Advice: Need to tell my boyfriend about the Band...

[PrincipalsOffice 16]

I was banded last November and have lost 50 pounds so far. It has been slow going, but was the best decision I have ever made.

I met my boyfriend over the summer, and have lost about 20 pounds since meeting him. I go to the Y a lot and of course watch what I eat. He runs marathons and triathalons and is very proud of my weight loss efforts.

Thing is... he has no idea I've had the lapband. We are moving in together in 3 weeks and I know we will be married sometime next year.

I want to tell him, and am certain he will be as supportive as he can be, given someone who knows nothing about it since he is in pristine physical shape, but have NO IDEA how to do this.

Only my family and 2 best friends know. No one at work. Not my ex husband, etc. I've been very hush hush.

My biggest fear has been that the band, like everything else, would not work, and I would be seen as a failure.

Any suggestions? Anyone else been in a similiar situation?

[JUKU 1]

I am in a similar situation. I started dating my current boyfriend in July of this year. He never knew me when I was 80 pounds heavier & I want to be totally honest with him and I'm sure he will be supportive. But how do you even broach the subject. He has never said anything about the scars on my abdomen which I am sure he has noticed.

[LapBandBobbi 8]

I would tell him. At some point he's going to ask about the scars. Also, you don't want to go into a potential marriage with secrets. Better to get it out in the open now.

[rock_bottom_enthusiast 0]

I am in the same situation. I am still 30lbs from goal, but my boyfriend knows me at this size... i had my surgery before we got together. Our relationship is long distance for the time being due to work and family he has in florida, and we visit each other every other month or so. We've been dating for about 10 months, so I'm not concerned really yet, especially since we are in a LDR. I know that when we get really serious, I will tell him. He knows how I feel about my weight (he is a skinny guy, but NOT a health nut in any sense.. he's just naturally skinny but has rather unhealthy eating habits and doesn't exercise) so I know while he may be surprised, he will be supportive. Like I said, I will broach it when we are serious, especially when he moves back up here and we possibly live together. It's a private medical disclosure and it is up to you when you tell people, though I would tell those closest to you sooner than later, when you feel comfortable.

In your particular situation, I would disclose it now, especially since you are moving in together. The best way to do this, in my opinion, is to mention to your boyfriend how he is aware that you've been on a weight loss journey. Simply explain to him that before you met him, you had struggled for years with a terrible problem and that you finally made a decision to take what many would consider drastic action. Because of it, it has changed your life for the better and has made it easier for you to live a more healthy and active lifestyle. The band is a tool and not a quick fix. He should understand. It's not as big a deal as we think it is, and anybody who is too reactionary about it is not worth having around, in my opinion.

Best of luck!

[vlp1968 83]

I would get it out in the open. You can say something like "As you know, I have been working hard at getting healthy. Towards that end, I elected to have lapband surgery last year. It has been a great tool in my weight loss journey".

[WrenBird 11]

If he really loves you, he'll be happy and supportive of you regardless :-)

I was worried about telling my fiance about getting the band. He loves chubby chicks and thinks they're cute, so when I said I wanted to lose weight he said he didn't want me to...I then explained that it was for my health and I'll still be the same person. He knows that I've had really bad back problems and he became supportive even though I was going to look different.

He now gets excited whenever I lose a kilo. He seems really happy for me.

You could try and let your boyfriend know that the band only does 1/4 of the work and that you've had to work your butt off to lose the weight. I'm sure he won't think any less of you and I think it's important to tell the truth in a relationship.

[Amanda1982 142]

My fiancée and I have been together for 7 years.(He is very thin always have been) When I told him I was thinking about getting banded, he said no “I love you the way you are”, "You are already beautiful" at that point I realized he thought I was doing this for vain reasons. I explained to him that I was doing this not to be beautiful but to be healthy and that I have struggled with my weight all my life. I explained to him that my grandmother died from diabetes before she got to know the woman I became. I explained to him that I wanted to be here for my 7 year old son, 11 month old daughter, and my grandchildren.

A week later when I was getting my packet together, he presented me with a letter of support to give to my surgeon. I cried after I read it. I'm glad I have him I’m more glad I told him.

Ps: If you getting married I would defiantly tell for medical reasons.