Your bitching and moaning is not only hurting you, you're hurting others

[Cleo's Mom 257]

In REAL life if you walk into a room full of bandsters and say, "I'm starving", the majority of the people in the room are going to roll their eyes and think, "suck it up and get over it!"

Of course, some of us will actually say it.

You'll always get sympathy from a couple but the rest won't care to listen to anything else you have to say because they don't want to be brought down.

Once again, I am not trying to control what anyone posts and everybody will always agree or disagree with whatever they want. I just want people to take 2 seconds to think about what they will or will not gain when posting.

If I were in that room and someone walked in and said "I'm starving" I'd think (or more likely say) "Thank God, someone else who feels like I feel. I thought I was the only one."

This WLS journey is not easy from start to finish for most of us. There might be a few who breeze through, have almost no pain, no hunger, reach their sweet spot, don't have sliming, PBing, get stuck, have reflux, heartburn, no shoulder pain, reach their goal weight fairly quickly and have a great support system - but that is not the experience for most of us.

And if some people have some difficulties along the way and they want to vent - I don't see how that is hurting anyone - especially those lucky ones who post about how great they are doing. Those people should just move on from those posts, be grateful for all their successes and hope that someday the tables don't turn on them.

Just as an aside - all of us have tried many, many diet programs. Haven't we all been on Weight Watchers? I remember going to the meetings and a woman saying "I'm never hungry". Really? Then why does every person you know who has been on WW drop out at some point and you hear so many say - "I'm going back to WW - I lost ___amount of weight but gained it back" If you weren't hungry and liked that eating program and it works so well, why didn't you reach your goal weight and stay there? Because many people lie - and want to paint a rosier picture about their situation that what it is. I think that happens on these boards, too.

[btrieger 21]

If I were in that room and someone walked in and said "I'm starving" I'd think (or more likely say) "Thank God, someone else who feels like I feel. I thought I was the only one."

This WLS journey is not easy from start to finish for most of us. There might be a few who breeze through, have almost no pain, no hunger, reach their sweet spot, don't have sliming, PBing, get stuck, have reflux, heartburn, no shoulder pain, reach their goal weight fairly quickly and have a great support system - but that is not the experience for most of us.

And if some people have some difficulties along the way and they want to vent - I don't see how that is hurting anyone - especially those lucky ones who post about how great they are doing. Those people should just move on from those posts, be grateful for all their successes and hope that someday the tables don't turn on them.

Just as an aside - all of us have tried many, many diet programs. Haven't we all been on Weight Watchers? I remember going to the meetings and a woman saying "I'm never hungry". Really? Then why does every person you know who has been on WW drop out at some point and you hear so many say - "I'm going back to WW - I lost ___amount of weight but gained it back" If you weren't hungry and liked that eating program and it works so well, why didn't you reach your goal weight and stay there? Because many people lie - and want to paint a rosier picture about their situation that what it is. I think that happens on these boards, too.

The weight loss journey is not "easy" for any of us but the whole point of my original post is that I think people are making it harder on themselves by concentrating on the negative.

I think that no pain should go unmentioned. All pain should be diagnosed immediately. However, hunger and the rate of weight loss are different

I have not been hungry since I started this and I think a lot of that has to do with mind over matter. I tell myself over and over that I am not hungry and remind myself of my success.

What you see as a relief that you are not the only one hungry, could remind others that they may be hungry after they've put it out of their heads.

Shortly after my original post in this thread somebody started another thread apologizing for whining about being in pain. That was never my point.

[stivyrocks 0]

I just received the band last Thursday. And to be honest, I have little hunger. I have to agree that being hungry is mental. I also feel that we who have chosen this procedure need to realize that it is a tool and not an answer. It will help us get where we want to go, but we still need to work our butts off, be positive and as you say smile.

Scott

Edited October 12, 2010 by stivyrocks
misspelling

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I do not agree that hunger is mental. Having an appetite is a sign of health. But obesity doctors and researchers are finding that appetite, hunger, and satiety are very complex issues and there is much evidence that appetite hormones grehlin and leptin play a role. These hormones often set dieters up for failure or cause them to gain weight. They can delay the sense of satiety or cause one to eat more than they should to reach that sense. It's not as cut and dry as those who would make it on these boards - like just saying it's mind over matter. If that were the case, why would you need the band? You should have been successful without it just by overcoming that mental hunger.

If the lapband works as it should -i.e. you reach your sweet spot and you feel satisfied for hours with just small amounts of (healthy) food - that is great. BUT- that does not happen for everyone despite doing everything they are supposed to do on their part.

And so, if those people complain about the struggles with this journey and the hunger they feel, what is the big deal and why even start a thread about it? Just ignore them and wallow in your successes.

[newstacy09 0]

There were times I used to stress over what people are saying on these boards bc I'm not experiencing the same things or not losing as much...however, even though I thought that I was losing slow my last visit to the dr. was awesome! She did nothing but rave over my 9 lb loss for the month. It was then that my thinking finally changed...no matter what rate I am losing, I am FINALLY losing. So since then I have stopped really reading the "negative" posts.

Maybe many of us are so used to negative comments about our weight and health that we have fallen in that same mode.

I can tell you this...It's been 4 months and I've lost 31 lbs and I am so excited it crazy. I am nowhere near my goal, but just seeing that I CAN do it is awesome!!! :smile2: I have a totally new outlook on life! I hope all bandsters learn to get excited about ANY loss!

[kellyodoran 12]

In REAL life if you walk into a room full of bandsters and say, "I'm starving", the majority of the people in the room are going to roll their eyes and think, "suck it up and get over it!"

Of course, some of us will actually say it.

You'll always get sympathy from a couple but the rest won't care to listen to anything else you have to say because they don't want to be brought down.

Once again, I am not trying to control what anyone posts and everybody will always agree or disagree with whatever they want. I just want people to take 2 seconds to think about what they will or will not gain when posting.

btrieger we'll have to agree to agree;)

[btrieger 21]

And so, if those people complain about the struggles with this journey and the hunger they feel, what is the big deal and why even start a thread about it? Just ignore them and wallow in your successes.

As the title of the thread states. I feel those that are complaining are hurting themselves. I could just sit back and wallow in my success but I feel obligated to try and pay it forward by letting them know that changing their attitudes can and will help.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

As the title of the thread states. I feel those that are complaining are hurting themselves. I could just sit back and wallow in my success but I feel obligated to try and pay it forward by letting them know that changing their attitudes can and will help.

Yeah, I can see how calling someone's post about being hungry "bitching and moaning" is going to change their attitude. Who are you to say that because they post about hunger that their attitude needs changing? This is the smug, superior attitude that turns so many people off.

[btrieger 21]

Yeah, I can see how calling someone's post about being hungry "bitching and moaning" is going to change their attitude. Who are you to say that because they post about hunger that their attitude needs changing? This is the smug, superior attitude that turns so many people off.

I don't see it as smug and superior. I think of it as honest and direct.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I don't see it as smug and superior. I think of it as honest and direct.

If you were really serious about "paying it forward" and actually offering helpful advice then your thread would have been titled:

Hungry? Here are some helpful tips.

Feeling hungry? This is what worked for me.

Some ideas for combating hunger pre-and post surgery.

I could go on and on but you get the idea. Your thread title says it all, in my opinion. You were being judgmental, not helpful. And what you call honest and direct could be insulting and offensive to those who have a problem with hunger and get slammed by many on these boards.

[Nanook 2]

I think it just shows that the band works for some and not all! I can relate more to people who've had issues with problems with the band more so than people who were successful that's for sure. I don't expect that people won't be successful because I wasn't but in that respect I don't think people should assume that just because they are successful that everyone can be or that it's some kind of character flaw if they're not!

I revised to RNY and can honestly say I still experience hunger and hormones still play an issue. When I am hungry I know I should eat, it's my body telling me to do so but with the smaller stomach I can only eat so much so that is why I've been able to have success now that I never had with the band. I'm restricted in ways I couldn't be with the band and need that restriction. I wish all well no matter what procedure they choose but hope they make the right one the first time! Nancy.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I think it just shows that the band works for some and not all! I can relate more to people who've had issues with problems with the band more so than people who were successful that's for sure. I don't expect that people won't be successful because I wasn't but in that respect I don't think people should assume that just because they are successful that everyone can be or that it's some kind of character flaw if they're not!

