2 years and counting

[Lioness81970 0]

My 2 year anniversary was the day after Thanksgiving and I really comtemplated about writing this post. I wasn't going to but then I thought about it......if others hadn't posted I wouldn't have known what to expect. So here I post not really knowing what to write but I am going to try my best to express what I feel now as opposed to 2 years ago.

When I first started researching the band I was actualy considering having the bypass done. A few co-workers had it done and I was thinking to myself "yea I'm gonna do that too!" Then I thought about my kids and about all the complications that went or could come along with it and I thought against it. Some how - by the grace of God - I found this website. Quite honestly prior to coming to this site I had never even heard of the band. It was when I got here that I realized this could be the alternative to the bypass and I couldn't do enough reading or get enough info on the procedure. One I realized what it oculd do I made the appointment and had the surgery done. 2 years ago it was the day before Thanksgiving and I had them schedule that day for a very specific reason. This surgery was going to give me a new lease on life and I was very thankful to be having it done.

The day of surgery I was 309.5 pounds and 33 years old. I could barely get out of bed because my knees hurt so bad. I hated shopping for clothes being a size 28 because nothing ever looked right on me and my favorite thing in the world to do was eat and eat some more. I would go to work and the first thing that came to mind was "what's for lunch?" I thought about food as much as I thought about my kids.

I'm a slow loser but I don't care anymore. In the beginning I doubted my own decision to have the band done thinking to myself why didn't I have the bypass done? Look at all the other people that did and they look great. I want this weight to come off NOW! That was when I had to really sit back and think to myself why I really had this surgery done. Did I want a quick fix or was I in this for the long run. I am now 192 pounds and I can't remember the last time I weighed this. I am smaller now than I was when I gave birth to my first born who is 16. It has been hard and for all of those people that knock the band and say it doesn't work......well they don't know what they are talking about.

During the course of the last 2 years I have discovered so much about myself that has probably always been there but I was just too scared to face. I left my husband after 13 years because - for as much as I loved him - I had to realize I loved myself more. I wasn't a door mat and I refused to be walked over any more. I was a human being and a beautiful person inside and out and damn it I deserved better than what he was giving me. Did the band make me realize all the problems that were there? Nope but it helped me come to grips with what was right in front of my face. It hurt to walk away but I would have been hurting even more if I would have stayed.

Another thing I realized were who my true friends were. It's weird but it was funny how many people were my friend but then when I started loosing weight they just stopped hanging around me or stopped asking me to go out. It seems as if they were jealous of me instead of being happy. I figured that the outside may have changed but ultimately the inside was still the same. All I can say it their loss!!

I also had to come to grips with my love of food. I loved food - especially pizza. Didn't matter what kind as long as it was edible. When I first got the band and was starting to try to get to the right level of restriction there were times when I would try to eat something and the band wouldn't allow it to happen. I would cry because damn it I WANTED it and I couldn't have it. That's when I knew that I really needed - once again - to reevaluate why I had this surgery.

One thing that I am proudest of is the fact that I have become more confident with myself. I have finally come to the realization that I am a beautiful woman. It's not the look of my face, the shape of my body or even the clothes that I wear - it's my heart. It's my personality - and well ok - the outside doesn't look bad either!! Every morning that I wake up and get dressed I look in the mirror and say hello to the sexy woman that stares back at me - thanks DeLarla for reminding!! I realized people perceive you for what you perceive yourself. If you think you aren't worthy then people will TREAT you as if you aren't worthy and let me tell you I AM worth it and so is each and every one of you on this board!!

Every day has been a struggle although each and every day it seems to be getting easier. I am lucky. I have had a picture perfect band. No major complications and the side effects that I have had were self inflicted. I know what I need to do but sometime I don't because, well to be honest, I'm not perfect. Would I change anything about the experiences that I've had or will have going into my 3rd year? Not in a million!!! I know I've rambled on and jumped from here to there but I hope everyone is able to understand what I'm saying. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my boring post!! Lots of love to you all!!

[Parvathi 2]

Carmen, thanks so much for sharing! Its so good to hear how the band has changed people's lives, a year or more out. While coming to these realizations about your life can be hard, it sounds like it's also improved your life.

Congratulations for both your physical and mental accomplishments! Wishing you much happiness in the future.

[kimberly6671 0]

Carmen - What an awesome post! I needed that. I'll be banded soon and was having a case of the pre-surgery jitters. Thanks for your honesty.

[ReneBean 3]

Carmen - it wasn't boring at all.

We who have not had the surgery, that have read all the scary erosion posts and PB nightmare stories, need to hear about the folks who have had successful bands with no major complications.

It's also important for us all to be reminded that so much of this battle we fight is in our minds. We are all protecting ourselves from something with this soft squishy armor we wear... and that is what each of us must face.

It's wonderful that you have realized your own worth through this process. So many of us don't... And we all should.

Big Hugs! Keep up the great work.

[paula 4]

I thought this was a great post, and definately at a time when LBT could use it.

Thanks Carmen. I needed to read this!

[Maggie63 0]

thanks carmen. i had my band surgery 5 days ago. as i am healing and drinking my yucky liquids : ), i wonder how i will be doing 6 months from now. i see folks who have had problems and have not lost much weight, and to be honest it scares me.

your story has motivated me...i know i can do it as you have : )

thanks for your honestly!!

[HarleyNana 10]

Congratulations on the new you and thanks for sharing your story.

[Road Queen 0]

You have done awesome losing weight, finding yourself, and writing to tell us about it. Congratulations and good luck on those final pounds. Celeste

[HeatherGurl 0]

What an inspiration!!!

[Guest ASPHALT ANGEL]

Congrats on your 2 year anniversary, you have done a great jog with your weight and also finding who you really are. These are the kind of stories we need to know are out there. Thanks for posting.

[Anwyn 0]

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with us. Congratulations on your success! It sounds like you've really turned your life around.

[my_genre 0]

Carmen,

Thank you so much for posting. My mom and I have both recently had WLS, she had RNY about three months ago and I was banded 11-7. My mom has lost over a hundred pounds, is looking great, is getting all the 'wows', giving me her 'fat' clothes hand-me-downs (because she was changing sizes every two weeks)...and I am thinking why the heck didn't I just go that route (especially in light of all the trouble people have had on this board lately....yep, I'm a worrier).

Then I have to stop and remind myself that I have lost 27 lbs in under a month, and I made the choice for this surgery because I believed this was the best decision anyone facing this problem could make. What you wrote really encourages me to keep believing that I HAVE made a great decision and I am so proud of you. I have always been overweight to hide from all those things I did not want to face, congratulations for being courageous.

I wish you continued success!

[Iluvharleys 15]

Carmen - Great post! I love that you have found yourself once again, we all have to remember to do that sometimes. I am glad you are a happier person for doing that.

[Mita 2]

Thank You Carmen for your Inspiring Post it is very meaningful and just what we needed as Paula said.

[FuelMan 2]

Very, Very Good, I am lov'in to read this and finding another person who is doing this on the long term plan. I have had the Lap-Ban 3 years this Feb 18th. I have lost some 200 lbs......... but I still have 150+ to go. I am trying to get an adjustment down here in Florida. I had the Ban installed in NY, and now there is no one her in North Florida who will do a fill on someone who has not had them install the Ban. "Dam Doctors". So.... I am not able to eat like I am going to the chair, but I can overeat some, and I don't like being in all this control, I do need a fill. I still have to lose a person (150 lbs) before this is over.

Anyway, your story was anything but boring, once I started to read I could not stop, you did a wonderful job, and your story is inspiring. Please keep writing and keep up the good work.

Butch