Advice needed for when to tell family....

[outside*looking*in 0]

So here is my story. When I decided to have the surgery (2/2010) I also decided to only tell my immediate family on my side. I never told my husbands side. I have lost about 75lbs so when I do see them (couple times a year) they notice. The reason I decided to not tell them is mainly because my MIL is a nervous and sometimes negative person. I knew I would hear every reason NOT to have the surgery before she would ever research about it. I also know that she likes gossip. One of those "don't tell anyone I told you but......" . I don't need EVERYONE knowing my business. Before you know it, it would be all over Face Book!. I am not ashamed of having the surgery and want to tell them and let them know that I don't want it spread around. However, last month I went through some problems with bile and it caused horrible stomach issues. If I had told them then, they would have thought it was all the bands fault and I made the most stupid mistake ever! (I was even worried it was the band at first but it was not and I needed time to figure it out.) Anyhow, how do I tell them. While they are all here for Thanksgiving? "I had WLS- please pass a turkey leg" . Any advice on how to tell them about it but also let them know that I don't want the gossip and negative comments. The other reason, I should mention, is that I know from the moment I tell them, they will be waiting for me to fail. Or treat me like a cheater! (MIL also has weight problems) Thanks for any and all advice.

[isaviolinist 11]

I haven't told my fiancés family and don't plan to. My future mil is very weight obsessed (my fiancé is from a weight obsessed culture where a size 6 is considered obese). She is a really good person and she means well but I don't want her to know. I'm happy with her just thinking I'm getting skinny all on my own

It does help that they live on the other side of the world so I dont see them on a regular basis, but I don't think you need to mention it if you're not comfortable.

[Sue Magoo 71]

Based on what you've said, I wouldn't tell them ever!

Good luck with your continued weight loss.

Sue

[mackie47118 0]

for me getting the band was a very personal and private decision. I have only told the people that are very close to me and that I trust. I see no reason for you to have to disclose this information if you are unconfortable in doing so. I am very embarressed that it took me getting a band to gain control of my weight and I know that people can be very judgemental. I received my band 1 week ago today and when the time comes that people question my weight loss, I will simply tell them I am making better choices when it comes to food and am watching my portions sizes. (which is not a lie) I wish you the best of luck.

[isaviolinist 11]

for me getting the band was a very personal and private decision. I have only told the people that are very close to me and that I trust. I see no reason for you to have to disclose this information if you are unconfortable in doing so. I am very embarressed that it took me getting a band to gain control of my weight and I know that people can be very judgemental. I received my band 1 week ago today and when the time comes that people question my weight loss, I will simply tell them I am making better choices when it comes to food and am watching my portions sizes. (which is not a lie) I wish you the best of luck.

That is what I told my mother in law as well. She actually didnt ask how I lost weight....shes a doctor and very practical and in her mind, she doesn't think about the mental aspects or the challenges. She knows scientifically how a person loses weight (which is all that shes concerned with): you eat fewer calories than you expend. Which is fine with me - I'd rather not explain my entire weight loss routine to her. But we went to dimsum and she actually asked me why I wasn't eating very much. I just said Im watching how much I eat and eating better foods. That was pretty much the end of it.

Edited November 8, 2010 by isaviolinist

[beernut 0]

I'm in a similar situation, only it's with my mom, not my MIL. The last time I saw her was in April, when I had only lost around 20lbs, and I don't think she noticed the loss. Now I'm down about 70lbs so when I see her again, it will be pretty obvious. I'll just tell her I had lap band surgery when she asks and take the rest of my cues from her reaction.

She's always been obsesses and negative about my weight, even when I was at a normal weight. It's nothing I care to discuss with her even if she does decide to be positive about it. I don't want her as a cheerleader now that I'm successful because I don't need it. She should have been better about my weight all the years before.

Chances are, she'll be snarky about it. Which is one of many reasons I see her so rarely.

[ronnie87 8]

I have only told a few people about my choice to get banded as well (I'm getting it in December), and 1/3 of the people I've told have had negative reactions. Out of only 6 or 7 people, that's kind of horrible. I told my dad last week, but only because I have a sleep study this weekend that I need my parents to watch my kids for. Or else I probably would have waited until the day I got it. ("Surprise, I had surgery!")

It really sucks when you think someone you love won't support you, but he was actually fine with it. I hope you find the support you need from your MIL and the rest of your husband's family!

[SVM10 6]

Don't tell them until you are comfortable doing so, if that is never then sobeit. I told very few people and hope no one else finds out. I also am eating less and exercising 5-6 days weekly. That causes weight loss with and without a band as long as you burn more calories than you take in .)

[Laura Lane 0]

totally agree with sue magoo.....just smile and be happy, the important thing is you are in peace with yourself....nobody else needs to know what you do or not do....if you're happy with husband and your immediate family, then that should be enough. best of luck and happy thanksgiving!!!

[JillianRN 0]

So here is my story. When I decided to have the surgery (2/2010) I also decided to only tell my immediate family on my side. I never told my husbands side. I have lost about 75lbs so when I do see them (couple times a year) they notice. The reason I decided to not tell them is mainly because my MIL is a nervous and sometimes negative person. I knew I would hear every reason NOT to have the surgery before she would ever research about it. I also know that she likes gossip. One of those "don't tell anyone I told you but......" . I don't need EVERYONE knowing my business. Before you know it, it would be all over Face Book!. I am not ashamed of having the surgery and want to tell them and let them know that I don't want it spread around. However, last month I went through some problems with bile and it caused horrible stomach issues. If I had told them then, they would have thought it was all the bands fault and I made the most stupid mistake ever! (I was even worried it was the band at first but it was not and I needed time to figure it out.) Anyhow, how do I tell them. While they are all here for Thanksgiving? "I had WLS- please pass a turkey leg" . Any advice on how to tell them about it but also let them know that I don't want the gossip and negative comments. The other reason, I should mention, is that I know from the moment I tell them, they will be waiting for me to fail. Or treat me like a cheater! (MIL also has weight problems) Thanks for any and all advice.

If I could go back, I would not have told anyone but my spouse, parents and best friend. Unfortunately, I shared the info with a few of my close family members....I am almost one month out and since friday I have had 5 telephone calls from extended family members questioning my decisions telling me horror stories.....I am so not ashamed or embarrased about having my surgery I have lost 32 pounds since the day I decided to change my life. I am off all of my BP meds and I now have real energy, less pain..I have a new attitude. I think sometimes people are so consumed with drama that they just have to keep it stirred....I find myself being assertive and more positive and not taking alot of junk off of people who think it is their RESPONSIBILITY to tell me their opinion...that I did not ask for...lol Ahhhh that feels so much better now...lol

[mrstefer 0]

I am in the first part of my journey and have not gotten surgery yet. I told my best friend my sister and my cousin on a play date at the park and my sister was supportive but my cousin and my best friend could only talk about how easy it is to loss weight and how bad the surgery is. Keep in mind they are both over weight and are always on a diet going up and down. I then told my grandmother and my aunt but before I told them I told they before I tell you what I have to say I do not want to hear anything negitive. My aunt had a upset look but my grandmother said good for you. That is the only people besides my father I plan to tell. I really dont feel the need to tell my husbands family or the rest of mine. Its a very personal decition and i dont want to hear negitive comments.

[Amanda1982 142]

I say keep it on a need to know basis...Do they really need to know?? You don't need the negitivity.

[kellyodoran 12]

Well, I told everyone I knew....And I don't regret it one bit! If they don't like it they can lump it (hahaha)!

I think the more people know about this the better, maybe because of you being open about this, maybe, just maybe, someone who also is obese might just consider this option.:rolleyes2: