need help being assertive

[Just Banded 0]

While shopping at a store today in the plus size section 2 women realized they were in the wrong section and one woman picked up a jacket and put it back down disgustingly saying,"ew, this is for biggins". "Biggins" I never even heard that word before- but could tell it was derogitory! So then as a clerk walked by and they asked where to find smaller sizes- I interjected and said,"they mean sizes that aren't for biggins-" and proceeded to tell them they should not publically insult people. She then said back to me that she wasn't talking to me and I overheard their conversation.

I was so upset - I can't even tell you. I was having a real bad day and that just was the icing on the cake for me! I had started out in the XL section and alreday upset that I couldn't find anything to fit so went to the 1x and really didn't need to hear that comment! It really hurts.

Does anyone have any good things to say. I want to be assertive and not just "ignore". I need to be able to confront my feelings so I feel empowered and not ashamed.

Edited October 16, 2010 by Just Banded

[Cleo's Mom 257]

Sounds like you did a good job of being assertive to me! And "biggins" sounds like a hick term for fat or large or something. We all need to speak out when people are being insulted - whether it is in a store, at work or on these boards.

I haven't seen a post by you for awhile. I still laugh when I think of the Linda Blair exorcist picture you posted after your raw carrot episode. I know the episode wasn't funny but the picture sure was.

[Manda87 3]

People say mean comments whether they are meant for us to hear or not. For example, yesterday I told a co-worker that I had lost 71 pounds. Another person over heard that statement and said "She needs to lose more" (refering to me). I really wanted to cry, but I didn't.

I'm not really sure how to respond to these types of people besides not saying anything. You did a good job with how you reacted though.

[Just Banded 0]

hi, thanks for some responses!

cleo- I had my band unfilled when I got pregnant last year, gained all my weight back plus some and just had a baby. (lost 30 since the baby but still 50 lbs over where I should be!) That's a whole nother issue!!!! Now, I am struggling majorly with my weight, due to nursing and not wanting to get filled and deal with being stuck when my priorities are elsewhere. I have gotten stuck a few times and when you have a baby crying and needing to get unstuck- it's even more stressful- not so easy to just run to a bathroom- I have had to pb in a plastic bag- so anyways I need to figure something out- I am just a mess!!!

[Cleo's Mom 257]

hi, thanks for some responses!

cleo- I had my band unfilled when I got pregnant last year, gained all my weight back plus some and just had a baby. (lost 30 since the baby but still 50 lbs over where I should be!) That's a whole nother issue!!!! Now, I am struggling majorly with my weight, due to nursing and not wanting to get filled and deal with being stuck when my priorities are elsewhere. I have gotten stuck a few times and when you have a baby crying and needing to get unstuck- it's even more stressful- not so easy to just run to a bathroom- I have had to pb in a plastic bag- so anyways I need to figure something out- I am just a mess!!!

Congratulations on your baby. My daughter and her husband just had a baby in May and my son and his wife just had a baby 3 weeks ago making me a grandmother for the first and second time. It's great. But I know the stresses they talk about all the time. It's tough.

But breast feeding is great for getting the baby weight off. Plus all the running around taking care of baby.

If you were getting stuck a lot before the baby and pbing - you might have been too tight. Your fill/unfill history seems like you were trying to get to that sweet spot. It's elusive for many.

Your priorities have shifted now and they should. Your baby is number one. You can concentrate on the weight when the time is right. In the meantime, congratulations on that baby and good luck.

[msdv 5]

Why do you feel the need to correct people's ignorance or try to change how they feel?

I was just on another site that I frequent where a woman was asking about dating and being her word "a fat girl" . Someone came in and said if you're not happy where you are "just lose the weight, it's just that simple". I responded back but then again someone came in and backed her up.

Weight and those that are overweight and obese are the next favorite group to ostracize , criticize and feel superior over and people that have these feelings will not change unless it affects their own lives.

It's just like racism . Laws can change what people say and do in public but it can't change their hearts.

I probably would have looked at them and caught their attention just to shake my head and walk away but to say anything to such ones is futile.

Save your energy for yourself and the journey you're on .

Manda87...you can show them better than you can tell them. You've already lost 71lbs which is enviable and anyone with half a brain would congratulate that keep on marching to your goal and see what doofus says then. Personally, I laugh at people that make comments about something that they don't know anything about. Pure ignorance!!!

[Banded Bob 1]

Your empowerment is that you had a problem and chose to correct it. I'd much rather be overweight than a closed minded bigot.

However you made a mistake with your comment. By calling them out you put them on the defensive and in their mind they justified it by saying you were eavesdropping.

Next time walk up to them and say "I'm sorry you feel the need to insult overweight people. I can see you've never had an issue with weight and hope for your sake you never do. I wouldn't wish the battle I face daily on my worst enemy." Then turn and walk away before they can respond. Maybe it will leave them with some guilt and give them something to think about. And if they laugh as you walk away, remember insulting others is their way of compensating for their own inadequacies.

[Humming Bird 275]

Your comment to them may have made them think when they left. I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt. I know it cuts deep sometimes. Keep your head up and continue on your journey.

[L12 13]

Several years ago I worked part time at a clothing store, and was a size 12 at the time. Two women were leaving the dressing room, and part of their conversation included one of them saying she would kill herself if she was ever a size 12. I didn't say anything, but I thought "Really? I'm a size 12 and have only 30 days until my husband returns home after being in Iraq for almost two years. I have both a full and a part time job I love, I was just accepted to grad school, and have wonderful family, friends, and pets. Why would I want to kill myself?!" I should have said that out loud, but you know how it goes! Anyway, I figure people like that either have so little in their lives or are so supremely superficial and shallow that size is the most important thing to them, above love, health, achievement, etc. Or they're just extremely thoughtless and ignorant.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

Several years ago I worked part time at a clothing store, and was a size 12 at the time. Two women were leaving the dressing room, and part of their conversation included one of them saying she would kill herself if she was ever a size 12. I didn't say anything, but I thought "Really? I'm a size 12 and have only 30 days until my husband returns home after being in Iraq for almost two years. I have both a full and a part time job I love, I was just accepted to grad school, and have wonderful family, friends, and pets. Why would I want to kill myself?!" I should have said that out loud, but you know how it goes! Anyway, I figure people like that either have so little in their lives or are so supremely superficial and shallow that size is the most important thing to them, above love, health, achievement, etc. Or they're just extremely thoughtless and ignorant.

Back in the 70's or early 80's when Jane Fonda's workouts were all the rage - I bought her book. Obviously she came from a family of wealth and fame. She tells the story of when she was growing up and hearing her (very thin) mother and her rich friends talking about weight and her mother saying that she would kill herself if she gained weight.

Years later she did just that. So, you're right, these people have bigger issues and just use their insults to mask them.

[gingerjane 5]

I chalk it up to some people are A$$holes. That's about it. They will probably think twice before commenting like that again. I almost feel sorry for people who feel the need to degrade others. Notice I said ALMOST.

[Humming Bird 275]

Back in the 70's or early 80's when Jane Fonda's workouts were all the rage - I bought her book. Obviously she came from a family of wealth and fame. She tells the story of when she was growing up and hearing her (very thin) mother and her rich friends talking about weight and her mother saying that she would kill herself if she gained weight.

Years later she did just that. So, you're right, these people have bigger issues and just use their insults to mask them.

Your post reminds me of Karen Carpenter. She was so beautiful and had such a fantastic voice. She ended up killing herself through eating disorders trying to stay thin.

I think I read something that said it all started from someone's comment about her being "chubby".

[Just Banded 0]

ha- I should have picked up the clothes and copied her tone saying "ew, this is for toothpicks"

I don't know if I ever shared this one here- but once I ordered a regular coke and the waiter said "I think you should have diet" and I threw it in his face... I did get kicked out of the restaurant though!

but no matter what you have to say back or do to someone to even the score- what they say does hurt

[msdv 5]

WHAT!!!!!

You should have said " I think you should have a vasectomy!!

Wow, just wow!!

[peggycas 0]

While shopping at a store today in the plus size section 2 women realized they were in the wrong section and one woman picked up a jacket and put it back down disgustingly saying,"ew, this is for biggins". "Biggins" I never even heard that word before- but could tell it was derogitory! So then as a clerk walked by and they asked where to find smaller sizes- I interjected and said,"they mean sizes that aren't for biggins-" and proceeded to tell them they should not publically insult people. She then said back to me that she wasn't talking to me and I overheard their conversation.

I was so upset - I can't even tell you. I was having a real bad day and that just was the icing on the cake for me! I had started out in the XL section and alreday upset that I couldn't find anything to fit so went to the 1x and really didn't need to hear that comment! It really hurts.

Does anyone have any good things to say. I want to be assertive and not just "ignore". I need to be able to confront my feelings so I feel empowered and not ashamed.

Co-worker was being complimented on her shirt and how it made her look like she had lost weight. She said, "Oh, that's because I'm standing next to fat people." I then said, "Oh, you mean fatter people." She too is fat. It felt so good.