My husband no longer wants to have sex with me. TMI ALERT!!

[nameunknown 0]

I actually have another name on this forum but I cant post this information there because my husband reads it. Just a quick note about myself, I have lost 100% of my excess weight and have a BMI between 21 and 22. I am very happy with my size and weight.

My husband hates my new body. He calls me bony and hates the fact that my boobs are gone. He says my pelvis is sharp and hurts when we have sex. We fight all the time and I am afraid we are headed toward a divorce.

Anybody else have these problems?

[Apples2 19]

I actually have another name on this forum but I cant post this information there because my husband reads it. Just a quick note about myself, I have lost 100% of my excess weight and have a BMI between 21 and 22. I am very happy with my size and weight.

My husband hates my new body. He calls me bony and hates the fact that my boobs are gone. He says my pelvis is sharp and hurts when we have sex. We fight all the time and I am afraid we are headed toward a divorce.

Anybody else have these problems?

It sounds as if your DH is having a tough time adjusting to the new you. See if he is willing to go with you to see a therapist. If you and him are constantly fighting about these issues and getting nowhere with it, best to seek some help.

I wish you all the best as you deal with this...Hugs

[vlp1968 83]

I agree with the advice to see a therapist. You have gotten healthy and your husband needs to see that. I wonder if he's a little jealous, now that you are more attractive to men. I would deffinately try counseling before thinking about a divorce. A good therapist should be able to help work out your issues. Hopefully your husband will agree to participate. Hope things get better soon! keep us posted.

[Cocoabean 430]

I have mostly questions for you to ponder.

I am sorry he feels this way. You are healthier now. I expect you did not get to a BMI of 22 without exercise?

You will be around longer by being healthier.

As to the pelvis thing, there are positions that do not involve your grinding together at the hip. Is he willing to try? Boobs can be replumped (ONLY if you are unhappy with them as well!).

Could it be that he is dissatisfied with other parts of being married, and is laying the blame on your new body? Is he threatened because you have grown and changed through the process and he hasn't? Or has he joined you at all in the process? Is he afraid you don't find him attractive now, and are going to look elsewhere? Perhaps he is looking elsewhere, is feeling guilty and laying the blame on your body?

Is he willing to go to counselling? Are you?

It is a fact in marriage that we all change and grow at different rates. It's the hope of all of us that our partners can adapt to the changes. Sometimes they cannot.

If it were me, I'd wait for him to make the statement that he wants out, if you can put up with it that long. But you DO need to take care of YOU. If he is being mentally abusive to you. Take care of yourself.

Do you have young children? Take care of them. They don't need to see their parents fighting constantly.

Final question....do YOU want to stay married?

Best wishes to you.

[isaviolinist 11]

I agree with everyone else. See if he'll go to counseling. Don't give up on your marriage! Remind your husband that you love him and you did this for both of you so you'll be able to grow old together! As hard as it may be, communication is key (which is where the counselor could help). Hugs to you.

[OneYearLater 14]

Were you overweight when you and your husband first started dating and got married? Has he ever said anything before about a 'preference' for heavier women earlier on? Did he say anything about it at all while you were in the losing process or has it been just suddenly?

Sounds like he may be feeling insecure about your changes and thinking that you might either try to change him if he is overweight or it may be a self protection mechanism. He might feel that eventually you will try to push him away so he is trying to do it first. Sometimes that is how someone protects their feelings...

Either way....it's something that you guys definitely need to see a therapist to work through...

Good luck!!!

[Jachut 487]

I agree with what's been said.

I think the issue that needs to be sorted is whether he is threatened, unhappy, insecure, whatever about the changes in you or whether he genuinely had a preference for a heavier woman.

Counselling would probably help if he's willing, and he should be if he's not just using this an excuse for other feelings.

I know that my DH is supportive and happy for me, but I could probably get him to admit that he's sorry that my boobs are in such a sorry state and that my stomach puddles unattractively if I lie on my side. Same as I often think DH could look so much better with a bit of a tan and if he would wax those bits off his back! But I love him regardless and that's what sex is about, or should be.

[kaobserver 0]

Cocoabean is right on with what she's saying. There may be underlining issues here. Not sure why he would be anti-new you looking like you do now, unless he liked or is partial to a larger sized woman. I've always been a guy of the heart so looks aren't my main concern and not something to focus on as we all get wrinkly as we go along.

[ElfiePoo 109]

Ditto what everyone else says about talking to a marital counselor. He may (without even realizing it himself) be using your weight loss as an excuse for deeper unhappiness. In any case, counseling may help determine whether or not this can be fixed.

.

[Humming Bird 275]

One thought that comes to my mind (and I may be way off base here) is there may be some other "issue' going on if he feels the need to read your posts here on LBT.

I would think it would get pretty boring at this point. Most of all of our posts here are about working the band, it's a tool, slime, Pbing, getting stuck.......

Maybe he thinks you are going to meet someone from the site who is thinner than he is? There is the insecurity?

[LowPSI 0]

In case no one had noticed, guys can sometimes be real jerks! As a guy, I'm sorry your other band is having issues. (Maybe you could wear a "fat" suit during sex?)

Even when guys are fat, we still fantasize about thin women, so I'm not sure what his problem is. My wife is also losing (not with a band) and I look forward to both of us banging our bones together soon! LOL

[WrenBird 11]

I'm worried the same thing will happen to me...My fiance first took notice to me becasue he liked my chubby round bum. He has a thing for chubby women and I'm worried he's not going to find me attractive when I'm thinner.

I don't really have any advice for you besides seeing a therapist. My mum and dad's marriage is perfect because they've seen a therapist a few times. They've been together since they were 15 and they're so inlove.

Sometimes these things just happen. If you love someone enough you'll see that it's worth fighting for - I think both of you need to start fighting. At the moment though, your husband seems to be making it a bit tougher for you...Just let him know the importance of weightloss and what it means to you. If he really loves you then I think you guys will do just fine.

Good luck to you both. It takes a lot of effort, but I think if you guys really do love each other then there's no way this little obstical will ruin your marriage.

[shall 0]

I would like to know how you did it, sounds to me he;s a little jealous.Surely now you loss weight yore easier to handle during sex.

[nomorejellybelly 77]

Wow. Good luck to you.

[kcg 6]

The advice given by all the respondents sound great, hun. Jokes aside, this guy could be really jealous of all the attention you`re receiving due to your weightloss. If that is not the reason then there have been underlying isses within the marriage that you were not privy to. The talking therapy idea sounds great but does he really want to resolve the issues? Does he realise the pain you`re goping through because of his complaints? Have you actually sat down to talk as opposed to arguing?

I will not advise you put on weight and make yourself unhealthy just to please someone else. In regards to breast augumentation, don`t go for it unless it`s really something that you want for yourself because you never know what else he could use against you (fake breasts on bones?). I really hope you get a resolution soon and if further support is required, please pm me, hun. I`m rooting for you and sense you`re looking fabulous with BMI 21 / 22. Wow!