I revised to RNY and can honestly say I still experience hunger and hormones still play an issue. When I am hungry I know I should eat, it's my body telling me to do so but with the smaller stomach I can only eat so much so that is why I've been able to have success now that I never had with the band. I'm restricted in ways I couldn't be with the band and need that restriction. I wish all well no matter what procedure they choose but hope they make the right one the first time! Nancy.

Thank you for your honest post. And I think you touched on something very important. The capacity to eat and feelings of hunger can be totally unrelated. Just because you have a small pouch with the band and your capacity for food is diminished doesn't mean that when the pouch is full you won't still feel unsatisfied (or hungry). Allowing for only small amounts of food and providing satiety - well, that's the way the band is SUPPOSED to work, and that is the way it works for many - but you are right that it doesn't work that way for all.

Too many people on here are quick to blame the person when the band fails to perform as it is promoted, even when they follow the rules. It not only is supposed to reduce your capacity for (healthy) food, thus promoting weight loss, but it is supposed to provide a feeling of satiety that keeps hunger at bay for several hours.

Reducing capacity and reducing hunger do not always go hand in hand with the band and that is a flaw in the way it works (or doesn't work) for some people.

[Humming Bird 275]

I do tend to agree with Bob (the OP) and others who think all the bitching and whining is not good, but I also appriciate most of the other side's posts. I think many of you did a nice job explaining why you want to hear the good and the bad. I understand how it makes it more "real" for you.

BUT,

throwing stones?

holier than thou?

pontificate?

wallow in your successes?

Then you accuse Bob of having a smug, superior, insulting and offensive attitude?

Geez Cleo's, Your posts would have been much more convincing to me if you weren't so smug, superior, insulting, offensive and holier than thou. You bring up some very good points, but must you be so mean and nasty about it? Isn't that a bit pot/kettle?

[Cleo's Mom 257]

I do tend to agree with Bob (the OP) and others who think all the bitching and whining is not good, but I also appriciate most of the other side's posts. I think many of you did a nice job explaining why you want to hear the good and the bad. I understand how it makes it more "real" for you.

BUT,

throwing stones?

holier than thou?

pontificate?

wallow in your successes?

Then you accuse Bob of having a smug, superior, insulting and offensive attitude?

Geez Cleo's, Your posts would have been much more convincing to me if you weren't so smug, superior, insulting, offensive and holier than thou. You bring up some very good points, but must you be so mean and nasty about it? Isn't that a bit pot/kettle?

When replies to posts who complain about being hungry or who are struggling are insulting, critical and offensive then yes, I do think the poster is smug and has a superior attitude. And that includes calling what that person does bitching and moaning.

If the shoe fits..........Otherwise, why care?

And like I said if the successful people really want to offer help, I take exception to a thread called bitching and moaning. That is not helpful or constructive in my opinion. I already offered alternative titles.

I take the position of support for those who post complaints, you support those who call that bitching and moaning. We get it. If someone wants to reply directly to a complaining post - go ahead, but to start a thread with that title is posting just to post and serves no purpose but to be insulting.

Edited October 15, 2010 by Cleo's Mom

[Willsmom6 0]

i thought this was a place to share feelings and stuff? I do have to say that i was scared to death after reading some of this stuff BUT who else will tell me what to expect. i mean i can't ask my husband what should i do with i get stuck or i can't call my sister coz neither one of them have had it done! SO i think this is a good site..everyone is different so just coz i read a 'i'm hungry or i'm sick' is not going to affect me but i do feel some kind of calm knowing i'm not the ONLY one going through it!!

I agree 100 %! I like knowing I'm not the only one in good and bad situations. I think the point of the site would be if you dont want to be a part of a negative thread, avoid it. and maybe start a new collection of threads in an area labeled "positivity only". As a new person to this site, I like both the negative and the positive and when I read something I don't like, I go to a different area. People need to be able to state their feelings in order to accept this change in their lives. And maybe they are perpetually negative, but that's their right. Perhaps they feel you all are too perpetually positive? Anyway, my 2 cents is I like all of it the good and the bad, I'm glad this site is here. I don't know anyone with a band and really don't even have friends or family around that are morbidly obese like I am. So I'm happy that I don't have to feel alone.