Don't know how to feel.

[Boyfriend21 1]

My finance is a 21 year old beautiful young woman. She is approximately 5'9" tall, weighs approximately 290lbs. She has been diagnosed with PCOS, which in my opinion, is a large cause for her current weight. She has medication for the PCOS but has a difficult time remembering to take it regularly so I do no think that it has much of an effect. Other than the PCOS, she has no health issues. Heart is good, BP is good, blood looks good, everything.

She wants to get lap band surgery. She talks about the long term health benefits of being thinner, but when it comes right down to it, she wants the band so she can be thinner. She has been a bigger girl all of her life and she wants to be that thin stylish girl. No matter how much I tell her how beautiful she is, etc. she always feels like the fat ugly girl, and she wants to be thin.

I have read tons of information all over the internet and honestly I am terrified of her getting this and it making her miserable for the rest of her life. It seems to restrict so much of what you can eat and drink. I read that some doctors tell you to stay away from certain activities to prevent you from flipping, etc. I read about ulcers and vomiting and all kinds of things.

I want to be supportive of her decision in the worst way, but I also do not want her to do this and spend the rest of her life regretting it.

Am I being overly protective? Is being thin really worth the possible risks when you currently have no health issues? Are the issues really less than it seems that they are? Help me out here people. Either tell me I am off the mark and I should encourage her to do this and make herself into the image that she wants. Or should I encourage her to pursue other less evasive methods of weight loss first? Please help! I love her so much. I want her happy, but I want to keep her healthy too and thin doesnt always = healthy.

Give me some insight please.

[rhonda435 2]

PCOS will effect her when you all are ready to have children also. You should voice your concerns to her but know that it isnt there for life. She she is having alot of issues with it it can come out. ( doesn't happen often). Also keep in mind she is young so the bigger problems are sure to come if she keeps gaining. I would say support her in what she wants but also voice your feelings also. There are risk both ways. Go to the consult or seminar with her. They answer alot of questions. The doctor telling her to stay away from certain foods. Everyone is diffrent and some people can eat the foods. Others just cant tolerate them after the band.

[elcee 3,343]

Have you ever had a weight issue yourself? If not it may be hard to understand how awful being overweight/obese can make you feel.Most of us want to be slim/sexy/look good in clothes. The need to look normal" is probably more of a driving factor than the health issue for a lot of people.

I would get a band just to look and feel good about myself if I had no health issues.Oops what am I saying I did. The only issues I had were high BP and cholesterol. The BP resolved itself for a while but has now gone back up, cholesterol still high so obviously neither were related to my weight!

Maybe you are also concerned that if she loses weight then she may lose interest in you as well? If you have a solid relationship then it should not be an issue.I have no intentions of swapping my husband any time soon although if Shemar Moore or Brad Pitt came knocking I might change my mind!

And I'm not sure why getting a band would make her miserable for the rest of her life. Mine doesn't. I look good, I feel good - what's there to be miserable about.

[Sha'sJourney 1]

I think you should support her if this is something she wants to do. Dieting is hard, most times leaves you starving and then you just end up over eating and gaining more weight then when you started. Lap Band is a very low risk procedure and almost everyone who has it wishes they would've done it sooner. It works by controlling portions and making you feel full. She doesn't have to give up all of her favorite foods. Its about moderation. You should be happy that she wants to get healthy. Especially if you want her to be around a long time.

Like others suggested, go to the seminar with her that way you can get a better understanding of it. Wither she decides to get it or not you should be supportive.

[Fluffy_Gurl 3]

First of all I wan to say, you must be a pretty amazing guy if you are willing to come on the site to ask for advice. Secondly, if you truely love her, you will suppor her in whatever choice she makes. I agree with the previous poster, who suggesed that you go with her. I also would recomend watching videos on you tube of others who have gone through this journey and the surgery itself.

My boyfriend, lives in another stae right now, he doesnt understand exactally how the surgery works and doesnt have access to internet to view or find the information. His support means a lot to me, and honestly he does support me very well, mostly because he doesnt understand how it works. Your girlfriend i am sure will do dilligent research before getting the band. This isnt a magic fix, the weight loss is slow and takes a lot of hard work and dedications. the best thing you can do for her, is makethe healthy lifestyle changes with her, support her when things might be tough, and notice the changes she makes for the better. Go to her appts with her, be a part of the process, etc. thats the best you can do to help her. As far as the negative things you read, any surgery has some bad outcomes, thats part of life and nothing is perfec or works perfect for everyone. But did you notice all of the success stories? and the people who contribute the band to saving their lives? I dont have medical problems yet either (that are contributed to my weight) YET being the key word. Getting the band to prevent these diseases is just as important as getting it to improve health because of disease. ou go to the doc and get a yearly physical right? you wouldnt want her to wait to get her "yearly" until she had cervical cancer right? So why wait to prevent diabetes? Ultimatly this is a choice she has to make for herself. All you can do is support her through whatever choice she makes. Sorry this is so windy but you asked for it :rolleyes2:

[LeighaMason 19]

First I would ask myself "What are her options?" You mentioned the first one, losing weight with diet and exercise. Now ask yourself how many people do you personally know who have lost 100 pounds and kept it off? I don't know one, I have never personally met a person who lost 100 and kept it off. There was a newspaper article recently in my town of a lady who did, but that was so rare they wrote an article in the paper! There are 100,000 people here so is that 1/100,000 odds? Now add in PCOS does it become one in a million?

Now for the surgery, I personally know (in real life) 5 people who have had WLS and lost 100% of their excess weight that is out of 7 who have had surgery so the odds are 5/7 for success. (Not very scientific but that is reality for me.) So when I was deciding last year I used these numbers to help me choose.

The reality of the situation is this, if she could lose the weight on her own, she already would have. So her choices are stay obese, with an almost 100% guarantee of becoming morbidly obese or super obese by the time she is middle aged or do something about it now.

The band may not be the answer, her personal answer might be the sleeve or GB instead, encourage her to find the answer.

[Amanda1982 142]

I just want to add that it’s great that you are concerned. I’m sure you worried that if she gets the band he will become a different person. You feel she’s doing it for vain reasons more that health reasons right? Well I would say we all have our vain reasons for wanting to do this., but none of them outweigh the benefits of a healthier longer life. Trust me she may be healthy now but at her weight the problems will come later. If this makes her happy support her, go to a seminar with her, go to support groups before the surgery with her, ask questions and voice your concerns. She will appreciate you more if you support her. Don’t try to change her mind unless you have all the facts and you are still uncomfortable with it.

[mimi211 1]

Hi, I read your post and my heart went out to you and your fiancee. I am 28 years old, and I was diagnosed with PCOS 3 years ago. Not many people know about this condition, but it is one of the most frustrating conditions, given all the odd symptoms and limited treatment. I was also told that PCOS led to my weight gain. I decided to get the surgery because at my last physical my doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with you other than the PCOS; but if you continue at this weight, you will have health problems in the future." I was tired all the time & I was uncomfortable in my own skin.

I have had lap-band surgery and it was the best decision I have made in my life. Most of my PCOS symptoms have gone away, or diminished tremendously.

I don't think this has to do with wanting to be a thin girl, at least completely. It is very difficult to be obese and feel good about yourself; it's just more difficult to live. I can at least speak for myself when I say that I was physically uncomfortable all of the time, had trouble sleeping, breathing & moving. Also, one cannot even begin to explain the feeling one gets when strangers give you certain looks & people judge you, just for being big. I don't think anyone can understand how that feels unless they've lived through it.

Also remember that all those horrible side effects from the surgery are rare, and depend on the patient follows the Dr’s post-op plan. Yes, it does restrict the food that we consume, but we aren’t starving; we just survive on less from now on.

I think it’s wonderful that you are on this site asking for advice and insight, but try to see this from her point of view as well. It can be a painful life living an obese life; physically, emotionally and mentally.

Good luck with everything!:rolleyes2:

[va_viv 3]

Hi! I have to say, reading this reminded me of my boyfriend and me. I was diagnosed with PCOS in April...after 5 years of constant weight gain and not understanding why. Nobody knows the feeling you get when you're told by the dr "the biggest reason for your weight is the PCOS" (unless they've been there of course) and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Let me tell you a little about my story. I had never been super skinny but I was fit and very comfortable with my body, I was a dancer and volleyball player...always weighed between 150-160 lbs. Then in the course of 2 years I gained 80 lbs and continued to gain until I had lapband surgery. In the 5 years that my weight went up (I didn't know about the PCOS) I felt disgusted by my body; I hated looking in the mirror and tried so hard to lose any weight. I joined LA Weightloss, Jenny Craig, nutrisystem, a gym and had a personal trainer....I usually averaged 3 lbs a MONTH. It was the most frustrating period of my life because I tried it all.

The metformin I started taking after I got diagnosed was the worst. I had constant stomach pain from the medicine and I knew that I couldn't continue. I seeked out info about lapband and told my bf about it every step of the way. He didn't like the idea of surgery but after he saw that I was well informed he slowly gave in. Currently I've lost 30 lbs (had surgery on Oct 6th) and it is the BEST thing I have ever done because I KNOW that if I hadn't had the surgery I would have continued gaining...it's just how it works. I also know that without the surgery weight loss would've been nearly impossible.

I hated feeling like the fat ugly girl amongst all my skinny friends, but I know that I truly did it to feel comfortable in my own skin (being skinny is a plus), to be the happy person I used to be, to go shopping without any reservations, to smile at myself while looking in the mirror because I think I look GOOD. I did it to be skinny yeah but I did it to feel better about myself, to love myself, to finally be able to live the life I know I was meant to live. I did it for ME. My bf finally understood that and he had not other choice but to accept it and support me.

Support her, nothing but good will come out of this...take it from all of us who know.

Good luck to both of you :rolleyes2:

[Cangel76 1]

Hello, my name is Celeste. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 21. I cried because the chance of me having babies was reliant on me being able to loose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I couldn't imagine that. I tried so hard for years and had trouble loosing weight. After a lot of blood, sweat and tears I got pregnant, then, ballooned again after the baby was born and couldn't manage my weight no matter what I tried.

I finally started taking prenatal Vitamins and exercising, at 30 was pregnant, had my daughter at 32. I went to the OBGYN for a follow up and I cried, "I don't want to be this heavy, I want to enjoy life." They recommended the banding, no one has ever died going under for the banding surgery, recovery is fairly quick considering and the risks do not out weigh the outcome.

Also, if your sweetie and you ever want to have children, with the weight off there is a good possibility she will have an easier time getting pregnant, if she does, they just loosen the band, she has a normal lifestyle, then once the baby comes, they can leave it open if she is nursing or close it up.

If you want what is best for her, here are my suggestions.

Go to a disucussion. Usually if you want the band they have an informational meeting. Bring your list of questions with you and the Doctor can answer them. Make sure she is informed, but don't try to scare her. Inform her of the positives and some of the risks. Be honest and say, "I just want what makes you happy. I want to make sure you make the best choice for yourself hon."

Take your time to read and understand PCOS and understand her future risk of diabetes, high bp and other issues is increased. Her taking control of her weight now, means you can keep her around a lot longer. If you are overweight also, consider going through this with her. It will bond you in a ways you never thought possible.

[ronnie87 8]

My finance is a 21 year old beautiful young woman. She is approximately 5'9" tall, weighs approximately 290lbs. She has been diagnosed with PCOS, which in my opinion, is a large cause for her current weight. She has medication for the PCOS but has a difficult time remembering to take it regularly so I do no think that it has much of an effect. Other than the PCOS, she has no health issues. Heart is good, BP is good, blood looks good, everything.

She wants to get LAP-BAND® surgery. She talks about the long term health benefits of being thinner, but when it comes right down to it, she wants the band so she can be thinner. She has been a bigger girl all of her life and she wants to be that thin stylish girl. No matter how much I tell her how beautiful she is, etc. she always feels like the fat ugly girl, and she wants to be thin.

