What am I going to do? Can I unload on you guys?

[mercedes 0]

I can't (won't/don't/rarely ever) follow rules when it comes to food. I can follow all sorts of other rules and am very disciplined in other areas of my life. But I lose this battle with this demon so often that it's just killing me! I'm begining to wonder if I've made a huge 10,000.00+ dollar mistake.

I should have known that I could not follow the rules. About the only rule I have followed faithfully is giving up soda drinks.

I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt my band by over eating with it. How did you guys stop over eating when you'd always done it before? I was hoping that when the pouch was full, I wouldn't want or be able to keep on eating? But the food just goes on down, just like before the band.

I know I have said this before, but....

If I could follow food rules, and had no obsession with food, I wouldn't have ever needed a band or anything else other than a plan/goal and the will to obey the rules of food & exercise.

How is it that those of you out there have lost weight when you hadn't been able to before? How is it that you were able to go from binging all day long, to eating 3 - 1/2 c. portions of food a day without snacking inbetween meals?

Are things really evergoing to change for me when I have sufficient restriction?

I have gained back all but 3 of the 10lbs I lost after surgery. 5 lbs just since the 1st of November.

It's like I have an obsessive compulsive swing in mood about every 3-4 months or so and boy does it take it's toll in my ability to think and act straight with food. That's on top of a milder swing associated with PMS!

It's a huge inner thing that totally takes over my brain and view of body and mind. I spiral down and I can not get control of it. Then, a month or so later, I'm over it but I'm stuck with the effects. Usually 5 or more lbs gained and a feeling of what a loser I am. Sometimes it is spurred by a word or two or a weigh in.

I can speculate as to the reasons for this self distructive behavior. Maybe it's because I was sexually molested as a child and hated my body for much of my childhood, I don't know? I don't hate myself at all now. It's more frustration and not hate now.

Reasons don't really matter in the end do they? It is what it is and I must find a solution. Maybe you can help me.

Why can't I stop this bad behavior?

Is there any hope for me?

It's a darned good thing I never did drugs or even drank alcohol....I surely would have been an addict to those things too. I suppose I should be thankful it's just sugar and carbs.

Well, one thing I know that I can do to improve my situation is to get exercising again. It used to keep me sane when I was in my 20's. Now, it's so hard to stick to it consistantly with a constantly changing family schedule.

I've got a good excuse for everything I'm not doing right! I know that I can do this much though towards feeling better.

I know there are all sorts of spelling errors and that this post is hard to follow, but I'm going to post it as is and hope that it doesn't drive you all crazy!

[lovecats85 2]

ALOT of people, inlcuding myself had NO restriction before flls. I could eat like always after I healed and evern after my 1st fill. Now i have 2 fills and have some restrictyion but I am still going to get another fill soon. When you are filled you phsically cannot overeat. Like today - Xmas dinner - I couldn't eat tons of food, I phsically couldnt! You will feel better when you start getting fills. I went thru the same thing!

[bandayed 0]

I think the rules are to help acheive MAXIMUM weight loss. I now have such restiction that even if I broke the rules I would still not gain weight. Even if I tried to overeat, I could not. Maybe you should talk to your Doc about a fill schedule and put that band to work for you! You had the surgery for a reason and if it's not doing it's job, I say get it adjusted so it can. Good luck!

[DevilMayKare 1]

Mercedes,

I was every bit as compulsive as you. Believe me, no one gets to 312 pounds without plenty of binging. The correct restriction will put SOME stops on that binging as you really can't eat while choking, but if you're super determined you CAN eat around the band (ice cream & soups) so there IS a way to get around restriction.

The ONLY thing that truly helps my eating compulsion is exercise. A daily regimine of aerobic workout (very high level NOW) with many mini-workouts thru the day keeps me in check. This has worked better for me than any diet drug (I've tried them all) or eating plan. I HATE EXERCISING! I used to have to FORCE myself out the door or on the elliptical 99% of the time. Now I'd say I have to force myself about 80% of the time. Twenty percent of the time I actually FEEL like it (that's a LOT).

