male only Who did you tell at first

[Erick 0]

Hi All-

Just wrote an introduction, so I won't go through that again, just the specifics for you men in here. I am 41 and I am scheduled to get banded on the 28th. My wife had the bypass last year and it is going pretty well for her.

My question for you guys, is did you tell anyone around you what you were up to? My wife told anyone who would listen, and generally the responses were very supportive, congratulations, way to take control, etc. If it wasn't positive, it was generally concern for having to do something so drastic, but still glad she was getting things under control.

I, on the other hand, have told no one. Just put in for the vacation time and just smiled when the boss said he wished he could take some vacation right now (he just got back from going to Italy last month!) My wife has told some of our mutual friends, but I haven't talked to any of them.

I guess my problem is that most around me have watched me do the gym for a few months at a time. Diet on and off, etc. for the last 15 plus years. I have had people tell me repeatedly, "you don't look that big! you carry it well!". Perhaps they were just being kind.

I feel as a man I am taking the final option, raised the white flag, admitting defeat. I know I am just taking advantage of a tool, it will still take me to make it work. But, I should have had the will to make it out on my own, without a crutch.

Am I just being hard headed, vain?

Cheers, Erick

[Erick 0]

Thanks, Jack, I appreciate the encouragement. Talking with my wife last evening and she told me she quit telling people around her, other than those effected by her 6 week recovery (she had bypass), shortly after she began telling people. She said she felt some negativity from some, including other heavy people, and did not want to keep explaining, justifying. So I guess I am not unique, even in my own household.

Now that it several months past her procedure and it has yielded such good results, she tells most anyone it was the best thing ever done for her. But she still hears from some things like what else she could have done with that money and how they, or someone they know, lost a huge amount on their own, by willpower, acai berries, tantric chanting or (fill in your own option here).

So I anticipate, like anything, people will have opinions. Only a very few really matter. I am going in for my band in less than two weeks, so I won't have to ponder this much longer.

Cheers, Erick

[YouGotBiggie 0]

Erik,

I know exactly how you feel. I started a Diet at the first of the year. I went Jan. thru Feb. on a strict low calorie diet and only Lost 10 Lbs. This might sound good but I was Over 400lbs and was starving myself. I have always been Big but I could lose the weight when I wanted to but I would always Gain it back. My Father was the first to suggest looking into the Band. He brought it up a few years ago and I told him that I didn’t need It I could do it on my own. It was all about will power. This Past April I started looking into the band as a favor to my dad, after reading a bunch of material I decided to go to a seminar. The whole Time I felt like I had given up, that I was letting my weight beat me, that I wasn’t strong enough to do this on my own. What changed this for me is when I talked to my Best Friend from high school. I was the Best Man at his wedding and we talk a few times a month and see each other a few times a year. He told me that the Last time he saw me he wanted to ask why I hadn’t looked it to a surgery. Now After going through the whole process and getting ready to have surgery Monday, I see that it isn’t really “waving the white flag” it is more like calling in reinforcements. The Band isn’t going to make me lose weight but it is going to be that little bit extra that is going to help my on the way to a better and healthier life.

Biggie

[RaSCal 0]

I guess I am in a similar situation. I am 39 and my wife had bypass surgery about 5 years ago. My main motivation wasn't that I wanted to be thin or really cared about my weight, but the fact that I had a newborn son. I know that I need to make sure I stick around for him. I started thinking about the process when he was born in November and started the process of getting approved in February. My wife's insurance paid for the proceedure and I had surgery on July 2nd. I'm down 60 lbs right now and feel great.

I exercise almost every day. By that I think I have missed maybe 2 or 3 days since I was released to start exercising. I just know that if I didn't have the band that I wouldn't be doing this. I would be sitting around saying that I would start tomorrow and another year would go by.

As for telling people, I told a few people that would find out anyway, but that's it. Now I have been asked directly how I am losing weight and I am honest. I just don't go out of the way to advertise it. I'm not afraid of people knowing, I just know that it will turn into a conversation of them asking how much I can eat and that will transition into them telling me about someone they know who had the lapband or bypass and it didn't work.

[joecs1 4]

WLS is not the flag of defeat! Far from it. It is saying "I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!" And quite honestly, WLS is not magic by ANY MEANS! It is still up to you......We still need to work at this, eat well, excercise, and show self control. I congratulate you on your decision. We do this because we need to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others, like Rascal, for our children, wives or significant others, our parents( who certainly dont want to bury their children), etc, etc!

As far as telling, I told everyone! That way there was no confusion. As said, most are supportive. Some say the wrong things, I dont think maliciously. But it happens! Good luck with your journey. And just to let you know, its not that hard. I have lost 48 lbs with what seems like not much effort, since march of this year. the worst was before surgery, diet. As the weight comes off, I see and feel the difference. that alone makes this really easy!

