Suicidal thoughts with obesity?

[Lap_dancer 8]

But here's the big caveat - if someone is in so much psychological/physical pain that they are sure that the only cure is eating their gun, then who's really the chickenshit? The sufferer, or those around the sufferer who either enable or refuse to recognize the pain and who rationalize it all away?

I don't have the answer, just asking the question.

:hungry: I'll bite. (which isn't hard at all for me to do)

First, happiness and well wishes your way on safely coming home to you and hubby. My future son-in-law is in the military and I'm just now getting acclaimated to the whole military lifestyle. The acronymns are about to make me crazy.

My biological family puts the D in dysfunction. My grandmother was bulimic, my mother, my sister and I did the opposite eating my way to a 61 BMI. Think anyone talked about it? On my father's side my grandfather committed suicide at 38. He has PSD from the war which they "treated" with electric shock therapy. No one talked about his suffering either. The only way I learned about it was a long road trip where I was driving and grandmother was a passenger.

You raise a solid point about those enablers. I think they don't know how to address it or choose not to. I sometimes wonder if my husband is waiting for me to kick the bucket so he can get on with his life.

Since I put on the last 50 pounds our formerly active sex life has hit the skids. It seems like it doesn't bother him at all. It hurts to think that he has no desire for me. I'm always hugging him and teasing him and he smiles but there is nothing returned. THIS really depresses me. My body image depresses me. I find times when I am LOW. Can't think of one positive thing to be grateful for. I am on medication therapy but I would not take my own life. I've seriously thought about it but the guilt I have felt from what it would do to my children put a stop to any further thoughts.

[anonemouse 1]

Do I consider suicide a chickenshit way out? ABSOLUTELY. But here's the big caveat - if someone is in so much psychological/physical pain that they are sure that the only cure is eating their gun, then who's really the chickenshit? The sufferer, or those around the sufferer who either enable or refuse to recognize the pain and who rationalize it all away?

Or even the people that keep them around with emotional blackmail. You know, the people who KNOW their loved ones are in extreme physical or emotional pain and that they just want to rest and have some peace, but try to keep them around by saying, "But it would hurt me so much if you killed yourself. Why don't you think of me?" A lot of people think of suicide as the ultimate selfish act, and it is. But once a loved one gets to a point where it is literally more painful (physically or emotionally) to live than it would be to die, isn't it more selfish to try and make them live so that you don't feel pain?

I have seriously considered suicide in the past. I used to fantasize about slitting my wrists or giving myself a shot of euthanasia solution (my dad was a veterinarian and I knew where he kept it). Looking back on it, I realize that my physical condition, home life, and school life all factored in to it. At the time, I thought my home life was wonderful, and it was in some respects. I was never abused by my parents and I always had enough to eat (obviously, or I wouldn't be getting banded). I did have an older brother though, and looking back it is obvious now that he made my life a living hell. I think my weight was a direct result of his emotional, verbal, and occasionally even physical abuse. Do I like admitting that? No. I would love to continue to say that I had a wonderful childhood, but I can't. I realize now that I was completely miserable, and that it could have been made a lot better if my parents had bothered to realize just how bad it was. I can basically pin most of my emotional baggage on my brother. His taunting made me lose myself in food, which made me gain weight, which led to more of his taunting and taunting from my school mates, which led to depression and suicidal thoughts. I found out a few years ago that my parents knew about a lot of what he was doing, but as my mom said, they were afraid that saying something to him would make it worse. Thanks, Mom and Dad, that makes me feel loads better!

In my psychological evaluation for banding, the therapist asked why my grades had gotten so much better when I went from elementary school to high school (I was a low C student in elementary and was an A/B student in high school.). I had never thought about it before. It hit me in his office that it was because of my brother. I was exactly 4 years behind him in school. When I went to high school, it was the same time that he moved out of the house to go to college.

