Suicidal thoughts with obesity?

[maryb 1]

My depression is situational (event) and not because I am obese. Ex: My grandmother dying, my mother-in-law dying, moving, divorce, etc.

[LilBoPink 0]

WOW,,As a newbie to this site I was just thinking tonite how sick and tired I am of being sick, tired and FAT! I gained my weight about 6 years ago after my seperation and have kept it on ever since. I have become a compulsive eater and have my baked Cheetos right in front of me now.I have been cutting calories and trying to do better but as soon as I get home from work, feel depressed, alone or any other negative feeling I run to my best friend Food! I like "me" for the most part. I am a good person with high moral values. But I HATE the lazy, fat person I see in the mirror. If I do not like what I see how do I trust that anyone else would? I am tired of being fat and tried of being alone. How much more of this am I going to take?? Im too obese (NEVER thought I would have to say that!!) to get insurance and my credit is not good enough for a loan. My mom told me last week that her and my dad would help me and my future seemed so bright. Tonite Mom told me that her and Dad didnt like all the info I had emailed them about lapbands, etc. But she never really said if they would cosign for me or not. My bright, thinner, and healthier future has turned pretty glim. As I drove home from work after talking to my mom I pulled out the fundraiser candy bar I just purchased and ate it. I came home ate Easter candy, baked Cheetos,and wasnt even hungry. Then of course I was sick. Sick because I really wasnt hungry and sick because I "did it again" My compulsive behavior. I have been asked why I dont just diet and exercize. Umm,,because I am not made like those freaks who can do that. If I was I wouldnt be in this shape. HELLO!! (just kidding about freaks) If I dont get to have surgery I really dont know what I will do. No, not suicide. Im not there yet, it crosses my mind but then what would I eat?

[Teasie 0]

I never thought about killing myself, but I did have crazy thoughts about trying to do something to kill my taste buds so that I would quit eating so much, like swishing formula 409 around in my mouth, etc. And wondered if there was anything I could swallow that would stay in my stomach and make me feel full all the time.

[cmr 0]

I think that this is a very interesting thread. The thought has crossed my mind but I don't think that I could really do it. I'm afraid it would hurt or I would change my mind and it would be too late. I have however thought that it wouldn't be too bad if I just didn't wake up. My kids are grown and the most important job I ever had (child rearing) is at an end. I'm not sure that is a weight issue. I am more optimistic now that I have the band, but I am still on anti-depressants. If I die tomorrow, I would probably be ok with it....I just want to go fast. I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank all of you who shared their experiences here. I think that you are very brave to put a voice to this issue. Every time I read a thought provoking thread like this it reminds me of just how many layers we all have. I was touched by many of these stories tonight and I am greatful to all.

Cindy

[NurseTeresa 0]

I, like some of you, have thought about this as well. Then the logical side of me kicks in. Who will raise my children as their father is a LOOOOOOOSSSSSSEEEEEERRRRRRR!!! My Mother whom I love because she is my mother, Isn't a good parent and is a worse grandparent...so that is out the question. Then I feel guilty that I would be leaving them just like their father did and then that put me in HIS catagory!!! What a frightful thought that is. Then the nurse in me kicks in...the what ifs......what if I was unsuccessful and was just majorly handicapped and had to live out the rest of my life as a nonresponsive, nonfunctional person whos mind was still with them....That is scary as hell. Sometimes I get so depressed I also wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. My obesity was a result of wonderful Depo provera birth control injections and was manifested by some health issues and bedrest for 26 weeks a year ago. Now that I am back to work and working third shift I sometimes go 3 days with nothing to eat just drink Water or ice tea so when I do eat my body stores it all as fat cuz its afraid it may never eat again. I have been trying to do some Protein Drinks when I work and have managed to lose 7 lbs in the past two weeks. But still depressed about not being able to get banded due to insurance and not financially stable to do it on my own. GESH why does being overweight have to have so many mental issues that comes with it. Isn't the sterotypical thoughts we have to tolerate as well as the extra poundage enough for us? Sorry got on a rant again! Wish us all the best of mental health and no more thoughts of suicide to enter into our minds. I do pray about this on a daily basis. Our Lord is a strong one and he helps all the time.....his continued help is what sees me through each and everyday!

[Tamyrn 0]

NurseTeresa, I too am a nurse and I worked psych for a while, the food (fat) is not the problem it's just how we deal with the problem. Do you ever think we know too much? We know the nutritional crap, we know the psychological crap and yet doing something with our knowledge is so hard...Yeah, we can do something for other people, but for ourselves?

I didn't vote, I've never considered suicide, but during nursing school ( I like so many others became an RN because I was going through a divorce ) I would drive home from school crying...because the sorry-ass was cheating on me after 15 yrs and 2 kids, because I was afraid of change even though I wanted change, because I didn't think I was smart enough to graduate, etc...but somewhere in side I must have had hope because I kept on going.

I think there is a huge diferrence between living and surviving, when you hit survival mode you have to have hope that you'll live again or what's the use?

[NurseTeresa 0]

Lets see.....gesh doesnt our lives lead us in weird places sometimes. I do agree that sometimes we know too much for our own good! That is one of the downfalls of being a nurse. Being a nurse we also know all the ups and downs of what stress in ones life can do to a person. When I was in nursing school I knew I was smart enough.....however my mother and the girls father said over and over that I wasn't smart enough. I did prevail. Ended up changing from my RN to my LPN just so I could support my family....ran out of too many next quarters to gettin into the program. I am so glad that you found out your inner strength and made it through school and onto a productive life as a nurse and a single mother most of all. Happy Mothers Day to you!!! I also agree with you about living or surviving. Somedays I do one or the other and am tired of just surviving. SO ready for the fun of life and to live it to its fullest. (skinnier is my choice......lol) Best of wishes to everyone and Happy Mothers Day to ALL!

