Discrimination / social marginalization

[Jachut 487]

Well, it sure is encouraging to hear that so many people no longer feel marginalized. I hate being perceived as low value simply because of my weight. Hard to believe people would think more of a person just because they are thin. But, in watching people I have noticed that all the people who are in the most desirable social circles are all thin.

Of course, those people may not truly be "desirable." In fact, they may be superficial, rotten people. But you get the idea.

This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. How can you seriously start a post about fat people being discriminated against and then say something as biased as that?

How can you know, why do you assume, why do presume to have any insight into the personality of someone you dont know based purely upon their size and who you think they're friends are?

I know, I know, you said "may". But you have just displayed perfectly an inbuilt assumption that most of us have. That doesnt make you a bad person, I would assume the same thing - that if someone is wealthy, attractive and with the right people then that says something about the type of people they are. But you get my point, its exactly the same as how people assume someone who is morbidly obese is lazy and slovenly.

Assumption and discrimination absolutely does NOT exist only in the realm of the obese. People will make assumptions about you all your life for many reasons.

[gwennybabe 0]

I befriended this girl who was shy and quiet, we became best friends and spent all our time together and then she some how got popular, and now (in her words exactly) she's too embarrassed to be seen with me.

[lauragshsu 6]

I don't assume all skinny people are anything, just as I don't assume all obese people are anything. My best friend is a 20 year old blonde with a size 2 body. Know what I've found? Even those with what many consider "ideal" bodies are unhappy about something within themselves. She is jealous of my big boobies (which are rapidly diminishing) because even though she has a hot body, she thinks she's flat chested. I've met others who don't like their skin (they break out), their nose (too big), their eyes (too small), etc. Being skinny doesn't automatically make them happier with themselves.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Funny thing too, it doesn't seem to take much additional weight for people to start looking down on you. 20lbs overweight is where it begins in my experience.

I guess people just feel that if you are overweight, everything about you is discredited.

It is so interesting to me you mention this. I went from losing over 100 Lbs just recently, and the difference in the way I'm treated by unfamiliar people and those I'm around frequently was quite drastic.

People tended to want to talk to me more, be more polite. Most especially men. They would be much more galant and go out of their way to talk to me.

However I have recently gone through a bit of a weight gain. It wasn't nearly as much as I'd lost but it was enough to be more than noticable. Turns out all the light are out in my world again, because like before I'm ignored and nothing I do or say holds any credence anywhere.

It sucks, but unfortunately it is a cold hard fact.

Glad I'm addressing my issue! I liked being noticed and taken seriously! :sad:

[Mel Mel 0]

Playing a little of devils advocate here....

My work performance has improved greatly and I think I owe that the 33lbs I've lost. I work as a nurse at night and I feel more focused throughout the night (and driving home). I'm also more confident to speak up and advocate. I know I feel better about myself and have more self worth. Of course there are many examples of obvious discromination but if we treat ourselves more positively, perhaps others will treat us better as well. So I ask, has anyone who has noticed a change in energy and confidence that may also play a part in being treated differently?

[♥Amy♥ 5]

Playing a little of devils advocate here....

My work performance has improved greatly and I think I owe that the 33lbs I've lost. I work as a nurse at night and I feel more focused throughout the night (and driving home). I'm also more confident to speak up and advocate. I know I feel better about myself and have more self worth. Of course there are many examples of obvious discromination but if we treat ourselves more positively, perhaps others will treat us better as well. So I ask, has anyone who has noticed a change in energy and confidence that may also play a part in being treated differently?

The reply I was just about to type is pretty much the same! Except for the nurse part :sad: How we carry ourselves has a lot to do with how we are treated. If we speak as if we are unsure of ourselves and don't look people in the eyes we're going to be treated with less respect. People are naturally drawn to energetic, outgoing, secure people. I notice the more I lose the more confident I get. And the more confident I get the more attention I get from everyone.

[msdv 5]

I mostly feel invisible being 100lbs overweight.

I really started to feel it this past year. I was dismayed when I went into a designer bag store and just stood there with no one asking me if they could help me. I had to go stand at the counter and almost demand attention. I felt they thought I could not afford their bags.

The same day I went across the mall to the MAC store, same thing.

No one asked it they could help me and the store was empty . When I turned around to leave the store then 1 young snip asked if she could help me. I kept walking.

Edited July 16, 2010 by msdv

[msdv 5]

I mostly feel invisible being 100lbs overweight.

I really started to feel it this past year. I was dismayed when I went into a designer bag store and just stood there with no one asking me if they could help me. I had to go stand at the counter and almost demand attention. I felt they thought I could not afford their bags.

The same day I went across the mall to the MAC store, same thing.

No one asked it they could help me and the store was empty . When I turned around o leave the store then 1 young snip asked if she could help me. I kept walking.

[bambam31 168]

Playing a little of devils advocate here....

My work performance has improved greatly and I think I owe that the 33lbs I've lost. I work as a nurse at night and I feel more focused throughout the night (and driving home). I'm also more confident to speak up and advocate. I know I feel better about myself and have more self worth. Of course there are many examples of obvious discromination but if we treat ourselves more positively, perhaps others will treat us better as well. So I ask, has anyone who has noticed a change in energy and confidence that may also play a part in being treated differently?

What a great point! We recognize getting more appreciation, notice, and credibility - but we quickly assume it all has to do with the person/people on the other side of the contact. It probably has just as much - if not more - to do with US and how we differently carry/conduct ourselves.

Brad

[LapNYC 3]

Amy,

I might actually disagree. I'm confident and secure and not easily intimidated, especially by store clerks since in theory they want my business, especially in this economy. I'm not sure I've been blatantly snubbed but even with my I-grew-up-in-this-town confidence and familiarity, I've gotten the subtle impression that people working in high end stores didn't think that I was going to be a big spender. I think that people assume that overweight people are poor and uneducated. Long way of saying, it's not ALL in the attitude.

[edub 5]

As far as how we carry ourselves and our level of confidence, I should mention that I am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Believe it or not, there is an actual science to that type of thing and I have studied it at length.

Things like body language, confidence and eye contact are seen as indicators of our standing in society. People who see these things make such judgments and then choose whether or not it is in their best interest to align themselves with us. Relationships after all are about trade-offs. We each receive something from the other person. When we give but do not recieve...

The problem with being over weight is that the negative social stigma outweighs the positive messages that come form the way we carry ourselves, etc.

Suppose the impression of confidence gives you +2 value points, good eye contact +1, charisma +2, six pack abs +5 etc. Well, being over wight can be -20 social value points. So, in the end, while you may have +5 from your value indicators, you score a -15 over all. This means that you are perceived as a drain on the value of others and that it is against their best interest to align with you.

Remember the popular kids in high school? All good looking, thin and had high value. They might have had the hot car, athletic ability, good looks, rich parents, etc. Membership in the group is based on your ability to increase the overall value of the group. When you are over weight, you detract from it.

Unfortunately, this isn't limited to high school, it is a fact of life and most people in this thread have experienced it. Now you know why.

[lauragshsu 6]

I think it's a combination of things. I think we begin to act in a way society expects us to act. When I was in seventh grade, I was maybe 15lbs overweight. I remember one day sitting at lunch with my friends and someone was trying to give away part of their meal they didn't want. Someone said "give it to laura, she'll eat it. She'll eat anything!" I didn't want it. I wasn't hungry. But it was expected of me to want to eat their food.

It's expected of us as heavy people to be quiet and timid, to be seen and not heard because our opinions aren't as valuable.

[AngryBaby 2]

I've been overweight my entire life. These are the things I've notice...

1. I have the power of invisibility.... I can basically appear and disappear at the blink of an eye. No one will notice until they want something from me.

2. My wisdom does not matter (nor does my life)... If I ask about someones day I will listen and on rare occasion I will offer some advise. They refuse to take my advise (which is fine) however no one will ask me about anything. If I tell them about myself they could really care less.

3. I must smell horrifically! I take a shower daily and use deoderant and what not... however I must smell. No one will dare sit next to me. There could be only one chair in the most awful location and there could be a billion awesome chairs next to me. That person would rather go through a maze of an obstacle course to get to that awkwardly positioned chair before they would sit next to me. (FYI this person is generally someone who does not know me nor has ever met me)