Holiday Blues?

[123crod 170]

I think we need a thread for all of us who have a hard time during the holidays to talk about it with others. I think talking about your pain releases it and you are not carrying it around all by yourself anymore.

I suffer from clinical depression and have probably my whole life (I have great genes fat ones and depressed ones). I take meds that help but they are not my cure. I am a Christian and feel like such a disapointment to my Heavenly Father, Christian are suppose to be full of joy and our light should be shinning for all to see. Mine is kinda dimmed right now. I have prayed and begrf God to heal me of this, it is something no one should have to go through. The thing is it is so crazy is that I have a wonderful marriage of 30 years a great son (29) whom I talk to or see everyday a great daughter-in-law that I love and the most beautiful 2 grandbabie girls whom I also see almost everyday they are 18 months and 4 years old and everyone is healthy.They are a p ece of Heaven on earth Last December my only rother Britton died from an overdose of prescription drugs. He also suffered from depression as I do. He died on December 29 after one night in the emergency room and one day in the hospital where he was bleeding from all of his organs and slipped into a coma and soon was brain dead. He wanted to donate but the only things that they could take was his tissue. Britton was the unhappiest man I ever knew. But if for the grace of God that could have been me. I also lost my Daddy at the age of 10 and never got over that I am a 50 year old women still griefing my father for forty years and the love I need from him. Those are hard things for me deal with I feel like a have a daily walk with God but I need a daddy and my son needs a Grandfather. Inside lf me is this little 10 year girl with only a dream of what it could have be

Please share reaseif the holidays are sad you we will notugjr yuo.

[Humming Bird 275]

Sometimes the holidays can be rough for me too. My mom died around Thanksgiving. Christmas was her favorite holiday. We were very close and I miss her so much. She was my Christmas shopping buddy. Now I can't eat for the holidays, so that also makes it rough.

This used to be my favorite time of year. First Thanksgiving ..... all the family and food. Then December.......All the shopping!! Then My birthday, Christmas & Newyears eve...........It used to be a big party month for me. Now all the party is gone and I'm just another darn year older.

I find it helpful to go see some type of Holiday production or show. It really helps me get in the spirit a bit.

[lauragshsu 6]

I've found being in the state I am that it's hard. When we lived overseas and were actually farther than family and friends, it was almost easier! Our military friends would all gather together and Celebrate t-giving and Christmas along with b-days because it was too expensive for most of us to go back stateside more than once a year. When we were finally stationed back stateside, I thought I would have the benefit of military friends like we had overseas and the ability to go home to family more often. What I've found is since we are stateside, most military friends drive home or have family come up, and that we can't afford to go home to family more than twice a year. I've also found that this state is difficult to make friends in unless you're part of the majority religion here (LDS), which I'm not. It can be very lonely.

[missgypsy 1]

i have struggled so much this year!! we lost my father in law in february to alzheimers. i had my band surgery in may. then in july i lost my only sister. we were twins. she was a recovering alcoholic and was bipolar. it's been very very difficult for me. ok it's been diffcult for everyone who lives in this house. the kiddos weren't dealing well with anything at all so i have them both going to therapy. my youngest has adhd and they wouldn't give him meds without him seeing a physcartic and she suggested he go for therapy. my oldest is angry at everything. my hubby also goes to therapy due to the fact he has anger probs and it's hard for him to cope with it somedays. i suspect his has ptsd and we found out this past week he also has mild sleep apnea. i am seriously dreading the holidays this yr. i was happy we made it through thanksgiving lol. now gearing up for christmas. it's just not in me. i thought decorating would help and i went overboard on lights and garland in this house. we could land a 747 in here lol. but it is very pretty!!! i put on my happy face and smile and it does help- to a point. i figured there are less fortunate people in this would then me and i should just pick myself up and move on. i have my health, my family and i am still alive and breathing. so instead of looking at all the negative in my life i am trying to look at the positive things.Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere." same this for negativity and feeling blue. sure in the world doesn't get you anywhere...

[ansoninc 16]

I think we need a thread for all of us who have a hard time during the holidays to talk about it with others. I think talking about your pain releases it and you are not carrying it around all by yourself anymore.

