Nothing to do with Band, but need INPUT desparately

[mom2girls 1]

My mothers dog bit my daughter in the face and I am fighting with my husband and my mom because my mom will not get rid of the dog. My mom watches my girls twice a week at night while I go to school and up until now it was at her house where the dog is located. My husband refuses to let the girls go to my moms house now and request she come to our house to see girls and watch them. my questions are these:

Should my mom get rid of the dog?

Is she choosing the dog over her granddaughter?

If she locks the dog up is that a realistic option? (my husband thinks she will eventually stop locking dog after this all dies down)

Please help I need all the answer to help fight this battle.

[june09bandit 0]

I think you should find out the circumstances surrounding the incident then decide what you should do. If the bite was unprovoked, you should find childcare elsewhere. But please be fair when you decide what may have provoked the incident - the kids are not always innocent bystanders.

My husband's grandkids just left our house. While they were here, I told them countless times to leave the dogs alone. They were chasing them, pulling ears, tails and getting face to face with them. Dogs tried to run away, tried growling then resorted to snapping. I would NOT have blamed the dogs if they eventually resorted to biting. I would have hated it, but if the kids had left the dogs alone, there would have been no problems at all.

Edited July 23, 2010 by june09bandit
spelling

[mom2girls 1]

Just a little more info for those who may not know how to answer and those who have.

We were on a camping trip the 2nd day into trip the dog was chained in tent and my daughter was in my lap in the tent on the phone and the dog attacked her, we are not sure if the fan got the dog, or if she was irritated by the heat or what. I completley understand if she was taunting the dog then she would be partly at fault. Another reason my mom will not let go is the dog is the dog she and my dad got 6 months before he passed away suddenly and I think that is the reason she refuses to let go.

[malinda1229 1]

dog trainer here...what type of dog, what training if any, how old is the dog, has he/she ever shown signs of aggressivness prior....big questions can you take the dogs dish away from it while it is eating and can you get on the floor on all fours then you roll the dog on its back while holding the collar is the dog submissive or does it resist?? and was the dog adopted?

[Stacey627 0]

This is tough - my moms dogs are very good and would never hurt anyone - but if they did and it was a 1 time only thing - she would nto get rid of it - as with you - this dog my Dad picked out and he did shortly after and she loves this dog like it is what is left of her husband - I know that sounds weird, but it is what it is. I would just ask your mom to come to your house as you don't feel the kids are safe around the dog - good luck!

[joecs1 4]

I didnt vote because there is not enough info on the circumstance. But I had a yellow lab that bit my son when he was 2. We investigated trying to find a home for the dog, but ran into resistence. I wasnt going to lie, and no one wanted a dog that showed aggresive behavior. We ended up haveing to put him down. It was heartbreaking. But you can not take the chance with your mothers dog and your kids. This is a zero tollerance issue, however you solve your issue.

[BetsyB 9]

Children and dogs are often not a good combination. And no matter WHAT the provocation, a biting dog needs to be kept separate from children.

ETA: After reading further, I see that it was not a provoked bite---and really do think it's important your kids NOT be around the dog.

That said, this does not mean you have the right to dictate the terms of this separation. Unless the bite required medical care and was mandatorily reported to authorities, you can't demand that your mother get rid of the dog.

And really, while you can ask her to babysit at your house, you have to realize that she's not obligated to do so. So, if your husband is insistent that your kids not return to your mom's house, he needs to be reminded that this might result in the need to pay for another babysitter.

You might suggest crating the dog, but that usually works best if introduced in puppyhood. If you don't believe your mother would follow through long-term, it doesn't really represent a great solution, anyway.

It's a shame that a situation escalated to the point of dog bite. But you're infusing the situation with a lot more emotion than is fair. It's not fair to equate your mother's refusal to get rid of her dog--a part of her family--with "choosing her dog over her grandchild."

Your mom is in a different stage of life than you. She has raised her family. She likely loves having your children around---but also wants to keep her life and routine as intact as possible. If she doesn't want to give up a loved companion, or spend the time she sits for your kids at your house, it does not speak to her love for you or your children.

Please remember, when you discuss this with her, that childcare by a grandparent is a blessing, not an entitlement. Try not to demand, but rather to work together to find a solution.

I do think that you're quite right to want your children separate from the dog. Not all dogs are reliable--and most dogs, if provoked, will eventually snap. I just would caution that you don't misinterpret your mother's decisions as lack of love or care. It's not fair to her.

[d1marie 0]

I believe, she should definitely get rid of her dog or at least keep the dog locked in a kennel when you children are over. I'm so sorry this has happen to you. Best of luck.

Danielle

[mom2girls 1]

dog trainer here...what type of dog, what training if any, how old is the dog, has he/she ever shown signs of aggressivness prior....big questions can you take the dogs dish away from it while it is eating and can you get on the floor on all fours then you roll the dog on its back while holding the collar is the dog submissive or does it resist?? and was the dog adopted?

the dog was a puppy when my mom got her, she is now 6 years old. She does show aggresive behavior towards other animals that are even larger than her always trying to attack them. She has been around my 9 year old daughter and my 3 year (she was the one bit). I have never tried to take her food but she has attacked my moms cat for going near her food bowl. The dog has had no training.

[mom2girls 1]

Children and dogs are often not a good combination. And no matter WHAT the provocation, a biting dog needs to be kept separate from children.

ETA: After reading further, I see that it was not a provoked bite---and really do think it's important your kids NOT be around the dog.

That said, this does not mean you have the right to dictate the terms of this separation. Unless the bite required medical care and was mandatorily reported to authorities, you can't demand that your mother get rid of the dog.

And really, while you can ask her to babysit at your house, you have to realize that she's not obligated to do so. So, if your husband is insistent that your kids not return to your mom's house, he needs to be reminded that this might result in the need to pay for another babysitter.

You might suggest crating the dog, but that usually works best if introduced in puppyhood. If you don't believe your mother would follow through long-term, it doesn't really represent a great solution, anyway.

It's a shame that a situation escalated to the point of dog bite. But you're infusing the situation with a lot more emotion than is fair. It's not fair to equate your mother's refusal to get rid of her dog--a part of her family--with "choosing her dog over her grandchild."

Your mom is in a different stage of life than you. She has raised her family. She likely loves having your children around---but also wants to keep her life and routine as intact as possible. If she doesn't want to give up a loved companion, or spend the time she sits for your kids at your house, it does not speak to her love for you or your children.

Please remember, when you discuss this with her, that childcare by a grandparent is a blessing, not an entitlement. Try not to demand, but rather to work together to find a solution.

I do think that you're quite right to want your children separate from the dog. Not all dogs are reliable--and most dogs, if provoked, will eventually snap. I just would caution that you don't misinterpret your mother's decisions as lack of love or care. It's not fair to her.

I agree with you and that is why it is hard because my husband is stubborn and believes that she has may the choice that the dog is way more important, mainly because his mom told him hands down no questions the dog would be gone.

[losethemess 14]

It's you child alright? Did she have to have any stitches? I hope she is ok. You need to get rid of that dog, Next time that dog is going to hurt you or one of your family members severely and you will be sorry. The dog has already shown the propensity for violence There is no debate about who takes priority an animal or a human. This is a no brainier. I too have a dog (110lb pure bred German Shepherd) and a small child. If he even looked at my son cross-eyed I would take him out.

[malinda1229 1]

the dog was a puppy when my mom got her, she is now 6 years old. She does show aggresive behavior towards other animals that are even larger than her always trying to attack them. She has been around my 9 year old daughter and my 3 year (she was the one bit). I have never tried to take her food but she has attacked my moms cat for going near her food bowl. The dog has had no training.

I say the dog needs to be away from ALL children at this time. Some training may help but if it is not contiuned in the home all will be lost. In this state if someone enters a ER for a dog bite the dog is taken away from the owner for 10 days of observation and will be put down if they feel it is aggressive. It may be ONLY a matter of time before the dog goes after an adult!

How is your daugher!!??

[steggegirl 0]

I have to say that I completely agree with BetsyB. She said everything I was thinking. If I were to put myself in your mother's shoes, I would have a hard time parting with the dog.

My dog is a part of the family and I made a committment to her when I got her. I do have a nephew who is afraid of dogs and I sit for him occasionally. I always put the dog out of reach from the child - either outside or in her cage. But I don't care for him every day. Does your mom watch your daughter all day long? That is a long time to keep a dog separated from others and unfair to the dog.

Also, have you talked to your vet? What does she suggest? I wonder if some training would help? I have watched Ceasar Milan, The Dog Whisperer, and I know that it is a behavior that can be corrected. I know many people are not fans of his, but I would still seek help from an expert (at your expense) before making any decision.

[L12 13]

I voted "force her to see kids at my house," though I don't think that can be forced; you may end up needing another babysitter. Given her circumstances, I wouldn't require her to give it up; it's HER pet and HER house. However, I also don't believe that she would be serious about intensive training or keeping the dog locked up when the grandchildren are around (unless YOU are there to make sure she does). Keep in mind, she may very well get rid of the dog to get a "new" one that hasn't bitten anyone...yet. If she isn't willing to train her pets or allows aggressive behavior to develop and intensify, every animal she owns could develop this problem.

[Jachut 487]

I would insist dog and children are separated, and I dont think there's a lot else you can reasonably do in a family situation.

I can understand someone not wanting to get rid of a cherished pet for a one off incidence, but I would not take the risk again, there are no second chances, and your daughter could have been scarred for life. So if she wont restrain the animal well away from the children for the time she has them, I would find alternative childcare.

I entirely agree that childcare by grandparents is a blessing, my mum was always unwilling, much as she loves her grandchildren, to commit to entire days for their care, she's got her own life to lead and has done her time caring for young children. I always had to organise my own childcare. You cant insist anything in this situation, if you're not happy and secure with your children's safety then you have to find other childcare. But I personally would be seeing my mum without the dog, at my place. I wouldnt take my children near the dog again.

i feel for you. We never had a dog in my family, and I'm not a dog lover. But my sister's DH always had a dog and they got one, and they had no babies until very late either, so they love love love that dog. When they want to visit from Sydney they want to bring the dog with them. My dad wont have a dog in the house and I wont have a dog in my house either (she asked if the dog could come here) and THAT causes enough friction, I can only imagine when its an issue of the dog actually going, it must be very emotional.

Edited July 23, 2010 by Jachut