanne. She got a lot attention because she was out spoken, sometimes right sometimes wrong. She was usually attacked by refering to her as that FAT women.

[peprmentpati 8]

I told heaps of people. Almost everyone from work knew, my whole family knew. Friends, cousins, mere acquaintances. Everyone.

I got it all. "You're not big enough to need surgery, just diet and exercise', "you're taking the easy way out', 'if only you didn't eat so much, you'd be fine' and the best one 'why have surgery, risk your life like that, when you could do it on your own'

Lazy, I am not. I am a mum of 4 kids, do all the housework in my house, work full-time, was studying part-time and have a full-on life. I do not sit on my arse all day pigging out.

And you know what? Having the band means that I eat the equivalent of a 3yo child to lose weight and keep it off. How exactly was I supposed to maintain that for the rest of my life? No wonder every other diet I tried failed.

I also had food addictions. How many addicts NEED to use their addictions 3 times a day like food addicts do? Make a heroin addict take heroin 3 times a day and ask THEM to break their addiction and you'd be sued for cruel and unusual punishment! The band helped me break my food addictions, because when you can only eat so much, you choose more carefully.

I always was active. But truly exercising only became easier when I started losing significant amounts of weight. The band worked in conjunction with life-style change and made it easier for me to make those positive changes to my life.

So you know what? I let the haters hate. And now I'm lighter than most of them. 38 years of my life I fought a battle I couldn't win until I had the band. There will always be people who don't understand. Ignore them and make the best decision for you.

Well said Lellow!!!!

This is your life - this is your choice - do what is best for you!!!!

Getting banded has saved my life!!!!!!!!! I would be lying if I told you that I didn't care what people say to me about me or whatever - but when it comes down to it, they can't live my life, lift my burdens, or help me anymore than I was able to help myself. I know for sure, 100% that I wouldn't have made it this far without my bad, so eff' em!!!

By the way when I was heavier I had people say things to me, not that often, but the times that it happened it broke my heart. Not to mention the ridicule that I gave myself on a continual basis. Now everyone treats me like I'm some celebrity. Everyday people are stopping me and complimenting & gushing over my success - lol, I'm still the same person - it's rather strange how we treat each other.

In the end, my dear, do what's best for you! If you need support, come here!

God Bless,

Rebecca

[emjay 8]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

Melzie - let me tell you something. You don't have to justify your actions to ANYBODY! If someone gives your grief about have WLS, tell them it is really none of their business. You don't have to explain to them why you chose to have lap band surgery. If they know you at all, they will know your struggles with your weight over the years. If they want to give you grief - tell them to stick it. Nobody has lived in your shoes and knows what it's like. True friends will be happy that you did something to get healthier, feel better and have a better quality of life.

Don't let what others may say affect how you feel about yourself. In the end, their opinion really doesn't mean squat.

[sam3841 57]

When I was in High School, I lost weight the "old fashion" way with diet and exercise. But I was so overweight, it seemed like it would take forever, so I became obsessed. I workout daily for 2 hours and ate only 1200 calories. I was a slave to my weight loss and I was constantly starving. When I went to college I gained it all back and then some. I tired to get back to were I was but I didn't want to become a slave to my weight loss again. People who have never been very overweight don't know how hard it is and how horrible people can treat you when you try (you know what I mean the look people give you when you go to the gym as if you don't belong there). I chose to have Lapband because I didn't want to become a slave to my weight loss again. That's what I tell people and if they tell me I should have done it the "old fashion" way then they clearly have no idea how hard it is. After all only 5% of all people on a diet succeed in keeping the weight off!!!!

[BetsyB 9]

Opinions on anonymous sites are....well, you know the saying about opinions and a!@holes--everyone has one. And the ones you see posted tend to be the most extreme responses possible.

In reality, I haven't experienced one iota of prejudice about my band. Not a scintilla of negativity. Nada.

If I had, it still would have been the best thing I ever did for myself.

[melzie_99 22]

Thanks everyone for the feedback; it was all very insightful.I still intend on having surgery (assuming my insurance company agrees). I have my nutrition class, surgical consult and psych eval tomorrow, and for some reason I'm no longer anxious. Been feeling very mellow about the whole thing the last few days; don't know if that's good or bad. I'm still sticking to my guns at the moment and not telling anyone other than my husband that I am seriously pursuing surgey, not even my fam (at least not at the moment). I really want this to be something that's for me and only me, without having guilt projected on me. Shucks, if I didn't need my husband to give me a ride if I have surgery I'm not even sure how much I would tell him! IDK; I know I have a long journey ahead of me no matter what; thanks again you guys.

[kellyodoran 12]

My attitude toward those who have nothing nice to say is Fuck em'!!! Sorry to be so blunt, but those who are quick to criticize ought to look in the mirror at their own imperfections and think about how they would like others to point them out. Maybe it's their looks, their lack of education, their attitude, poor financial skills, whatever. Who cares what anyone else thinks. When you are the one strutting your ass in a skinny pair of jeans looking good then what do they have to say to that??

My thoughts exactly, you could not have said it any better!

[Leifysmom 0]

I would love for some of those smart ass commentors to read this article written by my surgeon, Dr George Fielding

I'm also linking to it here because I think my fellow bandsters would enjoy it. It addresses many of the issues and attitudes of these anonymous commentors

http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/success/news-articles/everyone-dreams

[Leifysmom 0]

Wonderful article! I wish everyone would read this. It made me think of a time when my husbands EX-bestfriend call me a fat @ss, my comment was "dude, seriously, tell me something I don't already know." Its not ok to treat anyone that way. I look at people now that are where I once was, and think to myself, "please go talk to my surgeon."

I would love for some of those smart ass commentors to read this article written by my surgeon, Dr George Fielding

I'm also linking to it here because I think my fellow bandsters would enjoy it. It addresses many of the issues and attitudes of these anonymous commentors

http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/success/news-articles/everyone-dreams

[no one 1]

I read the replies to the CNN report on the FDA recommendations and they were 80% horrible as well. Some of the logic was really disturbing; they felt that if you are fat that you should receive no help and die from complications. We treat people for cancer, heart disease and infertility; but if your fat than you should not get help. Wonderful.

The article I read did not really explain the after surgery effort that someone has to make. Most of the responders thought people could continue to eat badly but loose weight. Many of them said we should take the money spent on the operation and get a lifetime gym membership. What stikes me as funny is that I KNOW that I exercise more than most thin people. I go to the gym everyday Sundays, holidays most people don't do that.

Some of them wanted to compare losing weight with drug addiction. Only problem is we don't tell alcoholics to have three small drinks a day then stop.

I agree with a previous poster that many remarks regarding online articles are very disturbing. People are very bold online. Someone would never dare to say these things in person because in many cases they could be arrested for hate speech (religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity).

brilliant analogy to alcoholics. I've never thought of it that way, but it's true.

[StrangeDz 1]

Melzie,

It's because most people hold the view that overweight people are "slobs, lazy, lack will power, stupid, don't care about themselves, etc." So they see no need for the WLS because, in their opinion, if we'd just 'show a little self-control', we'd lose the weight. They don't even attempt to 'walk a mile in our shoes'. I read an article once where they did a survey and asked people if they had to choose, would they rather lose an arm or leg...or keep the limb and be fat. The response was unsettling. An overwhelming majority said they'd rather lose an arm or leg than be fat.

My husband did not understand why I would consider WLS but he went to the seminar with me and listened to me when i told him why I felt it was the best option. I think, also, he was quite relieved that I was interested in the band and not bypass. By the surgery date, he was on board and since the surgery date has done whatever I asked to help me be successful at this band.

I worried more about his family because none of them have ever dealt with weight issues. I don't know what their private thoughts are but publicly they've been very supportive of me. So supportive that I would sometimes get a bit depressed this past year when I wasn't doing so well with this whole band thing because I felt like I was letting *them* down.

In the end, you have to do this for you and not worry about what others think. *You* are the only person who knows what you deal with on a daily basis and only *you* know what is necessary.

.

AMEN SISTER!!!

[sparkplug 106]

First, ditto to what Elfiepoo says "you have to do this for you and not worry about what others think".

Sometimes, when reading responses on message boards it can be very upsetting. People say really cruel things -- about people they do not even know. The topic can be race, religion, politics, smoking, drugs, etc. The anonymity of the internet removes inhibition, as well as common courtesy. It's just the nature of the beast. That is not going to stop, it is here to stay. Do I think it is a good thing? No. But, you can't let people that don't even know who you are, influence your decision to change your life for the better. Being "fat" has never been acceptable in American society, and it has gotten worse over the decades. It is what it is. I don't listen to them ... at least not for the past 20 years. When I was young, it bothered me. I am older now and have learned soooo much about life that I no longer sweat the small stuff. While it's nice that losing weight through lap band will give me a "more attractive" outside, I had so many comorbidities that my biggest concern was how it would help me on the inside. I was tired of being sick, and sick of being tired due to being overweight. I am sooo much healthier now. Lap band is a lot of work, but for me it's worth it. I lose slow, but the key word here is "lose", so I am happy. I was as size 26 when I got banded and I bought a pair of 14/16 jeggings last week that fit like a charm. Anybody who says that lap band is the "easy way" is truly ignorant and should do their homework.

And finally, I don't believe that lap band should be a "last resort". I do believe that if you have tried other things and you haven't had success and you want to get lap band, go for it. I am always happy to see young people that have had the surgery. I was 53 when I had the surgery, I waited much too long (but I'm glad I finally did it). I would not recommend that anyone keep trying to reinvent the wheel before getting the lap band. You know what they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I was "insane" for a long, long time, dieting again and again with the same results (plus extra pounds). My opinion is that if you have been struggling with your weight from childhood and you still can't get a handle on it as an adult -- if you want the surgery, get it.

Good luck to you on your journey.

I have to say, I agree with everything you say! I too was insane my whole life, dieting, losing and regaining. I did have about 15 years of starving myself to death to keep at a size 12 but then it piled on 90 pds over the last 8 years and nothing worked. I decided on lap band surgery at the ripe age of 56 because I had enough of yo yo dieting. I feel like a million bucks and would never regret the decision regardless what happens down the road. I am 90 pds lighter, no more meds and a size 8-10 which I can't ever remember being this small and eat to live not live to eat. This website keeps me focused and it is people like all of you that keep me positively reinforced to live my life MY WAY and not what other people feel we should do. Congratulations to everyone on here who come here to keep the faith and think positive!

[kellyodoran 12]

Wonderful article! I wish everyone would read this. It made me think of a time when my husbands EX-bestfriend call me a fat @ss, my comment was "dude, seriously, tell me something I don't already know." Its not ok to treat anyone that way. I look at people now that are where I once was, and think to myself, "please go talk to my surgeon."

I read it! WOW, he has written an article that every fat person in the world could relate to.......and YEAY he had his ass banded! Right-on! This article just made my day!

[sparkplug 106]

I told heaps of people. Almost everyone from work knew, my whole family knew. Friends, cousins, mere acquaintances. Everyone.

I got it all. "You're not big enough to need surgery, just diet and exercise', "you're taking the easy way out', 'if only you didn't eat so much, you'd be fine' and the best one 'why have surgery, risk your life like that, when you could do it on your own'

Lazy, I am not. I am a mum of 4 kids, do all the housework in my house, work full-time, was studying part-time and have a full-on life. I do not sit on my arse all day pigging out.

And you know what? Having the band means that I eat the equivalent of a 3yo child to lose weight and keep it off. How exactly was I supposed to maintain that for the rest of my life? No wonder every other diet I tried failed.

I also had food addictions. How many addicts NEED to use their addictions 3 times a day like food addicts do? Make a heroin addict take heroin 3 times a day and ask THEM to break their addiction and you'd be sued for cruel and unusual punishment! The band helped me break my food addictions, because when you can only eat so much, you choose more carefully.

I always was active. But truly exercising only became easier when I started losing significant amounts of weight. The band worked in conjunction with life-style change and made it easier for me to make those positive changes to my life.

So you know what? I let the haters hate. And now I'm lighter than most of them. 38 years of my life I fought a battle I couldn't win until I had the band. There will always be people who don't understand. Ignore them and make the best decision for you.

very well put, lellow!!! I agree with you 100%. It got to be that I was ashamed to go any place because people would say things like, you eat like a bird, I don't understand how you could be so heavy. My body does not metabolize carbs and sugar very well so any small amounts or large amounts of that stuff was actually sabotaging any little meals I ate of good food. The band has taught me that I cannot eat breads and sugar and lose weight, it is never going to happen. I have worked since 16 yrs old and have never been lazy in my life. I have worked full time and worked for my husband's business forever, plus throw in 3 step kids and 2 dogs so the last 32 years has not been a hayride. People just don't understand that there are people like me that have to eat very little and choose very carefully what I do eat. It has taken 40 yrs of yo yo dieting and the band and talking and listening to everybody on here to figure this whole diet thing out. I just figured out that I have to cut back my carbs to get the scales moving again. I am to goal but want to knock off another 5 pds just for me. Congrats on meeting your goals and I know we all will succeed on this journey.