[Willsmom6 0]

Hi, I know this isn't my "area" since I am a girl but what all of you said in here has probably been the most comforting and helpful words I have read since beginning this process. I have been to the seminar, I cried afterwards feeling like I had given up also, and I've finished 3 of 4 appointments. In about 2 weeks I will start my pre-op Protein Shakes so I have about a month to go for my band. I just wanted to say Thanks a bunch for helping;o)

[Erick 0]

Thanks for the reassurance that I haven't given up or given in. My date got bumped two weeks due to a schedule conflict with my wife's work to the 12th of October. So I have a couple of more weeks, I am still not considering telling most people pre op. I have never been one to share, anyway. They don't hear from me about most aspects of my life. So now I feel like I would be saying, "We hardly know each other, but I am getting surgery, wish me luck!". Doesn't work into most conversations easily.

I keep hearing the key to weight loss success for women, especially, is a large support group. I went to the one support group session hosted by the hospital as required by my insurance. I did find it encouraging, but I doubt I will go much. I have little patience for other peoples' neurosis and I am sure they don't want to hear about mine.

Ultimately, I do believe and look forward to my success in this. I may think differently soon. Thanks, again!

Cheers, Erick

[rosstheboss 21]

I didnt have to really tell anyone my wife did it for me! I or we told a few good friends about it and they were all very encourging. After the weight started comming off I would shair the information as I felt was needed and depending alot on the person that was asking. Was much more open to thoes with a weight problem. The Band is a great tool to get you started. You will still have to do the work. do follow instruction especially those first few months when you are starting to eat again this is when you can drop alot of weight. Don't worry like I did thinking that you could never eat again because you will. As your wife had surgey you are probibly more prepaired than i was.

[loserbob 11]

Hi All-

Just wrote an introduction, so I won't go through that again, just the specifics for you men in here. I am 41 and I am scheduled to get banded on the 28th. My wife had the bypass last year and it is going pretty well for her.

My question for you guys, is did you tell anyone around you what you were up to? My wife told anyone who would listen, and generally the responses were very supportive, congratulations, way to take control, etc. If it wasn't positive, it was generally concern for having to do something so drastic, but still glad she was getting things under control.

I, on the other hand, have told no one. Just put in for the vacation time and just smiled when the boss said he wished he could take some vacation right now (he just got back from going to Italy last month!) My wife has told some of our mutual friends, but I haven't talked to any of them.

I guess my problem is that most around me have watched me do the gym for a few months at a time. Diet on and off, etc. for the last 15 plus years. I have had people tell me repeatedly, "you don't look that big! you carry it well!". Perhaps they were just being kind.

I feel as a man I am taking the final option, raised the white flag, admitting defeat. I know I am just taking advantage of a tool, it will still take me to make it work. But, I should have had the will to make it out on my own, without a crutch.

Am I just being hard headed, vain?

Cheers, Erick

I wondered about the same things as you pre-band. Now I dont care what anyone thinks. Im off all meds, am healthier because of it. I still have a long way to go but Ill get there. Its not an easy way out. I thought I wouldnt need a fill because I did well in the first 6 weeks but I was so wrong. You dont owe anybody an explanation, you owe a longer, healthier life to you first, then your family. From there, to heck with everyone else!

Edited October 13, 2010 by loserbob

[asksdf 5]

Hi All-

I feel as a man I am taking the final option, raised the white flag, admitting defeat. I know I am just taking advantage of a tool, it will still take me to make it work. But, I should have had the will to make it out on my own, without a crutch.

Oh man, I felt exactly the same way. But honestly once the weight started dropping I didn't really care for that mentality, just happy I was losing.

The only people that know are my parents and my sister. Nobody else needs to know. I don't need people gossiping about it and get stuck answering the same questions over and over. If a family member or close friend is considering the surgery but has concerns over it, then I'll probably talk to them about it. But until then it's nobody's business but my own.

Question for you though, how do you feel about your wife telling your mutual friends?

[Erick 0]

Well I am a week post op, now (10-12-2010) and have just gone in for my follow up visit. I am down 13 pounds, I know this won't continue, but I haven't really done much out of my usual routine besides the post op diet. I haven't started exercise in earnest, yet.

Thankfully, I haven't had much pain or hunger to speak of. I feel great and my pants are already starting to fall down! Until my surgery I had at least one, if not two substantial meals a day and feel lethargic for hours. Getting out of my easy chair in the evening was a several step process. Now I spring right up. I really do hope this continues.

Ultimately, I told only a couple of people directly affected. Even then I was vague. I don't think I will have a problem telling people who will ask in the future, commenting on my (hopefully) successful weight loss.

Sandworms, I was at first resentful my wife was sharing with more of our friends. But, she explained to me that she was hoping my good example might inspire some of our other friends (we have many obese people around us) who may be fence sitters or that thought bypass to drastic to consider, to see another option. Mostly this is for the benefit of some of her girlfriend's husbands, most of them like myself, stubborn, middle aged, prideful, who tend to think WLS a cop out, at least for men.

At only a week into this side, my only regret is not pursuing this five or ten years ago. My only consolation is they get better at this as time goes on.

Thanks, everyone, for your comments!