So I have an eating disorder.....

[lovinlife4eva 0]

I've known for a while that I have a binge eating disorder. I didnt get to 270 lbs by not eating. I am active but struggle with the desire to free myself by eating TONS of food. It feels like a type of release to give myself permission to go nuts eating whatever I want.

I know that many people gain weight b/c of a lack of motivation or education, but that was not me. I always knew what I should and shouldnt eat. I always knew the calories and if I was being "bad" or "good". I have always exercised.

Does anyone else have this? In my pre-op psych eval they down played binge eating as an eating disorder. When I spoke to the nutritionist, it was all about food and food education. I felt prepared for the surgery, but now I am having those old binging feelings again.

I know I cant binge or Ill puke, but I have even had dreams about binging.

I am 2 weeks post op and the initial honeymoon phase is ending and my hunger is returning. I know the hunger will be better after a fill, but what do I do with all these feelings?

[Phranp 46]

I've known for a while that I have a binge eating disorder. I didnt get to 270 lbs by not eating. I am active but struggle with the desire to free myself by eating TONS of food. It feels like a type of release to give myself permission to go nuts eating whatever I want.

I know that many people gain weight b/c of a lack of motivation or education, but that was not me. I always knew what I should and shouldnt eat. I always knew the calories and if I was being "bad" or "good". I have always exercised.

Does anyone else have this? In my pre-op psych eval they down played binge eating as an eating disorder. When I spoke to the nutritionist, it was all about food and food education. I felt prepared for the surgery, but now I am having those old binging feelings again.

I know I cant binge or Ill puke, but I have even had dreams about binging.

I am 2 weeks post op and the initial honeymoon phase is ending and my hunger is returning. I know the hunger will be better after a fill, but what do I do with all these feelings?

I truly understand how you feel. I started therapy 8 months BEFORE I had my surgery so that I could deal with my "binging issues". It helped, but, now that I am at my "sweet spot" and under a great deal of stress (work, home, family), I find myself binging at night which, BTW, doesn't work with the band!! Last night was the first night in a week that I did not throw up before bed. I was NEVER one to throw up, NEVER... hated it ... absolutely hated it! I even went to an OA meeting last week because I am seeing signs of bulimia in myself. I know I should stop eating, I am as full as a tick, but I don't stop and THAT'S THE PROBLEM! So, I saw my therapist on Saturday and did much better on Sunday. I am working this one day at a time. Try not to get too worried about this in the beginning because you won't have restriction for a while and for several weeks you will need to heal. Just use every tool available to you to stay on track with your eating (journaling, therapy, lapbandtalk, etc.). I feel good about getting past this little episode I am going through. I believe you will too with the band as a tool to help you through it.

All the best to you.

[vlp1968 83]

Therapy sounds like a great idea. You want to be careful about getting into a binge then purge pattern of behavior. I think that you are so aware of the issue is a great start. Best wishes! Keep us posted on how your doing.

[peprmentpati 8]

Hey!

I myself am a recovering food addict. I have binged for years, sometimes I would purge, or go on starvation diets. My whole life revolved around food and negative thoughts. I see a therapist and have done so for almost 4 years now. I've also done hypnosis, and as cliche as it may sound to some, I found Jesus. I am not even 2 months post-op and I've lost 66 pounds. I did have a lot of obsessive food thoughts during the first 3 weeks of recovery. I would watch the food network think about food all day long, but I never ate any. I spoke with my therapist about that and she suggested that I find another hobby - she is right. Thankfully, all of those obsessive thoughts have left me, and with them the desires. It's not a bad idea to seek the help of a therapist or maybe O.A.. I pray everyday that my old patterns not return. I hope that you find relief from yours!

God Bless,

Rebecca

[Tracytma 19]

Please get yourself into a good therapy program. If you continually vomit... you will cause two problems.... erosion and band slippage.... both of those will cause your band to be removed and could cause lasting damage to your stomach. We should All, always try to avoid vomiting at all costs. Good luck to you. You were brave to have a band! With support, you can do it!

[lovinlife4eva 0]

Thanx for all the support. I know therapy would be good but I have never really talked to anyone about this. Plus there is the added expense, which after 12000 self pay on surgery, I have trouble justifying or fitting into our budget.

I just feel like there is a hunger that is not satisfied, even when I feel full. I wonder if anyone has delt with this and found it got better after restriction?

I should also make clear that I have not thrown up yet, nor do I want to. I have not binged. I just have some feelings that I am trying to resolve.

[pointbeach 0]

Thank you for sharing I think we all have eating disorders which is why we are hear. Anyway my story is I was bulimis in college and after years of therapy and 12 step programs OA included I was Bulimia free for 18 years. But I still binged ate, or was a compulsive overeater. So I gained alot of weight after my third child and thought the band was the answer to my prayer. I thought it was the magic switch that was going to take away my desire to binge also at night. What I found out is if I oerate certain foods I threw up, and this freaks me out because I didnt want to go back to that life again.I also found out tht Alot of my binge foods went down easy Ice cream is number one. So now after a very hectic year with alot of drama I am once again taking care of myself. I am back in therapy,I go to OA meetings there alot on the phone, and I am recommitted to work with this band the right way. I have listed foods that trigger me to binge, most I shouldnot eat with the band anyway, and I pray or do the 3rd step every day to stay away from those food which trigger my disease. I am also journaling alot, and going on this website that really is helping me alot realizing what I did wrong the first time around. I hope taht helps. You are not alone. Just remember if you are binging and or purging after there is something else really bothering you. It is all about our feelings and what we do not to feel them

Mary PS the biggest thing I am trying to do also is eat slow real hard for a compulsive person but it really help prevent the vomiting

[koreabandster 1]

Thanks for talking about this. I'm in a similar situation to you. I've always been overweight and I can vividly remember binge eating from the age of about 10. When I was 16 this developed into bulimia that continued until I was about 23. Unfortunately as I have moved around a lot and am now living overseas it was very difficult to find a therapist. I overcame the bulimia myself through a lot of reading and group sessions which included cognitive behavioural therapy when I was 23. However the binge eating still continued occassionally and I ended up gaining weight.

