My husband no longer wants to have sex with me. TMI ALERT!!

[Humming Bird 275]

My husband and I joke around and have fun with sarcastic stuff often, but none of what has been going on with your situation is funny or light. It sounds hurtful and non-loving.

[honk 780]

Making faces behind your back? Seriously? He's a smart alec so he can be rude to you? Ah ya no. The idea that you do a behavior (drink) so it's okay for him to do a behavior (make faces) is a stupid argument.

Personally I would rather have a snicker bar than two glasses of wine; but that's me.

I don't say this lightly but I think you need some space. I think one of you needs to move out. I would however get counsel on that because there could be laws about abandonment in regards to divorce. Esp if you have children. Verbal abuse is still abuse. Life is too short to live with someone who has decided to demean you.

[Cangel76 1]

I think you both need help. It sounds to me like this marriage has perhaps been desolving for a while.

Here is something I want you to think about....

I am the child of a mother who had just one or two glasses of wine a night. If you are to the point of falling down drunk, that is an alcoholic. If you can not live with alcohol and you are refusing to quit because you like it too much, you are on your way to becoming an alcoholic.

I think you personally need to evaluate your personal issues. I think your husband needs to evaluate his personal issues. Heck we all have them, we all need to grow up. Compromise and learning each other. Wasn't he a smart ass before this point? Is this new? If my husband did that I would laugh. Thing is I sometimes take things too seriously and he tries to remind me that life isn't that serious. To have fun with it.

Your marriage is in trouble it has nothing to do with the weight loss.

[BusyMom1961 1]

In my opinion, any relationship comes down to - Do the good times outweigh the bad? If the bad times outweigh the good and no one is willing to make allowances, then you need to separate for a while and see if you miss them.

There are some days that I don't like my husband, but I always love him. I always tell my friends when they ask for advice the same thing. If even on a bad day you look to the future and you see him in it, then you need to figure out how to fix it. If you don't see him in the picture, then move on.

I am not advocating divorce, I am just saying that maybe a little separation from each other and a little soul searching will give you the answers you need.

If you feel that you need to talk to someone, call a pastor at a church, they will help you. They don't try to get you to come to your church, they will just try to get you through the crisis. They won't charge you anything and will give you an unbiased opinion. I work at a church and the pastor talks to many non-members/non-church goers to help them through a difficult time.

Good luck and most of all - take care of you.

[lellow 1,713]

Miine was not exactly the same situation but I'll tell you my story nonetheless.

My husband met me when I weighed a lot. My weight ballooned while we were married but he always seemed perfectly content with that. Then in 2005, he and I did IVF to have our son and our sex life started to suffer from that time. Things took a huge turn for the worse when I got lapbanded in 2008 and started to lose weight. It was also about this time that my career took off and for the first time, I started earning more than my husband. My new job required me to be quite assertive (project manager) so not only was I becoming more confident professionally but with the weight loss, more confident emotionally and physically.

The dynamics of our relationship changed so much the cracks in our marriage started becoming gaping chasms. He constantly found fault with me, he seemed to have little patience for me. I began to doubt that he loved me - he wouldn't even touch me - and we drifted apart more and more.

I eventually left him 6 months ago. We barely spoke for 5 of those 6 months. I dated, learnt to love the person I am now and enjoyed my single life. I had no intention of reconciling, even though I never stopped loving him, and I went about making a new life for myself.

Then a month ago, I told him about my breast augmentation (something he was always dead against) and that he needed to look after our son while I was recovering. He then asked me why I didn't get it done sooner, while we were together, and I told him it was because he was so against it. That opened his eyes, I believe, as to how much I had been compromising my happiness to be with him.

From that day, he starting calling me again. I was honest with him. I told him that I was dating other men, I told him about the travelling I had done, told him about the new tattoos (lol) and I was brutally honest about how damaging I thought our relationship was to me. He admitted that seeing me change made him insecure, and his way of dealing with it was to try (knowingly or unknowlngly) to manipluate me into behaving a certain way. But the bigger fool him, coz now I had left, and living the life of a confident, free, financially secure person, he actually found me more attractive than ever.

3 weeks ago, he asked me out on a date (he was sooo scared I'd say no!) and that night, we decided to give our marriage another go. He admits that he needed me to walk away, for him to appreciate me. He doesn't live with me yet, we're dating and taking it slow, but he cannot keep his hands off me (and yes, he LOVES the new breasts!!). He admits that the changes in me were difficult for him to take up close, but watching me from afar, he realises that the person I am is what he desires more than anything.

I'm not saying this is my happy ending. There is a long way to go. But I stopped the vicious cycle that our marriage seemed to be on and the rut we couldn't seem to get out of by leaving (and at the time, it was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do). And now, thanks to the stars aligning, we're attempting a fresh start.

Don't sell yourself short. You are worth his respect and his love. If he won't give it to you, you need to find a way to either fix it (and he must want to too) or you need to find some self-preservation and take yourself out of such a damaging situation.

It's not easy and I feel for you so much. But know that you're worth more than the way you're being treated right now.