[myturnow 0]

I am going to tell you of a life, a love story.. I was raised in the country.. mom and dad were real nice loved each other and us kids.. married my highschool sweetheart. (I have always been a big girl) got married at 16 ..in love.. at 18 had my first son.Matthew.. such a loving boy.. big blue eyes. mommies boy.. I didn't want hiim to be an only child so we had another boy and girl..precious.. so blessed... when matt was 16 he developed a seizure disorder.. he only had 4 the last one took his precious life. he was 19...in the middle of the night in his bed.. my dh went to wake him and found him ... I was at work.. no idea.. in the next year my father died slowly of cancer. I had my mom move in to my house.. she became so ill I could not care for her.. placed her in a nursing home. she was a trooper. she thought she was at school..a dorm room... sometimes she knew different but ... what an example of trusting me.. mom died 1 year after dad... 10 weeks later got fired from the best job i ever had... blamed for anothers action. I was in such a blurr.. didn't know what to do.. but pressed on as much as I could.. didn't wish to return to the factory world of work.. bought a small business a bakery.. worked (my dh and me and kids) 7 days aweek trying to make it work.. a large donut Kompany took many of my clients by cheating ...( bribery, kickbacks) my business failed.. My dh also worked at local factory. lost his job to the NAFTA act they moved to mexico.. so in the last 7 years I have had __the talk with God and myself...Mostly if not for my 2 surviving kids... middle son now 19!! daughter 17.. I don't know... a tree while driving the car ... has crossed my mind.. but it has to get better right..... I have put on weight emotionally.. yes I have... thanks for caring enough to read... sorry so long.. myturnow.. donnaco

[wootsie73 0]

OK, I voted, but I never posted, so I'm going to be honest and say Yes I have considered suicide. I'm not sure it was totally because of my weight, but I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. My thoughts of suicide started when I got sick at work and became disabled. It was horrible! Of course I lost my job, I had no income at all for a year and a half, and I eventually lost my house and car due to it. So, yes I had some serious things going on in my life. But looking back on it now, I knew then and I still know that my weight was a large part of the reason I became disabled to begin with. Yes, I got the infection in my lungs from a vent patient at work, but I was also morbidly obese and had other health problems, like hypertension, congestive heart failure, etc. If I hadn't been so obese, maybe the lung infection wouldn't have disabled me, but I really do seriously doubt that. I was on oxygen 24/7 for 2 years after that, so even though I know my weight didn't help things, it didn't initially cause the disability. I'm still disabled and I may always be, but I'm hoping that being banded and losing weight will help enough where I can go back to work. The fact that I'm most likely bipolar doesn't help with the eating either. I've always been an emotional eater and every time things don't go right, I eat and eat and eat.... So, not only am I getting banded, I'm seeing a psychiatrist next month and I'm going to get into private therapy to help me deal with some personal issues and deal with stress better. It's like my PCP told me, if I don't get help with the issues that caused me to get this way to begin with, then being banded won't help me. You can eat around the band, just like others on this board have done. I have been to my surgeons support group meeting and was told by numerous people who haven't lost all of their weight years after surgery, that they didn't deal with the problems that got them to this point to begin with, so they didn't lose the weight. It makes perfect sense to me. Just some thoughts and I hope it helps someone on the tread.

There have been some amazing stories on here that have inspired me to at least tell part of my story. I hope everyone gets the help they need to make them be successful with the band.

Joan

[Time2live 0]

I've never thought about suicide....but I have wondered why I was born....I mean what is the purpose to my life? All my life I felt like I was just taking up space but not being a worthwhile citizen....ya know...making a difference or something. Was there anyone that I was truly impacting or affecting? At the end of my life would anyone have anything bigger to say other than..."She was a great mother, great friend, great wife." I realized that the answer to that was, probably not. But one morning I woke up and I CHOSE to see things differently.

To my children, I was the first person that greeted them in the morning and the last person they would see before they closed their eyes at night. I was the one that would make them feel like a million bucks when other people made them feel bad. I am the one who offers them a safe place to cry, a cheering section for their off beat comic routines, and solid ground to walk on when the road seems way too scary, and I am the one who tells them I love them, love them, love them when they feel like they are unloveable.

To my husband, I am the one who loves him most, who sees past the 40 pounds gained in 15 years of marriage, the hair long since lost, the age in his face from hard work, hard times and hard lessons. I am the one who at the end of the day reminds him that everything that truly matters is right here under this roof and not out there beyond our front door.

To my friends, I am the one who listens for four hours while they talk about cleaning toilets, screaming kids, grouchy husbands and empty bank accounts, and genuinely cares about all they have to say. I am the one who remains ever their friend hopefully instilling the confidence that no matter what they do...I will always be there.

When I took stock of all of those things....I realized that I really matter.....I'm not perfect and I'm not famous or beautiful or rich....but holy cow....look at what I have!! I'm so lucky.....how could I wade through all of this and find enough bad to cloud the good to the point where I wanted to end my life? Every day is not a walk in the park...and I cry mmmm probably at least 3 times a week but at the end of the day...life is good....good enough for me.

[horns10 0]

I myself voted as being one who took it seriously, especially during several moments when I was younger.

I know from the time I was in jr high to a few years out of high school I was suicidal and having to take antidepressants along with a few stint with counselors.

It was really hard for me, growing up in a small town and in school kids could be VERY VERY cruel. Funny thing is, is that I wasn't really that overweight to begin with back then but it didn't matter when your the 'little big' guy in a small town. To this day, sometimes when I think about it, I still get those old feelings that come back to haunt me from those experiences, it almost feels like it just happened yesterday.

Another problem was that I never felt normal, I saw a bunch of my friends able to get dates, girlfriends..etc; I was lucky to have gotten the couple of first dates that I had gotten and nothing more. While others were able to lead a normal life at what should've been the time of your life at that age, it never really was for me in many aspects.

Things of course are better for me now but I still feel those emotional scars that honestly, even if I can drop this weight with the band, I wonder will ever fully heal...i'm just hoping that if/when I can do this and get to the weight I feel I should be at, I won't ever feel a need to revisit those bad memories ever again..

I'm sure i'm not the only one who's been down this road, if not still on it. I just hope for any of you who's still contemplating suicide I hope and pray that you decide to LIVE on despite whatever that ails you and do whatever it takes, regardless of the odds or naysayers that stand in your way.

[Lana Ruth 1]

Hi fellow banders :)

Weight does emote strange feelings. I cannot say it never got me down. I even considered more extreme surgery even though i have had the band. life stranger and people are stranger why does everything have to be about one's size? :omg:

Lana

[DollyRose 0]

For myself the answer is no, never, not once, ever. But I can't vote "no, this is ridiculous" because I don't think it IS ridiculous. For me personally, I never felt ongoing depression or even felt much negativity in my life due to my obesity, but I can COMPLETELY understand how one could.

I agree, 100% about "no, this is rediculous", suicide is a very serious issue and should not be taken lightly. I have been dealing with depression for several years and much of it has to do with my obesity but I have never thought about suicide, the fact that I am hauling around 120 excess pounds is a death sentence in itself.

I think what is causing the depression for me is the fact that I have been successful at everything I have attempted except weight loss. The word 'try' is not even in my vocabulary because I believe the word implies failure, at least until I discuss weight loss.

DollyRose

[Daisalana 33]

My answer is no.. I tried to kill myself once when I was 13, and it had nothing to do with weight, more of a pre-pubescent cry for attention I think. My brother was a junkie (older than me), and it consumed my parents life from my age 11-15..

I've never actually wanted to be dead. I'd want to change. When my back pain first started, it was bad.. not horrible. Then at some point it became a 10 on a scale of 1-10 for pain. It was blinding and excruciating. I went to several doctors and no one would give me any kind of pain killer (I guess I look like a junkie?!) and I almost killed myself a couple of nights just from the pain. I would lay in the bathtub before going to bed to try to relieve the pain (which is associated with my weight) and my legs hurt so bad I wanted to cut them off and just lay in the tub. I wasn't rational.. so, it wasn't to kill myself out of depression, kill myself from the excruciating pain. Luckily I found a doctor that suggested epiderals and cortizone(cortisol? I dunno) shots.. they worked great for years, it wore off about 6 months ago and I'm hurting bad again, got more shots 2 weeks ago and they didn't work at all, so now I'm trying to grit and bare it until I can lose some weight. Fingers crossed.

Off tangent, but I've never been so depressed about my overweightness.. I've actually had good self-esteem I think for being as overweight as I am.. I probably would never have thought about a weight loss surgery if it wasn't for the pains I get associated with it!

[lizrbit 0]

i was 14 when i tried. (it was the only time). I was locked in an unpredictable horror movie where the monster was someone i was supposed to trust, and the person who was supposed to be the hero was too drunk and locked in her own misery to help, even after being made aware.

i was 29 before i found a psychologist whod really help me.

Not wieght related, not for attention, not successful (thank god)

At the time, i saw it as a way to end the movie.

[Unsure 0]

I vote no, this is ridiculous. I only chose that one because the thought has never crossed my mind so I couldn't pick that one.

I can say that I don't find it ridiculous. I can't speak for everyone's emotional place and I can sure see where extended morbid obesity would be draining and saddening.

[FuelMan 2]

I have said it once and I will say it again, MORBID OBESITY is in fact comitting suicide. Being really FAT is wanting to DIE weather you admit it or not. Some where, some time you think I ain't worth this so you figure you might as well kill yourself a fork full at a time. Just like the alcoholic might not want to kill him him or her self, but when the doctor say's if you don't stop drinking you will die, and you keep drinking. Well.......... what do you call that ???? I call it SUICIDE. So............when the doctor tell you, you have got to lose weight or you will die, and you keep eating. What do you call they ???? I call that SUICIDE as well.

Now I am not talking about you chubby's out there who have something like a 100 lbs to lose, or something like that, I am talking about the really FATTIES, the over 300 or 400 club. You might not have said: Gee, I want to kill myself today, but by your actions and you behaivor you are saying I want to DIE, I am not worth Living. I know this is a tuff qustion and not a lot of us want to admit this openly, but admit it or not........... the truth is you are killing youself just by eating the way we do. This is not a fun or popular subject to talk about, and nobody wants to admit they really want to die, but let's face the fact people......... we had better start to be honest with ourself's if we are doing this. I know 2 people who after getting banded, one had a nervious breakdown, and the other freaked out so much she had the BAND REMOVED !!!!!! Now that's to me seems crazy. But, if we are really ready to do this, we have to start to look at why we are eating ourself's to death, and admit we have this death wish.

I call myself an "Enlighten Fat Person", because I admit that I am fat and know what I can do and what I can't do. Before my enlightenment, I would sit in those plastic chairs and have them break, or....... God Help Me....... go on a ride at Great Adventure's and not be able to fit in the sit with the safty bar down, and then have to get off the ride in front of 100's of people. Now I ask you....... is that an enlighten fat person ??? I think not. Today, I know, I am fat and I don't try and hid it or avoid the topic of eating or or weight. If I am out, I eat like I do at home, I don't try and just have a salad, and then on the way home, gorge myself at burger king or the like. That was NUTS, and it was making me NUTS, all the hiding and sneaking, NO MORE, if I am eating I will eat what I like and not try to blow smoke up people's butt, having them think... "Gee What Is Wrong With Butch ?? He Hardly Eats At All !!!!! No More lies, and deseat, I am what I am....... FAT. And I Eat Too Much.

Today I can't eat the way I once did, because of the Life saving BAND. But...... even though I lost 200+ lbs I am still Fat, I still weigh 370 and have another 100 lbs before I can get a Pannic-ta-me. That's where they remove the spare tire (that's a TRUCK TIRE) from around the middle of me. I am going for a max fill this June and I am going to lose this last part fast, I have to be rid of this, I am at a place where it's been too long. I have been Banded for 4+ years and I am too old to wait. Sorry to be so blunt, but let's not blow smoke up each others BUTT, and start saying the truth about ourself's and being FAT.

Butch Seaman

[lizrbit 0]

wow butch...what a journey youve made. Kudos to you man. youve lost half of yourself!

[princess_n_thep 2]

Thanks for sharing Butch. I know that many of us have felt humiliated, depressed, wierd, unwanted, and FAT. Thank you for being blunt. This is why I posted this thread. I want us to be able to feel as if we can open up our hearts and our thoughts and know that no one is here to judge us, just support us.

[FuelMan 2]

I can't help it, but I am too old to not be blunt, or honest, as I see it anyway. I think we have all thought of taking the "PIPE" now and again, and I don't mean the chubbies, the ones that only have a few lbs to lose, I am glad for them that they can get the band and lose the weight in a couple of month's or even a year. I mean the real "Heavy Weight's", the ones that have over 1/2 there self to lose, the ones who's are kind of sick, FAT. Like ME !!!! I hate to say it but in the last 25 years I have lose something like 2000 lbs. 200 off & then 200 back on. On every diet knowen to man, they all worked and I was look'in good, but those feelings of not being worth it, and even though I was 250 lbs, I still felt like I was 500 lbs ????? What's UP with That ?? I would look at Pic's of me and say WOW is that really ME, then the feelings of not fitting in and not being worth breathing the same air as everyone else. Even though I have had many years of therphy, I still was fighting the Low Self Esteem, but today I think I have growned up a bit, and now I am an "Enlighten FAT Person", and I am not going back to sleep, I will not lie to myself or to others, and I will see things as they are to me, and If I don't understand them I will ask for help. Like I said, I am too old to try and fool myself anymore. At 54 I am finely growing up. Hopefully I can lose the rest of this weight and have the excess skin taken off and start to have a normal life for the first time in 50 years, I have paid my dues.

Love to all, Butch Seaman