I'm 27 now and I'd say the cognitive therapy really helped me overcome the obsession I had with food. I would think about food constantly, planning my binge in huge detail. But in the last couple of years binge eating really has been occassional rather than the daily torture it once was. Finding my triggers and knowing the foods that create the cycle of binge eating were key for me. I now try to avoid them as best I can.

Does anyone know of any good online support groups for these problems?

[Jachut 487]

I was very much the same. I didnt need food education or to be taught how to eat, I knew that, I just had to stop shoving junk down my throat.

Previously, what I'd do is be "good" most of the day and make it to 3 pm and then pig out. Then I'd ruined it for the day so I'd have junk for dinner, not exercise and go off on a bad eating bender for days. Binging for me was not stupendous quantities of food (and I didnt get o a BMI of more than 35), so I'd maybe not call it a "disorder". I've never eaten till I was sick but it was definitely inappropriate behaviour.

Have I beaten it? Well, ....... no, not exactly. I just ate half a bag of M&M's. I've been so good all day and I'm going out to dinner and they were there and I just wanted the sugar after a long and stressful day at work. I ate past what I really wanted too. But that's that. I ate them, its done. I wont now follow up with a packet of biscuits, pizza and ice cream for dinner like I would previously have done becuase of course I was "starting a diet tomorrow". Its just M&M's. My attitude has totally changed. I'm not even trying to lose weight anymore so it doesnt even matter, but I still would love to be a person that just didnt do that.

I have accepted that I do have this problem and probably always will but I feel in control of it now. I worked very very very hard not to diet with my band. I believe dieting is what sets me off. If I'm not on a diet then half a bag of M&M's is not breaking my diet, is it? Its not a great choice, but I havent 'failed' at anything. I know I can have them whenever I want, so the frequency of these episodes is much much much less as I really am able to say "do I really want this?" and most of the time decide I dont, much as I would like the instant gratification.

I also now no longer link exercise to eating and being good. Just because I ate the M&M's doesnt mean its a waste of time to exercise today. I'm still going for a run before I go out.

These changes - working not to diet and not to see food as "good" and "bad" and exercising daily regardless becuase how you exercise has little to do with what you eat, have meant I lost weight and lost a lot of weight and have kept it off for well over 2 years.

Restriction is a big factor. I cant put my finger on why it helps, but I've noticed that with 18 months since my last fill, this need to eat crap is escalating in me, its time for a top up, which I'm having on Friday. At times of being REALLY well restricted, this behviour is really nonexistant, I'll still have that Homer Simpson "mmmmm, donuts" mindless reaction to stuff, but a small handful of M&M's would do it, not half the bag. You cant eat as much rich food, you're fuller and much more satisfied from regular food, so the urge doesnt arise so often.

I have to say though that I dont think my eating issues are at all emotional. I never eat to fill a void, I eat sugary foods becuase sugar really DOES settle and calm you when you're stressed and I also think that when I eat healthy, I actually undereat for my calorie needs and I really need food. the signal gets mixed. I should have had a proper healthy snack but I didnt want to do that becuase that would be 'eating between meals' where apparently M&M's snuck in dont count! Go figure. That's why restriction works for me though, if you're eating is not hunger based at ALL, then it may not be the same.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Jachut

[marsmom 2]

I would try OA. It is free. They do pass around a donation basket but it is optional or you can even put in a dollar. It might help, at least to think about why you binge.

[pointbeach 0]

I could not have gotten better from my bulimia without OA. I lived in New york city at the time and there was a great therapist I went to and alot of OA meetings that were great. They now have a group called Anorexics and bulimics annonymous,it is on line and has phone meeting s every day, alot of binge eater do that too.

I will say that I live in New Jersey now and oA out here is different. Alot of people weigh and measure and have rigid rules of no wheat no flour. I dont do that, if you told me not to eat it I will definitley binge on it.

So what I do and this goes along with the diet head too, is I say I choose not to eat these foods for today because they will lead me to a binge. So it is not a diet it is becoming sane with food.I know what to eat all overweight people do because we have been on so many diets.But when I am stressed, tired,angry I use certain food to deal with my feelings. It is like a drink, it gets me numb, some say it is about control, I cannot control my life situation so I am going to control my food by eating what I want.

I am finding journaling a great tool, and the OA meetings I go to are step meetings.I am no expert I am just sharing my experience.

[lovinlife4eva 0]

Wow, thank you guys so much for all the help and info. I didnt know OA was free!?! That is great news.

I have always felt that my problem was only moderate. Maybe 1 or 2 episodes a month, if even that. But when I do go on a bender I definatly feel like I am no longer in control. It is scary how much I really didnt want pizza and then I ate it anyway, followed by icecream and chocolate.

I think the fear of triggering the binge cycle and losing control is why I should seek some support.

I honestly did hope that all these old toxic feelings would die after surgery. No more hunger= no more binging. I am begining to realize it is probably going to be a little more work than that *darn*

Again, Thanx guys!!!!! :eek:

[chickadee81 0]

Just as everyone suggested...I would try OA. It is free and then everyone there would know exactly how you feel. When you feel like you want to binge, try going on the chat here or if you do start going to OA maybe you could call someone there. It is an addiction, just like alcohol or drugs, and that is why those people have "sponsers" to talk them out of going back to old habits when they are under pressure.