[pugmum 0]

:confused:

[Woodys 0]

I never understood suicide, maybe that's why I have always viewed suicide as the Coward's way out....maybe that view and my opinions come from ignorance on the subject. Everyone lives a different life, and maybe when they have reached their depths of despair they don't see any other option. I have been down pretty low sometimes but never reached the depth of despair that would cause me to even think about suicide.

But when it comes to being overweight, there are options.

[Lana Ruth 1]

HI I found this thread a very moving and emotional ride. :think I found people honest amazing and humbling. We all have inner strenght however, i am aware of how life events do get in the way.

Thank You

Lana

to be banded on the 8th July 2006:ballchain: :amen:

[jojo41 0]

No..I've never contemplated suicide due to my obesity.

Perhaps because although I HATE being FAT I love my family, friends and life. (I just know I will love it even more when I am able to participate in it fully).

[Leona06 0]

I would have to say that I have attempted to commit suicide as a way to cry out for help... I did it my first year of college and it was feeble attempt at best... I just toke one or two pills of every pill I had. And nothing happened, but me vomiting in the bathroom.

I will say that this was NOT related to my obesity... it was related to moving to a big city with no one that I knew around. It was related to having my first boyfriend and sure I was uncomfortable with my body but i knew I wasn't the only one.

I got help, they put me on anti-depressants, and I became more irrational and I felt invicible and did even worse things on the anti-depressant- like jump in front of cars in the street, and drink massive amounts of alcohol to the point of poisoning... Every time I had an "incident" the raised my prescription to the point that I was taking the MAXIMUM dose allowed every day.

And then one day, I realized what was happening, and I stopped taking it. Now I'm fine- never had a problem, haven't thought about suicide. I became stronger because people were pushing me further aside and wasn't going to have that. So now I'm a rock...

later on that year, I went on depo provera and it made me happy... turns out I have a hormone imbalance and the depo corrected it. Now I know my behavior wasn't my mind's fault, but my body's. I've learned to deal with my moods now, and am very stable. But what I did my first year of school tainted me throughout my undergrad... funny how that works, right?

But i can't really say I had thoughts of suicide with my obesity... although the thoughts about my weight didn't help it, but they didn't start it.

[Cinderella 0]

Alright, Let's be honest. I never felt normal size, even when I was real close to it. Something happened though when for some reason "I" always considered myself "Fat". What happened when I continously gained weight? Did I just give up? You're darn right I did! I mean what was the use? I was never going to look like my friends or any of the beautiful people, which was stupid and selfish on my part. After all my sister had a disfiguration all her life and she chose to be strong because of it. Me, I was weak. I envied those who were anorexic or bulimic, because I didn't even have the strength they had. In the past, I've fantisized about throwing myself in front of highway traffic, self mutilation (cutting the fat off my body myself), and wanting to OD myself so bad it physically hurt! Your darn right obesity alone did not cause these truly selfish thoughts. Obesity was my weapon of choice! Thank the Lord Almighty I am finally coming to terms with it!

[TruBlueSue 0]

But, even at my lowest point, I never considered suicide. To me, that is the most selfish thing a person can do. Leave everyone who loves you behind with all of the pain and life long heartache over the loss. I've known many family members who end up killing themselves after one of them does. They get it in their heads that they are crazy - must run in the family kind of a thing. Taking your own life to end your misery is not the end of the story. All those people you love, and possibly thought you were helping them be "better off without you" will take on all of your misery, heaped on top of all that normal life has given them to deal with. But those of us who are still alive, with a chance for tomorrow, with people who love us.. shame on any of us who would take that chicken shit way out and leave people behind to deal with the torment.

I am one of those people who lost a parent (father) to suicide - Feb 23 2005. I was in Iraq. I came home to deal with my sister, who found my dad, and my mom, who was overseas visiting family at the time. When I left here after two weeks, I went right back to Iraq. SO - when I finally returned home and left the service I was dealing with my sister, my mom AND my toddler while my husband was STILL in Iraq. Did my obesity and general depression/PTSD, etc., cause me to feel like I wanted to drive my car into a bridge abutment? ABSOLUTELY. Did counseling, drug therapy and my hubby getting home safely and out of the service help? ABSOLUTELY. Does my body image/courage/commitment still waver even though I am half way to my goal weight? ABSOLUTELY. Do I consider suicide a chickenshit way out? ABSOLUTELY. But here's the big caveat - if someone is in so much psychological/physical pain that they are sure that the only cure is eating their gun, then who's really the chickenshit? The sufferer, or those around the sufferer who either enable or refuse to recognize the pain and who rationalize it all away?

I don't have the answer, just asking the question.

[marjon9 6]

But here's the big caveat - if someone is in so much psychological/physical pain that they are sure that the only cure is eating their gun, then who's really the chickenshit? The sufferer, or those around the sufferer who either enable or refuse to recognize the pain and who rationalize it all away?

I don't have the answer, just asking the question.

It's a valid question, but generally I have a hard time with the concept that a troubled person's life is someone else's responsibility, and if that troubled person can't find solutions to their problems then it's someone else's fault. I don't agree with that. I think each person is responsible for his or her own life.

I certainly agree that someone who is an "enabler" to a suicidal person is, as you say, a "chickenshit." But even if the enabler is a chickenshit, they are still not responsible for the other person's life.

I don't think it is fair to say that someone else's suicide is your fault because "you could have done more," or, "you did not care enough." That's just not a fair burden to put on any of us. We are all responsible for ourselves in this life. If a troubled person does not find solutions to his or her problems, that's tragic, but it's not somebody else's fault.