Ciao for now!

[maestrita 43]

I think this may be my last message on this site. It is a response to a PM I received stating that it is OK to be nasty to people if you think they aren't doing all they can to lose weight...

I get disgusted with people who come on this site to express that they are so much better than people who struggle... I actually left this site for that very reason, and it has been months since I've come back. I only visited because I was looking for some insight into the issue of my reflux, and I immediately see this nonsense again.

I think it's too easy to hide behind an avatar and say and do hurtful things. Maybe that comes from having been treated badly for years and years as an overweight person, and all of us can probably understand the impulse to kick back out a little of the BS that we've had to endure being overweight (spiritual reflux?). What I can't understand, or excuse, is the failure to control that impulse. The people who come on this sight are often people who've endured abuse for years and years.... a veritable bombardment against one's self esteem and personal sense of their value in this world. They need help, no matter how pitiful that situation may seem to others. They are looking for hope, not more isolation and rejection.

Personally, I don't feel like I should have to state all of my physical ailments to avoid the nastiness or to get support on a SUPPORT WEBSITE. I wonder, does it ever occur to people who talk this way that they are LUCKY that it is working so well for them? Even if they do feel they are the ones doing the work, they are LUCKY that the work has resulted in success.

Though I appreciate that you think that this sort of message doesn't refer to people like me (folks with other health problems), but I feel that I am EXACTLY the type of person that these posts refer to. Why else do you think it is that people DO complain that it's hard? Because it IS hard for some of us. The assumption that it is some form of laziness or slovenly behavior is just plain hateful.

I am going to select and post a little of what I've said here, and then I am then going to disable my email from receiving any more nastiness. This behavior is so discouraging, and I just am not in a place where I am willing to take in bad things--be they food or be they words. Ciao!

[lovemysgt 4]

2 thumbs up for you i hate people that are nasty also

[SunneeHunnee 0]

I don't blame you. I have read this sort of uppity " I am better than you tone" in several of the posts and that is scarey. I am sorry it happened to you.

[gracierose 0]

Bless you in your journey. This site is supposed to be a nonjudgemental and supportive, and, for the most part it is, however, there are some smug jerks out there.

[monkeymama 0]

Sad to see one of the good ones go. These people think they are helping but they are only making people feel bad and possibly sending them back to the comfort of food.... It's a shame for you to leave though because that means the meanies win.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

If you've been reading my posts and replies to those who slam and criticize what they call "negative" posters, you know that I agree with you 100%. You said it much better than I did and you said it well. But I wish you wouldn't leave. We need more people like you on here. There are more of us than you know and we can't let the critics get us down or cause us to leave.

And you should report anyone who sends you an insulting or offensive PM to one of the moderators.

[sarao 0]

OMG I'm so sorry to hear this!! I was banded on August 24th and this site has been so helpful. As a new bandster the knowledge and advise that is given on this site is unbelievable. So many of my questions and concerns have been answered here.

I want to thank all of the veteran bandsters for being so supportive and giving of all you wisdom!

I wish you the best and hope that you will reconsider??

Sara

[AlienBandit 10]

I have had many negative experiences with people as well who call me fake/lier etc because I want to protect my identity since no one knows about my band.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. This website is supposed to be a place to get support and not a place to feel alienated.

Please know that we are not all that bad. Many of us are struggling just like you.

Just like everyone's bands being different so are our weight losses etc.

[jenn79co 13]

The world is not filled with rainbows and butterflies and neither is this site.

So what! SOME people on this site are assholes, some are whiners, some are nice, and SOME offer really great advice!

Just like everyday life, you take the good with the bad!

[ElfiePoo 109]

Maestrita,

Don't leave. If all the polite people leave, the nasties will take over. I've never figured out people who believe in the tough love approach but I generally ignore posts from this type of person. Please stay.

.

[Humming Bird 275]

I think it's a little strange that someone would send you a PM telling you it is ok to be nasty to people who are not doing all they can to lose weight. That really crosses the line or something. Just put that person on your ignore list and stick around here at LBT. The world is full of all types and we all have different views.

[BetsyB 9]

We must read and post to a different message board. I see very little nastiness. I see a lot of successful people who are willing to share what has worked for them.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy here. There are other really supportive boards. One is below my signature.

[MellieW 0]

I absolutely agree. The "Stop whining" posts serve absolutely no purpose other than to isolate the very people who need the support the most.

I guess I don't understand the point of being here if you a) have it all figured out and can't, or won't, be supportive of those who don't.

I tend to believe posts like that are made and supported by people who have felt inferior their whole lives because of their weight. Now that they have some level of success with weight loss, they feel they are better than those who may be less successful, or those who may need more support than they did. Whenever I read a nasty post from someone like that I'm reminded again of something I once read; "There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self."

Anyway, I hope you block them and stick around. There are already too few band veterans on these forums, to lose another would be a disservice to those very people who come here looking for support or answers.