Feeling Guilty and No One to Talk With

[trace10 0]

Hi everyone. I am scheduled for surgery July 26th. I found out July 19th of my insurance approval, and all of the sudden a little panic has swept over me. I am very excited, but am having some feelings of guilt for doing this for some reason. Has anyone else experienced that? I have only told one person, because I don't want to have to do any explaining or justification before it is done. Has anyone handled it this way or are you all pretty open with everyone? I am looking forward to having this support group for the journey we are all about to experience...

[Mariasha 3]

What on earth would you be feeling guilty about?

You are doing an amazing thing and taking control of your life!

You should be on top of the world!!

[conservachick 0]

Hi there!

I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same way! I felt badly that my husband was putting up so much money for me to have a procedure done... a procedure which, in my mind, meant that I had failed to do something on my own...

My parents, husband, children and brother know... I've told a handful of friends... 3 of them, to be exact. No one else knows... Perhaps one day I'll tell them, but like you, didn't want to justify or have to explain a million times...

I think you'll feel better once you have the procedure... I did. I know that if you have a small support group with you during your recovery and first few months, you'll be fine... Do you have that? Does your surgeon offer a support group? Mine does, I'm going tomorrow!!! I hope you knowing that you're not alone will help you.:thumbup:

GOOD LUCK AND ENJOY YOUR NEW LIFE!

Monique

[msdv 5]

Congrats on your surgery date.

What are you feeling guilty for? This is just a tool it is not the easy way out.

I'm looking forward to my surgery but if you read around the site you will see that this is not so much an easy journey. You will be eating healthy and working out to accomplish your goal.

I applaud you though for keeping it to yourself right now. I just posted to someone in the introduction thread that was venting because of all the unsolicited opinions she's getting from every one.

I told my DH of course and 3 close friends and I'm already sorry that I told 1 of them because she's the type that feels she has to tell her Dh everything . If I had really thought it out I wouldn't have told her because I would rather her DH not know.

I wish you the best!!

[crecia1975 4]

You shouldn't feel guilty about this. Why is it a bad thing to make yourself happy and healthy? I wish I was getting my surgery now. I would be on cloud nine and no one would be able to bring me down. Be proud of yourself for taking control of your own destiny.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

[steggegirl 0]

I am feeling the exact same way. You feel guilty for putting yourself in such a position that you need something as drastic as surgery to make yourself healthy, right? That you don't have the strength or willpower to lose the weight on your own? I feel your pain! I was fairly confident about the decision I made about the lapband, at first, but now that I am 2 weeks away (Aug. 3) I am feeling all those things. I have even started becoming obsessed with learning more and more about the lapband online. I spent all last week on youtube, and now I've discovered this site! I think I am looking for more reassurance than what I already have gotten so far from the university where I'm having my procedure. Hang in there - you can do it!

[trace10 0]

Thank you for all the supportive words everyone. That is exactly how I feel steggegirl. I know it is the right thing for me and it is what I not only need but want. I think I just have too much time to think about it now. I need the day to get here and be done so I can concentrate on the recovery and weight loss instead of fixating on this surgery. Hope everyone is getting through the days okay and your surgery day comes and goes quickly.

[Rascette1 0]

I have surgery Aug 3rd. I have told the people I immediately work with and wish I hadn't. They act like I should have dieted and it is cheating to have the surgery. I am using my husbands insurance and my co-workers insurance through our company is real bad.

If this surgery is going to make me feel better and be healthier I would think my employer would be thankful. As well as co-workers.

I am taking 2 vacation days for the procedure and my boss is holding it over my head like I am going on vacation. I wanted to take a day or two before the surgery to actually have a vacation with my husband and the days were not "approved" . So my husband sat home for a week on his vacation because I couldn't get time off.

[trace10 0]

Wow, I am so sorry you aren't getting more support. I am also shocked that you are only taking 2 days off of work. Do you work in an office sitting down all day? I hope everything goes smoothly for you, because it sure doesn't seem like your boss will be understanding if it doesn't. I don't care what the surgery is that someone is going through, I can't believe there are people who feel being anything but supportive in such a stressful time is appropriate. Have you ever been denied vacation time before? I feel so bad for you. Again, just another reason I have chosen only to tell one person at this point. It's sad I know, but I just don't want to deal with anyone else's input. And I don't want to be under the scrutiny of everyone everytime I see them judging whether or not I am losing as much weight as they think I should be. Of course, it is still surgery, so I have the guilt that what happens if for some awful reason something tragic happens, and I never gave my mom the chance to be there with me or even to let her know there is a chance something may happen to me. She would be completely shocked. However, if I told her, I can expect for each sibling and aunt and god knows who to find out. *Sigh....

[Rascette1 0]

Trace,

I sure wish I hadn't told people about the surgery but can't take it back now, more so work I suppose. I do work in an office at a desk all day and work 4 10hr days per week, so I will end up being out 6 days for the surgery. I just have to use 2 vacation days and changed my day off for that week.

As far as my work they are REAL bad about time off. My boss wanted documentation, documentation, documentation of the surgery and I told her NO WAY! I am using vacation time and you don't need anything but my request to be out those days. She said she would prefer I only used one vacation day. I told her if I was going on a cruise or real vacation I would sure be taking more than one day. It is ridiculous! I did go to HR and filled our FMLA paperwork just in case I have complications.

I go for pre-op tomorrow, then surgery Aug 3rd. : )

By the way, I am already looking for another job but times are tough out there and sure didn't want to start one before the surgery.

[crecia1975 4]

Trace,

I sure wish I hadn't told people about the surgery but can't take it back now, more so work I suppose. I do work in an office at a desk all day and work 4 10hr days per week, so I will end up being out 6 days for the surgery. I just have to use 2 vacation days and changed my day off for that week.

As far as my work they are REAL bad about time off. My boss wanted documentation, documentation, documentation of the surgery and I told her NO WAY! I am using vacation time and you don't need anything but my request to be out those days. She said she would prefer I only used one vacation day. I told her if I was going on a cruise or real vacation I would sure be taking more than one day. It is ridiculous! I did go to HR and filled our FMLA paperwork just in case I have complications.

I go for pre-op tomorrow, then surgery Aug 3rd. : )

By the way, I am already looking for another job but times are tough out there and sure didn't want to start one before the surgery.

Rascette1

Your boss sounds CRAZY! Why would you need documentation to take vacation? I could see if you were going on short term disability or taking a leave, but vacation is different. I am very lucky that I have a supervisor who understands. She has been supportive and the only thing she said was to be careful and research. My supervisor's boss has been supportive as well. Her sister and brother had the LAP-BAND® so she told me to go for it if that's what i want to do. She even suggested I take vacation days (if I wanted to) so I don't have to fill out so much paperwork for HR.

I hope everything works out for you. Just be happy you are getting this done and don't worry about the "haters" from work.

[RobynB1989 0]

I was just banded on Wednesday, and I had a problem wiht telling people too. My insurance doesnt cover the whole thing, so my mom is paying the rest, so there is no way to really do this without her knowing. I did, however, tell her that I wanted to be the one to tell people about it when I was ready, but she went to work every day and when she got home, she had told another person. I was lucky because everyone was supportive, but I didnt want people to know, because I thought that people would always be asking me When im getting the surgery done, whether I even decided about getting it, which would have added more pressure to it. i didnt even tell my aunts and grandmother until a week before my surgery.

[2beskinny 4]

Try and minimize the time you spend feeling guilty about this. We all go through it, but at the end of the day - it's about choosing what's best for us and how to stop the insanity of weight contolling our lives! I wrestled for months about the decision. Went through the roller coaster of emotions (I'm sure I'm not done yet!). I also have not told many people...only husband, sister and parents. I was fortunate enough to have insurance, however, I was fully prepared to self-pay if that's what was necessary. I use this site frequently for information and support vs. talking to live people about it. I may one day feel differently, but I have a lot of pride and don't feel comfortable not knowing what people's reactions will be. I probably overthink it a bit, but I did this for me and me only. I do not want to have to educate others about something that took me months to fully learn about. Trust in your judgment that you are making the right decision for you!

[trace10 0]

Thank you 2be, sounds like you had the same thoughts and feelings going in as I do. Only now you are onto the next step. I hope you are feeling well and look forward to talking to everyone more after my surgery on Monday.

[kattraku 0]

I also had feelings of guilt. Mine was more the pressure on my husband financially as I knew I would be out of work for several weeks. I also had a huge hiatal hernia that had to be repaired. I have filed for disability but that takes forever to kick in. And I have no clue how much the insurance was going to cover. No one ever said anything and I didn't ask. I may have backed out if it's bad. I also felt I had to justify myself to everyone. I had to tell work. I was only going to mention the hernia repair but I knew once I went back they would see how I was eating and wonder and comment. It was just easier to tell them. I was borderline on the BMI scale. Everyone kept saying why are you doing this you aren't that heavy. I have moderate sleep apnea and I have to drug myself up to use the cpap machine. It leaves me feeling terrible in the morning. That was and still is my motivation in losing. I knew I wouldn't keep it off if I did it on my own. I've been a yo-yo dieter for years. My pulmonologist will send me for another sleep study when I reach 150 lbs. So that is my goal. See I basically just justified why I did it again lol. But go for it, everyone does it for their own reasons. And people should not be so judgemental. Do it for you and believe me it's not an easy way out like people think. I was banded on June 25th. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done. A lot of mental not just the eating part. The band is a tool, not an easy answer. Good Luck with your banding. Sorry this is so long. I guess I needed to vent a little also lol...... Kathy:thumbup: