Huge NSV

Anwyn · December 20, 2005

Sorry, this is going to be long winded...

For 10 years I worked at an apple orchard in Michigan. It was like a second home to me, and the people I worked with were like family. When I married 8 years ago, I moved away to CA for a short time and promptly gained 60 lbs. Then, after having kids I gained 35 more. I've been back in Michigan for 7 years now, and every year I have come up with an excuse not to go back to visit.

I remember once (this was probably 10 years ago) my sister came in to visit me at work. She had gained about 20 lbs in college and was probably at about 180 lbs. My manager, Marie, said "your sister is HUGE!!!" after she left. I was mortified on her behalf, and a little shocked that she would say that to me about my sister.

That experience really stuck with me. I felt that I couldn't go back there as heavy as I was. It didn't help matters that my ex-boyfriend also works there. This is obviously a seasonal place (they close at Christmas), and every Christmas for the last 7 years I've been telling myself that I would go back to visit after I lose some weight. Every year I would obsess about it and worry about it and talk myself into waiting one more year.

Today, I went in to see everybody. At 225, I'm far away from where I want to be, but I just felt that I couldn't wait any longer. Man, I was a nervous wreck! It was so nice to catch up with everybody and show off my daughter (who was surprisingly good while we chatted). I could tell they were wondering why I hadn't come back, but thankfully nobody asked.

I'm so relieved - I feel like a huge weight has been lifted (pun intended). I wish I had just gone in years ago. On the way home I was thinking about the other people in my life that I have pushed away over the years. I put my life on hold to lose this weight. Soooooo stupid.

This NSV doesn't have much to do with my weight loss - it's more of a mental realization that I don't have to hide away and be ashamed anymore. In reality, I never should have felt that way. I'm glad that I've regained some confidence, and I know it's just going to get better. To all of my weight loss buddies, I say, don't let life pass you by another day. Happy holidays!

StephanieRaye · December 20, 2005

Way to go Anne! That's a huge weight lifted, I'm sure. Hopefully soon I'll be able to be as comfortable with myself as you are.

live2canoe · December 20, 2005

Oh my - I could've written your post. In my case, it's high school reunions and keeping in touch with friends. I'm happy to hear that you went and caught up with your old friends!

I think it's stupid that I've been hiding for so many years, too.

Thanks for the wake up call!

HarleyNana · December 20, 2005

Congratulations!

dylansmom · December 20, 2005

Good for you! I remember feeling the same exact way when I was at my heaviest as well. I was literally letting life pass me by.

I remember avoiding people that I had went to school with (I mean ducking into aisles at stores) just so that I wouldn't have to be embarrassed by my weight gain.

Now, even though I know that I still weigh more than what I did back in school, I can look those people right in the eyes with confidence in who and what I am, and not be ashamed of ME!

Kuddos to you, because that was a very huge step in moving on with your life. It's awesome when we come to the realization that we really are worth something, and we really do matter!!!

Good for you!