lap band prejudice

[melzie_99 22]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

[Swan56 6]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

People all seem to home some type of strong opinion of being overweight and WLS - ESPECIALLY if they have never fought this battle themselves. I have only chosen to tell a few close friends, 2 co-workers, and my immediate family. I haven't been banded yet and am not sure if I will change my mind once I have some success with the band. It's noone else's business - that is beyond true; however, I feel, in a way, that my unwillingness to be open about it could hamper people getting proper knowledge. Granted, there are obese people that are obese because of lack of willingness to stick to an effective plan and then there are those of us that have tried every plan known to man, exercise, and still have no luck. What I'm trying to say is, if those of us that have sincerely tried everything and failed achive success with the band and we don't share - we're doing the band a grave injustice in the eyes of the public. That being said - I firmly believe that having WLS is a personal choice. Everyone has every right to not tell people.

Going into this process, I was (maybe still am) a bit embarrassed that I couldn't do this on my own. When my stepdad suggested it, i was offended. I thought to myself - "I don't need that. I'm young, I should be able to do this on my own." And after trying yet another diet and yo-yoing, I realized - hey, i've been trying this on my own for years with NO long term help. When I finally had done enough research on my own to determine this was the best decision for me, my stepdad says, "There is no reason you should be as heavy as you are. You eat fairly well and you've always been active..." Keep in mind, my stepdad has been where we are - not having WLS - but weighing close to 350 lbs as a 5'6" man he was very much morbidly obese. He lost the weight shortly before meeting my mom (now I understand why he always wore those shorty-short running shorts that embarassed us as teenages - he was just proud of what he had done ).

Point being - WLS will probably always be controvertial. You just have to figure out how private or open you want to be about it. It is your body and your business - take care of you first!

[lellow 1,713]

I told heaps of people. Almost everyone from work knew, my whole family knew. Friends, cousins, mere acquaintances. Everyone.

I got it all. "You're not big enough to need surgery, just diet and exercise', "you're taking the easy way out', 'if only you didn't eat so much, you'd be fine' and the best one 'why have surgery, risk your life like that, when you could do it on your own'

Lazy, I am not. I am a mum of 4 kids, do all the housework in my house, work full-time, was studying part-time and have a full-on life. I do not sit on my arse all day pigging out.

And you know what? Having the band means that I eat the equivalent of a 3yo child to lose weight and keep it off. How exactly was I supposed to maintain that for the rest of my life? No wonder every other diet I tried failed.

I also had food addictions. How many addicts NEED to use their addictions 3 times a day like food addicts do? Make a heroin addict take heroin 3 times a day and ask THEM to break their addiction and you'd be sued for cruel and unusual punishment! The band helped me break my food addictions, because when you can only eat so much, you choose more carefully.

I always was active. But truly exercising only became easier when I started losing significant amounts of weight. The band worked in conjunction with life-style change and made it easier for me to make those positive changes to my life.

So you know what? I let the haters hate. And now I'm lighter than most of them. 38 years of my life I fought a battle I couldn't win until I had the band. There will always be people who don't understand. Ignore them and make the best decision for you.

[Swan56 6]

Congrats on being so success lellow - and your willingness to be so open.

[Desi999 0]

I told heaps of people. Almost everyone from work knew, my whole family knew. Friends, cousins, mere acquaintances. Everyone.

I got it all. "You're not big enough to need surgery, just diet and exercise', "you're taking the easy way out', 'if only you didn't eat so much, you'd be fine' and the best one 'why have surgery, risk your life like that, when you could do it on your own'

Lazy, I am not. I am a mum of 4 kids, do all the housework in my house, work full-time, was studying part-time and have a full-on life. I do not sit on my arse all day pigging out.

And you know what? Having the band means that I eat the equivalent of a 3yo child to lose weight and keep it off. How exactly was I supposed to maintain that for the rest of my life? No wonder every other diet I tried failed.

I also had food addictions. How many addicts NEED to use their addictions 3 times a day like food addicts do? Make a heroin addict take heroin 3 times a day and ask THEM to break their addiction and you'd be sued for cruel and unusual punishment! The band helped me break my food addictions, because when you can only eat so much, you choose more carefully.

I always was active. But truly exercising only became easier when I started losing significant amounts of weight. The band worked in conjunction with life-style change and made it easier for me to make those positive changes to my life.

So you know what? I let the haters hate. And now I'm lighter than most of them. 38 years of my life I fought a battle I couldn't win until I had the band. There will always be people who don't understand. Ignore them and make the best decision for you.

[laura71 12]

I chose not to tell anyone. Not even my children who are 16 and 18. There are two people who know, my best girlfriend and my best boyfriend. And they have been nothing but supportive and just want me to be happy. I am not ashamed of my choice, but it is just that...MY CHOICE. and I did not need anyone else to chime in with their opinion. And for whatever reason, people feel perfectly comfortable chiming in on weight and weight loss. Wonder why they don't do the same thing with finances? I am a single mother, and handle my finances beautifully, have a 15 year mortgage on my home, and NO DEBT other than my mortgage...but I don't comment or say a word to people who handle their money like crap. (ie all my siblings AND my parents)! I also do not discuss money with strangers. BUT with weight, it all seems ok! Next time someone talks to you about your choices with your body, ask them how much they earn and how much debt they are currently carrying. When they tell you it's none of your business, say your body and weight are also...NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!

[Desi999 0]

Hi, you are such an insperation to me , you make a lot of sence, we all need someone like you.

Keep up the good work

[ElfiePoo 109]

Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

Melzie,

It's because most people hold the view that overweight people are "slobs, lazy, lack will power, stupid, don't care about themselves, etc." So they see no need for the WLS because, in their opinion, if we'd just 'show a little self-control', we'd lose the weight. They don't even attempt to 'walk a mile in our shoes'. I read an article once where they did a survey and asked people if they had to choose, would they rather lose an arm or leg...or keep the limb and be fat. The response was unsettling. An overwhelming majority said they'd rather lose an arm or leg than be fat.

My husband did not understand why I would consider WLS but he went to the seminar with me and listened to me when i told him why I felt it was the best option. I think, also, he was quite relieved that I was interested in the band and not bypass. By the surgery date, he was on board and since the surgery date has done whatever I asked to help me be successful at this band.

I worried more about his family because none of them have ever dealt with weight issues. I don't know what their private thoughts are but publicly they've been very supportive of me. So supportive that I would sometimes get a bit depressed this past year when I wasn't doing so well with this whole band thing because I felt like I was letting *them* down.

In the end, you have to do this for you and not worry about what others think. *You* are the only person who knows what you deal with on a daily basis and only *you* know what is necessary.

.

[Phranp 46]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

First, ditto to what Elfiepoo says "you have to do this for you and not worry about what others think".

Sometimes, when reading responses on message boards it can be very upsetting. People say really cruel things -- about people they do not even know. The topic can be race, religion, politics, smoking, drugs, etc. The anonymity of the internet removes inhibition, as well as common courtesy. It's just the nature of the beast. That is not going to stop, it is here to stay. Do I think it is a good thing? No. But, you can't let people that don't even know who you are, influence your decision to change your life for the better. Being "fat" has never been acceptable in American society, and it has gotten worse over the decades. It is what it is. I don't listen to them ... at least not for the past 20 years. When I was young, it bothered me. I am older now and have learned soooo much about life that I no longer sweat the small stuff. While it's nice that losing weight through lap band will give me a "more attractive" outside, I had so many comorbidities that my biggest concern was how it would help me on the inside. I was tired of being sick, and sick of being tired due to being overweight. I am sooo much healthier now. Lap band is a lot of work, but for me it's worth it. I lose slow, but the key word here is "lose", so I am happy. I was as size 26 when I got banded and I bought a pair of 14/16 jeggings last week that fit like a charm. Anybody who says that lap band is the "easy way" is truly ignorant and should do their homework.

And finally, I don't believe that lap band should be a "last resort". I do believe that if you have tried other things and you haven't had success and you want to get lap band, go for it. I am always happy to see young people that have had the surgery. I was 53 when I had the surgery, I waited much too long (but I'm glad I finally did it). I would not recommend that anyone keep trying to reinvent the wheel before getting the lap band. You know what they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I was "insane" for a long, long time, dieting again and again with the same results (plus extra pounds). My opinion is that if you have been struggling with your weight from childhood and you still can't get a handle on it as an adult -- if you want the surgery, get it.

Good luck to you on your journey.

[honk 780]

I read the replies to the CNN report on the FDA recommendations and they were 80% horrible as well. Some of the logic was really disturbing; they felt that if you are fat that you should receive no help and die from complications. We treat people for cancer, heart disease and infertility; but if your fat than you should not get help. Wonderful.

The article I read did not really explain the after surgery effort that someone has to make. Most of the responders thought people could continue to eat badly but loose weight. Many of them said we should take the money spent on the operation and get a lifetime gym membership. What stikes me as funny is that I KNOW that I exercise more than most thin people. I go to the gym everyday Sundays, holidays most people don't do that.

Some of them wanted to compare losing weight with drug addiction. Only problem is we don't tell alcoholics to have three small drinks a day then stop.

I agree with a previous poster that many remarks regarding online articles are very disturbing. People are very bold online. Someone would never dare to say these things in person because in many cases they could be arrested for hate speech (religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity).

[Icando 0]

Hi all,

I just finished reading the article and subsequent comments on Huffington Post about the FDA encouraging lower BMI banding...boy, were some of the comments upsetting. I meet with my surgeon for the first time on Wed, and those comments just made a lot of my doubts come rushing back. Why is there so much hatred towards overweight people? Do people really think we sit around all day ordering food and watching tv? While I agree the band should be a last resort, I knew there would be some "interesting" feedback on a site other than ours concerning the surgery. So my question is this: have any of you faced ridicule or prejudice pre/post surgery, and if so, how did/do you cope? My confidence is beginning to wane...

I chose to keep my band surgery to myself. I only let my family know with promise to keep this to themselves. I felt I had enough emotional baggage to deal with.

[samomom 19]

My attitude toward those who have nothing nice to say is Fuck em'!!! Sorry to be so blunt, but those who are quick to criticize ought to look in the mirror at their own imperfections and think about how they would like others to point them out. Maybe it's their looks, their lack of education, their attitude, poor financial skills, whatever. Who cares what anyone else thinks. When you are the one strutting your ass in a skinny pair of jeans looking good then what do they have to say to that??

[Mariasha 3]

I would love for some of those smart ass commentors to read this article written by my surgeon, Dr George Fielding

I'm also linking to it here because I think my fellow bandsters would enjoy it. It addresses many of the issues and attitudes of these anonymous commentors

http://thinforlife.med.nyu.edu/success/news-articles/everyone-dreams

[Sun Rae 7]

In the beginning, I chose to tell no one except my immediate family. I knew the remarks that I would get from my in-laws and co-workers because I have heard them make comments about others who have had surgery..."they should exercise more", they should learn to push away from the table", "they're lazy", they take no pride in themselves", "they're taking the easy way" etc. Well, I was not about to be worried about all that drama while I was trying to make sure I got off to the best start possible.

The first few weeks, I had a few people notice that I was losing weight and I would hear, "oh, you're dieting again", or "what diet are you trying this time?". Then, people started stopping by my office to tell me that they sure hoped I felt better soon and that they hoped everything was going to be OK. I assured them that I was fine and even kind of laughed to myself about it. Then one day, a retired gentleman came by the office and he told me that someone told him to come by to see me because I was not doing very well and probably would not work much longer because I was surely very sick. It did not help matters that I had a huge bruise that covered the upper part of my arm where I fell while helping my husband unload our boat. But still, I still just laughed it off and kept "my little secret". Then last week, our HR Manager, stopped me in the hallway to ask if I was OK. I could see the true concern in his eyes, so I privately told him. He was so relieved to know that I didn't have cancer or something. We ate lunch together that day and he was full of questions. Since then, I have shared with several people and I am so shocked to find out how ignorant people really are about this surgery. Most thought that I would be able to eat an unlimited amount of food and the weight would just fall off. None of them realized what we go through to lose the weight even with the band. I have decided to keep my little secret no longer. I haven't just announced it to everybody, but if someone asks what I'm doing, I tell them. WLS is a very personal decision and the decision to tell is also very personal. You just have to do what is best for you.

[Manda87 3]

To be honest, the most negative remarks that I receive are from those who are already overweight. I get a lot of praise and good feedback from those who are skinny or who do not have a weight problem. However, for some reason many of those who I have encountered that had something negative to say where from overweight individuals. I've been told that I'm losing weight too fast. That I have saggy skin. That "they don't need surgery to lose weight." It just goes on and on.

Yet, it's almost funny. I laugh at these people. It's like they want to justify their fatness or something. They want to explain to me why they are fat and not losing weight. However, I don't care. I don't even start these conversations. Somehow these people need to justify something and bring these conversations up.

The best thing to do is ignore them. You're doing this for yourself and no one else. Each time someone asks you "how much have you lost" tell them and make a big deal about it. That's what I do. You're going to be looking hot, rockin' out in a mini skirt and stilettos while they sit on their asses complaining. THIS IS A GOOD THING!