There is no easy fix and the band does not work alone--especially if you work against it.

Sorry. If "THE ANSWER" existed every banded person on this board would be at their goal weight and maintaining there. It's hard work but YOU CAN do it. The very first thing you have to do is stop telling yourself that you can't.

[HarleyNana 10]

I think a fill will help. Though we have a couple of perfect bandsters here, most of us are not, so don't beat yourself up too bad.

[MerryHearted 20]

A fill (or more than one!) will make a HUGE difference, trust me. That's the way the band works. Just you wait and see.

So you've been banded since the beginning of August but have not gotten fills?

[Connorsmom 1]

For me, it is all about restriction. I am not a rule follower and have to say that I have not really dieted. Up until my last fill I lost about 45 lbs but it was a struggle - most came off the first months folowing surgery and the rest was up and down.

Since my last fill I am not hungry - I have my am coffee and then one meal during the day. Mind you my fill is tight but if I chew and make good choices I am fine and the lbs are coming off. BTW - I drink with my meals and do not really exercise (except chasing after my 2 year old!)

I am not encouraging "my way" and yes I am a slow loser but it is working for me.

Good luck

[NJChick 3]

Thanks for this thread. I was getting really down because I have no fill and I'm eating alot, I mean ALOT !!!

Can't wait for my fill on Jan 6th.

Hugs !!!

[sunsett 2]

Bashing yourself and pointing out all the "BAD THINGS" we do isn't the way to win with anything.

You are doing a great thing for yourself and should give yourself a pad on the back for coming here and asking for help.

Like with all things help has to come from ourselves, but we sure do need others input!

You will feel better after you have your fill. I just got mine a few weeks ago. I had my first real band experience last Wednesday night. My daughter had a party and there were chips and dip and Cookies and candy. I just ate and ate. I couldn't sleep until after 2am and in the morning I still felt like crap. I have been sick since a few days before the fill and hadn't really eaten anything much until that night. My CHIOCES were really bad...and I did learn that a few is one thing a lot is another!!

Yesterday I cooked and ate ALL DAY, you know you have to taste the stuffing at least 75 times! And then the Cookies and other stuff. I started beating myself up and then STOPPED because I made those choices yesterday. It wasn't a demon it was me. It isn't once a day it's once in a while.

My suggestion to you is to get a fill, and be kind to yourself. Remember everything that you put in your mouth is a choice. It takes patients and love of yourself, and friends and family to help lift you up.

Today be kind to yourself. Start fresh this morning. and just keep thinking to yourself, I'm an adult, I can make differen't choices.

[the best me 6]

....."perfect Bandster"....BWAAAAHAAAHHAAAaaaahhhhh.....

what you are talking about it what I call 'the Dragon'.....it lurks in its cave and comes forth when it senses I am weak or not paying attention....

here....BandLand is reaching out it's collective hand (reaching down to your outstretched soul).......upsaDaisy...(dusting off your virtual hiking togs)....(turning with you to face the Light)....now, let's take another little step....

and if I knew how to, I'd quote sunsett, too on the "be kind to yourself" refrain. You are a grown-up. You get to pick. Own what you eat. Even the not-so-good stuff.

Good job posting here. It's what just about all of us deal with along the merry little road.

Oh, and get a fill. It really does make a difference.

[Marimaru 7]

This kind of hits home for me. I just went through a few months of not really following the rules (and naturally wondering why the scale doesn't move). I got it back together when I noticed the scale start the creep up just a tad. Now it's creaping back down the up it went. I can't eat much at any given time, but I can pack alot in if I snack throughout the day, which is what I need to quit doing. To your question about whether the 'reasons' really matter, I will say that I believe the answer is yes. I believe that if you know why you did something, you can work on what made you do it, rather than on not doing it again (I hope that makes sense).

I am going to tell you how the band works for ME, and hope that it helps you a bit. I am going to have to diet and make sure I don't snack, and probably count calories to lose all of my weight. "Then why get the band" someone may ask me; but the answer is simple, and worth every penny spent, and more : When I start snacking, and stop dieting and counting calories, I don't GAIN. Or I just gain a little bit before I slap myself and come back under some kind of control. That way, I can pick up pretty much where I left off. Sure, it's going to take longer than I wanted in the beginning, but I've learned alot about myself, and if this is how it's going to work, then that is how I'm going to work it. I think (based on the post above only) that the band may work the same way for you. Get a couple of fills to help you get full more quickly, and not be hungry so fast, but you'll also have to be careful about what you eat. THEN, when you do fall off the wagon, at least the band is there to not help you gain everything back before you start working at it again.

I hope this helps a little. Even if the advice doesn't work for you, maybe it got the wheels turning and you'll think of something else

[mercedes 0]

For those of you wondering about my fills. I have now had 2 and am at 1.7 and am sceduled for a 3rd fill on the 4th. (I had to wait an extra few days because the kids are home until the 2nd. Sometimes I have some restriction. It's just not enough...BUT I am scheduled for the 4th.

Kare, What you have said is also true for me. It always has been exercise that helps me in mind and body. I used to have an aerobics class that I loved because it was sooo hard and long (45 minutes of cardio!). I also decided then that I would never diet again. I lost all the weight and the demon had no power over me because food became a non issue because I was not on a diet. I didn't care about food because I knew that I could have whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. There was no obsession. I became thin (125lbs) and demon free for 6 years. Along with exercise and no "diet", I did some self hypnosis. I told myself over and over that I weighed 5lbs less than what I did in order to set my mind to that weight and I wore tight clothes that were just a little uncomfortable. I also had some clothes that I could barely get on, but I would try them on every few days, laying on the bed to zip them up! I said to myself over and over that I was thin. I just have not been able to find that thin zone.... Yet... that is.

Thanks everyone.

So, how did you overcome and lose?

[Victoriana 10]

I believe you are being hard on yourself, and I do believe that it is important to look at truth and recognize problems and try to resolve issues. There is definate baggage when moslestation is involved and counseling can help you take the power that was taken from you when you were victimized.(unfortunately there is a little experience with this) You are worth following through on this point, even if it is a little way down the road. As Jack said its about baby steps. Pat yourself on the back as you have already taken HUGE steps in correcting the things that have taken away your happiness. You also mentioned mood swings, and there is a possiblilty of chemical imbalances that can be corrected with proper meds. You are very courageous because you are not afraid of self examination and you have to give yourself credit for this. There are tons of people that refuse to take responsibility for thier own happiness, It is truly a choice and when people dont believe that, then they dont even try to make choices or make changes. Its called POV or perception of victimization. It can truly disable anyone that has been traumatized. Can you see that you have started to make changes and that is usually pretty scary for most people. There is a line in a song that says it takes a little while to turn the Titanic around. What I like to remember is that one very small rudder (compared to the size of the Titanic) actually can and does turn lots of Titanic sized ships around.

Mercedes, you have given yourself the gift of wings.

[MsButterKup23 1]

I too am not a model bandster. Today I ate some left over Christmas chocolate and some potato chips because I wanted something salty and crunchy. I know that my monthly visitor talked me into it. At this point all I can do is make better choices tomorrow.

I started feeling more in control after my 2nd fill. I know sometimes I get down and really beat myself down. You have to learn to love yourself and be respect the body that was given to you (meaning don't fill it with junk).

I sincerely wish you the best.

[kimalicious 5]

Don't be so hard on yourself sweetie, everyone has their different reasons for overeating. I still don't know what mine are and still struggle with it every single day. The only thing that stops me is my band. I have a great restriction now and 1 bite to many and I am in pain or the food is coming back up. I'm surely hurting my band, but it works!! We all face the food demons but once you have the restriction you need it really starts to help in that area. I actually quit trying to push my band to the limits and don't try to eat things any longer that I can't. I took me PBing in my car several times before I slowed down, but it is a slow and steady process. I am especially good in front of other people so I try to make sure I eat in front of people because I don't want to PB in front of them or not be able to talk because I am stuck. It works for me so that is what I use and when I do this I may get in 5 bites of food before I have to slow way down or completely stop. You will hit your stride, just don't give up!!!