Someone tell me to quit whining!

kimalicious · December 12, 2005

I am having a really hard time this holiday season. I am saddened by a lack of close friends this year. Since I was very young I have always had tons of friends around, and for years the very same close friends that was one big close group. Well, between fights, marriages, everyones work and just lack of trying we are all no longer hanging out and may only see each other 2 times a year. By all, I mean they have moved on to other friends because I got married and I am stuck alone while they go out and have a good time with all of their new friends and aquantainces. I;'m sure some would say our previous group were too close, but that is how I liked it. I have never had a problem making friends in the past but I am at a standstill in life where I am very busy with school and work. I am used to all of us going out for Christmas and birthdays and any event we could make up to have an excuse to go out and now I feel like I am all alone. I do have my wonderful husband and would not have been able to get through all of this without him, I am just feelin lonely and wanting for the times we used to have together. I don't like most of the people I work with and we get moved around so much up here that it is hard to make a close friend you would actually see outside of work. I'm tired of trying to make new friends that will never live up to what those friends were and I'm tired of feeling lonely. I feel like I lost a family and support system all in one and maybe it is just the holiday's talking but it is really upsetting me. Why is it so hard to find good, strong, loyal friends when you start getting older?

vluckey · December 13, 2005

Quit Whining!

Okay, now that we got that over, I understand how you feel. I have 2 suggestions.

1. You must focus on the blessing you have. I once went on a business trip to Chicago and had to room with this strange girl. The first 2 nights we went out to dinner and had fun. The last 2 nights she was not speaking to me. I asked her if I offended her and she said no. I walked around the mall starting to feel really bad, it was Christmas and I was lonely. Then I realized I was being a fool. I get to go home to my husband that loves me and she will always be miserable. I had to chose at that moment where my focus was. Always focus on your blessings.

2. The bible says if you want to have friends you must first show yourself friendly. One thing I realized a long time ago is people say "let's get together" but unless you say, "okay, let's pick a date" and nail them to it, it wont happen. If you want to hook up with people, try really hard to be the catalyst to get that going. You'll find that either they will respond or they aren't interested. Then you can focus on real friends. My mother always told me you'd be truly blessed if you have 1 true friend. I agree.

kimalicious · December 13, 2005

so true about the blessings, I couldn't have found a more loving husband. He may not bring the fun, crazy girl out in my like my old friends did, but he is my rock, stable and loving. I guess I feel more rejected than anything and I am going through a stage where I am lackin in self esteem right now. Seems like the more weight I lose the more I see I have to lose and the fatter I feel because I haven't lost it all yet. I feel like I am bigger now than I did when I was 60 pounds heavier, probably because I am actually trying hard at it now and focusing more on my looks. It is crazy what a mind messup fat can be.

HarleyNana · December 13, 2005

We should all count our blessing every day. How easy it is to fall into the poor pity meeeee syndrome.

I especially liked Vanessa's point #2.

Stick with your Rock Kim, sounds like he's there for the long hall, afterall, he is your "friend".

vluckey · December 13, 2005

I understand what a head game this whole weight thing is. Now listen, I'm only 3 days into my surgery so I'm no expert. I'm struggling with my own thoughts. What I do know is this, in some way or another, we're all head cases. Many of us have experienced the same pain and rejection that you feel.

Here's my take, take it or leave it. I really believe that there is an enemy, (yes, I believe in the devil) who tries his best to get us off track whenever we are trying to get ourselves together. I believe God is concerned about our health and getting us in to a place where we can be better people, better spouces, better parents, better employees, better friends etc. Our weight issues definitely affect all of those areas. I believe that we've all tried and failed to lose weight the "traditional" way and for one reason or another it didn't work (like 95% of the rest of the world).

Rejection is a powerful word. Fear of rejection is paralizing you. But I promise you this, God wouldn't take anything away from without giving you something much better. I can tell you from my own life that this is true. Try to believe that if someone turns their back on you when you are succeeding at something, then they may never have been your friend. Misery loves company.

The bible says - Romans 12:15

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

It's easy to weep with someone. It can be very hard to rejoice when someone is achieving something that we very much want. That's why the bible has to tell us to do it (we don't do it naturally).

My husband and I have lost almost every "friend" we thought we had because we wanted better in life. But after a season of being alone, God has blessed us with better friends then we ever had before. But we are still very picky as to who we let in.

You've made a huge decision to get your health back and you're utilizing a tool that is available to you. You're having great success!!!! But we have not only win the weight game, but the mind game. It does take a positive attitude to succeed in anything. You can do it!!! You've got every good thing on YOUR side!

3 John 1:2

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth

Make a decision to believe it and go go go!

You've come too far to turn back now!!!

Sorry, I'm not normally this preachy. It just seemed like a good time to be preachy.

CandySmooch · December 13, 2005

I understand and sympathize with your feelings of loss & loneliness. I often feel this way when reminisicing of good times in the past with good friends you are never likely to see again. I am thankful I have those memories to look back on and realize I have experienced some of life's greatest things - laughter, love and friendship. I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and its hitting me pretty hard - everyone makes fun of me and laughs at oh 25 - shut up and wait till your 40 - but that's what I'm saying - my first 25 has gone by so fast - I want it to slow down. As I'm getting older my friends keep in touch less and it takes much more effort to keep in contact until one day you realize its been way too long and then what? Someone that was so close and dear - and all you have are your good times together.

Things change, life happens, and part of me hates it. My boyfriend and I get along pretty good, but I wouldn't say he is my best friend - but a really good friend - is that all I have left to look forward to? No more silly girls nights - no more staying up late partying and playing games - talking into the wee hours of the morning? For me the loss of close friends has been a part of growing older, people are busy living their own lives and it gets hard to catch up through no faults of each other. Something a high school teacher said when I was really sad to be letting go and graduating - she said at the reunions everyone you know is still the same person so when you do get together its as if time stands still. One of my very best friends who I grew up with my entire life - we lost touch 7 years ago after high school graduation and recently we found each other again through mutual friends - and to be honest it was as if no time had passed - we picked up right where we left off. I take comfort in knowing all of my friends are still my friends and the same people - I just like to look at it we just haven't caught up in awhile. I think its just a part of life. Be thankful for your wonderful husband who you wish to be with for the rest of each others lives - you'll never lose touch with him

Marimaru · December 13, 2005

After I graduated from high school, my friends pretty much quit being around (they hadn't graduated yet, and I didn't move away, but it happened anyway). There were a few that I kept in contact with until I moved, and then those disolved too. After that, I never really got close to people at work, and didn't really have other ways to make friends. I went to a semi 'reunion' thing that my high school friends threw and when they were complaining about the SAME THINGS they were complaining about 5 YEARS ago, I ws immediately happy that those friendships had all but disolved. I talk to some of them sometimes and there's just so much drama around it that I've decided I'm quite happy without a gaggle of friends around me. As for your 'wild girl' side, bring it out yourself! My fiancee isn't for big crowds or dancing or much really that involves leaving his computer, which is usually fine for me, but sometimes I just have to get out of the house, and darnit, he's coming with me!

My mom is my best friend, and I live close to her, so it's easier to still have a 'girls night' with her, or her and my sister(s), which isn't the same as the girls from highschool, but for me it's enough to fill the desire for that.

I guess all I did just now was blurt out how I delt with it when it happened to me, but sometimes that can be helpful too. I know the itch of "I want to go out! I want to do something!" and I still get it, and I don't deny it, I just deal with it differently.

Hope this helps, even a little.

kimalicious · December 13, 2005

Vanessa, so true: "God wouldn't take anything away from without giving you something much better. I can tell you from my own life that this is true. Try to believe that if someone turns their back on you when you are succeeding at something, then they may never have been your friend. Misery loves company." I do feel like I am trying to better myself in many ways, but I also feel like I am being a snob when I feel this way, like I am making myself BETTER than they are. My husband so far is much better to me than any of my friends were recently.

candy, 25 was when it all changed for me because that is when I got married, I sit back and wonder if I could have been different or done something different, or maybe I was acting different. Now, that best friend who left me at the beginning of my engagement is going through some of the same things with her new friends due to her new engagement, so I am hoping she understands. She is never someone I can be close to again, because I am always scared she will "dump" me again, but I have always tried to forgive and not hold a grudge because I am still close to the rest of her family and wouldn't want to cut that off completely. Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that they will just be good memories I have and I will never have that again, especially not be able to go back. I also need to learn to be happy with what I have in front of me...which has always been a downfall of mine.

Sarah, I am dealing with it that way too, I have never been closer to my mom, she is the only one besides my husband that goes shopping with me and out to eat and she is supportive and listens to me when I need her. She knows what I am going through with my weight loss since she herself just lost like 80 pounds from Atkins. To me it is not the same as those friends, but I am glad ya'll helped me with my post, I needed to hear all of this. I just needed perspective and I can always come here and get it. Thanks Y'all!