Suicidal thoughts with obesity?

[liannatx 897]

Never Never have I ever considered suicide. I am such a happy go lucky person. It could be better, but that is what always keeps me going. I am the eternal optimist. If things are bad there is only one place to go.........and no, it is not farther down, lol!!!

[DevilMayKare 1]

Not the results I was expecting to see, but I thank you to those that voted in this poll.

Just out of curiousity... what results were you expecting to see?

It would be interesting to see the results of this poll in the general population. Let's see, who would that be??? The alcoholics, the sex addicts, the workaholics, the druggies...uh... no? How about the "General Population" of people who have NO addictions, No compulsions, no weaknesses nor flaws and are successful and happy in their lives?

Who ARE those guys anyway?

The Borg?

[psichikel 0]

First, suicide runs in my family so I'd be considered an outlier when posting. My grandmother, mother committed and my sister, brother and neice have attempted suicide. As for myself, I've thought about it in my darkest moments in life but thankfully I have a strong faith and I am also chicken &^%% about harming myself as it is...lol. I think I am the opposite than my family, I want to live forever!!!! I need that fountain of youth...lol. On a more serious note though, I've dealt with suicides throughout my life...I've had some friends die by their own hands as well. It's saddening to think one cannot see beyond the "now" to the tomorrow. Those that attempt/commit are stuck with the pain they deal with today, and they don't see a way out other than to die. As Alex mention, suicide does leave alot of pain for those left behind to deal with. It will be 21 years since my mother committed suicide, I was 15 at the time and there is not a moment in my day that I don't think about her or what could have been. I wish everyday she was here, and although she is not here for me I know in spirit she is because I've felt a presence of calmness in my darkest hours. I do know I've become more sensitive towards the needs of others throughout my ordeals with family, I pray for those that are stuck in the "now" to just wade it through and that their tommorrows prove to be worth living for. I do not cast judgements on those that have attempted/committed or thought about...I hope that someone in their life will be there for them, to listen to their pain and work together to find a better solution. For those in their darkest hours, I pray for you and I am sending positive thoughts to you...feel free to express your pain here with us..we may not have a quick solution but we will be here to listen.

[Marimaru 7]

I clicked on this post 3 times before answering. So, that's 3 of your 500. I never thought seriously about suicide but there were certainly times where I thought it would be convenient if I didn't wake up, or I was in a fatal car crash or something.

I hadn't given any thought to the idea that I was committing suicide by gaining more and more weight either. I mean yeah, I knew I was leading myself to a future death if I didn't do something about my wieght, but somehow that didn't spell suicide for me.

Anyway, thanks everyone for sharing. It's interesting to see what other people have gone through.

[princess_n_thep 2]

Okay okay.

So many of you are concerned for me. Let me first start by saying that I am FINE! And I appreciate that you have been concerned. So many of you are wondering why I posted this then and what I expected to get from it. So here it is:

I guess I expected more people to have seriously thought about it.

My mother was about 360 lbs. I begged her to have WLS. I made the appointments, she wouldn't go, I made them again, I drove to her house to take her to a seminar, she finally went, she bitched and moaned about how happy she was and how scared she was of the surgery. I forced her to go to the pre op tests. It was quite the battle to get her to do all the pre op tests on time. I made an appt and she cancelled and rescheduled. She told me she is one of the happiest people ever even as a large woman. She said she was "jolly" and liked being that way and didn't want to change. She said she enjoyed food and didn't want to give it up. She cried, whined, moaned and complained. I stood my ground about she NEEDED this. But I was selfish, I was afraid that she would die soon if she did not force herself to lose the weight.

Finally, the surgery date was set. She didn't even allow me to take her to the hospital for the surgery. She was mad at me. And she was a very happy woman. Everyone loved being around her and she was the life of every party. I felt like a big jerk for pushing her into this and felt horrible for the entire 3 weeks of her recovery as she hurt and was in pain. I felt guilty. I doubted myself for pushing her into this.

2 weeks ago, and 180 lbs lighter from gastric bypass, out of the blue when I showed up at the house to drop off a piece of tupperware I borrowed, she hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe, when she stopped I felt the tears in my hair. She looked at me and with all seriousness said, "thank you for saving my life and letting me not put that gun in my mouth one more time and then having everything I have to talk myself out of it each and every time". A long talk followed.

I was floored. All I wanted to do was have her live longer, my reasons for pushing for the surgery were purely selfish. I had no idea she had a gun. I had no idea it was loaded. I had no idea that at least once a week for the past 5 years of being obese she would sit in her living room and put the gun in her mouth trying to get the nerve to pull the trigger. I had no idea that thoughts of death ran through her mind. I had no idea that she had planned details to how she would fall or what she would be wearing. I had no idea of the pain. Afterall... she was "jolly". I had no idea.

So it made me think.... how many of us had these thoughts? Now I wonder, how many of us had these thoughts and wouldn't even dream of admitting it online anonymously for fear that someone, anyone, would figure out who we are and our weakness. So I guess I was expecting to see more that shared the same emotions as my seemingly "jolly" family member had.

So I thought just maybe, there were others.... and just maybe by putting this post and poll there, they would know that others share their experiences and their pain. For just that one person to know that they are NOT alone. There ARE others. Even someone who just voted "yes, I have attempted it" anonymously and never posted but yet gained strength through others posting their feelings and experiences such as JohnQ or pam or chichi or anyone else that shared their stories. Then just maybe..... I could help one more.

[maudeispam 2]

Thanks Jenna for sharing about your mom. I know exactly how your mom felt. I was and still am the "jolly" life of the party, class clown girl. But inside my heart was always aching. Like the old song by Smokey Robinson "Tears of a clown" oh boy how I relate to that one. But things are progressing and life is good. I found the man of my dreams, happily married and discovering what life really means.

[firemanschic 0]

I would have to say that I have thought about several times before I lost weight, I finally got the courage to tell my husband and family about it Thanksgiving day. A month before my surgery my husband was at Fort Stewart Ga for a month and school was just starting back from the summer, and I had been out of work for a couple of months and it was all that I could think about. One day while my daughter was as school I got the calendar down and looked over it and chose the day and how I was going to do. After that I put it back up and went on with things as of nothing was happening, 2 weeks for my BIG day I got a phone call from DR Pounce office here in GA and it changed my life for ever my first thought was it was a cruel joke and someone had found out what I was planning and was trying to hurt me. After talking to the nurse for a few miutes I realized she was really serious and that was the day that my life changed for ever. I feel now that I have my own little angel that was looking after me that day. When I told my husband and family they could not believe what I was saying. My husband sat there with tears in his eyes, he said that he had not realized how bad off I was. I wonder how everone missed it. I felt like I had a huge sign on my chest that everyone could see, So my answear would be "YES" I thought about it.

[FuelMan 2]

I have said before and I will say again, that if a person is more then 100 lbs over weight, there are not in control of there food and are putting there life at risk.

I have been fat my entire life, running from what I was feeling inside, not able to deal with the feelings of self loathing, I ate to fill that lonely place inside where I was so empty. I ate and acted the clown, I was fun to be around, and was always cracking people up, I was the life of the party, and someone everyone loved to be around. I was always invited to all the party's and gatherings, never letting anyone know how bad I felt inside. Just like Jenna's Mom, I loved my food, and loved to eat. If I just kept it to party's and going out times, that would have been fine, BUT......... It was the time's ALONE, when no one was around that the real self bashing took place, I would eat everything in site, I would eat all day and never rested till it was all finished. I remember going to someone's house for a morning get together, and stopping at Dunkin Donuts for 2 dozen Donuts. On the way to the place I ate one of the dozen's. And when I got there, and putting the other dozen on the table, I looked so carefully for just the right donut I would have for Breakfast. NOW, if that is not trying to kill yourself....... WHAT IS??? I talk to a lot of fat people (including myself) and there are many stories, and if you are more then 100 lbs overweight, believe it or not you have a serious problem. And only you can be the one to know the truth for sure. If you eat alone or in the car where no one can see, how much you are eating and, you are hiding your eating????? Then you are silently trying to kill yourself!!! That is suicide on the installment plan. Please be honest about your eating, and tell someone how much you are eating when the lights are off and no one is home, eating in the dark.

My sister has been in the mental ward 3 times since her WLS, and I do believe it is from having her crutch of overeating removed. If you are some of these people on this post who cannot see how badly your health is by being so fat, and you are telling yourself a bunch of lies so you don't have to see the truth of your state. Please be honest with yourself and start telling the truth of how you are eating, and how much you are eating, let the truth set you free. Be an "Enlighten Fat Person".

Butch

[Bandster Brad 1]

As your poll indicates, the fact that almost 40% of the obese (or perhaps formerly obese) participants in this forum indicate thoughts of suicide have occured to them in connection with their obesity-related experience shows just what a serious problem morbid obesity is.

This band is a wonderful gift that is changing so many lives. I wonder if the medical community or government were to study the increased likelihood of suicide and the resulting human and economic cost to our society, if more support would be made available to those struggling with this horrific condition.

I also wonder if those who have never struggled with this issue would perhaps have their hearts softened somewhat if they realized that the pain of this situation is so great, that people really do consider suicide as an alternative to staying in their present condition. Perhaps they would be less likely to call it a disease that can be cured by simply "keeping one's mouth shut and taking long walks", which is a quote I saw a few months ago and found patently offensive and juvenile.

Thanks for thinking to ask the question. I think it is more serious than anyone realizes.

[DevilMayKare 1]

As your poll indicates, the fact that almost 40% of the obese (or perhaps formerly obese) participants...

Still, that 40% doesn't really mean anything until we know what percentage of "normal" (not fat) people consider suicide. Plenty of people kill themselves who aren't fat. In fact, I betcha of the people who kill themselves--a lesser percentage are fat.

Many of us have found a more insidious way to deal with the pain of life by killing ourselves--slowly--with food. It's not a big leap to say that anyone who has died as a result of an obesity related illness has committed suicide.

It is all in the way one looks at it.

[princess_n_thep 2]

Hmmmm, interesting idea Kare. So I thought about it.... about 40 attempted/completed suicide calls in the last 2 years I have been on. Only 2 of them were obese. About another 2 more were "heavy". Interesting thought. Wonder what the normal is then.... I will have to check NPT (www.normalpeopletalk.com)

[FuelMan 2]

See now you guy's are talking. When someone dies from a heart attach, diabetes, liver disorder, or other related fat deaths, and they are really fat (like over 100 lbs over weight). Then in my book I would see it as a self inflicted death, suicide.

I can't think of any other more painful, or more sorrowful way to die, then to eat ones self to death.

Butch

[DevilMayKare 1]

I can't think of any other more painful, or more sorrowful way to die, then to eat ones self to death.

Actually, I think there are quite a few worse ways to die. I know it can be an enemy--evil, addictive monkey on our backs, but let's face it... food can be very good company. I can tell you if I'm ever diagnosed with a fatal illness the first thing I'm going to do is get a hot fudge sundae.

I don't want to negate the pain every person on this board has experienced (why the hell would we get major surgery for thousands of dollars if we weren't desperate?) but just for perspective, eating oneself to death is only an option in some places (America, for instance). People dying of starvation in the Sudan would have little empathy for those of us eating ourselves to death. In fact, one of the reasons we are ABLE to eat ourselves to death is because we've LIVED LONG ENOUGH to do so.

It's a very weird thing to be grateful for, nonetheless I am.

[DeLarla 22]

Which very famous actress admitted she lied in the past about being "fat and happy?" Was it Delta Burke? I can't remember who it was, but I remember a profound discussion from an actress who had just lost quite a bit of weight after going on and on about being a happy fat woman. But once she was thin, she cried and said she only pretended to be happy and was actually terribly miserable.

I'm sorry, I once weighed 315 and could easily weigh that again, and there's no way I'll ever believe anyone can be morbidly obese and happy. I'm not saying I'd have to be "normal sized" or thin to be happy. I'm pretty happy now, but it ebbs and flows with my moods. One day I feel hot and sexually charged, then I take off my clothes and see my thighs and belly and the mood goes cold.

I'm still considered morbidly obese and hope one day to be plain obese. I think I'd be happy being plain obese, because then I could at least wear a size 16/18.

Jenna, if you love me, you won't let me weigh 300 again. So if that happens, please shoot me. Not even kidding. Pretty sick? I don't think so.

[FuelMan 2]

Well........ I have a fatal disease, it is Compulsive Overeating. The death I am talking about is the death that comes from the inside, out. It's that "Hole In The Soul" stuff, that you try to fill with food.......And there is never enough. It's not like having a Fudge Sunday....It's like having a 5 gallon pail of ice cream and 2 or 3 quarts of fudge. I mean eating till you are sick, and you cry yourself to sleep, just to get up the next day and do it Again. When you can't fit out the door, and you are still eating. You can't fit in the car, so you get someone to get your food or have it sent in. There is never enough. You eat before a party, just incase there is not enough, or you don't want to eat too much in front of people. You eat alone in the dark. You stuff that don't taste good. This is the Pain of which I am speaking, I know there is more painful way to die, AIDS for one....... but, this is real to me, and I can touch it and talk about it freely, for once in my life. I don't need to hide it any more, and I can call it by name.... "I will never except myself without the donut, unless I can except myself with the Donut".

I am free for the first time in my life, and I am the thinnest in about 10 years. I will never be back there. I am still 150 lbs over weight, but I will be losing that as soon as I can find a doctor in this backwards part of the state. Or I will have to wait till I go back to New York this coming summer.

Butch