Non-supportive Friends & Family

[LaLu 37]

I saw a post on here that someone's doctor told them they were taking the easy way out. And i started thinking about the people who have told me the same thing. I'm sure a lot of people here would have been told the same thing, and that they're lazy for getting the lap band.

So i was wondering, What do you do about these people? If they don't let you explain that it's not the easy way out, and that there's still diet and exercise involved, do you just try to ignore it or is it best to get them out of your life?

Because I've lost a few really good friends and have been in fights with family members about this. Luckily most of my family members now understand and completely support me, and I've only stopped seeing one of my family members. But i tried to explain to a couple of my friends, and it just didn't end well. I don't want people being non-supportive about it in my life. I don't mind if they don't agree with it. But if they won't even hear what I'm actually going through then i just can't handle it.

[Blaze21 5]

I only told a handful of family and friends. They just didn't understand it and I didn't want to go through the whole process of explaining something to people who never had a weight problem, about the band. We just don't talk about it and I leave it at that. I have lbt and my local support group, so I'm ok as far as support goes.

[poppieswife 0]

I’ve only told immediate family (mom, husband, my kids 20 & 28). I have also told two friends from work who both have had WSL. One I’m very close with she had lap band but about the forth week had to have it removed because of an infection. She had her surgery done in Mexico. I asked her if she would do it again and she said if insurance paid. Well ours doe s now but she doesn’t want to go through all the hoops for approval. I don’t plan on telling anyone else as it’s private to me. I wouldn’t announce getting new boobs they would announce themselves:wub: as I believe WLS will do soon enough .

[BetsyB 9]

I haven't encountered this much IRL---but when I have, I've told people, very simply, "I found a way out." I was not able to lose successfully---and maintain that loss--before surgery. Now I am.

Doesn't matter one damn bit what they think about my choice. For me, it was the way out. Easy, hard, whatever....I got out.

[Cocoabean 430]

So what if they think it is the easy way out? Who says we have to do things the hard way? I drive to work so I don't have to walk. I use a computer rather than a pencil or calculator. I sit in a chair so I don't have to stand.

A co-worker had stents put in rather than wait for a heart attack, is that the easy way out? My father had triple cardiac bypass surgery for the same reason. Should he have said no and died?

We took advantage of a medical procedure to help us be healthier, weight loss is a side-effect...oh darn the luck! (ok, so it is called weight loss surgery, but you get my point!) as Betsy said, I took the way out.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Cocoabean
Spelling is important

[Jodi_620 37]

I had to eat liquids for two weeks, followed by a surgery, followed by two more weeks of liquids and two of mushies. Like anyone else, I still have to exercise and watch what I eat. And no matter what, I can never just take a day off and eat whatever I want. Easy way out? I don't think so. I always tell people not to confuse successful with easy.

[Cocoabean 430]

I always tell people not to confuse successful with easy.

I love this!

[emjay 8]

Try not to let your lap band dictate conversation. Your friends and family know you have it at this point, but don't make it an issue by bringing it up.

I haven't received too many negative comments, but being from a small town and not really keeping it a secret (but not broadcasting it either) I get a fair share of stares and sideways comments I'm sure. I just blame it on jealousy, the need to gossip or minimize somebody's accomplishments.

Most friends and family have been supportive and I am truly grateful for them. But I make it a point not to bring it up because it's something that many people do not understand or need to.

You may need support, but look elsewhere to people that can understand. A support group, LBT, a good friend that you can confide in that is honestly happy for you and supportive.

It is a way out, and I like the way Betsy said it. Just don't get defensive and feel the need to explain why you did it....many will never understand and have their own misconceptions. You may lose friends anyway....for many reasons. Hopefully, it's just the real you emerging that's been trapped for so long. And friends that don't want to be supportive aren't really the best people to have around you anyway. I have a few "negative Nellies" as friends and while they are still friends, I tend to limit my time with them to avoid feeling that way myself.

And always remember that you may think people talk about you or think about you much more than they actually do. And weight is a sensitive issue for many people...for alot of reasons. It's probably best not to keep your band a topic of conversation when with your family and friends. Remember, this was your life-changing event, not theirs.

[nkl1201 0]

I haven't told that many people because I could instantly feel the negativity brewing. I've had several hostile comments, "You're not old enough," (what, you want me to get older and more unhealthy before I change??) Also had people tell me that THEY are OK with it because it is adjustable...(like I give a care what YOU think is OK with MY body?!?!)

Sadly, I am in the process of losing a good friend (who happens to be very heavy). She was one of the few friends I confided in pre-operatively about my decision to get banded. She never called to check on me during the difficult liquid stage, never called to see how the surgery went (claimed she mixed up the date), and NEVER has even asked once how I am feeling (I am 3 weeks post-op). She is practically avoiding me...today I ran into her and she merely smiled. Other people that I don't know as well have asked how I am feeling (I don't make the band the topic of any conversations or anything, its just that well-mannered people typically will ask in passing how I am). She REFUSES to acknowledge that I have been banded and because of her complete avoidance of the subject, I have come to realize that it makes her very upset..I keep losing and she keeps gaining. I tried to bring it up once to make it clear that it wont affect our friendship, but she blew me off. Unfortunately, I can't continue to have someone in my life who is so jealous/angry/betrayed even by my WLS that she avoids me and pretends nothing ever happened. Sad.

[happygirl65 5]

So what if they think it is the easy way out? Who says we have to do things the hard way? I drive to work so I don't have to walk. I use a computer rather than a pencil or calculator. I sit in a chair so I don't have to stand.

A co-worker had stents put in rather than wait for a heart attack, is that the easy way out? My father had triple cardiac bypass surgery for the same reason. Should he have said no and died?

We took advantage of a medical procedure to help us be healthier, weight loss is a side-effect...oh darn the luck! (ok, so it is called weight loss surgery, but you get my point!) as Betsy said, I took the way out.

I love this and whole heartedly agree! Nicely put. :smile2: