How much support is your spouse giving you?

[CharmedMist 0]

My dh has been supportive.

He's stood behind me all the way on it and even though on the day of surgery, I could tell he was very nervous, he was still excited for me.

After surgery, for the first days when I was in pain, he was my rock and helped me more than I could imagine.

Even now, he helps me not get discouraged when I hit a plateau. He also encourages me to exercise in a caring and non-rude way. I asked him to remind me to exercise, so I appreciate it when he says "did you ride the bike today?"

I think they get nervous about the idea of surgery and if we will change in personality. In the long run, they realize that we are doing it for our health more than any other reason and for that, he's as excited by my weight loss as I am.

[thatgurl 0]

I don't have the support of my husband. I have been thinking about getting surgery for many year and the last time i checked into it i let him talk me out of it. This time NO WAY i am going full steam ahead. i am still in the infancy of the process and am praying to be banded in january. Everytime i bring it up to talk about, he says "why are you getting that thing or why do you want to get that thing"! I am praying that I am approved for the procedure. I don't talk to him about it, I don't have anyone to talk to about it....just you guys in virtual land.

[quilterlu 0]

I feel sorry for you thatgurl. My hd has been a great support to me also. I was banded on July 28 and he was right there holding my hand. One of the things that helped was he went to a support meeting with me where many talked about their process and success. He felt much better about the banding after the support group.

[stargate713 0]

I won't go into my whole story except to say that my situation was similar. My husband is "apathetic" I would say. He did that same as yours in the beginning, he didn't discourage me, but he didn't support me. When I would try to explain things to him, or talk about what I was learning in support group he would basically ignore me, so I just don't bother anymore. The only thing he did do was go with me on the day of surgery. He didn't even get up the next morning to help me get our son off to school. One thing (and I can't say that I blame them) is thatn they have seen us lose and gain and lose and gain.....they probably do have their doubts that this will really work. Also I think that some men are truely afraid of the surgery, afraid of the wife dying, or being sick, and they have no way to express it. Another fear is as some have already stated, they are insecure that we will leave them once we look and feel better (and many do!) The only advice I have to offer is that if your spouse is not supportive to find your own support. My support group and bariatric team (the MSW, RN, and nutritionist) has been there for me every step of the way. Search out what YOU need to be sucessful! And lean on us when you need a shoulder.

[JoJo1 0]

Mine was supportive and went with me to get the surgery!! We are now divorced for other reasons, but I am sure his parents think it is because I lost weight. I had to quit worrying about what people think a long time ago and worry about me. My ex is a good friend and compliments me often. I hope we can remain friends however I haven't started seeing anyone yet so I guess time will tell..... Hugs!!!!

[losethemess 14]

Ladies, I love and support all of you. Whether you do or don't have support from your husband, your success is up to you. Find support from someone else, I support all of you because I know you need the surgery, not want the surgery, but need it and I know all of you will be succesful. Thankfully my mother supports me 100% my husband 90% (after months of non-support he finally changed his mind about the surgery, still really doesn't talk about it too much). I don't support everything he does 100%, that's life and that's marriage.

We as women need to stop being so dependent on these men and learn to support each other instead of judging each other. I decided when I started this journey I was going full force with or without his support. After months of trying to talk to him about it and he trying to convince me that I don't need surgery I decided that I was going to do it without out him because this is something I have to do. Now he thinks that I should go ahead and do it. I'm happy he's on board, but I really don't need him to be.

Again good luck to all of you ladies and God Bless you

[losethemess 14]

I feel sorry for you thatgurl. My hd has been a great support to me also. I was banded on July 28 and he was right there holding my hand. One of the things that helped was he went to a support meeting with me where many talked about their process and success. He felt much better about the banding after the support group.

That's ridiculous to say you feel sorry for her, it's actually a little rude. Instead of feeling sorry for her, pray for her or offer her your support.

[onenuttynurse 0]

well my husbanad thought i was joking when I told him i was going to do this. He had no idea i was going to nutrition classes and preparing for this. I tried to tell him but he still though i was kidding around. Until he seen the schedule at work that had me marked off as ill for 3 weeks and then he got the drift. Until the day I went in for surgery(no he did not go with me),he still thought it was a joke. He never mentions it because I know he hates the thought of that, but I have my own career and he has his and after 20 years of marriage, I don't need his approval to do something for myself such as becoming healthy.....Good luck bandsters.....

[MrsCabes 2]

I have the best, most supportive (and secure!) husband in the world. He has been 100% behind me since I made the decision to get lapband - he, above everyone, knows how much I've struggled with my weight.

He cheered with me when I got approved, he forked over the $2800 balance, he took off work the day of surgery, he shook me awake every hour to walk after surgery and he took care of the kids so I could heal. Every time, I have a victory, he's there.

I can't wait to be thin for ME and for HIM!

[losethemess 14]

well my husbanad thought i was joking when I told him i was going to do this. He had no idea i was going to nutrition classes and preparing for this. I tried to tell him but he still though i was kidding around. Until he seen the schedule at work that had me marked off as ill for 3 weeks and then he got the drift. Until the day I went in for surgery(no he did not go with me),he still thought it was a joke. He never mentions it because I know he hates the thought of that, but I have my own career and he has his and after 20 years of marriage, I don't need his approval to do something for myself such as becoming healthy.....Good luck bandsters.....

YES GIRL!!!! I love your response

[RavenClaw779 2]

I'm approaching my 10th wedding anniversary(we've been together 13 years) and I always knew my husband was self-centered but it's really been hitting home over the past year or so. Many days it feels like I'm caring for a disabled adult - No, my husband is mentally and physically fine but appears to have shed all responsibilities save for those he's interested in, on the day he said, "I Do".

I'm sure this will sound familiar but it feels so good to put it out there. In addition my job which many times exceeds 50+ hours a week, I handle ALL: housework(and my house is immaculate and organized), all grocery shopping, meal planning, pet/vet care, family events, laundry, errands and charitable efforts on behalf of the two of us.

My husband also works but wraps it up a 5pm so he can either ride his bike, swim or sit on the back porch reading SI. He does home improvement projects and he is good, but he also has the luxury of spending the entire day driving 20 minutes up and back to Lowe's to get the "right" (fill in the blank) for his project...whoops - not the right X and back he goes. Meanwhile I'm multi-tasking and will be lucky to get a shower before noon.

He also starts one project without finishing another - at this point instead of 2.5 bathrooms, we have 3 half-baths!

He's mother and sister think he's a saint and believe that he's not quiet and self-absorbed, but that he, "holds his feelings in..":lol: Yeh - right. He relys on me to remind and remind and remind him of everything and is largely disinterested in anything going on in the family. It's my mother's birthday? Our nephew graduated college? The dog has a tumor? You get the picture.

Classic - Yesterday we had some business to attend to near my surgeon's office and I was getting a fill, so he came with me. It's about an hour from home and despite having a set appointment, there's always an hour plus wait. I suggested I check in at the doctors, see what the backlog looked like and then we could grab a bite before my fill since afterward, as we all know - no solids for a couple of days. My rocket scientist tells me he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to eat before my fill but I explained that it's perfectly fine and probably will keep me from being ravenous later that night. Well, he drags his heels and we get down there late. Oh, the doctor's running an hour plus behind but when I go out to advise my husband(waiting in the car) he tells me I forgot to remind him that he has a teleconference in 15 minutes. So I go sit in the waiting room and finally get my fill and hour and a half later. I was STARVING. Meanwhile he's wrapped up his teleconference and is on his laptop when I come out. He announces that he's HUNGRY and next thing I know we're a some pizza place. I grab a SoBe Water from the cooler and excuse myself to use the ladies room. When I get back he's(so thoughtfully:sneaky:) ordered me a slice of plain cheese and his usual. As he chows down I sip my SoBe and I don't say anything, though I want to down that pizza. So he asks me why I'm not eating and I have to go through it once again - after all, this is only my FOURTH fill - what I can have post fill; ...24 hours Clear liquids, then full, then puree... and he tells me, " Well, I didn't know..." and shoves the pizza in his mouth.

Wow - he's just so supportive and full of "deep feelings" it's hard to believe I'm thinking about leaving!

[jalomum 1]

I'm one of the lucky ones. I've been with my sweetie 16 yrs. He loves me for me and supports me no matter what size I am. He never has said one negative word about my weight. He actually stays neutral about the issue, and supports me and my choice about it at what ever point n my life I'm in. I've a very lucky girl and wish every one had that kind of support.

sounds like we're either married to the same man or just as lucky as each other

[jalomum 1]

That's ridiculous to say you feel sorry for her, it's actually a little rude. Instead of feeling sorry for her, pray for her or offer her your support.

