Met a guy three weeks before my surgery...Crap!

[ronnie87 8]

Well, guys, 4 weeks before my surgery, I started dating the nicest guy ever. We met about 9 months ago but finally we both had a schedule that meshed enough to start spending time together, and it's been a blast so far! We've only been out on two dates so far, but I'm hoping to keep seeing him.

My question is...since I'm having such a life-changing surgery on the 23rd, SHOULD I tell him about it? Don't I owe it to him since I'll be out of commission for a week or two afterward? I'm so confused, and NERVOUS about telling him. He's pretty laid back but I have no idea how he feels about weight loss surgery... and as I've had a bit of a bad reaction from some of the friends I've told, I'm even more nervous about telling a guy I actually like.

Does anyone have any experience with this?!

[Stargurrl* 5]

I would definitely tell him. I was in the same situation and after I realized he loved me just the way I was....overweight or not it just seemed right. He is so supportive of me and having the support makes things so much easier.

[Doc'sWife 56]

thats a touchy subject. i know how you feel kinda, my husband supports my choice for the surgery but he doesnt agree with it. i was in a program for the surgery about 2 years ago and he told me it was a big mistake and that I was just lazy and not trying hard enough. Also he was concerned about the trouble it might cause when it comes to having kids so i dropped out of the program. now i have really tried to lose the weight for him but i'm still here, so surgery here i come. I made it clear to him that this was what i needed and that i was going ahead with it and cleared his medical concerns for me but he still isn't a fan of it. So touchy subject all around and I'm married to my great guy. If you do tell him just make sure he knows how strongly you feel about it and thats who you are. In the long run guys can come and go, you have to make yourself happy. If he understands that then I say he's a keeper. good luck

[ronnie87 8]

I know he's attracted to me at my current weight, and I'm sure he definitely wouldn't care one way or another if I lost weight, but it's just getting up the courage to say, "Hey, I'm kind of going through this huge thing... I know we just started hanging out a week ago...but I hope you're behind it!"

Just seems like that's the kind of thing that could have the potential to scare him off.

[ronnie87 8]

thats a touchy subject. i know how you feel kinda, my husband supports my choice for the surgery but he doesnt agree with it. i was in a program for the surgery about 2 years ago and he told me it was a big mistake and that I was just lazy and not trying hard enough. Also he was concerned about the trouble it might cause when it comes to having kids so i dropped out of the program. now i have really tried to lose the weight for him but i'm still here, so surgery here i come. I made it clear to him that this was what i needed and that i was going ahead with it and cleared his medical concerns for me but he still isn't a fan of it. So touchy subject all around and I'm married to my great guy. If you do tell him just make sure he knows how strongly you feel about it and thats who you are. In the long run guys can come and go, you have to make yourself happy. If he understands that then I say he's a keeper. good luck

I hear ya! My dad was the same way, I wanted to get my surgery about a year and a half ago but he discouraged me. This time I told him, it's my decision, if you have valid medical concerns we'll discuss them, other than that - I've made up my mind.

As for my guy, I don't think he'd begrudge me a couple pounds, because he's a big guy. But there's still the fear of not knowing how he'll react. I might give it another week or two before I say anything, see how it goes.

[Stargurrl* 5]

I would just bring it up in conversation casually this is something you decided to do before you met him. Better to know now if he's gonna be supportive.

[ronnie87 8]

I told him, I think it freaked him out. Maybe I should have waited a few more weeks. Have a feeling I won't be seeing him again. lol

[karewpah 173]

I told him, I think it freaked him out. Maybe I should have waited a few more weeks. Have a feeling I won't be seeing him again. lol

Ronnie...if it freaked h im out then so be it....you're doing it for you and not for him. Just think how many guys will be lining up afterwards...you'll have your pick

Very strong of you to tell him though.

[Stargurrl* 5]

Ronnie I'm sorry about that...but really you don't need any negative/unsupportive people in ur life right now. Ita all about you sister!!

[ronnie87 8]

Thanks, guys. Makes me feel better to have such great supportive people to talk to.

[NBflo Girl 2]

Ronnie, why in the world would he freak out about it ?? I don't understand it unless he was afraid for you to have the surgery.. I say, he will either think about it and come crawling back with a better understanding of the surgery or as they others say, you will definately have your pick later on.. wait until springtime.. this will be all behind you and you will be starting to get a new wardrobe and a new guy (s).. you really don't need any negativity in your life at this time.. this was a big decision to make and you made the right one.. take one day at a time.. it'll all work out..

shar

[LapBandBobbi 8]

Better to find out now than later. At least you're not into a very long relationship with him.

[AlienBandit 10]

I think it is better to tell them right away. I met a guy a few weeks before my rebanding and put off dates till after I was eating solid foods again. Our first date was a disaster because he went on about how fat people are lazy and plastics and weight loss surgery are for lazy people. I didn't want to tell him right away but after that topic came up I just lost it. He didnt understand why I cared so much because " I was so thin" he said and then I told him all about my surgeries.

Needless to say I never saw him again. He actually said he didnt care much about it but with his bad view of "fat:" people I obviously wasnt interested in seeing him anymore.

[ronnie87 8]

I think it is better to tell them right away. I met a guy a few weeks before my rebanding and put off dates till after I was eating solid foods again. Our first date was a disaster because he went on about how fat people are lazy and plastics and weight loss surgery are for lazy people. I didn't want to tell him right away but after that topic came up I just lost it. He didnt understand why I cared so much because " I was so thin" he said and then I told him all about my surgeries.

Needless to say I never saw him again. He actually said he didnt care much about it but with his bad view of "fat:" people I obviously wasnt interested in seeing him anymore.

Wow, he sounds like a winner. That's my biggest fear, going out with someone and have them say something negative about weight loss surgery.

I actually talked to the guy again tonight after telling him around midmorning... he had talked to a mutual friend and he said that helped to put things in perspective for him. He said he was just kind of blown away by the information. We've only been dating a very short time... it was alot to process for him, I suppose. Not sure if it's going to end up being a good thing or a bad thing, but we made another date for Sunday night. We'll see how it goes.

[readi4achange 1]

That's good its working out (maybe)! My boyfriend was upset when I told him at first, but after he looked into it himself and got a better understanding of why I chose to do it. Now he's my biggest cheerleader!!!

Good luck!