She's pregnant and I'm pissed!!!

[Divis 1]

So I just got word today that my cousin is expecting. I know the news should make me happy but it didn't. Let me explain why.

My cousin is only a year older than me but we've lead very different life styles. I've been overweight for about 10 years now and she has been overweight all her life. She never works and is just interested in parting and getting welfare. I've been working multiple labor intensive jobs to support my mother and 4 sibling since I was 16. She has diabetes and all that comes with it, kidney problems and so on and so forth. I've been killing myself on diets and at the gym for years now to avoid all that comes with obesity and so far I have. She has never worried about her health and has had 2 children, a girl and a boy. Unfortunately both are disabled one physically and the other mentally due largely to her abusing drugs while she was pregnant!!!! Yup you read it right, she did drugs while she was pregnant. To top it off she is currently in a custody battle for her son with her recently paroled baby daddy and get this...... he might get custody!

My husband and I took our time to make sure we are emotionally and financially ready to have a child and then we find out I can't because I have PCOS. To make matters worse I don't qualify for the lap-band through my insurance for another 2 years. BUT SHE'S PREGNANT!!!!! WTF?! I did everything I was suppose to and as much as I love my cousin I can't help feeling hurt by the situation. I've never felt this way before, someone please tell me if I'm just being petty and jealous. I want to be happy for her but I can't help feeling like she doesn't deserve it. Has anyone ever felt the same way?

[jalomum 1]

You are not being petty, maybe jealous but can't blame you for that. The world is full of this sort of unfairness...families that are childless and would give a child the attention it needed and those that don't appreciate how wonderful children are and breed like germs then neglect their offspring, often creating a degenerate generation of neglected illiterate angry young people.

I am sorry for your heartache, I was adopted at birth by a beautiful lady, who went through 3 full term pregnancies all still born, and her wonderful husband...my mum and dad, now sadly gone but the most loving people. I gained them as my parents but would not have wished the heartache and suffering on them just to get myself there

:-(

Ae you having Metformin and hormone treatment for your PCOS and following a low GI diet? If so this should help to resolve your fertility problem as your weight drops. The metformin is very, very important. If you are not being prescribed it then you must insist that you doc gives it to you. Without the insulin resistence being addressed you will not lose weight.....I have PCOS too, undiagnosed until I was 42.

[KikiVal315 4]

listen.... I TOTALLY know where you're coming from. when i was more overweight than now, i had found out my sister in law was pg, and at that point in my life i didnt know i has pcos ( i had to self diagnose, thats an even longer story) but anyway: when i found out i cried my head off. here she was this late 30-something year old lady with the mentality of a 16yr old, still living with mommy & daddy, never had real responsiblity, and now pregnant?!?!? i remember calling my mom and asking if i was being punished, i wanted nothing more than to become pg. anything anyone would say just didn;t make me feel better. to top it off, my hubby had said, " we have to help out my sister, and buy here what she needs." inside, i lost it! i thought WTF?!?!?!? this is not our responsibility!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sort of got over it within the coming weeks. and then, she had a miscarriage... god did i feel like the biggest asshole in the world. and i still do when i now see her carrying my little boy.

my point is, you'll be a mom soon enough, okay? i waited, saved up my money and got surgery. for whatever reason, you cant get surgery done now, but once you get the ball rolling and once you've dropped the weight, you'll be able to get pg, you'll have the pcos in remission. i've been down that path, i even would get super jealous when i would come on this specific forum and read about other bandsters getting pg... it would drive me flippin' nuts. but what i did eventually come to realize is, soon it will be my time; and it will be yours too.

[jalomum 1]

If you have PCOS and most of your weight gain is from that then you may not need a band if you find a good PCOS Doc who will give you the metformin and hormone treatment you need. You do need to eat a Low GI diet though...that is an absolute must!! High quality, slow release carbs will stabilise your blood sugar and help you. I lost 20 kg with Metformin and hormone treatment and walking the dog. No band involved....then unfortunately my thyroid packed up and I put on 30kg in 12 months. That's when I gave in and had my lovely band. I was diagnosed PCOS at 42 and you are 11 years younger than me...I also had my first child at 32 so you have 12 months on me there too....Low GI...give it your best shot...it really is worth it. Oh and don't forget to push for that metformin...essential.

[sslouha 3]

So I just got word today that my cousin is expecting. I know the news should make me happy but it didn't. Let me explain why.

My cousin is only a year older than me but we've lead very different life styles. I've been overweight for about 10 years now and she has been overweight all her life. She never works and is just interested in parting and getting welfare. I've been working multiple labor intensive jobs to support my mother and 4 sibling since I was 16. She has diabetes and all that comes with it, kidney problems and so on and so forth. I've been killing myself on diets and at the gym for years now to avoid all that comes with obesity and so far I have. She has never worried about her health and has had 2 children, a girl and a boy. Unfortunately both are disabled one physically and the other mentally due largely to her abusing drugs while she was pregnant!!!! Yup you read it right, she did drugs while she was pregnant. To top it off she is currently in a custody battle for her son with her recently paroled baby daddy and get this...... he might get custody!

My husband and I took our time to make sure we are emotionally and financially ready to have a child and then we find out I can't because I have PCOS. To make matters worse I don't qualify for the lap-band® through my insurance for another 2 years. BUT SHE'S PREGNANT!!!!! WTF?! I did everything I was suppose to and as much as I love my cousin I can't help feeling hurt by the situation. I've never felt this way before, someone please tell me if I'm just being petty and jealous. I want to be happy for her but I can't help feeling like she doesn't deserve it. Has anyone ever felt the same way?

Look it is understandable that your are jealous, but can you really look at her life and say she is living the great life? I mean you have your challenges and it is not what you want, but for all tense and purposes she might be miserable in her existence, some people put on a facade. You will get pregnant but not on your time on God's time! I tried for over 5 years to get pregnant and I couldn't. Ohh the tears I cried and the fits I had when other friends or family would get pregnant!!! I know how you feel, but darling right now take a good look at what you have all around you, then look at her? I feel bad for her, and don't know her, I know what you are going through and it is not easy but everything will fall into place and you have a good man next to you suffering as much as you. Concentrate on both of you and let everything else just slide... I know I know easier said than done. I finally got pregnant 6 years later and that was 14 years ago, then a year after that got pregnant again. I was ready to be a mom and have loved every minute of it! So buck up kiddo you will get there!

Good luck and have faith that things happen for a reason!

Sandee

Edited July 18, 2010 by sslouha

[Divis 1]

First off I'd like to thank everyone for all the advise, understanding and support.

After a couple of days of thinking I realized something that gave me a great deal of comfort. I might have never been pregnant but I've gotten to "mother" plenty of children. 4 siblings, 2 nephews, 2 nieces and 2 godchildren. So even if that's all I get in my lifetime, I wouldn't change a thing.

Oh and by the way I have a doctors app. coming up soon where I will be asking my doctor about Metformin.. Thanks again everyone. :thumbup: