Pre-op, wondering if I need this?

[melzie_99 22]

Ok, I need a moment to vent...here goes. So I went to brunch with my husband today and about halfway through commented "Boy, I'm getting full, but I'd better get used to this if I get the surgery". My husband asked me what the surgery is supposed to do, to which I replied it helps you eat less. He then proceeded to say quite smugly "well, why do you need surgery for that? Look at me" and then took a bite of his food then pushed his plate away and said "see, I'm eating less". He seemed to think this was hilarious but I was angry at first then became a bit upset. I tried to stay calm and explained the logistics of the surgery and he pretty much just said "do what you want; it's not my body".

This is the kind of stuff that gets me so frustrated; he will never understand what it's like to be overweight. We've been together 8 years and he struggles to GAIN weight; he's only weighed more than 165 for about 2 months since I've known him and eats crap all the time and exercise only when his job requires it. While sometimes he's very supportive and tells me he wants me to do what makes me happy, it's this attitude of you're not trying hard enough from him and others that makes me just want to give up. It's kind of like the other day when I was talking to my sister who had the initial negative response to me mentioning surgery. I told her I want to lose enough weight and get off my BP meds and she said "well, Tiffany (my other sister) and I are smaller and still have high BP; it runs in the family and I don't think that's going to help you". So am I just supposed to accept the fact that I've been on 2 BP meds for over 5 years and I'm only 29 because it "runs in the family"? So does diabetes; if I end up with that because of my weight should I accept that as well? Argh! I don't understand why people are so against surgical intervention when we're literally killing ourselves little by little when we have weight related illness. IDK; I'm just really frustrated right now...

[happygirl65 5]

Melzie,

That really sucks. I am sorry that you are not finding the support you need. It is hard when the people you love don't understand something important to you. Maybe you could take your husband to a consult with you so that he can get some real information and clear up some of his misconceptions about how hard it is to lose weight once you reach a certain size or have dieted your way into making it harder for your body to get rid of the excess.

It doesn't sound like he is against it, but not really behind it either just making you feel like crap. Take it from me...in his mind he is being logical and he is talking to your emotions but there is a disconnect between the two. You have to find a way to communicate your concerns to him about how important this is to you. Tell him that no matter what you choose he has to be behind you 100% or it will never work (and could be part of why it hasn't worked thus far.) I wish you the best!

[kaobserver 0]

I found myself fearing the object in my body as well. But I have my stomach intact. And if anything happens to the band I am sure it is fixable or replaceable. I really only find myself fearing something could happen and I would lose it because I love it so much.

My thoughts exactly and what made my decision for me. I at first was going to get by-pass but after reading some of the stories and seeing that it is nonreverseable I decided against it. I am still week one right now and dealing with gas but I am very happy that I did it. And I can't wait to start to try on new clothes.

-Aaron

[Cocoabean 430]

Ok, I need a moment to vent...here goes. So I went to brunch with my husband today and about halfway through commented "Boy, I'm getting full, but I'd better get used to this if I get the surgery". My husband asked me what the surgery is supposed to do, to which I replied it helps you eat less. He then proceeded to say quite smugly "well, why do you need surgery for that? Look at me" and then took a bite of his food then pushed his plate away and said "see, I'm eating less". He seemed to think this was hilarious but I was angry at first then became a bit upset. I tried to stay calm and explained the logistics of the surgery and he pretty much just said "do what you want; it's not my body".

This is the kind of stuff that gets me so frustrated; he will never understand what it's like to be overweight. We've been together 8 years and he struggles to GAIN weight; he's only weighed more than 165 for about 2 months since I've known him and eats crap all the time and exercise only when his job requires it. While sometimes he's very supportive and tells me he wants me to do what makes me happy, it's this attitude of you're not trying hard enough from him and others that makes me just want to give up. It's kind of like the other day when I was talking to my sister who had the initial negative response to me mentioning surgery. I told her I want to lose enough weight and get off my BP meds and she said "well, Tiffany (my other sister) and I are smaller and still have high BP; it runs in the family and I don't think that's going to help you". So am I just supposed to accept the fact that I've been on 2 BP meds for over 5 years and I'm only 29 because it "runs in the family"? So does diabetes; if I end up with that because of my weight should I accept that as well? Argh! I don't understand why people are so against surgical intervention when we're literally killing ourselves little by little when we have weight related illness. IDK; I'm just really frustrated right now...

Oh poo! I hate computers sometimes...accidentally hit the "back" button..sheesh

OK, here we go again.

My husband has never had a weight problem either. He is part of the "push yourself away from the table" brigade. Off and on over the years he has tried to be my food police, which has cause a lot of strife between us. He just doesn't get it. I mean, he forgets to eat. Who does that!?!?

Years ago, when I first brought up surgery (bypass), he was totally against it. I yo-yoed for years. He observed the battle. I looked into surgery again, and found out about the band. He was much more comfortable with the band. Still not happy that I needed surgery to push myself away from the table, but accepted it.

As I have lost the weight and become healthier, he's stopped being my food monitor. He's so funny now. He'll say, "are you sure that's all you want?" I say, "uh, yeah, this will do me." "Ok then." He says he feels bad when I can't eat a lot knowing how much I love food. I tell him I still enjoy it. I just eat less, but eat slower so I still enjoy it as much as I used to. It's very refreshing not to have food and my weight be an issue between us. We don't constantly argue about whether or not I can possibly be hungry because he isn't. Yes, we had that argument many times. If he wasn't hungry, I shouldn't be either. If he was hungry, I was allowed to be. Now, if I am hungry, he accepts it.

It's wonderful.

[Sillycar 0]

Hi, Happygirl- I am in the exact same boat as you. I had my first consult last week and right away I started changing habits. I even started trying Protein Shakes for lunch from smoothie King to find out what I like! I am so worried that I am capable of doing this alone and putting some contraption in my body seems absurd. However, I look back on my life up until now and it has been a rollercoaster. I have lost weight many times but it never stays off. I was a size 24 in college when the Atkins diet hit- I jumped on board and lost about 100 pounds on my own! However, it was not a sustainable lifestyle. I have done all the diets... South Beach, Weight Watchers, etc. However, even when I lose weight, I don't maintain living on a diet. So, here I am, up to a size 26 and I keep wondering if it is worth putting this device in my abdomen.... and a part of me is ashamed for needing it. Please, keep me posted on your progress as I have found your thread so helpful just to know there is someone else out there with the same concerns!