In defence....I think you mis-read quilterlou's reply, she was expressing sympathy directly to 'thatgurl' who is the lady who posted. I believe you mis-read it as 'I feel sorry for that girl'.

Please re-read the original post and check if you did mis-understand it or not...an apology may be in order to quilterlou who was genuinely expressing her sorrow for the lady's situation and lack of support from her spouse. That's not rude at all.

Edited July 31, 2010 by jalomum
double negative. Shocking I know!!

[CarolWA 0]

I'm approaching my 10th wedding anniversary(we've been together 13 years) and I always knew my husband was self-centered but it's really been hitting home over the past year or so. Many days it feels like I'm caring for a disabled adult - No, my husband is mentally and physically fine but appears to have shed all responsibilities save for those he's interested in, on the day he said, "I Do".

I'm sure this will sound familiar but it feels so good to put it out there. In addition my job which many times exceeds 50+ hours a week, I handle ALL: housework(and my house is immaculate and organized), all grocery shopping, meal planning, pet/vet care, family events, laundry, errands and charitable efforts on behalf of the two of us.

My husband also works but wraps it up a 5pm so he can either ride his bike, swim or sit on the back porch reading SI. He does home improvement projects and he is good, but he also has the luxury of spending the entire day driving 20 minutes up and back to Lowe's to get the "right" (fill in the blank) for his project...whoops - not the right X and back he goes. Meanwhile I'm multi-tasking and will be lucky to get a shower before noon.

He also starts one project without finishing another - at this point instead of 2.5 bathrooms, we have 3 half-baths!

He's mother and sister think he's a saint and believe that he's not quiet and self-absorbed, but that he, "holds his feelings in..":lol: Yeh - right. He relys on me to remind and remind and remind him of everything and is largely disinterested in anything going on in the family. It's my mother's birthday? Our nephew graduated college? The dog has a tumor? You get the picture.

Classic - Yesterday we had some business to attend to near my surgeon's office and I was getting a fill, so he came with me. It's about an hour from home and despite having a set appointment, there's always an hour plus wait. I suggested I check in at the doctors, see what the backlog looked like and then we could grab a bite before my fill since afterward, as we all know - no solids for a couple of days. My rocket scientist tells me he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to eat before my fill but I explained that it's perfectly fine and probably will keep me from being ravenous later that night. Well, he drags his heels and we get down there late. Oh, the doctor's running an hour plus behind but when I go out to advise my husband(waiting in the car) he tells me I forgot to remind him that he has a teleconference in 15 minutes. So I go sit in the waiting room and finally get my fill and hour and a half later. I was STARVING. Meanwhile he's wrapped up his teleconference and is on his laptop when I come out. He announces that he's HUNGRY and next thing I know we're a some pizza place. I grab a SoBe Water from the cooler and excuse myself to use the ladies room. When I get back he's(so thoughtfully:sneaky:) ordered me a slice of plain cheese and his usual. As he chows down I sip my SoBe and I don't say anything, though I want to down that pizza. So he asks me why I'm not eating and I have to go through it once again - after all, this is only my FOURTH fill - what I can have post fill; ...24 hours Clear Liquids, then full, then puree... and he tells me, " Well, I didn't know..." and shoves the pizza in his mouth.

Wow - he's just so supportive and full of "deep feelings" it's hard to believe I'm thinking about leaving!

Wow, makes you wonder how long you will stick it out. Keep in mind, men don't change. Don't waste 20 years and then regret it later. You sound way too good for him.

[losethemess 14]

In defence....I think you mis-read quilterlou's reply, she was expressing sympathy directly to 'thatgurl' who is the lady who posted. I believe you mis-read it as 'I feel sorry for that girl'.

Please re-read the original post and check if you did mis-understand it or not...an apology may be in order to quilterlou who was genuinely expressing her sorrow for the lady's situation and lack of support from her spouse. That's not rude at all.

I read the post in the right context, not apology is necessary especially not from me. Maybe from her, to the person she directed the message at. Anyway lets let her speak for herself. Sympathy sounds alot better than someone saying you "Feel sorry" for someone. What if I told you I feel sorry for you because you are overweight, how would that make you feel. Anyway not trying to argue, just trying to get people to stop being judgement and stop offending other people. Be conscious of what you say. I think it's offensive.