No Support from Husband

[wvmommy 0]

Hi guys....I just completed registration forms for the hospital I will be going to and my seminar is December 14th. I am so excited, as I have been heavy my entire life. My husband at first, when I told him I was going to do this, was okay with it...Now that I have been on the phone with our insurance and the hospital he is starting to get annoyed. He called from work tonight and I told him I was looking at before and after pictures of people that had been banded and he said I was "obsessed" and he was tired of the word lap band already. This wouldnt bother me, but I am so supportive of all of the things that he does. He is an avid hunter and spends most of his time in the woods or watching outdoor television. As this is not my cup of tea, I have learned everything I can about his sport and am even going hunting with him this year. I am completely crushed. How can he be soooo insensitive?

[kaobserver 0]

Not sure there is an answer for that. Is he overweight as well? If he is then it could be an insecure thing as I am going through that with my wife now. If not then I'm not sure who wouldn't want a wife that is dedicated to losing weight?

[wvmommy 0]

He is overweight, but not obese....maybe that is why, then...insecurity. I did tell him today that I wanted him to show me how to lift light weights after surgery and asked him if we could start exercising together. He was totally against that and said if he wanted to lose weight, he would just watch what he ate until he lost a few pounds...I dunno...Maybe we are hitting a fork in the road. The only thing that worries me, is that if he is this unsupportive now, what is he going to be like after I have it?

[dfav3412 116]

I can't quote this perfectly but you will get the drift of this. You have changed your dance and have tripped up your partner. Give him time to learn the new steps.

[Laura Lane 0]

remember that men think different from women....for us something might be really important and we can't stop talking about it and for them it is important but they get tired of listening to us. so don't worry, you will be fine, just keep up with all your plans, but don't mention anything to him and act like if nothing were happening....:thumbup:goodluck

[BandedTheresa 2]

Hi guys....I just completed registration forms for the hospital I will be going to and my seminar is December 14th. I am so excited, as I have been heavy my entire life. My husband at first, when I told him I was going to do this, was okay with it...Now that I have been on the phone with our insurance and the hospital he is starting to get annoyed. He called from work tonight and I told him I was looking at before and after pictures of people that had been banded and he said I was "obsessed" and he was tired of the word LAP-BAND® already. This wouldnt bother me, but I am so supportive of all of the things that he does. He is an avid hunter and spends most of his time in the woods or watching outdoor television. As this is not my cup of tea, I have learned everything I can about his sport and am even going hunting with him this year. I am completely crushed. How can he be soooo insensitive?

Awww....that breaks my heart . Personally sounds like he is just being an A**. But as we learn, unless he is always this way, there is a reason he is acting this way now. Maybe yall could sit down and have a heart to heart. Let him know this is going to be a part of your life now. Maybe he is scared...if you lose the weight if youll be the same person. I really wish the best of luck with him.

[kaobserver 0]

My Doctor asked me if my wife and I were overweight when we met as he said it is a very big concern with one partner losing weight and leaving the other. I told him we were both thin but he advised that I need to address that should it come up. Something to keep in mind though.

But as dfav said it will take some time to get him adjusted but I'd not try and involve him so much if he is pushing back as you describe.

- Aaron

[Fluffy_Gurl 3]

My BF wasnt sure about it at first. he was afraid that i was gonna lose weight and then lose him. Maybe this is a concern for him. Maybe just ask him flat out why he has an issue with it.I also discovered that men dont usually like it when you no onger devote your entire life to them. now that you are devoing something to you, it may be an issue for him,

[wvmommy 0]

Thank you guys for the response. Its just hard not being able to talk to the one person that I should be able to share my hopes and dreams with...It doesn't seem fair to me...I live far away from my family and he is my only support where we are at. I dunno what to do.

[happygirl65 5]

You really just have to talk to him. I was having an issue with my husband a while back when he was fighting me on getting a gym membership, we had also been drifting apart and he was buying me candy bars and stuff like that in the guise of being sweet to me but was totally sabotaging me. When I finally got up the guts to tell him that I LOVE HIM for wanting to be kind to me but that it was actually kinder to talk to me and tell me he loves me and support my wanting to change the family diet and exercise routine, and really spilled that I was afraid he was thinking I was gonna succeed and then leave him...he confessed that he didn't really think so and hoped not but there was a part of him that was scared of all the change. It was pretty deep down but once we got it all out on the table we both felt tons better and he has been AWESOME at supporting me and not letting me talk myself out of the surgery or exercise or my new eating plan because he wants me to succeed.

It can get SO much better if you can figure out how to improve communications...best of luck to you!

[23&LQQKIN2bThin 0]

You said you were getting ready to go to a seminar. i would offer if he wants to come. I have found a lot of people say that the men were against it until they finally found out what it really was all about. If he doesn't don't push but just know that you will have to work at it just as you have to work at a marriage before band. . . just another screw thrown in. Also as you lose weight my (required for my band)therapist said that I should be very open minded to therapy if we come upon issues because she said while losing the weight a lot of new things will come up from childhood, re-defining yourself and ect. If you are religious I recommend a book called Love and respect by Eggesrich. It is based from the words of the bible and explains sooo simply how we are different and basically how to do things so that you get what you want as well as him. I am so much more relaxed in my marriage and enjoy our differences now. Good Luck!!

[Cocoabean 430]

My husband gets tired of my obsessions often. As it seems each new interest becomes one.

But I think yours needs to be on board with this. Your eating habits are going to change, perhaps drastically.

I could not imagine the stress of trying to eat around my husband knowing he was against my being banded. One stuck episode and I'd never have heard the end of it.

My surgeon required me to have a support "buddy" who came to one pre-op education group meeting and one or two pre-op appointments. It didn't have to be a spouse, but if you were married, he preferred it to be your spouse.

I'd say go ahead with your plans, but try not to talk about it non-stop. I think that maybe it is just a difference between men and women. Fellas, speak up if I am wrong, but women tend to talk often and long and over and over about things they are excited about. Men talk when there is action to be taken.

I come here to talk band stuff. My hubby is happy for me that I am healthy and have lost the weight, but otherwise, he really doesn't want to hear it. He is supportive of me, but this is where I get my support. Know what I mean?

[NYYnNYGFAN 0]

Hi guys....I just completed registration forms for the hospital I will be going to and my seminar is December 14th. I am so excited, as I have been heavy my entire life. My husband at first, when I told him I was going to do this, was okay with it...Now that I have been on the phone with our insurance and the hospital he is starting to get annoyed. He called from work tonight and I told him I was looking at before and after pictures of people that had been banded and he said I was "obsessed" and he was tired of the word lap band already. This wouldnt bother me, but I am so supportive of all of the things that he does. He is an avid hunter and spends most of his time in the woods or watching outdoor television. As this is not my cup of tea, I have learned everything I can about his sport and am even going hunting with him this year. I am completely crushed. How can he be soooo insensitive?

My husband was alittle like that too and now I realized he was just a bit scared. His life will change too...it has too. Men don't like change. I got banded on 11/8 and he's been good about things...thank god for my girlfriends! They are my rock! I only told the ones that I knew would be and not the others that are judgemental. Don't worry about anyone else except for yourself!

[goingskinny2day 0]

I think most people in relationships will have a spouse who is threatened. Some afraid you may leave when your skinny. He fears you changing -not getting the lap band. He may fear that because you are taking point for your health, you may not need him. Reassure him -you love him, you need him, and thank him for the chance to take care of your health. http://www.lapbandtalk.com/images/smilies/modern/thumbup.gif

[ruknd2 0]

I concur with the theory of the husband's fear of being "left" When I went to nursing school many years ago the average age of the students was around 33 yo. I am not sure of a percentage, but a heck of a lot of the female students left their husbands after becoming an RNs. When wives do life event changes such as going back to school, getting lap band surgery, etc, many middle aged males fear abandonment due to esteem and inadequacy issues. Constant communication is necessary to identify what the fear is, if it is fear at all. Good luck by the way!