Jealous friends & family members

[wintobethin 5]

I need some advice on how to handle family members who are jealous of my weight loss. MOST of my family members are way over weight, and now most of them have stopped talking to me and my husband. We have both lost 70+ pounds each. I had lapband 01/15/09 and he had the sleeve done on 02/16/10. We are so proud of our selves but some family members think we are cheating by doing the surgery. Please tell us what to say besides SHUT THE HELL UP!

[reverie 49]

I'd have nothing to say but shut the hell up, followed by a few other not-so-nice words. See, people who have never had WLS don't know that it's not the easy way out, nor is it cheating. It takes an entire lifestyle change with a lot of commitment to lose weight.

In the end, I'd say nothing at all. I've had people make comments like this, and eventually I realize they aren't worth it to have around. They're all obviously jealous; I wouldn't let it bother me.

Either way, congrats on your loss and congrats to you husband as well. You've both done awesome! Keep your heads up.

[tommygunn49 0]

if its the easy way out, how much weight have lost from dieting, besides even with the band its still hard, keep up the weight loss both other you

[MsShay 0]

I have found that people keep telling me to stop losing weight or I will be anorexic or sickly but those were the same people who believed I did not need surgery. People have their sly ways of taking jabs but I try not to let it bother me. Its their problem. For instance, we were at a family reunion and my five sisters and I posed for pictures. The heavier sisters commented, "Look all the skinny sisters are on one side and the fat ones are on the other. I had never even thought about it or noticed it but they did. Again, its their problem.

[btrieger 21]

Cheating? Cheating what? Death?

Be nice to them and try to get/stay in their wills. So, when they die young, you get their belongings.

[dfav3412 116]

just be yourself when you are around them and ignore their comments. They are hurting inside and haven't decided that they are worth whatever means that is right for them to make themselves healthy. Congrats to you and your significant other.

[JillianRN 0]

You should be -proud of yourselves. That is such an accomplishment! Some people will always be jealous. It sounds more like it is their problem and not yours. Hold your heads up and find a set of friends that are more like family....

[irene2502 0]

I am so happy for you and your husband. This is the hardest journey I have been on in a long time. This is not the easy way out. People will always judge you on something. This is a healthy choice and a smart choice. No way is this the easy way. I love coming here to the forums to get my support. I have heard both negative and positive feedback from my family. I eat up the positive feedback and ignore the negative. This was my choice and I feel great just knowing im on the road to success!!! Yay for us.

[swissnis 0]

Cheating? Cheating what? Death?

Be nice to them and try to get/stay in their wills. So, when they die young, you get their belongings.

:biggrin:

seriosly, kill them with kindness and keep up the good work!

[BetsyB 9]

some family members think we are cheating by doing the surgery

I'm with Bob--just how, exactly, are you cheating? You're cheating death. Presumably, people who love you want to have you around, long-term.

You should be very proud of your success. You've done a tremendous job!

I haven't gotten much of the "easy way out" from anyone--people see how hard I work to lose, even with the band. And they want me to succeed, to be happy & healthy.

But then, I am not leaving anyone who's obese in the dust---if I were, I can imagine some resentment and jealousy. Heck, I can imagine being the one feeling left behind and resentful.

In your shoes, I think I'd focus on what you need to do for your own health and well-being--and respond to anyone who suggests that you're taking the "easy way out" with something like, "Really, banding just gave me a way out. It doesn't much matter to me if it's easier or harder--it represented the way out for me. If you ever decide to explore surgery, I'll be happy to talk about it or even attend a seminar with you, but I'm no longer willing to debate its merits with you."

[emjay 8]

Betsy gave you a good response if you choose to say anything to them at all. If they aren't talking to you, the point is mute. You don't have to say anything.

So what if they think you took the easy way out? Don't let it bother you. We all know better. Your continued success will be the best revenge and may even get them to think twice. Sometimes it's the reality that says it all. Enjoy your success and congratulations to both of you.

[RaSCal 0]

The worst thing someone has said to me was from someone who I considered to be a friend. He said, "Well, I hope you find what you're looking for with all that." Maybe I am taking it wrong or maybe he didn't mean it the way that it sounded, but it kind of pissed me off.

However, nothing feels like going through your closet and digging out all the clothes that you couldn't wear anymore and finding they are too big to wear now.