Losing focus HELP

[ejezyk 0]

I was banded on 10/3/05 and have lost over 20#'s. I have had two fills approx 1.5 cc total... everytime it is getting close to visit my doctor (12/20) It seems I become a bottomless pit!!! I have been able to eat soooo much these last few days ARGGG! And the worst of it is my old behavior trys to creep in. I feel like Oh well I have no restriction I can eat Yeah Then my husband looks at me and I look at my plate and I am like WHAT ARE YOU DOING SILLY LADY!!!

I am angry lonely tired and HUNGRY. But I don't think I am hungry in my belly. I recently was delayed on some work at school and my husband and I haven't had sex in......... and I feel like what the hell am I doin this for??? Then one of our houses has not leased for 4 months and we are paying two morgateges. I have never been this broke ARGGGGG I want to eat and eat and eat. The band was awesome and then these last few days when it would stop my shoveling (after about a cup and a half of food) all of a sudden changed. Last night i ate like I was smoking crack MORE MORE MORE Give me another shot of heroin .....WOW this is crazy. Now I am petrified like on my other million diets that I have screwed up and I can't make up for it. Like and idiot I weighed myself this moring . Something I swore I would never do after a bad day. What is this-- self sabotage? I am my own worst enemy. And cursed if everyone isn't saying WOW you look GREAT how much have you lost. Major trigger for me to say oh I can eat again I look better.

I am losing my mind. I need for this not to be another dead end. I have been praying and reading posts and though I usually lurk decided I had to post or explode.

Sorry this was long but I feel better knowing I am not alone in this crazy behavior.

Elda

[mousecrazy 2]

I hope you know you are not alone in the "crazy" behavior...I bet you'll hear from a lot of people who understand. I do. This may not make sense to anyone but me, but what I've tried to do to help myself with my "head-band" is to think, "What would a normal eater do? How would normal person handle this situation?" I know there's a lot of versions of "normal" but, for me, this helps put eating into a different perspective. I am tired of this or that food being the enemy, and I want to see food as both fuel and pleasure, but not an emotional "fix". As I increased my fill, I found it lesspossible to eat like crazy...I can eat the wrong things, but only just so much. As I continue to work on all these issues of food and emtion, I et better and better at it, and it becomes, then, easier and easier.

You are not alone, so don't beat yourself up. Just make a little change in what you are doing, and stick to that for a while. It will get better. Good luck, Cindy

[ejezyk 0]

Thanks i need that encouragement

Elda

[Teresita 0]

Elda you are not alone. Here I am waving my hand. I am 5 months out and I do the same thing. My restriction is off and on and whenever it feels like being there. No matter what we still have to eat right and exercise. I'm sorry you are going through so much and this time of the year always intensifies the negative things in our lives. When I go through this type of thing I go on a Soup kick. I keep soup on hand so I am not eating a lot of stupid calories. Also, cool whip with a little frozen or fresh fuit or sugar free popsicles. Good Luck Elda, I know many of us will have you in our prayers.

[SuperDaddy! 1]

Elda...I was seriously about to post the same thing. I'm down 47 pounds...about 20 of that post surgery. I seriously have not lost a pound in a month....but MAN CAN I EAT if I want to. Not QUITE as much as I used to..but my one fill so far has not slowed me down. No side affects....no PBs...nothing. I do have heartburn when I overeat a little, but I haven't really stayed on course this December as I had planned.

Start fresh! Let's not give up! You can get back on track. You have a few great months to get ready for an active summer in the sun. You can do it!

Jon