I have read tons of information all over the internet and honestly I am terrified of her getting this and it making her miserable for the rest of her life. It seems to restrict so much of what you can eat and drink. I read that some doctors tell you to stay away from certain activities to prevent you from flipping, etc. I read about ulcers and vomiting and all kinds of things.

I want to be supportive of her decision in the worst way, but I also do not want her to do this and spend the rest of her life regretting it.

Am I being overly protective? Is being thin really worth the possible risks when you currently have no health issues? Are the issues really less than it seems that they are? Help me out here people. Either tell me I am off the mark and I should encourage her to do this and make herself into the image that she wants. Or should I encourage her to pursue other less evasive methods of weight loss first? Please help! I love her so much. I want her happy, but I want to keep her healthy too and thin doesnt always = healthy.

Give me some insight please.

Your girlfriend is already morbidly obese, she has PCOS, so her weight will continue to balloon... I really don't think that this is a healthy person. (As everyone else said, she may not have health issues other than the PCOS yet, but she likely will.) I'm younger (23) and I don't have any health issues yet, but I'm almost 267 pounds and 5'7", believe me when I tell you it's a hard world out there for a large woman of any age.

I understand and acknowledge your fears for her, and I'm sure she is gorgeous at her current weight, but even if your girlfriend is getting the surgery to be "thin" I have a hard time realizing why you're begrudging her this. If a person is unhappy with themselves, they should try and change whatever it is that is making them unhappy. She's obviously not doing it for you, but for herself, so I think that in itself is a good sign that she will not regret doing it. Since it's virtually impossible for her to lose the weight the "old fashioned way," this is a great tool to aid her in her lifestyle change.

It's my belief that you should be supportive of her, and that you are being a little bit overprotective (not that it's not fantastic that you're wanting to research it more), just try not to focus on the bad you hear about the band, because the people with horrible experiences are few and far between. And 90% of the time it's user error, nothing to do with the band itself. Every surgery has its risks.

I wish you and your girlfriend good luck with whatever she decides! :rolleyes2:

[L12 13]

Your girlfriend is already morbidly obese, she has PCOS, so her weight will continue to balloon... I really don't think that this is a healthy person. (As everyone else said, she may not have health issues other than the PCOS yet, but she likely will.) I'm younger (23) and I don't have any health issues yet, but I'm almost 267 pounds and 5'7", believe me when I tell you it's a hard world out there for a large woman of any age.

I understand and acknowledge your fears for her, and I'm sure she is gorgeous at her current weight, but even if your girlfriend is getting the surgery to be "thin" I have a hard time realizing why you're begrudging her this. If a person is unhappy with themselves, they should try and change whatever it is that is making them unhappy. She's obviously not doing it for you, but for herself, so I think that in itself is a good sign that she will not regret doing it. Since it's virtually impossible for her to lose the weight the "old fashioned way," this is a great tool to aid her in her lifestyle change.

It's my belief that you should be supportive of her, and that you are being a little bit overprotective (not that it's not fantastic that you're wanting to research it more), just try not to focus on the bad you hear about the band, because the people with horrible experiences are few and far between. And 90% of the time it's user error, nothing to do with the band itself. Every surgery has its risks.

I wish you and your girlfriend good luck with whatever she decides!

I second all of this. She may not be experiencing any ill effects now, but chances are high that she will eventually, whether they are PCOS-related or not. It is extremely unlikely that at her weight she will escape problems forever; so would you like for her to wait and get sick and suffer that damage to her body, or address the issue now?

BTW, I just saw a new doctor (gynecologist BTW, for PCOS), a couple of weeks ago. He hadn't seen me before, but had looked through all of my past records; he quite bluntly told me that I had saved my life by having surgery and losing the weight. Though I had just really started to feel the effects of morbid obesity (high blood pressure, joint pain, skyrocketing weight and hormones, fatigue) at the time of surgery (at age 34), I feel like I stopped myself from going over a cliff. If I could go back, I would have had the surgery before I started feeling sick. I completely understand and agree with your fiancee.