All for nothing

[imagine 3]

First – I don’t want this to deter anyone from surgery. Everyone’s experience is different. You have to make the decision for yourself. My battle is in no way an indicator of how you will respond, even if you identify with my experience. Don’t let this post influence you to do it or not do it. No one is a poster child for or against bariatric surgery. Anyone who claims to be is doing a disservice to all who struggle with obesity.

I was banded almost 4 years ago and I stuck to the program religiously. In 2003 I started thinking about surgery. It took me 2 years to get the courage to do it and was intent on success.

Besides being obese I am also a manic depressive. It comes and goes and I have always aggressively perused treatment. I tend to fall in to periods of depression and have to climb my way back. I usually do.

The Lapband worked for me. I went from 307 lbs to 230 lbs in just over a year. I was working on the last 20 lbs when my depression returned in the fall of 2007. I immediately increased my treatment so I could stay on course. Treatment wasn’t working. In December of 2007 I lost my Grandmother to a stroke. I spoke to her in the morning, she was fine. By 10PM that night I was in an E.R. She died the following day. Already in the midst of a depression her death coupled with business problems sent me in to a tailspin resulting in the worst and longest depression of my life. This fall will be 3 years and I have yet to come out of it. I changed my course of treatment in 2009 and have improved some, but still have a long way to go.

As a result of all of all of my progress has been erased. I re-gained 68 lbs of the 77 lbs I lost. I am back at 300 lbs again, a number that invokes pure horror for me. I am still severely depressed but hopeful my improvement will continue. Logging in to this site is a step for me.

I’ve started to consider going back to investigate getting an adjustment. I don’t know if that even is possible after so long. I know that the band doesn’t retain all of the Fluid over time, but I was almost maxed at my last fill. I’m not ready to do it yet; any adjustment would be in vain right now. I need to get to a place where I can follow the program. I have also started thinking about a second surgery for a gastric bypass. Apparently this is becoming more common with people who have had not had success with banding. I haven’t made that decision and won’t really consider it until my depression improves dramatically. Bypass is much more dangerous and doing it now would be useless.

Either way I am terrified that this will be an ongoing cycle. I have little control of the onset of depression or its severity. I just have to recognize it and fight, but losing a bunch of weight only to gain it back when my brain gets chemically out of whack is a horrible thought. Losing 77 lbs might have been the hardest thing I have ever done. The prospect of doing it over and over is horrifying and does little to motivate me to start again. What’s worse is the new weight came back differently. My waist is bigger than last time I was this heavy. My reflection appalls me.

All of that time and effort only to be back where I started, it was so hard to get to a place where I could do it. I don’t even know where that place is now or how to get back there.

[btrieger 21]

How did you gain it back? Did you stretch your pouch?

You just have to start over again. Gastric bypass won't do any more for you than the lapband. I know a couple of people that gained every pound they lost with GB back within 5 years of surgery.

Prior to surgery I lost over 100 pounds and regained that plus interest twice. This is my third time losing the weight and I was hoping the band would at least slow down any gain in order for me to get a hold of myself before I gained it all back.

[CarolWA 0]

First of all, I'm So sorry about your grandmother. I adored my mother in law, and that's exactly how she died. Fine in the morning and in the ER having a heart attack that night.

Sounds like you did a terrific job of losing weight with your band that first year.

I think you are right about taking care of the depression first. No matter how long it takes, I don't think losing weight would be your first priority when you are battleing the depression.

I'm sure when you get better, you can get right back in there and lose that weight again. Hopefully for good.

Whether it's with lap band or another WLS, I think you can do it.

Hang in there are get well first.

Carol

[bambam31 168]

You sure have had a rough go of it and I wish you all the best! A turn around in your band progress might be the jumpstart you need to dig out of this hole. I'm assuming you don't have much of any restriction. I would make an appt to find out how much Fluid is in your band. Get back to a decent level of restriction and take things one day at a time.

Good luck!

Brad

[serenity55 15]

As someone who deals with depression I can understand just how hard it is to be motivated.

I agree with Carol: The important thing is to work through the depression, because, if you're like me, anything else I'd try to do would be a disaster.

One day at a time. The day will come when you will be ready to go for that fill. Please keep posting if it helps you to know that there are others who struggle. Try not to think of what might happen down the road. The important time is now. One step at a time, you're coming back. Do keep on trying.

And please accept my condolences for the loss of your grandmother. .

Debbie

[SunD1 0]

So sorry to hear about your situation. I understand..it's hard to dig yourself out of the hole! I too, have gained and lost over 100 lbs each time w/out the band. This is my 3rd and FINAL time & I knew I just didn't have it in me to do it again, hence the band. (I'm in bandster hell at the moment so it better get better!) And I'm at that horrific number of 300 lbs. too. I understand it all too well my friend. I agree w/Brad. I think it's a good idea to get started w/your band progress. Physically, it will help you feel better and I think that also carries over into the emotional side. In my opinon it's allllll related. . emotional/physical. :thumbup:

[bigtruk_us 56]

Life sux sometimes.we all go through hard times.im sorry about your grandma.be strong.pick yourself up off the ground.try to be postive.surround yourself with positivity.smile.laugh.have fun.dont take all things too seriously.move on.learn from your downfalls.we are not perfect.accept it.have faith.grab the bull by the horns.dont let it control you.you control your own world.we all love you.on this website and across this big world.dont close yourself out.be a part of.live love and laugh.be an inspiration to someone.be yourself.dont worry about others and what you think they think of you.you're number1.you love you.

[123crod 170]

I too suffer from clinical depression. That was one reasons I had for getting the band. It could help me lose weight where nothing has totally gotten rid of the depression. Death also plays a large part of my depression. I told my husband I could not deal with both issues and he agreed.

But you know in all our lives there are times when we just have to dig deep inside ourselves and find that inner strength that we like to believe is not there and use it daily to dig ourselve out of this pit. Yes you might not can fix your depression but if you are not in counseling please find one because it helps so much to get all of it out. Sometimes just speaking what you feel helps so much because it is no longer just in you . . . it is a spoken thought and you have shared it so it is not yours alone anymore.

I think you should go visit your Doctor and see where you stand as far as fills and get started again. If you be honest with yourself the weight is only adding to you depression, I would think it did with me. I wish you so much luck and please have hope that you will get through all of this because you will.

Think about what your Grandmother who you loved and loved you would want for you. She would not want you to be so unhappy. She would want you to enjoy living your life. I know it is tough but you sound like you have been strong in the past and I believe you can be again. You just have to take baby steps. Please keep us all posted and know you are not alone in the depression or the weightloss challenge.

Cheri

[BetsyB 9]

I'm so sorry you've been struggling with depression. You've experienced tremendous losses--and my heart goes out to you.

That said, I wouldn't give up on the band just yet. If it's been considerable time since you've had an adjustment, you might be very surprised and pleased to find that it is once again just as useful a tool as it once was for you.

Revision to another surgery is always a possibility, but it is probably premature to consider that. As you said, you need to get in a good place emotionally, then work with what you have first.

I hope you reach that good place soon---not because of weight considerations (though I know they can't be helping your emotional status), but because you deserve to feel good.

[Cleo's Mom 257]

First – I don’t want this to deter anyone from surgery. Everyone’s experience is different. You have to make the decision for yourself. My battle is in no way an indicator of how you will respond, even if you identify with my experience. Don’t let this post influence you to do it or not do it. No one is a poster child for or against bariatric surgery. Anyone who claims to be is doing a disservice to all who struggle with obesity.

I was banded almost 4 years ago and I stuck to the program religiously. In 2003 I started thinking about surgery. It took me 2 years to get the courage to do it and was intent on success.

Besides being obese I am also a manic depressive. It comes and goes and I have always aggressively perused treatment. I tend to fall in to periods of depression and have to climb my way back. I usually do.

The LAP-BAND® worked for me. I went from 307 lbs to 230 lbs in just over a year. I was working on the last 20 lbs when my depression returned in the fall of 2007. I immediately increased my treatment so I could stay on course. Treatment wasn’t working. In December of 2007 I lost my Grandmother to a stroke. I spoke to her in the morning, she was fine. By 10PM that night I was in an E.R. She died the following day. Already in the midst of a depression her death coupled with business problems sent me in to a tailspin resulting in the worst and longest depression of my life. This fall will be 3 years and I have yet to come out of it. I changed my course of treatment in 2009 and have improved some, but still have a long way to go.

As a result of all of all of my progress has been erased. I re-gained 68 lbs of the 77 lbs I lost. I am back at 300 lbs again, a number that invokes pure horror for me. I am still severely depressed but hopeful my improvement will continue. Logging in to this site is a step for me.

I’ve started to consider going back to investigate getting an adjustment. I don’t know if that even is possible after so long. I know that the band doesn’t retain all of the Fluid over time, but I was almost maxed at my last fill. I’m not ready to do it yet; any adjustment would be in vain right now. I need to get to a place where I can follow the program. I have also started thinking about a second surgery for a gastric bypass. Apparently this is becoming more common with people who have had not had success with banding. I haven’t made that decision and won’t really consider it until my depression improves dramatically. Bypass is much more dangerous and doing it now would be useless.

Either way I am terrified that this will be an ongoing cycle. I have little control of the onset of depression or its severity. I just have to recognize it and fight, but losing a bunch of weight only to gain it back when my brain gets chemically out of whack is a horrible thought. Losing 77 lbs might have been the hardest thing I have ever done. The prospect of doing it over and over is horrifying and does little to motivate me to start again. What’s worse is the new weight came back differently. My waist is bigger than last time I was this heavy. My reflection appalls me.

All of that time and effort only to be back where I started, it was so hard to get to a place where I could do it. I don’t even know where that place is now or how to get back there.

I am very sorry about the loss of your grandmother. I lost my husband to cancer almost 5 years ago when he was 56 so I know what it's like to lose a loved one. I still grieve every day.

Anti-depressants are notorious for causing weight gain. Is it possible for your doctor to switch meds to one that doesn't? Isn't cymbalta advertized as not causing weight gain?

You should also visit your doctor about checking to see if you need a fill. After all this time you might have lost restriction. And make an appt. with the nutritionist to help you get back on track and make sure she knows about your depression. Is there a counselor you can talk to about your depression and weight? That could be a start.

I know it can seem overwhelming and at times too much for you to handle all at once. But address each problem one at a time and maybe you can get a handle on it.

Good luck.

[Cindy.B 0]

As a fellow bi-polar lap band patient, let me say that bi-polar depression is different than any other kind of depression. You cannot 'dig yourself out of it' or do any other non-medicinal types of activities that relieve it. The doctors are careful about giving anti-depressants because some can cause manic episodes, so we are limited in treatment options. Medications that work fine at one time can stop working completely, and they seem to stop working long before the drug companies come out with newer medications. It is a constant battle to find the right medications, at the right dosages, just to make you functional, forget about being happy.

Losing weight is almost impossible, especially when so many of the medications cause weight gain. That, coupled with the fact that during the depression you feel like your feet are in cement and you just cannot move from fatigue and exhaustion.

I have come to realize that losing weight, even with the band, will be more difficult, and slower that non bi-polar lap-banders. I've had mine almost a year and have only lost 20 pounds. But last year I gained 15, so I figure I am ahead 35.

I have learned to be satisfied with slower weight loss, but I am not giving up, I'm in this for the long term.

Cindy B.