I suffer from clinical depression and have probably my whole life (I have great genes fat ones and depressed ones). I take meds that help but they are not my cure. I am a Christian and feel like such a disapointment to my Heavenly Father, Christian are suppose to be full of joy and our light should be shinning for all to see. Mine is kinda dimmed right now. I have prayed and begrf God to heal me of this, it is something no one should have to go through. The thing is it is so crazy is that I have a wonderful marriage of 30 years a great son (29) whom I talk to or see everyday a great daughter-in-law that I love and the most beautiful 2 grandbabie girls whom I also see almost everyday they are 18 months and 4 years old and everyone is healthy.They are a p ece of Heaven on earth Last December my only rother Britton died from an overdose of prescription drugs. He also suffered from depression as I do. He died on December 29 after one night in the emergency room and one day in the hospital where he was bleeding from all of his organs and slipped into a coma and soon was brain dead. He wanted to donate but the only things that they could take was his tissue. Britton was the unhappiest man I ever knew. But if for the grace of God that could have been me. I also lost my Daddy at the age of 10 and never got over that I am a 50 year old women still griefing my father for forty years and the love I need from him. Those are hard things for me deal with I feel like a have a daily walk with God but I need a daddy and my son needs a Grandfather. Inside lf me is this little 10 year girl with only a dream of what it could have be

Please share reaseif the holidays are sad you we will notugjr yuo.

This is a good time of the year to give back. Instead of sitting and being sad get out and do for others. It can get your mind off of your sadness and meet some new people. There are many homeless shelters, womens shelters and even animal shelters that could use an extra hand. Do have a church you go to? They could use a hand .

Take care of yourself!

[123crod 170]

Depression and grief is not that easy to control on your own. I take meds and see a therapists longturn. I spend a lot of time in prayer, and try to stay as close to God as I can. I do not sit around all day doing nothing feeling sorry for myself, I work a fulltime job and watch my two grandbabies twice a week for 8 hours at a time which pushes me to work into the night or on weekends to keep my hours up. I have read hundred of books on the subject some agree with and some I do not. Unless you live my life you do not know what it is like. You just do not wake up one morning and you are all happy and full of joy . . . wish it was that easy. I have a great church family that I am close to, right now I am helping with the little kids practice for Christmas eve service play. We go through seasons of time in our life like there is a time for everything and God has made a time for sadness and for grief as well as happiness and joy. I agree helping others helps you to help yourself. I do try to do that. The purpose of this thread was so people would share the sadness the holdays bring to them. To let it out and not carry it around.

You would not have gotta the lapband if you could handle your issues with food. So please do not judge us if we have more than one issue, and count your blessings depression has not visted you and decided not to leave. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. Depression is not just a mental thing but also a chemical inbalance also. Please do not judge us and please people do not stop posting your sad times that hold you back from the holidays. It will help us all. And maybe we can all learn for each other.

ansoninc : Sorry I read your post as a negative when it really was not ment that way. I am sorry to make you think I thought you were judging us when you were not. Thank you for your examples you gave us to help us get through this and help other people as well as ourselve.

Cheri

[123crod 170]

I some times wonder what really is the amount of time to grief. Christmas will be a year since my bother passed away. It was unexpected and very shocking to me. I am really having trouble on having it in the back of my mind day after day. Not understanding why it does not seem to effect my mother and sister-in-law the same as me. Sister-in-law has moved on.

Cheri

[kbklassykimb 23]

I am having a hard time right now too. I also suffer from clinical depression, and am a Christian. I know God has a plan, and that he hears my prayers, but sometimers it feels as though he just isn't listening or I have done something to turn him off. I take meds, and have been in prayer also, but things are just really rough for me right now. I am a single mom, and work full time. On top of everything else, I am lonely, and there seems to be no prospects in the future. thank you for the thread, because I have no one else to tell. I also give back as well. I don't sit home wallowing in depression. I go to work everyday. I go to church, and I also take in foster kids. I know this is just a season, and things will turn around, but at times one can really just feel down. i'll pray for you as you pray for me. Enjoy the Holidays and your family. The devil is a liar and his purpose is to make us miserable.

[Phranp 46]

I am having a hard time right now too. I also suffer from clinical depression, and am a Christian. I know God has a plan, and that he hears my prayers, but sometimers it feels as though he just isn't listening or I have done something to turn him off. I take meds, and have been in prayer also, but things are just really rough for me right now. I am a single mom, and work full time. On top of everything else, I am lonely, and there seems to be no prospects in the future. thank you for the thread, because I have no one else to tell. I also give back as well. I don't sit home wallowing in depression. I go to work everyday. I go to church, and I also take in foster kids. I know this is just a season, and things will turn around, but at times one can really just feel down. i'll pray for you as you pray for me. Enjoy the Holidays and your family. The devil is a liar and his purpose is to make us miserable.

I have definitely had bouts of depression over the years (even as a child, but no one recognized it). I have been seeing therapists off and on for 35 years ... whenever my life gets to be overwhelming for me. I am currently seeing a wonderful obesity specialist that I started seeing about 8 months before my lap band surgery. In the past I took meds ... took myself off the meds because I felt "artificial" .. but they did have their benefits. Your post struck me because it sounds like me a few years ago when the kids were in high school. I was depressed and lonely and "head hungry" ALL the time. I am a Christian and without my faith and true friends, I would never have gotten through it. Everyone works their faith in their own way, so what I have to say is merely a suggestion. First (and this is NOT a suggestion -- and you probably know this to be true as well), God hears ALL your prayers AND he will NEVER leave you or forsake you, so no, you can never do anything to "turn him off". My suggestion is that you see a therapist and/or get counseling from you minister. I did both and it was a BIG help during those "crazy teen years" when I was so busy getting my kids from one college prep program to another that my head was spinning. Also, while it is good to "give back", try not to "over do". When things got too crazy for me and I was exhausted and getting sick frequently, I had to stop and take stock of my life. I cut back on some of the things I was doing at church and prayed to God about my loneliness. You know what? God answered my prayers. Did he bring someone into my life? NO. But, he gave me peace with being alone because I had a job to do with my kids and I didn't need the distraction of trying to please a man at the same time. In 2 years I read more 150 books while waiting for my kids at football camp/SAT prep classes/YBS college prep/college visits, and the list goes on and on. One of my kids graduated college this past June and will be going to grad school this coming fall and the other is a sophomore in college. My work is almost done ... kinda. LOL The bottom line is that it is so important that you take care of yourself. Having faith gives us hope. And, God will never put on us more than we can handle. Keep praying and take time out to hear what God is telling you ... it may not be what you want, but it is definitely what you need.

Take a look back at how far God has brought you and what he has brought you through -- look at all those blessings. He has more for all of us. There is nothing that God cannot do ... even remove your depression. Trust me, I know.

Keep the faith and God bless.

~F

[123crod 170]

I am having a hard time right now too. I also suffer from clinical depression, and am a Christian. I know God has a plan, and that he hears my prayers, but sometimers it feels as though he just isn't listening or I have done something to turn him off. I take meds, and have been in prayer also, but things are just really rough for me right now. I am a single mom, and work full time. On top of everything else, I am lonely, and there seems to be no prospects in the future. thank you for the thread, because I have no one else to tell. I also give back as well. I don't sit home wallowing in depression. I go to work everyday. I go to church, and I also take in foster kids. I know this is just a season, and things will turn around, but at times one can really just feel down. i'll pray for you as you pray for me. Enjoy the Holidays and your family. The devil is a liar and his purpose is to make us miserable.

You hang in there. I too as a Christian felt as I was failing God because I was not full of joy

like we are suppose to. Churchs do not know how to deal with this. I was told I must have unconfessed sin in my life, okay simple sit and had a long, long tallk with God cleaning out anything I might have forgotten about. I knew my realtionship with Christ was on the right track. That was not it. Talked to my Pastor (this started a few years back) and he told me it's nothing you are just going through the change. My son was just finishing college and was already engaded to be married, but he wanted to be own his own those 3 months. I had my pastor recommend a Christain Therapist. I saw her for 3 years and my regular Dr. put me on meds. My daddy passed away when I was 10 and I should have had some counseling at that time but I guess my mom did not know we need it. My regular Dr, told me that I had empty nest syndrome and that would past. I though she was kidding but it is a real medical term (look it up) So that is what I went to see the therapist about. Come to find out it was the death of my daddy 35 years before that had me in such a state. But I had put all that pain behind me and tried to deal with my mean stepfater then I got married had a son and for the next 23 years everything was centered around him so I still would not let myself deal with my daddy's death. When the house was empty except for my husband it all come at me at once, I was told I probably had anxiety and clinical depression my whole lfe but just did have time to deal with it too busy being Robert's mom and my husband's wife I never let my self have an identity I still do not to this day. Oh I have about 100 Christian books on depression and anxiety I have read them all . . . some twice. I have spend many many nights crying and begging God to heal me of this as I know He can but it drugged on and on. I kept trying to crawl out of this deep dark place I was in, but could not do it. I would go to church and when I was in His house I could feel Him everywhere and I knew that He was my only answer and I felt so ashamed to enter into to His house and I spent the whole service in tears Sunday after Sunday after Sunday. Finally it was just too big of a ordeal for me so I would watch it at home on TV but also needed the fellowship of my church famiy but to go back ment I would have to face the One who for some reason was not healing me. He was the only One who knew everything I was feeling. I was so ashamed. I still am dealing with depression but through counseling have learn coping skills that help but I am still believing for healing soon. But until then I try to just make it though each day. God did sent me two beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed grandbabies to give me some joy and laughter. He is still God and mine time will come in His time. My baby brother ten year younger than me also suffered with anxiety and servere depression, but chose to self medicate himself with prescription drugs and street drugs and he drank all the time. He was the sadest man I have ever know in my life he overdosed January 29, 2009. It is my prayer that my life never ends in that way. Scary to me. I do not use drugs or drink just use lots of kleenex.

Cheri

[sparkplug 106]

You hang in there. I too as a Christian felt as I was failing God because I was not full of joy

like we are suppose to. Churchs do not know how to deal with this. I was told I must have unconfessed sin in my life, okay simple sit and had a long, long tallk with God cleaning out anything I might have forgotten about. I knew my realtionship with Christ was on the right track. That was not it. Talked to my Pastor (this started a few years back) and he told me it's nothing you are just going through the change. My son was just finishing college and was already engaded to be married, but he wanted to be own his own those 3 months. I had my pastor recommend a Christain Therapist. I saw her for 3 years and my regular Dr. put me on meds. My daddy passed away when I was 10 and I should have had some counseling at that time but I guess my mom did not know we need it. My regular Dr, told me that I had empty nest syndrome and that would past. I though she was kidding but it is a real medical term (look it up) So that is what I went to see the therapist about. Come to find out it was the death of my daddy 35 years before that had me in such a state. But I had put all that pain behind me and tried to deal with my mean stepfater then I got married had a son and for the next 23 years everything was centered around him so I still would not let myself deal with my daddy's death. When the house was empty except for my husband it all come at me at once, I was told I probably had anxiety and clinical depression my whole lfe but just did have time to deal with it too busy being Robert's mom and my husband's wife I never let my self have an identity I still do not to this day. Oh I have about 100 Christian books on depression and anxiety I have read them all . . . some twice. I have spend many many nights crying and begging God to heal me of this as I know He can but it drugged on and on. I kept trying to crawl out of this deep dark place I was in, but could not do it. I would go to church and when I was in His house I could feel Him everywhere and I knew that He was my only answer and I felt so ashamed to enter into to His house and I spent the whole service in tears Sunday after Sunday after Sunday. Finally it was just too big of a ordeal for me so I would watch it at home on TV but also needed the fellowship of my church famiy but to go back ment I would have to face the One who for some reason was not healing me. He was the only One who knew everything I was feeling. I was so ashamed. I still am dealing with depression but through counseling have learn coping skills that help but I am still believing for healing soon. But until then I try to just make it though each day. God did sent me two beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed grandbabies to give me some joy and laughter. He is still God and mine time will come in His time. My baby brother ten year younger than me also suffered with anxiety and servere depression, but chose to self medicate himself with prescription drugs and street drugs and he drank all the time. He was the sadest man I have ever know in my life he overdosed January 29, 2009. It is my prayer that my life never ends in that way. Scary to me. I do not use drugs or drink just use lots of kleenex.

Cheri

I feel for all of you with the depression especially around the holidays. I do have some depression but nothing that I cannot handle. My mom had severe depression that lasted for years and was never diagnosed or treated and she brought us all down around the holidays. She was so depressed that she literally made me sick every holiday time to the point where my colitis would take over my life and I just wanted to die because I could not handle it anymore. Fast forward to 31 years of being with my husband who is a rock and as stable of a person that I know and he has saved me from the world of depression. We are alone with moving away from his hateful family 3000 miles away and I thank God everyday they are far away from us and our happy little life. I decided 6 years ago that I had to make life the best I could for me and my husband and two schnauzers and we packed up and moved to Arizona. I have never regretted moving here to the land of sunshine and I too pray everyday to keep his hateful and miserable family far away from us. I was brought up that you only come around this life one time and you need make the best choices you can and enjoy. I wish I could tell all of you a magic potion to get rid of your depression, but I don't know of any. I know it was a living hell with my mom in the severe depression and I thought they had ways of dealing with it to help all of you. I will pray for all of you too to help give you some peace and happiness while on this good earth. Love all of you and just remember that life is too short to let this control you. Like this weight thing, we need to take charge and handle it, that is why we women are the stronger of the sex mentally!

[chica125kml 0]

I just have to say that I'm tired of my holidays sucking. This will be the third holiday in a row that is horrific. The first one I was in the middle of a divorce, the second one I was dealing with the fact that I couldn't see my stepkids and now this one my sister in law may be taking the baby back to England to live withOUT my brother. I'm just wondering when it is going to end. I would love the holidays to be happy again.

[awhenry 0]

I think we need a thread for all of us who have a hard time during the holidays to talk about it with others. I think talking about your pain releases it and you are not carrying it around all by yourself anymore.

I suffer from clinical depression and have probably my whole life (I have great genes fat ones and depressed ones). I take meds that help but they are not my cure. I am a Christian and feel like such a disapointment to my Heavenly Father, Christian are suppose to be full of joy and our light should be shinning for all to see. Mine is kinda dimmed right now. I have prayed and begrf God to heal me of this, it is something no one should have to go through. The thing is it is so crazy is that I have a wonderful marriage of 30 years a great son (29) whom I talk to or see everyday a great daughter-in-law that I love and the most beautiful 2 grandbabie girls whom I also see almost everyday they are 18 months and 4 years old and everyone is healthy.They are a p ece of Heaven on earth Last December my only rother Britton died from an overdose of prescription drugs. He also suffered from depression as I do. He died on December 29 after one night in the emergency room and one day in the hospital where he was bleeding from all of his organs and slipped into a coma and soon was brain dead. He wanted to donate but the only things that they could take was his tissue. Britton was the unhappiest man I ever knew. But if for the grace of God that could have been me. I also lost my Daddy at the age of 10 and never got over that I am a 50 year old women still griefing my father for forty years and the love I need from him. Those are hard things for me deal with I feel like a have a daily walk with God but I need a daddy and my son needs a Grandfather. Inside lf me is this little 10 year girl with only a dream of what it could have be

Please share reaseif the holidays are sad you we will notugjr yuo.

[awhenry 0]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I wish there was something I could say to help you. I have suffered from depression since my father died 16 years ago. Ive been off and on depression medicine. Losing some of this weight has helped my depression. There are so many struggles in all our lives. I have a son who has been addicted to prescription pain medication for six years and has been in and out of jail (and is now in over the holidays), rehabs, half way houses, etc.... This has been a constant struggle. The only thing that has helped me this year, is a friend lost her son to addiction about three weeks ago and I told myself that all the places my son has to go or be in is better than him dying. Only God has helped me through this as only he can do. I pray for peace for you.

[123crod 170]

I try my hardest to always put on a happy face when people are around I have learned to fake it really good as to not spoil other people's joy. I never let myself be down when my Grandbabies ages 4 and almost 2 are around. It is very hard sometimes but I make myself do it, My husband always knows when I am depressed and feels helpless but he has been my rock through all of this and it is not easy to live with someone with depression.

It is hard to know so many people are hurting, I do not find comfort in knowing I am not alone in my struggle, because I know how hard it is. It is my prayer that this Christmas season we all can see some joy even in the smallest details.

Cheri