33 and single forever??

[SippNSotaGirl 1]

Hi everyone,

I don't post much on the site, but I need to vent and rant for just a second. I'm devastated because I finally worked up the nerves to ask this cute guy at work if he wanted to go to lunch, and he replied that today wouldn't work because he was really busy. I know there's an upgrade going on this weekend, so he was legitimately busy, but this is what gets me. He didn't say "maybe some other time" or "I'll take a raincheck" or anything like that. Simply "Sorry, today won't work". Am I over-reacting?

I should have prefaced this with we don't really work together. We used to be on the same team, but I just got moved to a different floor because my work is more suited to another team.

In my mind, his reply pretty much equals flat-out rejection because if he were remotely interested he would have offered some sort of alternative. And to make it less awkward, I told him if he could feel free to invite anyone else who may have wanted to tag along.

Help me with this!! I don't want to be a basket case or drama queen, but I'm 33 and SO lonely. When I finally decide to be a little more assertive in going after I want, this is what I get. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't know where to go to even find potentials.

What are your thoughts? I feel like such a high-schooler with a stupid teenage crush, and I have no idea where to go from here.

Thanks for listening!

PS - one small "victory" is that even though I feel like crap, I haven't turned to food for comfort!!

[losethemess 14]

Sorry you feel sad. Rejection sucks. He may already have a girlfriend, he may be Gay, he simply may not be interested. My suggestion ask someone else out. We have alllllll been rejected. I know I have, more than once. Good for you having the courage to ask him out in the first place. At least you know you can approach a man so again, good for you. If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

[SippNSotaGirl 1]

Thank you for your reply! He said he doesn't have a girlfriend, and he's not gay. (We talk about these things at happy hour.) So I guess it's the last reason. I'm just bummed out. I don't get ANY bites from my online dating account, and apparently I was misreading some "signals" I thought I was getting from this guy. I have NO idea where to even meet a guy. I don't do clubs. I don't do church. And I don't have any friends that I can hang out with. The "friends" I do have are either married and/or have children and just make me feel more of an outcast than I already do. Why is life so difficult?? I know you're supposed to get back up when love knocks you don't, but I have no idea how. Oh well ... Thanks for listening.

[losethemess 14]

There are tons of dating websites make sure you always update your picture and profile info at least update weekly. I love yahoos dating website. I love church eventhough I haven't been in months. I agree its not the greatest place to meet men its a great place for you, forget trying to find a man. One thing that Im 100% sure of is that God loves you. Take comfort in that. Try the gym, grocery store. Try changing your look, try volunteering. I met my husband on a dating website. I made contact with him first. Boy I'm happy I did. Why is life so difficult well I'm not sure about that. I do know it's so hard being single when you desire to be with someone. I'll pray for you. Give thanks in all circumstances because its Gods will. You will find someone I'm sure of. Let me assure you that you arrived not single because you are overweight or because of some other issues. I have two good friends one 31 and he other 47 who are skinny and single. So it's not that. I wish I could give you a big huge. Keep looking he's out there. DON'T GIVE UP.

[SippNSotaGirl 1]

Thanks for the advice and prayers. I hope something works out soon. :-)

[NYsLegend78 29]

mind if we see what you look like?

[Llyra 3]

Y'know, kiddo, you may not mean it the way it comes across, but that's a tacky request. You going to check her out and let her know whether or not her appearance is against her? Pppphhhtttt!

When I finally decide to be a little more assertive in going after I want, this is what I get.

Assertiveness is not a guarentee of success, but you've made a good start- congratulations! Keep in mind the world is full of men and the cute ones are not always the interesting ones. :biggrin:

[NYsLegend78 29]

I was not trying to sound like a jerk so I am sorry.

[Llyra 3]

's all right. I've been known to put my foot in my mouth a time or three. In fact, some days it feels like I only open my mouth to change feet.

:thumbup:

[SippNSotaGirl 1]

No worries! I may put up a picture later, but I'm not one to post pictures online.

[Moo 0]

Yea most of the time you meet a man its an accident stop looking and he will run into you thats how i got mine... In a video game lol but weve been married for 2 years now.. nerdy ever after i guess, so pick a hobby and you will run into somone that will find you to be awesome!

[katie6ta 0]

Great job for asking him to lunch. Just getting the nerve to do that is hard. This is how I deal with those situations. When people don't give us the answer we want, or when we are rejected, I take it as a life lesson. Of course it sucks, but I turn it back around on them. They will never know what a kind, amazing, and loving person I am. That is sad for them! Give yourself one day to cry, and then move on. I am confident that I will find my soulmate and have a family, but first I need to get myself in the best shape possible and have mental clarity before I can be a great "half" in a relationship.

That was a long rant! LOL

[jeepygurl 3]

I agree, a long time ago I cared, and now that I am focused on me, the gym, friends, work, although I am still single I don't really care, I would not try to meet someone at the gym, due to it being my time for me, I do spin class but after 50 mins of that I look bad....lol but a GREAT work out....lol

Good luck keep asking, all they can do is say NO, and who cares, your a wonderful, amazing woman in her 30's who anyone would be lucky to date.....

GO get em

[cakegirl 12]

Good on you for having the nerves to ask the guy out in the first place!

Everyone gets rejected, and it feels bad and awkward and embarrassing, but if you pinned all your hopes on this one guy, you're bound to feel devastated, so my advice would be to find some more baskets to put your eggs into

Maybe give the online dating another try - having helped a single friend out recently with that, we learned that the different dating sites have different cultures... Some are little more than people looking for sex hookups, some are sort of more geared towards friendships, and of those in the middle, some are geared towards frivolous dating and some are geared towards finding life partners...

My advice there is to be open to things that are different... For example, when I did online dating, I was subconsciously really limiting myself from a lot of guys - men that fell into the "too short", "too tall", "too fair", etc categories. I ended up making a conscious decision to talk to guys on there even if they were any of those things. (Obviously, there were some things I would not compromise on because they were very important to me - things like smoking, religion, family, etc.) I found by widening my pool and talking to those guys, I ended up going out on some lovely dates... My friend went on a site that is a bit more serious about profiling members and finding well-suited long-term love matches.

...which brings me to my next point, which is something that I did when I tried online dating, and my friend did recently. That was having the mindset going into it that you're NOT looking for "the one". That places too much pressure and expectation on you and on the guy. My friend and my attitude was that dating is a skill, as is being in a relationship, and as with any skill, you need practice to get good at it. So both of us went from being totally clueless and insecure about dating through to becoming better at the whole online dating thing and going out on dates... Looking for a nice evening out and some pleasant company rather than "A Boyfriend", if that makes sense.

Incidentally, I met some lovely guys through online dating, but nothing really clicked and I didn't find a boyfriend that way, but I did have some nice experiences, saw some different restaurants, movies and theatre shows. My friend chatted with only a limited number of men on her site, went on a few dates with one before calling it off due to not feeling a spark with him, and then went out with a second one and has actually found "The One".

And to help your spirits, I'll tell you this - my friend was older than you and had never kissed a boy/man until she did this online dating thing, so I know from experience that you're not doomed to be single forever!

[Lady_Dragyn 2]

Gosh I hope not. I'm the same age and single as well. I hope we both get to date again - and soon Best of luck to you.